OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM!

i want a guy who is an avid reader of the onion and has been for many years. it’s his only news source, he doesn’t look at anything else. he is not aware that it’s satire. then i want to study how this guy views and interacts with the world. will he be a chaotic himbo? or a dangerously insane man?

Every day some fucking newspaper publishes another fucking article like "Studies show, When it comes to your health, bread is as bad as ten million gummy bears." And it's just a fucking lie!

The study was bad! It has an n of 20! Even if it was a good study, you're misinterpreting the results! And if it was a good study, and you understood the results, it's just one study! None! Of! This! Means! Anything!

gonna start using this rothko card deck for divination

being non-binary is sooooo exhausting... everyone wants a piece of you, you’re hot, you’re funny, you’re cooler than ice cold, you dress impeccably... smash that reblog button if you too think non-binary people deserve to be given 1000000 dollars in cash.

Let's write a C++ program together. I'll start us off.

int main() {

ITS LATE AT NIGHT AND YOU CANT SLEEP THE ROOM IS TOO COLD AND THE BLANKETS ARE TOO HOT YOUVE TOSSED AND TURNED FOR HOURS YOU HERE A SCRAPING SOUND AND I SCRAMBLE THROUGH YOUR WINDOW BEFORE YOU HAVE TIME TO SCREAM I SHOVE SEVERAL NUTRITIOUS ORANGE SLICES IN YOUR MOUTH I HAND YOU A SKATEBOARD AND A WW2 ERA SHOTGUN COVERED IN RUNES AND BONES DUCT TAPE AND CRAYONS I KICKFLIP OUT INTO THE NIGHT MOTIONING FOR YOU TO FOLLOW "SADDLE UP FUCKO WERE GOING NIGHTMARE HUNTING"

Sorry kitten, Daddy has been reduced to a ghost of the man you loved by the vulgar demands of capitalism

equal rights for women will never truly be achieved until we have more female noir detectives

Finally, a client who understands