I Keep Thinking About How Ivan Wanting To Be Used—“consumed”—by Till Is So Indicative Of His

I keep thinking about how Ivan wanting to be used—“consumed”—by Till is so indicative of his view on the world, and I don’t just mean his low self-esteem. 

Ivan has a very pessimistic outlook on his life as a human pet, understandably so, and it doesn’t seem like he believes that he can ever radically change his circumstances but only make them temporarily more bearable by complying with the Segyein’s demands. This is why he was initially fascinated and later fell for Till, because of his rebelliousness and willingness to stand up for himself and fight back, something that Ivan does not believe he can ever do. But we do see Ivan doing this when he decides to go behind the Segyein’s backs and free Till from their punishments, we see this culminate into Ivan wanting to escape fully with Till during the meteor show scene. Till brings out hope in Ivan.

However, this is where the disillusionment begins, because Till turns back, and Ivan follows because he loves Till and doesn’t want to leave him behind in that cage, but also because he's associated that feeling with him. They go back, and nothing changes. They’ve reentered the loop and cannot truly move forward. The best Ivan can do for himself is play the role he’s been given, and the best he can do for Till is to help him whenever he’s been punished. Ivan watches as Till’s rebelliousness is twisted by their oppressors into something marketable for the masses, just like all other areas of their lives. If Ivan is destined to be exploited and inevitably tossed aside once he can no longer be profited off of, then he at least wants to be torn apart by the one he adores and holds most dear. This is the last bit of hope Till can extract from Ivan, one last rebellious act towards the ones that have harmed him, releasing him from this cycle. He looks at Till and thinks, “I want you to kill me before the world does.”