Goal Slaying 101: How To Crush Aspirations One Baby Step At A Time!

Treat yourself with respect

Different forms of self-respect:

1. Eating good food. Caring for your body is a way of caring for yourself. Therefore eating nutrition food and nursing your body with the right food is very important.

2. Skincare. Your skin is a reflection of your habits (diet, skincare, etc.)

3. Movement. Every movement is important for both your body and mind. Creating a strong mind is key to self respect.

4. Reading. Being able to read and understand different stories creates a stronger mind.

5. Time for yourself. Saving time and energy for yourself will bring your life to peace. Not everyone and everything deserves YOUR attention.

Protect your peace

Half the game is getting yourself out of environments that no longer serve you & that don’t align with the life you want

bad habits that held me back for years

negative self talk: tune into your inner voice and turn mean thoughts into kind ones

prioritising comfort over progress: you have to actually do the work, then enjoy your rest and comfort (with less anxiety too)

hanging around the wrong people: you are the sum of the people you spend the most time with, choose your friends carefully

never taking responsibility: tough stuff happens to everybody, focus on what you can control (you) rather than blaming outside circumstances (not talking about trauma here obviously)

expecting praise for 'being yourself': you're good enough as you are in a spiritual sense, but if you want to be excellent at something you have to actually do the work, not just expect praise and reward for just showing up

liking the aesthetic more than the work: do you want to achieve that goal or do you just like how it looks on pinterest??? make sure you derive some level of pleasure and satisfaction from the pursuit

overthinking: seriously just tell your brain to shut up. stop over intellectualising and over thinking every single thing. find your heart to guide you and save your brain power for working on your passions...

contrary to what people may think, i’ll never be too crunchy to light a scented candle, wear perfume on a night out, occasionally enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or eat a delicious meal at a restaurant without stressing over seed oils. some things nourish the spirit more than they harm the body. and everything in moderation is more than ok. i’ve learned that constantly obsessing over what you consume, to the point where you don’t enjoy living in the moment, does more harm than good.

There is no such thing as a future you. Time is not real. Stop dreaming and just show up. Don’t make things complicated. ❤️

A few notes on indulging in media consumption

When I pay attention to what media I consume and how those make me feel, I realize some of the things I enjoy actually affect me negatively on the long run.

I enjoy listening to Miss Taylor Swift and get nostalgic about previous loves as much as anyone, but I have to realize I gain literally nothing by doing that - I only get drained.

I quite like some shows (and some high quality ones are worth watching, art puts life into perspective) but binge watching Elite will never be as valuable as sitting down to study Castillian Spanish and I have to act accordingly.

I dislike overly-dramatic tear-jerkers, victimhood-inducing news, and all types of media indirectly promoting pity parties.

Writing this as a reminder for myself, as I quite enjoy such stuff from time to time. One needs to discipline herself in terms of what she puts into her brain.

With love,

Marchesa

My fridge is filled with champagne, organic produce, green tea, and leftovers from upscale restaurants.

My shelves are filled with sensual perfumes, expensive skincare, and books on strategy, theory, and psychology.

My closet is filled with designer clothes, luxurious handbags and luggage, and sumptuous lingerie.

My bank account is filled with enough money for all my needs and desires.

My head is filled with goals, ambitions, and dreams for the future.

Hi! I have a hard time owning my feminine energy, especially within romantic relationships with men, because I’m not having children. So if I’m not going to be the one carrying and raising children, then it’s hard for me to see the equality between the 2 if I still want a soft life. Does that make sense? Can you shed some light on that?

Hi love! Personally, I don't see any validity in this take as it sounds inundated in the patriarchy and patriarchal language. The equity of men and women in a relationship has to do with their individual capabilities to emotionally support themselves and their partner through different life situations/stages and communicate with each other effectively to ensure both partners' needs are being met, boundaries are respected, and preferences are attended to out of delight, not nagging or manipulation, all while learning to work together as a team to ensure your individual life needs are being met (bills/finances, jobs and career outlook, family planning and relationships, lifestyle habits, socializing needs, etc.).

What works for every couple is different. If both parties are happy with an arrangement and it does not place one party in a position of power over the other (like financial abuse or emotional blackmail), you are in a mutually-beneficial, therefore, equitable, relationship.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "soft life," as they're many interpretations of that phrase nowadays, but a mutually-beneficial relationship is an equitable relationship. Women are not defined by their wombs or homemaking capabilities. If you choose to take on these roles enthusiastically and in a way that doesn't leave you physically, emotionally, or financially vulnerable to be controlled by your partner, more power to you.

I believe that embracing your feminine energy in romantic relationships involves implementing the following practices:

Allowing yourself to embrace the fun, creative sides of yourself and share them with others. Get dressed up in your full glam for your date nights, wear the seductive perfume and lingerie at night, make the ravishing homecooked, candlelit dinner, etc. if you desire to create beautiful shared experiences. All because YOU want to do these things, and it genuinely makes you feel good to express this creative side of yourself.

Embrace your emotional side and the ability to be vulnerable about your feelings. Once someone passes your vetting process to the point of partnership status, learn to let go and express your emotions with this person. Nothing is more satisfying to the soul than feeling safe enough to be your authentic, vulnerable self, especially after a long day of performing with a hard exterior or other experiences that make everyday life frustrating (annoying coworker, demanding work project on deadline, traffic, the grocery store being out of an item you needed, etc.). Invite deep conversations, the right to cry, laugh, express authentic joy and excitement about things you fear others might find silly or mundane, and share your fears without worrying about being judged.

Learn how to get out of your own head and get your sexual needs met. You do not owe any man any sexual acts or a performance. Sex and surrounding intimate acts should be mutually pleasurable and gratifying. Speak up for what you want. Allow the attention to be solely focused on you at times. Don't worry about how you're perceived in bed for enjoying yourself. Any man should know he's lucky to be there.

Enjoy your interests freely (and frequently) without apologizing. Don't allow someone to put you down for loving certain activities, hobbies, entertainment, etc., especially more feminine ones (such as reality TV or caring about certain music/home decor/food preferences, etc.). They're not silly because the patriarchy doesn't give them the gold star of approval. All interests that don't harm others and bring you joy are valid.

Celebrate your uniquely feminine traits, routines, and habits unapologetically. PMS, menstrual routines and energy level fluctuations, greater needs for sleep in general, strict skincare routines, nightly rituals, hair removal and nail routines, need to turn down the AC, introduce certain sex toys into the bedroom, drink less alcohol, eat differently, workout differently, the time needed to gossip with your friends and go out to chat with your women friends weekly, etc. Remember that your preferences or needs are not lesser than because of your biology. In the context of a cishet relationship, this often means learning how to not feel inferior for being biologically female as well as some socialized traits like our engrained bias to maintain broader social networks, take more pleasure in putting effort into our appearances, etc. (generalizing here, I know, don't worry).

Know this was a long reply, but I think it's super important information to keep in mind. Signed, a fellow child-free-by-choice woman who doesn't want to deal with the stress of anyone else's B.S. either (especially a romantic partner, what a mood-killer).

Hope this helps xx

why are you repeating a pattern you want no part in? remember who you are.

Brainwash yourself with good habits. You need to do it the way you would train a dog - fetch the stick and get a treat.

I love listening to music but I also wanted to start listening to podcasts. I have to go to work everyday, and I prefer to drive myself to work and back.

I know that if I make myself listen to podcasts both drives, the habit will last not more than 3 days.

But if I make myself listen to a podcast on the way to work; and listen to my favourite music on the way back home to de-stress and relax; now that’s a healthy compromise. And it works for the long term.

The same goes with social media. I deleted all social media from my phone. I don’t have Facebook, Instagram, or even tumblr on my phone. The YouTube account that I keep on my phone has been very consciously kept; I only allow the algorithm to show me educational stuff like podcasts, history videos, news, psychology, stuff like that. Absolutely no entertainment. I keep all my social media (and my “fun” YouTube account which is basically Korean mukbangs and all sorts of useless beauty hauls that I honestly love to watch) on another device - my iPad, which I use for work. I check out what’s happening on tumblr or YouTube or Pinterest when it’s my lunch break or a coffee break. That’s another healthy compromise that works for me.

Going cold turkey with anything - stopping something addictive like smoking or drinking or suddenly starting a plethora of new habits- doesn’t work. You’ve restricted your mind and body so much that you keep remember the good old days where you drank like a whale and sat on the couch watching rubbish and you glamorise, romanticise and reminisce those times. Now you’re in that dangerous red zone where you know that if you see that bottle or the packet of chips, your body is going to reach for it before your mind can intervene.

Aim for long-term, sustainable albeit small habits, rather than complex overnight habits.