"Surprise!" Baz Singsongs. "It's Your Ex-boyfriend And His Boyfriend And That Girl You Never Liked Very

The Onion pulling zero fucking punches.

Reblog if you're queer, have ADHD, or hate the government.

Nobody needs to know which one.

second grade fire safety psa voice: now firefighters may look scary. firefighters look like the devil. when you see a firefighter, you might think, “aaah, this is a cyclops, like the one that killed my dad, and now it’s here to kill me too”, and you might want to kill the firefighter,

No but imagine having to go on a quest with the prince you are sworn to protect, the queen of a different court who has a crush on aforementioned prince and the prince likes her back, and a prisoner who happens to be your ex, and both of you still have feelings for each other but you were on opposite sides of a war. The awkward situations fictional characters get into istg.

Wanted: Dog Walker

6k words /// Rated G /// Louis/Harry

Louis needs a dog walker. 

Harry answers the ad. 

Written for @1dreversebang with art by @kingsofeverything

who’s the songbird and who’s the snake?

The joke is that adult Snow is going to spend the rest of his life thinking that Lucy Gray was his femme fatale, but actually young Coriolanus was her femme fatale.

At the worst point in her life this pretty boy shows up with a rose & then cares for her as best his limited resources allow. She finds out he’s gone hungry too, that his family doesn’t have much to eat, but he’ll give her what food he has anyway. He risks his life for her, gives her his most cherished memento of his mother. Says and does all these sweet things, treats her like she’s precious. It all adds up and she comes to trust him–when she says trust is harder for her than falling in love!–despite her wariness & believes in him to the extent that she writes him a song with the line saying he’s “pure as the driven snow” (482) & then… 😬

When he slipped up and said he’d killed 3 people instead of the 2 justifiable ones she knew about, it must have been like she was suddenly in a gd Horror movie. Or the end of a Film Noir, when the femme fatale takes her pearl handled revolver out and points it right at the hero’s heart. Her sweet boy transforming into a beast right in front of her eyes.

Who was the songbird and who was the snake? Lucy Gray tells him “I want you to know I don’t really believe you’re here for grades or glory. You’re a rare bird, Coriolanus.” (127) And she liked his singing. “Was that you I heard singing? … I liked your voice.“ (143). It comforted her in an otherwise completely horrific experience. From his pov she was his pretty, sweet songbird who turned into a snake; from her pov, he was hers. I find her pov more convincing, since Coriolanus does the traditional femme fatale thing and "proves untrue,” whereas Lucy Gray was always true to her word.

I super dig the aesthetic, the tragedy, the fact that we get the femme fatale’s pov as he tries to justify himself and pretend Lucy Gray was the one who proved untrue. The poignancy of her falling for someone as they are in the process of becoming someone very different. Because, in the end, he wanted control and comfort more than love and truth. 

it HAS to be gay, come on

why else would she write this line???

KAZZLE DAZZLE: The fandom nickname for Kaz Brekker, due to his sparkling personality.

Actually no I’m so not done talking about how rigged the quell was. Because I’ve seen people referring to it as “hunger games all stars.” That was 1000% intentional. Not only is it these weirdly coincidental duos that are reaped together (even from districts with tons of victors). For instance, a brother and sister duo, and two different known couples- it’s ALSO people who won their own games by extraordinary means. It IS the all stars, anyone who poses the biggest threat to the capitol. To eliminate all but one would be to eliminate any threat of the capitol’s fall. All of them arguably have the most reason for rebellion as well- it was a truly genius move that probably would’ve worked if it weren’t for Plutarch’s plan.