Book Review: Stolen Focus By Johann Hari

What’s the purpose of worrying when God always works things out for me

Coachella 2024 🌴

You’re allowed to do things simply because you want to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your behavior.

Please read this

three things on your mind?

We all know that when you start becoming more disciplined and start working on yourself to become a better person, you won't see the results immediately but what people fail to tell you is that sometimes it will take multiple years for you to appreciate the full results of all your hard work. Things won’t fall into place instantly, and expecting your life to change overnight is only setting yourself up for disappointment. Real progress takes lots of time, effort, and patience. At times you might feel as though you're working your fingers to the bone for very little in return or as if things are getting worse instead of better. This is not the case, you will definitely get to where you want to be but you always have to keep working towards your goals and the gains will come to you when you least expect it. Discipline is the foundation of self-improvement; you can’t depend on fleeting bursts of motivation to make lasting changes in your life. You need to build strength and discipline to push past the excuses and take consistent, purposeful action, even when it feels hard. It’s about showing up for yourself day after day. True strength lies in doing what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it—which, more often than not, will be the case.

There will be times when you must decide between staying true to yourself and pursuing personal success. Your own preferences, values, beliefs, and identity might conflict with the actions or compromises required for personal success. People’s perceptions, judgments, and decisions are deeply influenced by their personal experiences, emotions, and biases—far more than we often assume. Regardless of their position, whether they are experts, leaders, or authority figures, they remain human, shaped by their own worldviews, insecurities, and subconscious inclinations. Their preconceived notions about you will significantly influence the outcome, even in cases when it should solely depend on your actual competence. As an example - I think that investing into your looks and making sure you look beautiful before stepping out into the world is incredibly important as a woman. Beauty is power but not entirely your own, and the kind of beauty that can be used to your advantage depends on how others see it and that's just a fact. There are many types of beauty and it’s important to think about the kind of beauty that’s most celebrated in your surroundings. For instance, the industry I’m in doesn’t appreciate any intentional attention to personal style—that's just how it is. Complaining about something I can't change or forcing others to accept me as I am is only going to hold me back from valuable opportunities and hurt my future prospects when I could just accept it as it is and profit.

You can't really expect things to be always going smoothly if you want your life to change drastically. Growth happens when you step outside what feels familiar, take risks, and challenge yourself to embrace the discomfort that comes with progress. It's essential to embrace and get really comfortable with the idea of change, because without it, your life won’t evolve. It's not going to feel good to give up old habits, resist temptation of short term pleasures and overcome instant gratification, step out of your comfort zone, spend hours on tedious tasks, severe ties with people you've known all your life, face your biggest insecurities, put your hard-earned money into your personal growth, or unpack your inmost pent up feelings and years of trauma. It's scary, it's difficult and it's uncomfortable. But if you want to build yourself a good life, it's absolutely necessary and there's no doubt you'll need to make certain sacrifices on the way. People often place too much emphasis on the end results, neglecting the journey itself, when in reality, it should be the other way around. The true value lies in the process, in the growth and learning that happen along the way and the results will naturally follow. Brianna West said it best when she said your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. If you want your life to transform, you embrace change.

You will disappoint people you care about when you put yourself first.

Perspectives shifts to make peace with this:

• Disappointment is unavoidable; it’s part of being human.

• Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you care less about others.

• You can’t pour from an empty cup—your well-being matters.

• People who truly care will understand your need for boundaries.

• Disappointment is temporary; resentment from overgiving lasts longer.

• Prioritizing yourself sets an example for others to do the same.

• Your worth isn’t tied to how much you sacrifice for others.

• Saying “no” to others is saying “yes” to yourself.

• You’re responsible for your happiness, not their expectations.

• Growth often feels uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for a fulfilling life.

When it comes to family (as many such cases):

• Family expectations can feel heavier, but you’re still allowed to set boundaries.

• Disappointing them doesn’t mean you don’t love them—it means you’re human.

• Your needs matter, even if they don’t always align with family traditions or values.

• You can explain your choices, but you’re not responsible for their feelings.

• Loving your family doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

• Putting yourself first can strengthen relationships by reducing resentment.

• Healthy boundaries lead to healthier family dynamics over time.

• It’s okay to grow in a direction that feels right for you, even if they don’t understand.

• You are not obligated to meet everyone’s expectations—family or not.

• Peace comes from accepting that love & disappointment can coexist.

YOU DO NOT HEAL BY UNDERSTANDING YOUR TRAUMA

You heal by feeling safe enough to stop repeating it

Not reverting to your old coping mechanisms anymore is how you break the cycle

You want to understand because understanding gives the illusion of control

When we go through pain our mind kicks into overdrive trying to make sense of it. It’s the mind’s way of saying If I can figure this out, I can prevent it from happening again

Sometimes there isn’t a logical answer that will make the pain go away because it had nothing to do with you. And trying to intellectualize everything can become a way to avoid feeling the things that actually needs to move through the body

We try understanding because it’s less scary than sitting in the unknown. Stop trying to solve everything like a puzzle and instead start soothing the part of us that feels afraid, abandoned, unworthy etc

You don’t need another explanation

You need a hug

A deep breath

A new boundary

Or someone who looks at you and tells you that it wasn’t your fault

Because it wasn’t 🤍