Lily: *holding Baby Harry For The First Time*

Andromeda : I am marrying the muggle born

Andromeda : my daughter can marry whoever she wants!

*nymph comes home with remus*

Andromeda : Absolutely not ! He's a werewolf

Ted : .....

the story of muggles and mayhem (1st edition)

My new headcanon is that wizards play ‘Muggles and Mayhem’ instead of Dungeons and Dragons. A conversation with the amazing @torestoreamends​ ensued and this was born 💛 @lytefoot​ if you don’t have additions to this, I’m a woolly bladder.

So! Hear me out…

Christmas, 2001, The Burrow.

Angelina’s Muggle cousin Sean comes along for dinner - he’s visiting from out of town. He’s a bit boring, to be honest, but George is making an effort. Sean gets very excited when George mentions dragons - and he starts talking about his current DnD campaign.

After some initial confusion about Sean’s status as a druid, George, despite being five firewhiskies to the wind, realises the potential here.

He beckons Hermione and Angelina over to hear his idea. Hermione and Angelina roll their eyes but start to give him some cracking ideas of Muggle scenarios. George scribbles them down on parchment, his mind whirring.

Unfortunately, George wakes up the next day having completely forgotten about it but has a sudden rush of memory watching Ron and Bill play chess

He drags his notes over to the chess board, and the three of them start to strategise and plan…

They get a focus group together: Arthur, Hermione, Kingsley (he needs down time from the Ministry), Sean and Percy. 

To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Arthur Weasley is the most enthusiastic early adopter. He particularly enjoys the dice.

[He’s going to play a middle class ACCOUNTANT His skills are TEA MAKING and COMMUTING His pastime is STAMP COLLECTING His weaknesses are GLUTEN INTOLERANCE and SEASONAL ALLERGIES Roll a D12 to obtain Benadryl]

Kingsley sees it as a potential learning tool so they get Minerva McGonagall involved who is fiercely competitive, and Harry Potter himself is dragged out from the Auror Department despite having sworn never to play anything competitive with Hermione again.

(This is due to a bad Scrabble match in Grimmauld Place, on which neither will elaborate, but Harry still jumps when Hermione is carrying a dictionary near him or when he hears the word ‘plunder’ or ‘triple word score’ - Ron will only shudder and say ‘no way mate’ when asked about this event.)

By Easter there’s a prototype. They run it past Mr and Mrs Granger who have some lovely suggestions of further mundane muggle mishaps.

The first edition is launched just in time for the summer holidays, with a couple of teaser boxes having mysteriously appeared in the Hogwarts common rooms.

By September it’s all the rage. WWW even get some endorsement from Martin Miggs who becomes a playable character.

Arthur Weasley is the longest running Mayhem Master in Britain. 

(Minerva McGonagall tries, she really tries, harder than she’s willing to admit, but Arthur’s Supermarket Run and the Paperwork Saga are legendary - the Filing Income Tax campaign is the hardest by far)

Arthur’s very favourite thing is still the dice

You can play as a…

Dentist Travel Agent Pilot Doctor Traffic warden Lawyer TV presenter Electrician Drill salesman Insurance broker

and hundreds of other Muggle careers!

You can choose a pastime…

Stamp collecting Golf Football Gardening Trainspotting Bird watching Stargazing Photography Gaming

and many more inexplicable Muggle interests!

You can purchase your starter kit from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade and Owl Post for only 10 Sickles and 2 Knuts. Muggle dice included.

harry: lupin, you can't go into battle and abandon your kid just because you want to be just like my dad!

harry: now excuse me while i go die to save everyone, just like my mum.

Can we talk about killian Jones listening to Hamilton

Can someone turn this into a fix for me please

Donna, about Hyde: He's a monster. Monsters don't have souls.

Jackie: Uh, have you ever seen Monsters Inc.?

# remus lupin just being the iconic remus lupin even during the battle of hogwarts

I honestly don’t get how some people can hate Josie. She’s always trying to take care of others at her own expense but the second she tries to do something for herself or wants attention for once, she’s labeled a manipulative bitch who’s only nice to people so they’ll take her side? What the fuck? Like god forbid she wants to exist outside of her sister but doesn’t know how to since “take care of Lizzie” has been shoved down her throat her whole life. Some of y’all have never been the invisible one and it really fucking shows.

(antis don’t interact)

Just something I noticed

Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, chapter twenty-one ‘The Unknowable Room’;

“‘Ah, no!’ said Ron, staring horror-struck at the parchment. ‘Don’t say I’ll have to write the whole thing out again!’

‘It’s OK, we can fix it,’ said Hermione, pulling the essay towards her and taking out her wand.

‘I love you, Hermione’, said Ron, sinking back into his chair, rubbing his eyes wearily.

Hermione turned faintly pink”

This bit is just adorable. Ron says this almost without thinking, and Hermione gets quite surprised by it, considering that a few days ago, the two were barely speaking to each other.

I can just imagine Hermione being shocked and trying not to freak out, and Harry being like…

It’s happening…