KDJ Is Like The Tamagotchi That KimCom Are Collectively, Struggling Desperately To Keep Alive.

to write on the wall

arise, hero / get up, yoo joonghyuk!

Joel goes through so much

Malevolent inspired AU where instead of Shen Yuan taking over Shen Qingqiu's body entirely Shen Jiu still controls the eyes and every cultivation aspect. Do they hate it? yes. Do they have a choice? no. I hope they annoy each other so much they explode before finding a different body for Shen Yuan

They become codependent and annoyingly inseparable later dw

If some of the expressions are weird I'm trying to convey that SJ controls the eyes and the general area around it so that would match his expression while everything else is SY. Which I think would make great comedy material because SQQ would be glaring daggers at LQG but also, with genuine excitement, talk about this new beast he found

idk if y'all remember that instance when yoo sangah decided to read all of dokja's memories, a move which made a lot of people hate her, but, here's my take on that: yoo sangah is a person who knows how to take risks, or at least she tries to know how to assess them correctly, and, you know, to have a relationship it is necessary to take those risks, especially if you want to get closer to someone else, if you want to let them know you're there for them. Then, what if the person you wanted to get closer to and so badly understand is Kim Dokja? The guy who's so deeply ashamed of himself he has to hide behind a wall, the guy who feels so proud of not letting anyone get to know him because he believes no one can nor will ever understand him so it's better to push them away, the coworker who paired up with you on your first interview, the coworker who kept quiet while you put pepper onto the coffe machine and even took the effort to move the cameras so that they wouldn't fire you, he, the one who talks to you without the intention to get something back nor seeing you as an object, and who also seems to be okay with you despite feeling so distant, Dokja, Kim Dokja, your dear friend.

And then he sacrifices himself. Over and over again. What would you do then? Yoo Sangah can't just stand there doing nothing, watching him suffer silently. She's an empath, she wants to be there for people, and he's her friend, she has to do something about it, let him know all KimCom is there for him, that she's there for him, but he's being so stubbornly distant with everyone. It is also at this point of the novel where Dokja's debating whether to tell them that they're all characters of a novel, and therefore being much more distant. What is there to do for yoo sangah? It's a desperate situation, and such desperate times require bigger risks to take in for the relationship; to read dokja's memories is dangerous, it is to overstep his boundaries and privacy, dokja may never want to talk to her again, because it is a betrayal in itself. Yoo sangah knows all of this, but she's willing to take the risk, for him. It is incredibly selfish as well, but it is the only way out for her, the only way she feels she can reach out to him beyond that wall.

There's nothing you or I can do

so let the stars fall

'Cause from up here the sky's my thoughts

and we're all so small

Lately i can't stop thinking about shen yuan botched transmigration into pidw.. it's too late in the novel, shen qingqiu arc ended LONG ago and bingge has a harem, so with no body to take over, he just lingers around bingge as a ghost.

Binghe slashing at him with xin mo: what wretched spirit are you!?

Shen yuan floating above the emperors throne: I don't want to be here either!

No one else can see or hear shen yuan, and sy is bound to stay close to binghe. Eventually binghe sees that shen yuan is always praising him and warning him against attacks and giving him important information

Binghe: I see your purpose now, though this lord still does not understand why the heavens bestowed a helper who resembles a ... male whore

Shen yuan bashfully pulling down his shorts to cover more of his thigh: i-i can't help it if this is what I died in!

rereading the lee jihye cinema scene is really making me think about the parallels between kim dokja and lee jihye in ways that are so evil. like the point of this scene is lee jihye grappling with her trauma from killing na bori with kim dokja's help, with him telling her that its true she did a terrible thing but that all that matters now is she lived, and that she has to continue living. "Atone for the rest of your life or live a garbage life. Just somehow survive!"

lee jihye did something horrible to someone who loved her deeply in order to survive. the fact that na bori gave up her life willingly doesn't ease lee jihye's guilt - she still feels as though she doesn't deserve to be alive. and kim dokja feels so much compassion for her in this moment! he sees her for what she is - a terrified kid who just wanted to live - and fights for her to survive. he encourages her and empathizes with her and generally does his best to ensure she can live on even with all her guilt because he doesn't see her wanting to survive even at the cost of others as an unforgiveable crime.

which makes the fact you can see the clear parallels between lee jihye and the oldest dream here so much more heartbreaking. the oldest dream is an extension of the message that kim dokja passes onto lee jihye here - no matter what, you must somehow survive. thats what the oldest dream's existence is, a kid trying to somehow survive. that desperation is what his all powerful dreams are born out of. he pushes orv's message about living having a cost, and having to bear that cost, to its extreme - oldest dream's survival was very expensive indeed, causing incalculable suffering across universes and taking 1864 of yoo joonghyuk's lives. this is something kim dokja has to bear to keep living - its something hes unable to. orv forgives him for this, but he does not. both lee jihye and oldest dream are kids who want to live, both hurt those closest to them in the process, both are unable to live with that guilt even when absolved of it by the very person they hurt.

but where kim dokja empathizes with lee jihye, where he cares for her, where he sees her as still deserving of a future, he is unable to do so for himself. even in this very scene he is chastising himself for 'using' her, for doing what he has to to survive in an apocalypse, unable to see the irony. all of his companions have made horrible choices to survive in the apocalypse, all of them have chosen to live at an inevitable cost of someone else. and yet kim dokja holds only himself accountable for the crime of survival. it really exposes this supposed accountability for what it is - a deep self-loathing disguised. if it had been any other child sitting at that subway station, kim dokja would have understood. but because it was himself? of course he reacted with disgust and violence - look at the entire book. he's never been able to do anything else when it comes to himself! even when he cares so deeply for the others....oh kim dokja.....

magic mountain, any similarities to any past mountains is purely coincidental