M4r4udersmyluvs - I Love The Marauders

Marauders Era P Links!

18+

warnings: p*rn. obviously. peter is included sorry. twitter. kinda use ur imagination in some of them? they don’t really look like the character but when i watched the vids i just thought who fit which character most yk

i hate having stuff if my drafts, so i’m going to post this and edit it when i come across videos i like. i will also make a post for the lighting era as well!

if any of these do not work please let me know so i can fix/remove it!

<3 = favs

James Potter

fingering sub!james for the first time

car sex with james

fully clothed james

riding james<3

Remus Lupin

you fucking remus outside

professor remus

riding remus’s face<3

remus has a thick cock

sensual sex with remus

Sirius Black

giving sirius a handy

sirius eating you out

sirius fingering you

sensual sex with sirius (this one could also be put as james but i said sirius bc of the tattoos)

Peter Pettigrew

peter eating you out

thigh fucking with peter

size kink with peter

Lily Evans

lily and u making out

lily touching herself

lily riding (male) you

making lily cum w/ just ur fingers

Mary Macdonald

sexy stuff with mary

mary fucking you w/ a strap

Marlene Mckinnon

third base with marlene

fucking marlene with a strap

Dorcas Meadows

scissor w/ dorcas

@moonpascal sent this to me last night and i haven’t stopped thinking about it

what about poly!wolfstar with double penetration in one hole? you could also make it dark

warnings: threesome, double penetration, rough sex, degrading, slapping, handcuffs, use of “slut”, “pet”, “fuck-toy”, “slave”, and “good girl”, crying

masterlist

your hands rub against the handcuffs tying you to the bed as your boyfriends thrust into you. remus is beneath you, kneading the flesh of your ass with his hand as he fucks your pussy. sirius is on top, thrusting into the same hole at a brutal pace. you drip around their cocks, so fucking wet for them.

sirius’ hands play with your tits as he goes, pinching and twisting your nipples meanly. you cry as they thrust in again. you can see their dicks bulge through your stomach, around your belly button.

“fucking slut,” sirius grunts. “look at her, rem. she’s fucking crying. her face is almost as wet as her slutty little cunt.”

remus laughs cruelly, slapping your ass cheek with one hand, using the other to abuse your tits with sirius.

you choke around a sob, mascara-filled tears blurring your sight.

“she’s so fucking pathetic,” remus sneers, voice filled with disgust. “just a bunch of holes for us to use.”

“just a little pet. our very own fuck-toy.”

remus shoves a finger up your ass, spreading another hole open. you cry out from the pain as he shoves more and more fingers up your hole.

sirius slaps you across the face, lighting a sharp sting against your skin. “shut up. you little cockslut. don’t pretend you don’t want it.”

“the little slave, acting like she isn’t dripping for our cocks,” remus mocks, spreading his fingers in your ass.

“take it like a good girl,” sirius says, wrapping his fingers around your throat.

you cry as they fuck you, trying to muffle your sobs with nothing but your lips.

the noble and most cunty house of slutty waists

We’re always talking about super angsty Black Brothers but why do we never talk about the Black Brothers just being brothers

-Regulus coming out to Sirius(as trans and gay) and Sirius instantly seeing the distressed look on his brother’s face and just hugging him so tightly and telling him it’s ok

-Sirius crying when Reggie got into Slytherin because he was so proud of him and happy for him(he never heard the end of it because Reg kept mocking him for it)

-Sirius teaching Regulus how to play Quidditch

-the two brothers not saying a single word, just doing a fist bump at the end of a Quidditch match to congratulate the other for winning

-Sirius slapping Reggie behind the head or pulling his hair when he passes him in the corridors because he’s his annoying older brother

-The brothers making sure from a distance that the other is okay because they knows they hide how they feel a lot so their friends might not be able to tell they’re not okay

-Regulus helping Sirius understand how he feels about Remus

-Sirius helping Reggie come to terms with his sexuality and not be ashamed of it

-Sirius helping Reggie bag James(very delicate way to say it, I know)

-Sirius paying for Regulus’ top surgery and his binders before that

- Them judging each other’s taste in men and ranking their exes(mostly Regulus bullying Sirius about the time he thought he was straight)

-telling each other they’re ugly in the hallways

-Regulus saying ‘’you’re adopted’’ and Sirius going ‘’God I wish’’

-going to each other when they don’t feel good mentally

-Regulus making his special tea that cures any sickness for Sirius when he his sick(he doesn’t say it’s from him though, he just puts it on Sirius’s door step and then when Sirius comes back he just looks at the cup with a fond smile knowing it’s from his little brother)

-Sirius calls Regulus ‘’lus’’ because it’s his childhood nickname. Only Sirius is aloud to call him that, even James can’t. He once tried and he was sure Regulus was going to cut his head off from the look on his face.

-Regulus calls Sirius ‘’rius’’ because when he was younger he had a hard time saying Sirius’s name and so it ended up sounding like ‘’rius’’ and it just kind of stayed. Again, only Regulus is aloud to call him that.

-they have a chat where they hate on their parents and the Black family

-they have a lot of insides that people don’t get so sometimes a brother will say a random word in the middle of a conversation and both will just start laughing uncontrollably while everyone is looking at them like they’re crazy (well more like Sirius starts laughing uncontrollably while Regulus snorts)

-they found it rather funny when they became animagus ‘cause like themselves their animagus are so different and somehow so similar

Didn’t think this would be this long. But yeah... More may come later. Brace yourself!

Let me take care of you

TW: self-harm. Nothing too graphic, but it's there. (A short description of the wounds, that's about it?) So, if you get easily triggered please read carefully.

Word count: 1 800

He opened the door to their dorm, seeing Sirius laying in his bed, he wasn't supposed to be back yet, so it took Remus by surprise. “I thought you had quidditch?” He asked, setting his bag down on the floor, and taking off the cloak.

“Do.”

“And you're here because -?” He asked, but this time didn't get an answer. Something was wrong, though he wasn't sure what it was yet, but he could tell. Remus walked over to the bed, seeing the tear tracks on Sirius' cheeks, they were quite visible even in the dim lighting. He wasn't crying anymore though, he looked like he was sleeping. He sat down on the floor, leaning his head against the bedside table, smiling slightly as Sirius opened his eyes. “What's wrong?”

“N-nothing.”

“Sirius, love, I can tell something is wrong.” he said, reaching to brush a strand of hair behind his ear. “Wanna tell me?”

“Don't feel good.”

“Do you feel ill or-?” Sirius shook his head, eyes tired as he looked at Remus. “Okay. Did something happen?”

“No.”

“That's good, baby.” He smiled softly, trying to figure out what exactly was wrong, maybe it was just a bad day. There was this pained expression on Sirius face, though Remus couldn't quite place what it was or what could be hurting him. “Not feeling up for quidditch?”

Sirius shook his head. “Jamey thinks I'm sick.”

“Okay.” He chuckled, watching as a faint smile flashed on Sirius' face, though it faded quickly. “Talk to me, love?”

Sirius took in a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment as if to prevent tears from falling. Then, with the arm that had been folded under his head, he reached for Remus'. He smiled, intertwining their fingers together, rubbing small circles into his wrist with his thumb, waiting for Sirius to speak.

“I'm sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry, angel?”

“Did somethin’.”

Remus felt his heart sink at the all too familiar situation, dread and worry, but he stayed calm, knowing it would make Sirius mire anxious if he'd panic, and he didn't want that. So, he just reached to wipe away the tear that fell down, being as gentle as he possibly could. “Show me, baby.” Sirius shook his head, more tears spilling out. “Please? M'not mad, never mad. I just wanna make sure you're alright.” he whispered, wiping away more of the tears, shifting so he was sitting on his knees.

“I'm so sorry.”

“Shh, shh, it's okay.” he brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. “Let's get up? Just wanna make sure they're all clean, don't want them to get infected, do we?” Sirius shook his head. “Then we'll have some cuddles, sound good?”

“Chocolate?”

“All the chocolate you want.” Remus smiled, kissing his forehead, getting the smallest of smiles out of the boy. “I should even have a few chocolate frogs left, remember the ones Pete bought for Christmas?”

“Still?”

“I'm not as greedy as you think, baby.” he chuckled, kissing his nose and cheek before getting up from the floor. “Plus, I got a ton of chocolate for Christmas. I got other sweets too, c'mon up love.” he said, taking both of Sirius' hands into his and leading him into the bathroom. “Hop up, darling.”

Sirius did as he was told, hopping up to sit down on the counter, watching as Remus pulled out the muggle med kit he insisted on using, though Sirius didn't mind. He also got out some cotton pads, and a clean towel, kissing Sirius' forehead when he came to stand in front of the boy.

“You have to show me now, okay?” Sirius nodded, looking down, starting to fiddle with his sleeves. “Take your time, baby.” He whispered, brushing his hair back, as he looked at Sirius, who shook his head after a moment. “I can too, if you want me to.”

“Please.” Sirius whispered, looking up at Remus, eyes filling with tears again, threatening to spill over.

“Okay. Don't worry.” he gently rolled up the sleeves of Sirius' jumper, going slowly so Sirius' could stop him if it felt too overwhelming. He winced slightly at the sight, he couldn't make out everything, but small, somewhat deep looking cuts were on both arms, blood slowly dripping down. “We're gonna have to put some bandages on these love, shh, shh, don't cry it's alright. I'm gonna clean them with these first, then with some water, and we'll put bandages on to keep them clean.”

“You have to tell me if it hurts too much.” Sirius nodded, tears falling as he closed his eyes, feeling how Remus started to dab the cotton pads on the deepest looking ones, wiping away blood. Sirius just kept still, keeping his arms where Remus left them, resting on his thighs. He heard the water running after a moment, and he opened his eyes, glancing at Remus, who just wiped away the tears before squeezing the excess water out of the towel.

“You know this is gonna sting a bit, I'm sorry about that, baby.” He whispered softly, waiting for Sirius to nod before starting to clean his arms better, apologizing every time he heard a hurt whimper come from Sirius, going lighter on the next one. “All done with that, love. You did so good. Proud of you.”

“Kiss?”

“You can definitely have a kiss.” He smiled, leaning down to give him a chaste kiss, getting another small smile from him as he leaned back up. “Just one more thing and you'll get another kiss, okay? Maybe even a hug.” Sirius nodded, looking up at Remus through his wet eyelashes, looking tired and still sad, though not as much as before. He gently wrapped his hands up with the bandages. “Not too tight?” He asked, lacing their fingers together when he was done.

Sirius shook his head, looking up at Remus. “Sorry you have to do this.”

“Shh, no, don't be sorry.” He whispered. “All good. I don't have to do anything, you're not making me, are you?” Sirius shook his head. “I want to, baby. Wanna take care of you, if you just let me.” he smiled, helping Sirius down from the counter, who just wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, face pressing into his chest. He did the same, arms wrapping around his waist as he buried his face into Sirius' hair, swaying them just slightly. “Feeling at all better?” he asked after a moment, hand running up and down his back slowly.

“Only ‘cause of you.” He mumbled. Remus smiled to himself, kissing his head. “Don't go.”

“Wasn't planning on that.” he whispered, smiling softly once Sirius looked up at him. “I’m proud of you. So proud.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” He leaned down to give him a kiss. “Wanna go to bed?” He nodded, but leaned against Remus rather than moving. “I'm not gonna carry you, love. It's barely fifteen steps, you can make it.”

“Mm no.” He whispered, shaking his head. “Wanted to take care of me.” He grinned, and Remus was just glad there was at least some of his normal cheekiness back. “Please moons.”

“Only this time, baby.” He whispered, kissing his forehead before lifting him up, Sirius' legs wrapping around his waist, clinging on like a koala. He smiled as he was set down onto the bed. “Wanna change into something more comfy?”

“Want your jumper.”

“Okay.” he nodded, going to dig out two of his jumpers, since he definitely wanted to change out of his school uniform. He also dug out the stash of chocolate he kept in there, handing Sirius the jumper before going to the bathroom to clean up the mess he had left before. He changed his jumper while walking back over to Sirius, climbing in bed next to him. Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder, shifting so he could curl up to him, feet over his lap, which was nearly impossible to do comfortably in the small bed, but he didn't mind.

“You promised chocolate.”

“I did.” he reached for his bedside table, grabbing the two boxes of chocolate frogs, giving them both to Sirius. “I'm eating the other one, by the way. Which cards are you still missing?”

“Rowena Ravenclaw at least, then I have all the founders.” he said, opening the package, and giving the frog the Remus. “Then some rarer ones I think, I've had such bad luck, never got Ollivander. No luck.” He said as he looked at the card he just got.

“Maybe next time, baby.” He nodded, opening the other one, this time taking the frog for himself, flipping over the card.

“I have like three of her, what the hell.” Remus laughed quietly. “It's unfair Moony. I will slip it into James' deck, he has like ten.”

“And how many of them are actually his?”

“Maybe two.” Sirius smiled, and he laughed again. “ ‘s only fair, he keeps giving me Dumbledore. But I, unlike Jamey, keep track of my cards.”

“Sure you do love.”

“I do.” He said. “Well, at least I notice if cards suddenly appear.”

Remus smiled, grabbing the trash from his lap to set them down on the bedside table. “Do you want more?”

“A bit?” Remus nodded as he grabbed the chocolate bar, opening it and breaking pieces off, few for himself and few for Sirius, then set it back on his bedside table. “Thank you.” he yawned, leaning even closer to Remus.

“Are you tired?” Sirius hummed. “Should we take a little nap? We have time before dinner.”

“Mhm. Don' wanna go.” he mumbled. “So tired.”

“What if we sleep and see what we'll do after? It's not until a few hours, love.” Sirius nodded. “C'mon, let's lay down, you'll be more comfy.”

Remus shifted so he was laying down, smiling as Sirius laid down too, resting his head on Remus' chest, half laying on top of him just because he could. Remus pulled the blanket over them, holding Sirius close.

“Do you wanna talk?” He asked, starting to play with Sirius' hair, Sirius shrugged, hiding more into Remus' chest, starting to draw shapes to his chest to keep his hands busy. “We don't have to, love. But you know it helps.”

“I'm just tired.” He mumbled. “Really overwhelmed. Just a bad day, I guess.”

“Okay.” He whispered, kissing his head. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Just wanna be with you and sleep.” Remus nodded. “Snuggles.”

He chuckled, holding Sirius a little closer, smiling as Sirius reached for his hand, so he intertwined their fingers together. “I'll wake you up in a few hours, okay?”

“Mhm.”

“I love you.” He whispered into Sirius' hair. “Sleep well.”

“Love you too.”

A/N:

Hi :)

Hopefully you liked this, and remember to take care of yourself <3

Also, both James and Sirius would have the biggest chocolate frog card collection, and would mess with each other constantly. (Remus gives all his cards to Sirius, cause why wouldn't he?)

You can't convince me otherwise on this, like no way that didn't happen

Have a good day/night/something, see you around somewhere, maybe?

<3

@futurecorps3 STOP THIS IS LITERALLY SO AMAZING!! I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE SO MUCH 🫢🫢

Hey, amazing work on “Veil” 🌌

I was hoping to request a Remus Lupin x fem!reader. Where the reader is a pure blood Slytherin and it’s almost the end of their 6th year and her Parents are planing to get her engaged.

Could this be inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Run”

Thanks. I hope you have an awesome day/night

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲

Masterlist<3

Summary: Again, the request sums it up Pairing: Remus Lupin x slytherin!pureblood!fem!reader Warnings: so much angst I'm actually so sorry about this one!! Happy ending though<3 added Jegulus because they're my babies, arranged marriage, Moony stops eating cause he's sad, smoking, Remus gets thin, yeah i think that’s it!! Word Count: 4.6K! Requested: Yes

A/N: UGHHHH THIS IS SO MFING GOOD! Thanks for trusting me with this request lovie<3 hope you like it. Also, I've never quite understood how Harry would exist alongside Jegulus but let's not mind that, and with "The Potters" I mean Reggie and James because he took his last name. <3

He was used to it by now; Seeing Lucius approach her during lunch trying to hold her hand, him getting teachers to pair them up in team projects, and even when he interrupted Remus mid-sentence when they were talking to invite her to a date she'd rejected. Moony wishes he could say he doesn't care, but he does.

Not because he thought his girlfriend of three years liked Malfoy, of course not. He cared because he couldn't bear the thought of losing Y/N to all this pure-blood nonsense, a decision she couldn't interfere with and neither could he, since it was one as big as the wedding her parents were currently planning. The couple found out one day when a letter was delivered to Y/N's dorm.

After movie night with the marauders, Regulus, Evan and Lily, the girl had gone to rest alongside Sirius' brother. Their laughs and jokes made on the way to the Slytherin chambers were soon forgotten when she stepped on a piece of paper laying in front of her door.

"Night Y/N/N" mumbled the Black brother, but she didn't answer, making him turn his gaze upon her. She immediately recognized her parent's handwriting and picked it up from the floor swiftly, opening it with shaky hands. Regulus saw her tense up and drop the letter, going pale immediately.

"Y/N?" he asked as he walked next to her. That's when he noticed the tears in her eyes. Before he could ask one more time, she was running out of the dorms in a sobbing mess. He picked up the piece of paper before following, unable to catch up but never giving up on his friend.

To Regulus, he was forever in debt to Y/N. Thanks to her, he had made amends with his brother and because of that, found the love of his life. James' love was a constant reminder of why not only forgiveness but also love are important to keep. He couldn't leave her alone. Eventually, after a while of running, she reached a cliff and stopped, knees buckling as she cried harder into her hands. The strong wind made her shiver like a leaf, but that could've also been the void in her stomach.

Regulus grabbed the piece of paper and read what got her that fragile:

"Dear Y/N; We wish to discuss a matter of great importance, one that may initially come as a surprise. After much consideration, we have decided to arrange an engagement between you and Lucius Malfoy. This decision is rooted in our family's tradition and the responsibilities that come with our lineage. We understand your emotions and aspirations, but we believe this alliance is in the best interest of our family's future. We ask you to approach this situation with an open mind and maturity, as it carries significant implications for our family's legacy. We will be here to provide guidance and support as you navigate this path. With love, mom and dad."

He held her, shedding a few tears as if he too could feel the pain his friend had to overcome. Then they walked to the Gryffindor dorms, waking up Remus. They cried some more.

Ever since then, Lucius Malfoy had tried his very hardest to at least get along with Y/N. He didn't really mind the engagement since before his parents told him all about it; he was convinced he'd die a virgin and alone. These intentions, accompanied by the evident pride he took in stealing someone else's girlfriend, drove Remus insane.

Godric knows how many times he'd cry on either Y/N or his best friend's arms about it. It's not because they won't be together, no; It's her sorrow that kills him slowly. Since the letter arrived, her aura had shifted, and rightfully so. The smile her boyfriend adored was now a rare occurrence, the same goes for her jokes.

There was this incessant pain in Remus' heart telling him to enjoy as much as he could for as long as they could be together, that this would all fade and they would be another kind of victims falling to the upcoming war. At times like these, there was no place for good natured love and pure intentions; faith was the only thing left.

Faith in their dreams, now obscured by the dreadful reality of their situation, faith in fairness which proved to be nonexistent with each passing day; faith in things that were long gone. As for her, helplessness was the right word to describe the void inside. She didn't believe in all the pureblood bullshit, and her parents knew. Sometimes she wondered if this was all a big ruse to push their beliefs on their daughter.

Leaving Remus was never a choice, never in her mind.

She gazes at him with a heart full of emotions that seem to swirl like a gentle breeze through the leaves of a forest. His presence ignites a flicker of warmth deep within her chest, a feeling that dances like a hidden flame waiting to be discovered. Whenever they're together, her heart finds its rhythm, like a melody guided by his very presence. It's as though he holds the key to a lock she never knew existed, unlocking a realm of sensations she's only dreamed of.

With him, she feels seen, truly seen – her hopes, dreams, and fears laid out in the open, yet met with a gentle understanding that erases any sense of vulnerability. There's an unspoken language between them, a connection that transcends words. A single glance from him can speak volumes, carrying secrets that only they share.

The brush of his hand against hers sends shivers down her spine, an electric current that reminds her of the power of their bond. In his company, laughter is brighter, and time seems to stretch and contract, as if they exist in a world of their own making. It's the way he listens, really listens, that makes her heart swell. His interest in her thoughts, her stories, makes her feel like the protagonist in her own fairy tale.

She's learned that true love is about growing together, supporting each other's dreams, and discovering new facets of themselves through the journey. His flaws and quirks only make him more endearing, and she finds herself embracing the imperfections that make him uniquely him.

When she's asked how she feels about Remus, she struggles to find the right words. It's like trying to capture a sunbeam in a jar – an impossible task. But if she were to distill it down, she'd say that being with him feels like finding a missing puzzle piece, completing a picture she never knew was unfinished. It's a love that's both exhilarating and comforting, a love that's found a home within her heart.

Things she knew she'd never find in someone like Lucius. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Now Christmas break was approaching, and they'd both leave. It would be a month without seeing her. A month lost. A month they'd both wish, in a couple of years, they could have for themselves. Sirius, James, Peter and the other Gryffindors had made sure to crash in the common room or sleep with their partners for the past week; they could see how hard it must be for their friend and opted to give the couple some privacy before they left.

Remus woke up to an empty bed the morning they were to go home. Not only that, but there was something different in the air; there was something lacking in the air. After not feeling Y/N by his side after stretching his arms to hold her, he sat up quickly, looking around the room. There was no sign of her shoes, or the bags she packed with him the night before weren't near the door.

He walked out of the dorm in a haste, wearing only one sock and his boxers. "Sirius!" he yelled, waking his best friend up from the comfortable sleep he was having on the couch. "Sirius, wake up! I-I can't find Y/N" he breathed again, looking behind the curtains as if she'd magically appear there. "What on earth are you on about, mate?" Padfoot asked, yawning while fixing his messy locks.

"She's not here, Pads I-I-" He inhaled in desperation, panic invading his body at the reality he wasn't ready to face; Y/N left without saying goodbye. Sirius incorporated, putting some trousers on and his Queen shirt, throwing his friend a cardigan he had laying around. "What are you doing?" the lycanthrope asked as he put the sweater on.

"Well, if she left already, we can catch her before she boards the train! Go put some bloody shoes on!!!" "D-don't say that! She'd never do that." He shook his head, freezing in place. She'd never do that to him, she'd never do that to them. Remus didn't really notice when he started crying until Sirius wiped the tears off his cheeks.

"Remus, she's gone, but we still have a chance of seeing her for the last time before you go your separate ways for a month and she becomes words on paper. I understand this is hard for you, but I need you to go put some fucking Convers on before you regret not even trying to see her".

It was too late when they got to the platform. She caught the first train when Remus and she were supposed to be on the last and get to London together before parting ways. The only thing they found was a weeping Regulus and James, sitting on one bench as the last comforted his boyfriend. Remus stared at the empty tracks when he finally accepted she was gone, his friends standing behind him.

"It's okay mate, you'll see her when we're back" Sirius tried to soothe, but Regulus let out a small "No he won't!" that worked for the dam to break, making his sobs louder and harder. Moony turned with wide eyes and kneeled before the youngest Black brother, gripping him by the shoulders. "What?" he asked, fearing the worst. He handed him a silver chain with a cameo dangling from it, a small paper inside reading "I love you forever, my moon" in Y/N's handwriting.

"She's not coming back to Hogwarts, h-her parents are making her a death eater and they don't want her here anymore".

Remus stared at the jewellery in his hands, feeling his chest cave in itself and everything inside breaking in small pieces. His cracked ribs stabbed his heart, which would no longer beat without Y/N. And it made sense for a girl like her; she didn't want to cause both of them more pain. She left early in the morning, pressing a kiss to Remus' freckled nose before asking Regulus for help, him being the only person who she bid her goodbyes to.

Then, a wrecked sob was heard through the now almost empty station. Well, James, Sirius and Regulus knew it was the sound of their friend's heart falling apart into pieces, but for those still in the castle it could've just been the wind.

☆.｡.:*｡.:*☆

Two weeks proved James wrong. He told Remus he'd feel better soon, but he just kept getting worse and worse. No cheap excuse or loud screaming could ease the ache in his chest, that void in his stomach that seemed to deepen even when he did things he used to find joy in. The Potter residence was a safe heaven for the marauders, so he figured he'd spend the holidays there.

That didn't help either. Sirius had moved with them early in the year, which meant the guest room was no longer available and he had to sleep on the couch. Uncomfortable nights spent on silencing his salty tears so Euphemia or Fleamont wouldn't hear (they could tell by his eye bags and red, puffy eyes every morning but chose against asking since their sons told them enough), left Remus sure he'd go insane before Christmas.

He tried writing to her, but his owl came back with his letters all crumbled up. Not a note or a sign of her being okay, just his words staring -almost mockingly- back at him. He stopped trying after the fifth one came in pieces inside the same envelope he used. His diet consisted of a pack of cigarettes and coffee per day, though sometimes Effie could get him to down a glass of water and some biscuits.

Maybe if Remus had held her a bit tighter that night or was woken up by the sound of the door, he could've convinced her to stay. To stay with him until break to see what they could figure out together. The chain Y/N left with him dangled from his pale chest as he looked at Sirius, trying to figure out how to drive his dad's muggle car.

He sipped on his third cup of coffee that morning as his best friend sped down the street with Fleamont sitting next to him, not yet ready to give the vehicle completely, though Padfoot knew how to drive almost perfectly. A loud voice pulled him out of his thoughts, accompanied by a loud screeching on pavement "Wanna try Moons!? We could blast Bowie when they play him on the radio!".

Remus rolled his eyes and stepped inside the house, determined to get past the third sentence of the page from his most recent read since he couldn't for the life of him last night. He knew his friends meant well; They had been trying to cheer him up with things like these since he got to their home, but even when he tried baking with James, he didn't feel better.

Plus, he knew how to drive a muggle car. "Like it's hard" he mentally scoffed, plopping down on the couch as the morning light bled into the living room. He lit another cigarette and pretended to be paying attention to the words on his book, swiftly drying the stray tears his consuming thoughts of Y/N provoked when he got too carried away.

He didn't need his best friend's driving lessons or sweet pastries. He needed her to look at him in the eye and tell him she'd marry Lucius without even trying to put up a fight against her parents. Remus needed Y/N. That was his last thought before he fell asleep.

Sirius grabbed his still lit cigarette and put it out as James closed his book, propped his long legs on the couch and covered him up with a fuzzy red blanket. All they knew was that he needed help and they'd be there with him in every step of the way until he felt at least one percent better than the day before.

☆.｡.:*｡.:*☆

"That was three!" "The dice says two, and I moved two, stop bugging me Prongs". Remus knew Sirius had moved three but didn't bother on calling him out, limiting himself to grabbing the dice and roll them, getting an outstanding twelve. After seeing nothing really helped improve his mood, his best friends proposed a game night, since Moony loved them so much.

He moved the little metal top hat twelve spaces across the Monopoly board, landing in one of James' properties. "How much?" He asks, grabbing the fake money from the side. "That would b-" "Oh for fuck's sake, Remus!" scoffed the Black brother, tossing his money on the table, making the board rattle and mess up the game.

"What was that for!?" Asked Prongs, looking at both of his friends. Sirius glared daggers at his friend, shaking his head in frustration. "We know it's hard, but at least help us help you! W-we've been trying to cheer you up for weeks but it's like you don't even want to get better" the raven haired boy exclaimed.

Both James and Remus knew he didn't manage his or others' negative feelings, and they tried to be comprehensive, but in Moony's state, he couldn't find a single speck of compassion in his being. "Sirius don't be mean" "It's true James! It's like he's not even trying...".

That was the last thing he needed. With an accusatory finger and tears in his eyes, Remus got up and close to Padfoot who challenged him with just a look. "You don't know how it feels when someone takes away all you care for in this world and being so-so helpless... so shut the fuck up!" He howled, drying his tears before they dispersed on his face. Prongs' heart broke a little when he saw how his walls were up for his best friend, not wanting to seem weak by crying.

"Oh Y/N is all you care for now? You were in love, big fucking deal. The people who have been there for you and have never let you down are all in this house and you're making it hard for them to even breathe near you!" the boy spat back, getting up as well and not caring about the fact that Remus still towered over him greatly.

"Sirius stop" muttered James as his friends started a staring contest, right before Moony lunged at Sirius and started knocking down everything on the table. They weren't punching each other, but more like tugging and trying to physically pull the other to the ground. Potter's strong yet useless attempts at breaking them up only resulted in more anger coming to the fight.

The sight itself looked like a renaissance painting; two brothers crying yet letting the anger and pride consume them as they tussled in the family house. Grunting and some shouting resumed, Sirius was short but quite strong, which meant no advantage against Remus since he almost doubled him in size and wasn't exactly weak. At the commotion, the only adults at the house came running down the stairs from their room and broke them apart.

They kept staring at each other while catching their breaths as they got scolded for their behavior. "Sirius, out" Said Fleamont, already directing him to the door. "Why do I have to go outside!? It's all his fault-" "Go clear your head and come back until you've calmed down!" His dad had a gentle manner most of the time, but the stern tone that overtook his voice had always shaken Sirius to the core, so he had nothing else to do other than what he was told.

Now James was crying too, head cradled in his hands as Remus sat completely spent in the couch that worked as a bed at the time. Euphemia brewed him a cup of tea and sat beside him, cooing him until he felt better while Fleamont cleaned the mess they had made. "I'm sorry Effie" he mumbled, ashamed of how he lost himself in the heat of the moment "It's okay sweet boy... it'll pass, I promise" the woman spoke, running her hands through his hair and kissing him on the forehead softly.

She felt nothing but compassion towards his son's best friend. At their age, broken hearts felt like the worst thing in the world, but those things tended to be mutual or one-sided, not forced into teenagers on top of arranged marriage. The inner turmoil going on inside his head was something she wouldn't dare to peek in, knowing it was strong enough to lose oneself in the self. When Sirius came back, he didn't look at his family and just locked himself inside his room to sleep. Everyone followed suit after making sure Remus was okay, and left him to rest.

He didn't. At about twelve pm, he grabbed the keys of Monty's car and drove into the night, ready to get all the answers he needed.

☆.｡.:*｡.:*☆

He knew that his secret summer visits would pay off eventually. As he left the car behind one garden of his girlfriend's family's manor, Remus couldn't help but think back to all the times he had sneaked in -potentially risking his life- in a completely different mood; The afternoons they spent in the garden reading, or cuddling while having deep chats in her room.

A lot had changed, and something told him it wouldn't stop. He repeated the routine he had memorized by heart, climbing over a fence which he now could say was familiar and could land a graceful fall on the other side, making sure Y/N was in her room basing off the light being turned on or not and climbing up a series of wooden finishes that stuck out from the building.

Easy, except this time, she wasn't exactly expecting him. Her window was open, and he landed on her bed, but in an empty room. At this rate of the process, he would already be covered in her blood red lipstick from so many kisses as a present for putting up with all the acrobatics needed to get to her. Now he was alone in an empty room.

There was a beautiful white dress sitting on a mannequin in a far corner where her record player used to be. Remus walked over to it quietly. It had puffy sleeves along with a gorgeous corset and he remembered she once told him that's exactly how her dream dress would be like, making him smile because at least she's getting to wear something she likes.

He sat back on her bed, looking around, and realized the dress was the only new thing; Her desk was still a mess next to her closet. The sheets he had spent days and nights wrapped in were still white, with little red flowers and some clothes were laying on the ground, all smelling like his girl. He didn't realize when he started crying.

The void was there again, but he had to be quiet or- "Remus?". Time froze, and he knew who the voice belonged to because how could he not? Somehow, he was scared to look up and face it all. Maybe she'd be mad at him and he just single-handedly ruined the last chance to get her back, maybe she hated him and-

A soft hand took hold of his chin and made him look and there she was, his bright girl. Not so bright at the moment, though, no. Y/N had a soft yet noticeable frown on her face; she was paler, like the life was sucked out of her by this whole situation. "No, baby, don't" he whispered, getting up and pulling her into his chest.

Remus thought he was angry. That the only thing he'd do was scream and ask why she left without saying goodbye, but now the only thing that mattered was that he could smell her hair and feel her skin under his fingertips. She sobbed, whispering small "I'm so sorry"s like a lost prayer, closer to his heart to know she really meant it. They cried together, a silent agreement of peace.

All was good between them. Y/N had her reasons, and she'd explain if she wanted to. Remus didn't mind. Remus only wanted them together. "H-How did you get here I-" "I kind of stole the Potter's car..." he smiled through the tears, making her dryly chuckle as well. The couple sat on the bed. He grabbed the girl's hands in a strong grip as he looked into those pools of y/e/c he had missed so much.

"How you been?" He sighed, seeing her distress even when she tried not to show it "Bad. The Malfoys have been coming over for dinner in the past week a-and now I can't hide from Lucius... at least my dress is pretty, see?" She sheepishly uttered, weakly pointing at the garment her boyfriend had scanned just moments ago. "It's gorgeous, darling".

After a moment of silence, Y/N returned his question, adding a small "you look thin" in the end. "Staying with the Potters has made me realize how terrible of a guest I can be. I feel ashamed. Sirius probably hates me b-because we had this huge fight and-" "Moody Moony" she giggled. Godric, how he missed that laugh. How he missed her. Remus leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips.

And when she crawled on his lap and he tasted her tears, he knew this would not be their end. It couldn't and he wouldn't allow it. They wouldn't be a tragic love story like the ones he read about, no. They deserved better. He pulled away, using the sleeve of his sweater to dry her face but staying close to her.

"Let's leave, Y/N".

"Where would we go?" The girl tearily said, not denying the possibility once. "W-we can go live with Effie and Flea for a while until we get a flat of our own. When we finish school, we'll work and we can move far away. Just us." Gods, he sounded like a small child talking of his dream fantasy life. He knew, but didn't mind.

"They'll find me, Remus. Merlin knows what they will do to me if they find out!" They had to try. "We have to try, love. Please. I-I can't lose you, Y/N! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I haven't smiled since you left... You can't marry that bastard- just- please." He pleaded as muggles do on churches, kneeling down to everything they held sacred and just prayed so things would turn out right.

Y/N was everything he held sacred, and he thanked every god when she nodded with a teary smile, getting up to pack her bag.

And so, they ran away together. Two kids in love with nothing much to lose but risking the bit of ordinariness that they had with a war looming over their heads. They used the front door to leave, their rapid steps reverberating in the cold marble tiles of the mansion before they exited and ran from the place Y/N had called home for so long.

The couple crashed at James' place for a short time before realizing that if Y/N's parents were looking for her along with death eaters, they could get the Potters in trouble. Regulus offered them his family's money, seeing as they still didn't know he was dating a "blood traitor", he was safe and got a shitload of cash as an allowance.

Prongs and his parents also gave them something to contribute and soon, they were two eccentric teenagers living all by themselves on a flat all their neighbors wondered how they payed. They ended their last year at Hogwarts with no setbacks (word had it the Dark Lord forced her parents to focus on their mission instead of finding their daughter to which they enthusiastically obliged) and in 1979, joined the Order of the Phoenix.

During the war, Regulus's disclosure about Voldemort's plan to kill the Potters was crucial to their survival and the war coming to an end. But as he promised Y/N, things turned out just fine. They couldn't say things were easy all the time, no. But now, as Remus and Y/N stared at Harry playing with his trucks in the backyard while his parents went out on a date, they knew it was all worth it.

She felt her fiance's arms wrap around her waist, a cup of tea for her in Remus' hands. "He's so cute" she giggled, mumbling a small "thanks" to him for the warm beverage. He hummed in response, smiling at the little boy asking his uncle and aunt to go play with him. How could you say no to that face?

Their house was a two store building on a quiet street in London. They had a big garden (now filled with their nephew's toys), fresh air and records playing nonstop. Despite their tumultuous past, Remus and Y/N's love remained unwavering, allowing them to live a peaceful life together.

In their eyes, an unspoken language is spoken, a connection woven from shared glances, small gestures, and the depth of their shared history. Their hands find each other's, a constant reminder that they are not alone on this journey. Their footsteps echo through the streets they've walked together, imprinted with the steps of a love that has danced through both sunshine and rain.

˚ · • . ° .

Oh I'm so so so proud of this one!!! Can't lie. I had a lot of fun writing it and almost teared up tbh. Hope you dearies love it as much as me!!

Taglist (DM or reply to be added): @kquil <3

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

I'm not mad at you

TW: Mentions of suicide (it is the topic, but there's nothing too graphic) So that being said, this topic is very sensitive (like most of my writing stuff you shouldn't be surprised if you've been here before) Anyway, please, if you get triggered easily do not read this, or at least be careful

Word count: 2 900

“Jamey?” Remus asked shakily, coming to stand next to James' bed, who was currently the only one beside him in their dorm. “I-i think I need help.”

“What's up, moony?” He asked, sitting up on his bed, immediately getting worried as he looked at Remus. He was shaking all over, skin pale and eyes wide, then he glanced at his hands, seeing blood. “There's blood. Remus, why's there blood?” James asked before he could answer.

“I- um. Don't feel well.” He said, closing his eyes, trying to get rid of the spinning in his head, though it did nothing to help the way he was swaying on his feet. Soon he felt James' hands on his shoulders, he opened his eyes, trying to focus on James' worried gaze.

“Okay, c'mon sit down, I don't want you to pass out.” He said, guiding Remus to sit down on his bed. James bit his lip, looking over Remus, when his eyes landed on his arms, he was starting to panic, the sleeves of his jumper were stained with blood. “What's going on, re?”

“Sirius is mad at me.” He said unhelpfully, looking at James as if it was the most obvious thing.

“That's not-.” He started but stopped himself mid-sentence, knowing that wouldn't help with anything. “I know he is. But did something happen today? Or now?” Remus shook his head, closing his eyes again. “Okay, okay. Can I take a little look at your arms? You're bleeding.”

Remus didn't answer, but James did it anyway, he needed to know why there was blood. He gently pulled up the sleeve of Remus' jumper on his left arm. He couldn't exactly see where all the blood was coming from, it looked like there were many cuts. He had never liked blood, and it made him a little uneasy, but he kept looking, he needed to know. He turned Remus' hand over, there was even more blood dripping from around his wrist, but he couldn't see the wound, not clearly at least.

James was definitely starting to panic now. He quickly checked his other arm, there wasn't nearly as much blood but still some. “Hey, rem, how 'bout we go see Poppy quickly? I think she'll be able to help you, yeah?”

“No, no.” Remus whispered, shaking his head. “Please James n-no.”

“It's good for you, yeah? I'll go quickly grab something, and then we're going.” He said, getting up from the floor, he went to the bathroom, seeing a blade on the floor but ignored it for now and just grabbed a roll of bandages. He quickly wrapped it around the biggest wound on his left hand, hoping it would help at least a little.

“C'mon Remus, please? Let's go.” He said, and Remus looked up at him, his eyes looked hazy and unfocused, making James even more worried. He took Remus' hands into his and pulled him up from the bed, leading him into the hospital wing, even though he was very much against it.

He knocked onto the locked door, hoping madam Pomfrey wouldn't already be sleeping, since it was already late. It didn't take long until the door opened and madam Pomfrey peeked into the corridor, first looking at James and then her eyes landed on Remus, taking in his appearance. He was swaying just slightly, he looked very pale, and then she saw the blood stained bandages.

“What's going on, Mr Potter?” She asked as he let them in, gesturing onto the nearby bed where Remus could sit in.

“I-i don't know. He didn't say. There was so much blood and I thought this was better than um...”

“Well you made the right decision.” She said, quickly glancing at him. “Go take a seat in the corridor, please.” James nodded, though he didn't want to leave Remus alone, but he knew he couldn't stay, he couldn't just say no to madam Pomfrey, so he slipped out of the door, closing it behind him.

“What happened, Remus?” She asked gently, trying to look him in the eyes, but his eyes were very unfocused as he stared at a spot on the floor. She started to pull up Remus' sleeves to see where the blood was coming from. Remus just shook his head.

“I'm going to quickly clean these up and close them.” She explained, taking out her wand, starting to apply the spells she had just told him about. “Then, I'm going to put some bandages on to keep them clean, and I'd like you to stay here for a bit, just to make sure everything is okay.”

Remus didn't answer, but didn't fight back about her treating him, or doing the spells that she knew would hurt at least somewhat. But she kept talking to him, knowing from the countless times she had treated him after full moons that he liked to know what was going on. That he didn't like if he didn't know what was done to him. “You've lost some blood, dear, you must feel dizzy, no? But I have this potion that'll help with it, then it'll be good that you get some rest.” Pomfrey said, finishing up bandaging his arms.

She summoned the small vial of potion. “Now just a warning, this tastes horrible, but it'll make you feel better, think you can take this?” Remus looked up, blinking a few times before nodding, and she nodded, handing him the vial. His hands were shaking slightly as he brought it up to his lips, swallowing the horrible tasting liquid. “Alright, I'm going to give you something to help you sleep. I'll come check up on you a little later.”

Remus nodded slightly, accepting the next thing she gave to him. “Just a small sip is enough.” She instructed, and he did as he was told, handing the bottle back to her. Remus laid down, and Pomfrey pulled the blanket over him before getting up and going to the hall.

She sat down on the bench next to James, who looked up at her with teary eyes. “He's okay, Mr. Potter.” James nodded quickly, wiping his eyes. “Do you know any reason for this? Has anything happened lately, has he been acting differently?”

“No, I don't think so. He said nothing happened when I asked. I-i mean he and Sirius were fighting, even he said that, but- but they always are so I don't know why he did that.” He said, trying to think if something had been different. “He doesn't talk, I don't know.”

“That's okay, don't worry.” She said with a small smile. “Could you talk me through what happened before you came here?”

“Of course, yeah.” he said, running a hand through his hair and fixing his glasses on his nose. “He came from the bathroom and asked for help and I asked him why there's blood, and he just said he didn't feel well.” James tried to explain. “I asked him if something happened, but he just said that Sirius is mad at him and that nothing happened. He tried to fight me on coming here, but I was scared he'd pass out -”

“You did good. Go and try to get some sleep, Mr. Potter.” James nodded, looking at her. “If something comes up, please come see me. And, if you see Mr. Black, ask him to come by in the morning.”

“Okay.”

…

“Good morning, Remus.” She smiled, pulling a chair next to his bed. “How are you feeling?”

“M’tired.”

“That's to be expected, any pains?” Remus shook his head. “That's good, but like before, no need to hide the pain for me. Just tell me and I'll give you medicine.” She reminded, like she did every time after a full moon. “Now, can you tell me what happened?” He looked away, shaking his head. “Okay.” She said with a nod. “Your friend was very worried about you last night, do you remember?”

“He always panics.” Remus said quietly. “No matter what it is.”

Poppy smiled slightly. “Do you want to talk with me?” Remus shook his head. “That's okay. I'll check back in later, but is there anyone you want to see or talk to?” He shook his head again, biting his lip. “A house elf will bring you breakfast soon.” she said, starting to get up.

“Y-you mean I don't get to go?”

“No, I'm sorry about that, but I'd like to keep you here for at least for a little while.” Remus nodded slightly, watching as she got up from her chair, and into her office.

He quickly wiped his eyes, turning to lay on his side and curling up to himself. He felt tired and weird, he wasn't even sure what the feeling was. He felt guilty too, and his arms were burning horribly against the bandages. He fell asleep after a while, ignoring when madam Pomfrey tried to wake him up to eat breakfast. The next time, he woke up to someone opening the curtains around his bed, and the legs of the chair scraping against the floor.

He slowly opened his eyes, seeing James sitting in the chair he had heard. “Hi rem.” He smiled slightly. “Poppy said you're not up for talking, but she also said you're gonna be here a while, so I brought you a book.” James rambled, handing the book to Remus.

“Thank you.” He whispered, setting the book down onto the bedside table. “Why are you here?”

“I brought you the book.” He said simply. “She asked to see Sirius, so I thought to pop to see you and bring you the book.” he said as Remus just continued looking at him, knowing there was another reason for him to be here.

“Why does she want to see Sirius?”

“I don't know, rem.” he said. “She didn't say, just asked me to ask him to come by, last night.”

“Oh.” He looked away from James, closing his eyes for a moment. “What did he say? To you.”

“Nothing, just followed me. I think he was worried.” Remus shook his head. “He still cares about you, y'know. He- he did say he'd like to see you, but then he said that you probably don't want that.”

“Okay.” he whispered. “Can you go, please?”

“Mm yeah, of course. I'll come tomorrow, okay? I can bring you something if you'd like.”

“It's fine.” James nodded, getting up from his chair. “James?” He whispered before he could leave, and James turned to look at him. “Wanna see him.” he whispered even more quietly, James nodded with a smile.

When James left, he picked up the book, just to see what it actually was, of course he had brought the most boring one out of the books he owned. He laid down on his side, wanting to sleep, but he couldn't find himself to fall asleep again. So, he just laid there listening to the faint conversation he could hear in Pomfrey’s office, the voices sounded familiar, but he wasn't exactly sure how he knew them. Then that died down too, and after a moment the curtains opened again.

Remus looked over his shoulder, seeing Sirius, he sat up, blinking a few times. “M’sorry, I-i can go but um James -”

“No, no, don't go, please.” He said quickly and Sirius smiled, closing the curtain before sitting down onto the chair that was still pulled up to the bed. “Why- why are you here?”

“Poppy asked.” He said, pulling one of his knees up to the chair, wrapping his arms around it, resting his chin on it. “She asked if anything had changed lately in your life, if anything had happened, if me or James noticed anything.” Remus nodded. “She said she's going to talk to Minnie as well, probably lily too and Pete, but I'm not sure.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her the truth, Rem.” He said. “I told her what happened, that we fought and haven't talked and that- Nevermind. What happened, Remus? I was so fucking worried when James came back crying, and then I saw what our bathroom looked like. I was so worried, and I couldn't even come to see you cause-”

“Sorry.” He whispered, his voice cracking. “It was just too much. I didn't mean for this to happen. I was- I'm so sorry.”

“No, hey, don't say sorry.” Sirius hesitantly got up from his chair, sitting down onto the bed. “It's okay Re, I understand. I do. You don't have to explain yourself, not to me, okay? Never ever, you know that rem.” Remus looked up, and it hurt to see him like that, eyes filled with unshed tears and so much pain.

“I- thought.” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Why're you not mad at me? Why- you were. Why aren't-”

“What?” His voice was filled with genuine surprise as he looked at Remus. “Why would I ever be mad at you, hey Remus, no look at me? Shh, don't cry, please no. Love, I'm not mad at you, never. Why would I, huh?”

“Love?”

“Shit, sorry. No, not sorry. I mean it, of course I do, just not supposed to now, used to it y'know…” He smiled for a moment. “Anyway, Remus, it's okay. Don't have to explain yourself, and I'll never ever be mad at you for something like this.”

“But before -”

“I know. And I'm so sorry for that, I shouldn't have, not to you. It's been shit, and I've tried to think how to make it up, I really have.” Remus nodded. “I shouldn't have acted like that.”

“It's okay.”

“No, Re. It's not.”

“Can't think.” He mumbled after a moment. “My head's all hazy. Can we, um, talk later?”

“Of course.” He moved to get up, but Remus grabbed his wrist before he could.

“Sorry -” he whispered, letting go of his hand. “Can you stay?”

“Do you want me to?” Remus nodded. Sirius smiled, sitting back down, shifting so he was sitting across from him on the bed. “Have you eaten?” He asked, glancing at the tray on the bedside table.

“M'not hungry.” he whispered, shaking his head. “Don't… I don't want to.”

“I won't, don't worry.”

Remus nodded. “Could- Can you come here?” He asked, nervous as he looked at Sirius, who just smiled, moving so he'd be sitting next to him on the bed. “Thank you.” He whispered, leaning his head onto his shoulder and letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

“Don’t have to thank me.” Sirius whispered, wrapping his arm around him, hoping to make it better somehow. He took Remus' hand into his, seeing a small smile flash on his face at the gesture.

“I'm so sorry.”

Sirius shook his head. “No, don't say sorry, Rem.” He sniffled sadly, tears threatening to fall. “You can cry if you need to. I'm here.”

“I've missed you.”

“I missed you too. So much.” He whispered, starting to run his hand through Remus' hair, gently playing with the dirty blond curls. “I'm sorry for everything that happened.” He spoke into his hair, feeling the need to say it, he needed Remus to know that he was sorry, that he regretted everything. He wanted everything to be okay.

“I'm sorry too.” He turned to look at Sirius who smiled sadly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, then moved to wipe away the tears that were trailing down his cheeks. “I'm so sorry, Sirius.”

“Shh, it's okay.” he whispered softly. “We're okay. We'll be okay”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Rem.” Remus only nodded, giving him a small but genuine smile. “Let's talk later?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you?” He asked cautiously, eyes searching for Remus'. He hummed, looking at Sirius for a moment, closing the distance between them, smiling as Sirius rested his forehead on his when they pulled away. “You should try to get some rest.”

“I'm not tired.” He whispered, laying his head down onto Sirius' chest. “I can't sleep.”

“Okay.” He whispered. “I can read to you? Don't have to sleep, I just thought…”

“Please.”

He nodded, rubbing his side as he reached for the book. “This is what James picked? What the hell is wrong with him?” Remus laughed, and Sirius smiled, kissing his head before he started reading. Remus ended up falling asleep, but Sirius continued reading knowing it calmed him down, and he found it easier to sleep with background noise, it also usually made him stay asleep.

He only stopped reading when the curtain around the bed was opened, it was madam pomfrey, he lowered the book looking at her. “You should leave, Mr. Black. Visiting hours are over.” She said, but smiled as she looked at the pair.

“Please Poppy?” He asked, rubbing Remus' side as he stirred, curling up in an attempt to stay asleep. Pomfrey looked at him, raising her eyebrow, and Sirius blushed slightly. “Sorry, madam Pomfrey. Can I please stay? Only an hour or two.”

“Only this time, Sirius.” She smiled. “I’m glad you two made up.” Sirius nodded, smiling slightly at her. “I’ll be back later, then you really do have to go.”

“Okay.”

Pomfrey left again, making the tray of food disappear from the bedside table as she went, closing the curtain behind herself. Sirius picked up the book again, continuing to read, smiling at the way Remus huffed in his sleep, hiding his face more into his chest, falling back to sleep.

A/N:

Hi :)

Did we like this? I hope we did because I really enjoyed writing this

I am supposed to be studying for my exams right now, but instead I finished this, what a good reason to procrastinate, right?

I would really like to write more of this, but my head is empty, so if you, yes you, would have anything to suggest you can just message me or something? Please, I'm asking nicely

Also, if there is anything else I should tag, please tell me, I do not mind, I wanna know

Anyway, hopefully you're doing well, if you aren't, I hope it gets better soon. See you around somewhere maybe?

<33

marauders boys p links!!

marauders version of this!!

as stated previously, don’t open in public, and be aware- you’re responsible for your own media consumption with the knowledge that these are all twitter links!!

handcuffs + doggy w sirius <3

mornings w siri <3

study sesh w siri <3

road trip w jamie <3

overstim w siri <3

being needy + empty dorm w rem <3

pre full moons w rem <3

fingering w jamie <3

wishing jamie good luck before quidditch <3

party bathroom w siri <3

empty dorm w siri <3

skin to skin w jamie <3

face sitting w rem <3

post quidditch win w jamie <3

rem pre full moon <3

empty common room w jamie <3

rem has u from behind <3

༻¨*:· A PEARL ·:*¨༺

♪ It's just that I fell in love with a war ♪ ♪ Nobody told me it ended ♪

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ You break a bowl, Remus tries to comfort you. An argument ensues.

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 reader's previous relationship was abusive 𖦹 a bloody hand (but nothing graphic) 𖦹 gn!reader (they/them pronouns) 𖦹 a sprinkle of angst 𖦹 hurt/comfort 𖦹 remus lupin calling you his darling and his love 🜷⌣🜷 𖦹 remus lupin being the best partner ever 𖦹 he's so boyfriend 𖦹 inspired by the song 'A Pearl' by Mitski  𖦹 fluffy ending bc i'm a huge crybaby 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 2.1k 

"Sometimes, I wish I was a star," Your voice was quiet as you peered into the black sky, stars scattered across it. They looked like pearls. Precious.

He looked at you in admiration, "Why?"

"Because they're up there," You sighed, "And they take time to paint each star. To them, each one is just as important as the one before, and they ensure they are all beautiful."

"Who's up there?" There was genuine interest in his tone, and it warmed your heart.

"The person I used to be." You felt silly saying it, and you were scared he was going to judge you.

There was a beat of silence.

Instead of judgement, he reached for your hand and interlocked your pinkies, whispering: "You're precious. Like a pearl."

Your face grew warm.

Remus anxiously waited for you—he was gnawing at his fingernails. He scolded himself; you hated when he chewed on his fingernails.

1:39

"They're only nine minutes late, Remus. It's okay. They're okay. We're okay," He muttered.

Remus had an underlying fear that you would leave him. It wasn't because of the whole werewolf thing—okay, maybe it was the werewolf thing, but only a little bit; and he was working on that.

It was because of something you were going through. Remus didn't understand what you were going through; he couldn't understand. That was one of the many intricate parts of your relationship.

You didn't want him to understand because he could only understand if he went through the same thing. You certainly did not want him to go through that.

That is what brought you here, on the floor, curled into yourself, sobbing.

"He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve me," You wailed, looking at your hands

Remus stood up, it had been half an hour, and he knew you weren't showing up.

He felt tired.

Not of you, never of you, but of this feeling. This emotion that appeared to be swallowing you whole and seemingly had its eyes set on your relationship as its next victim.

You heard the key in the door, and a wave of panic hit you. Then, as it washed over you—submerging you and taking your breath—the panic turned into guilt.

You were supposed to meet Remus at the park, and you were ... crying?

He toed his shoes off and walked to the kitchen, where he heard you weeping.

Upon seeing you, his heart felt like the shattered pieces of porcelain at your side. You were sobbing because you broke a bowl. Then, you started apologizing. It was frantic and compulsive, just a simple "I'm sorry" repeatedly falling from your chapped lips.

He wondered how anyone could see you like this and get mad at you.

"Darling?" He knew his voice had to be quiet. You were fragile right now—he assumed your breaking of the bowl triggered you. At this point in the relationship, identifying the trigger was somewhat easy. Identifying the feelings the trigger brought up was the challenging part. It didn't help that sometimes you couldn't articulate your feelings.

One of those times seemed to be now. Remus loathed that all you could say was, "I'm sorry."

Then, he noticed the dry blood on your hand and wanted to joke about how 

'You've only broken a bowl. You didn't kill someone, even though you've got literal blood on your hands.'

He didn't. Maybe he'll tell you later.

He knelt beside you.

Remus didn't think anything of it. He just wanted to wipe your cheek and relieve it from the layer of tears.

To him, it was harmless. To you, it was frightening.

You shrunk into yourself as he brought his hand up, and you scrunched your face, bracing for a slap, or a hit, or something physically violent.

Remus brought his hand down, and his lips pressed together.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," He whispered, "I'll never hurt you. You're safe her, Darling. You're safe."

Your next inhale was sharp, and your face relaxed with the shaky exhale that followed. You opened your eyes to look at Remus, who spoke gently, "Why don't I clean up your hand, okay?"

At your nod, he spoke again. "Can I touch you?"

You shake your head, "It's not because of you. It's— It's—"

At your wavering voice, he stepped in, "I know, Darling. I know"

He didn't understand why you felt you had to explain why you said no, just that you were wired to do so. It hurt him—deeply.

You stood slowly, knowing you would get dizzy if you stood too fast. And if you got dizzy, there was a possibility that you would fall, and if you did, Remus would either try to catch you, or you would injure yourself. If Remus caught you, he would be touching you, making you even more miserable. If you got hurt he—being the angel he is—would take the blame and never forgive himself. Both would make him feel worse. You already missed lunch together because you dropped this stupid bowl and—

"My Lovely?" Remus repeated for the fourth time; this time, it snapped you out of your frantic thoughts.

You looked at him, "Hm?"

"To clean your hand, I'm going to have to touch it. Is that okay?" His talking was slow and calm, and it oddly made you mad.

"I said I didn't want you to touch me!" You felt your heart beat faster, and adrenaline rushed over you.

Remus was so incredibly tired, and he didn't feel like fighting. He hated fighting with you—it was gut-wrenching.

"I know, but I don't want your hand to get infected because it's not clean."

"Stop speaking to me like I'm a child, Remus."

You knew what you were doing, and it was wrong, but it felt so right to pick a fight. You hated yourself for it.

Remus sighed.

You swore you could feel the blood pumping through your veins and drew your brows together, "Don't sigh at me."

Remus knew better than to indulge in your argument, but he couldn't help himself.

"All I am trying to do is help you."

Your brain was foggy, "Well, you're not helping. If anything, you're making it WORSE!"

You have said a lot of things in past arguments. Never anything like this.

"Wait, no—" You quickly went to correct yourself.

"I'm making it worse?" He repeated your bitter words. "Really? Because if I'm making it worse, I can leave. I can leave you here and never try to help you again if I make everything so much worse."

"That's not what I said!" You argued back, "I never said you make everything worse. Stop twisting my words!"

"I'm not twisting your words, Y/n. This—" He waved his arms around the broken porcelain, then around you, "this is everything."

Too far.

"I am a person, Remus. I am not just my trauma." Your voice was quiet.

"Aren't you!?"

You looked at your bloody hand, "I'm sorry, Remus. I—" Your voice cracked, and you went silent.

Hit turn to feel guilty.

"Can I clean your cut?" He muttered.

You gave him your hand.

"Can I touch you?"

You somberly nodded your head.

His touch was soft, and you started to sweat. You hated this feeling. You hated fearing that his fingers would turn harsh after they softly cleaned your hand.

And you felt bad for being scared, because you knew Remus would never hurt you. Still, something in you was constantly on edge, a primal instinct to protect yourself before you got hurt.

He once said you reminded him of a pearl. He would give you pearl necklaces and earrings and bracelets. A precious pearl, that's what he would call you.

The jewelry stayed in your jewelry box, untouched since you left him. You weren't sure why you kept them—maybe to remind yourself that it was real. It could be because the pearls symbolized what you thought his love was.

It wasn't love, though, it was manipulation, and it was toxic.

And, as much as you didn't want to believe it, it was abuse.

Perhaps you kept the pearls because they were part of that toxicity.

Remus finished cleaning your hand somewhat ten minutes ago; you hadn't realized, too deep in thought.

Too busy thinking about the pearls again.

He stained part of you, a part of yourself that you now call The Pearl.

It started small, and you were able to control it at first.

Now, it seemed unmanageable.

The Pearl taunted you. It told you to be explosive because it knew Remus wouldn't be. Explosions cause chaos, and chaos is safe. That's what it told you.

But then, when the chaos was over and done with, it told you that you were toxic and abusive—it said you were a monster and that you were just like him.

You would indulge in The Pearl—you did everything it told you to do. You believed everything it told you to believe.

Maybe you were toxic.

"Y/n?" Remus repeated. His voice was quaint and delicate. You could tell he didn't want to startle you.

"Do you want to go sit on the couch? Maybe we can talk over there?"

You nodded, trudged your way to the couch, and plopped down. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.

You, too, were tired of this feeling.

Once he sat down, you quickly spoke, "I'm sorry, Remus."

"I'm not going to tell you it's okay 'cos it wasn't, but I'm also sorry. I said some very hurtful things, and I know better than to let it get out of hand—"

You wanted to scream, not at Remus, at yourself. You interrupted him, "Remus, t's not your fault. I let it get to me."

"My Darling, I'm still having trouble understand what 'it' is. I know you've tried before, but can you try and explain again? Because I can't keep doing this. My Lovely, I can't keep arguing with you. It hurts too much."

Perhaps it wasn't the best wording, but you knew what he meant.

"I'm sor—"

He cut you off, "Don't apologize."

You nodded.

"It's like there's this—" You took a deep breath. You had to tell him, no matter how scary it was.

"He used to call me his precious pearl," You started, looking down into your laps where your hands rested, "And I was his. He trapped me for years, and I became his."

Remus didn't like hearing that, but he put his anger aside.

"He changed me, Remus." You looked into his soft, lovely amber eyes. He wasn't judging you.

"Do you know how pearls form?"

He looked at you with confusion and shook his head.

"When an oyster comes in contact with a foreign substance, it traps and covers it with the same stuff that makes its shell. As time goes on, this material—the one that makes the shell—builds and creates a pearl."

Remus slowly nods, "Okay."

"Well, when this process occurs naturally, it doesn't hurt the oyster." You look back down into your lap, "But there are pearl farms where harvesters will cut the oyster and insert irritants." You looked back at him, "Pearls are formed to defend the oyster. When this process happens artificially, it usually hurts the oyster because the harvesters do it with little care."

Remus nodded again, "You know I'm very interested in the things you enjoy talking about, but I'm not sure if this is the right time to be talking about pearls."

"Just wait. It has to do with this, okay?"

When he nodded, you kept speaking. "So, I'm like an oyster, and he was like a pearl farmer. There's this part of me that I call 'The Pearl,' it helps protect me, but not in the right way. Before he could take the pearl, I left, and now I'm trying to remove it, but it's hard and it hurts. It hurts so much." You hoped you were making sense. "Now, I'm with you, and I love it. I love this relationship so much, Remus. I do. And I love you, you're so gentile and you don't even want to make a pearl from me, but I've got one, and it hurts, and I don't know how long it'll take to remove it—I don't know if I can remove it."

Remus was starting to understand. "So, The Pearl, it makes you—" He was very careful with his words, "It created chaos?"

"Mhm"

"As a ... defense mechanism?"

You nodded, "It's because I'm not used to being in such a calm relationship. It feels unnerving, so The Pearl is telling me to create the explosions 'cos that's how it's "s'posed" to be, and then you'll leave, and—" Your inhale was shaky, "And then I turn into a harvester and The Pearl is happy with that because I don't get hurt."

He was quick to respond, "You will never become a harvester, and I won't leave." He shook his head to himself, "I won't ever leave you."

You looked at him with adoration, "Even though I've got a pearl?"

"Even though you've a pearl," He confirmed. "We can work on extracting it together, okay? How's that sound?"

Your heart felt so warm and so full, "That sounds nice."

He curtly nodded and stood up, "You want a cwtch?"

"The bowl," You whispered.

He smiled softly, "I cleaned it up—while you were thinking earlier."

Remus told you his stupid joke as he held you. You felt safe as you laughed, saying: "I do have lots of skeletons in my closet, though. That okay?"

He smiled, "I love spooky shit."

It made you laugh harder.

Maybe you could finally wave your white flag of surrender.

No more war, no more pearls.

Thank you for reading, my lovelies

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