How A Submissive Leads

If this isn't a reason why everyone should learn Bachata, I can't imagine what would be.

‘ I want to dance like this with my girlfriend

Stupid Wife

Read this.

How to get your Sub in subspace, a guide for beginners

 Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, actually very, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the “high” is all about and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor! (Also known as leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy!)

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into your brain to reduce your sensitivity to pain (thus raising your pain threshold.) The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured ‘loads’ is a key to understanding how to ‘play’ the body to produce these ‘loads’ and ‘release’ them into the body and brain region when the ‘load’ is ready. One has to keep in mind that another chemical – adrenalin – is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section at the end on aftercare – which is a VERY essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort, as you will see.

The endorphin ‘loads’ as they are available in the body are released in their entirety, and after a ‘load’ is released, it takes the body about ten minutes to generate the chemicals for another one. After the body has been induced to release (or ‘inject’) a ‘load’ into the system, you must then continue stimulating the body for at least ten minutes in some manner before the body will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling or flogging, light caning, etc. – and it does not have to be intense or even nearly match the intensity of stimulation that had caused the release of the last ‘load.’

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five minute span up to a measured ‘climax’ will trigger the body to release the freshly prepared ‘load’ (based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, “measured” to push them over a new edge.)

So, armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s point of view? This should break it down for you.

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive, and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! There is an endorphin reserve already in place that is awaiting release into one’s body in case of an emergency, and after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, this reserve ‘load’ is released, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises and the subject can easily tolerate what earlier may have been pushing their limits, making them jump around and squirm, for instance. This new, more pain tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet – but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top it’s basically just about treading water for ten minutes and doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to prepare/create their next ‘load’ for release. This is a good time for sensation play, or light paddling, flogging or whipping – and since the only requirement is that it remain fairly constant stimulation, it is a chance for the top to relax for a bit, since the stimulation can be very mild and be easy and relaxing to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10–15 seconds or so of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly made, current load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at  Level Two – with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit!), but there is a considerable  and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, again, ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation to provoke the body into generating the next load as quickly as possible. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack, etc. every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenalin build up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Take it easy, tops, relax, rest that arm and wrist a bit! Then, this relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level, as the bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high already now and they can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being ‘in crisis’ and thus triggers the endorphins’ release. Finished off with 10–15 seconds (up to a minute) of a real intense, over the edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at  Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit ‘woozy’ — exhibiting a “mildly drugged” state. Their eyelids should become heavier seeming, and they will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, with more low moans and groans, and with their inhibitions becoming more relaxed. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation (don’t have to work hard, tops!), followed by a five minute build to a 10–15 second intense climax now that is WELL beyond the previous one, will result in the next endorphin “load” being released to push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there will be a very definite altered state of consciousness in evidence, and the bottom will feel clearly drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenalin they have received so far (from the intense climax just used to push them over this “edge”), so they are still quite communicative and their reaction time is still quick (even hypersensitive – a small whack with a paddle, cane or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body with certain bottoms.) Now, during the ten minute ‘treading water’ period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in it’s restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder ‘strikes’ will be obvious and even somewhat amplified. This is the tops finest time – they can still relax and obviously not be exerting themselves very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from their bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high, even if the reaction time is increased due to the adrenalin, so harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

After this ten minute “endorphin replenishment” period, now it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as you begin that five minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit pushing you might do with the bottom for this session (if you are stopping at level five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy (in spite of the adrenalin-fueled reaction times) and less able to communicate their safe word – in fact, will now be so compliant that it is very UNLIKELY that they would use it even if they should do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with your bottom! At the other end of the 10–30 second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the ability to take just about anything you could throw at them. They will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness now.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak them in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare … and unless you know your bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those in that category of knowing their bottom’s limits and abilities quite well, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, your ‘mild’ stimulation could be fairly intense if you wanted it to be, and the bottom will become extremely submissive – and receptive – and accepting of any amount of stimulation you could lay on them. This is a dangerous condition, because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition – they can barely talk at all! So, it is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too too (Note: the stronger intensity applied now will hold up the adrenalin levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so they’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. More on adrenalin in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10–15 second extreme point, and the next ‘load’ will be released. So, now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing  Level Six! (But, again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known! The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable, in most cases by this time, so care must be exercised this whole while.)

With all the adrenalin now in the body – as well as the complete release of inhibitions from the heavy dosing of endorphins now in their brain – behavior of the bottom can become unpredictable at this point, and you should be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing that could take place (at least be out of harm’s way!) The person/bottom is going to be in such an intensely altered state of consciousness now that their reactions could possibly be of an extremely primitive nature, and they may be capable of only 'animal-like’ noises and reactions, and no or very little recognizable speech. So, watch out! Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal – very gently, talking soothingly and gesturing in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden wild jerking, or seeming attempts to 'get away.’ And don’t take it personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, they are enjoying every millisecond of this experience! And a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for them – if their aftercare is handled properly!

So, why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenalin into their system, and adrenalin is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important now because of they way adrenalin burns off – it burns off very quickly – compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenalin in the body that it will take 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (even up to half an hour!), and during this time, the bottom very likely will experience a number of adrenalin 'crashes’ (similar in a way to coffee jags), and some of these can be very intense — and even quite frightening! They will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenalin burn-off. My feeling is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to enjoy cuddling and caressing with them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenalin levels! (Or even perhaps to a Level Four!)

This adrenalin “crash” experience for the bottom is something many, many tops are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, loving, fondling and comforting aftercare during this time. All the bottom needs now is to be held and to hold you (or whoever you assign to perform aftercare) back – in order to be comforted by your presence, and to be allowed to make you become the entire focus of their awareness. No stroking, or massage, or other stimulus is needed or even desirable at this time. What is important is to keep in verbal contact with the bottom (not requiring words as responses, merely nods), instructing them every little while to relax. The adrenalin will have them in a very agitated state – high heart beat and breathing levels, etc. – and this situation is completely counter to the endorphin experience.Sure, they have a ton of endorphins in their system, but the adrenalin is presently holding them off from experiencing the full effect of them. The top’s guidance is extremely important at this time to help them relax through the adrenalin burn-off period.

The important thing to realize is that, if not actually 'talked down’ out of the adrenalin agitation, the person could easily never allow themselves to relax enough to even feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in their system! (Maybe you’ve all seen the bottom who, after 45 minutes to an hour of intense stimulation to the point of near-total collapse on the cross or bench, is released and – after a mere couple of minutes – is just mingling around and talking and mixing with people as if nothing ever happened. These people are floating on a self sustained adrenalin buzz. This not only is likely to be unhealthy, but these bottoms are cheating themselves out of a long, long stretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy!)

Step-By-Step Aftercare Instructions

So, while gently holding the bottom and letting them hold you back, coo softly and comfort them, and tell them to go ahead and to let themselves relax. You will feel them do so as they comply to your wishes, as they are quite docile and compliant to receiving instructions at this point. But they will also slowly tense up again from the adrenalin. Keep reminding them to relax, telling them to give themselves permission to relax totally. As they begin to succeed at doing this after a while, some will encounter a frightening feeling, which some describe feeling as if 'falling off a cliff,’ and they will tense up a great deal from fright in that event. Or, they might encounter a feeling of intense 'blackness’ (as the endorphins get a chance to relax even their optic nerve) and they will freak out and pull back from relaxing again.

If they report such experiences (or even before they do) tell them not to fear that, but to let it go and pass through it – telling them to relax themselves through the sensation of falling or blackness with the understanding that this is quite normal and is a common experience. Once they do that, having learned to “relax through it”, they will be “in it” after that point, and will begin to relax very deeply, very often seeing colors and beautiful technicolor visions and dreamlike landscapes, spaces and places. How sweet!

Once this happens (which, again, will take at least 10 minutes — and up to a half hour for some, depending on the amount of adrenalin that they must burn off), then your bottom needs only a little more loving attention, and can then be left bundled in a blanket somewhere on their own to float in a happy bubble, very possibly for hours!

Tops should be mindful of the fact that if they had intended to have sexual play with their bottom, they should probably fit that in around level three or four, for after hitting level five, their bottom may be too floaty to be able to concentrate for long on what they are doing. Then again, that can sometimes result in extremely passionate and inhibition-free indulgence, resulting in heights of ecstasy and orgasm never before experienced. But, if your bottom drifts out on you or loses their erection, don’t say I didn’t warn you! There’s no telling which way they will go at level 5 or 6!

“Flying”

There is another factor that can produce an altered state of consciousness FAR FAR beyond even that of the most extreme endorphin experience. This is experienced by submissives whose intense focus upon their Master or Mistress (their Dominant) – and upon pleasing them – eventually leads to a hallucinogenic kind of altered state known commonly in the BDSM community as “flying,” having an almost mythological aura surrounding the word by now, though for very good reasons! It is probably the most profound experience one can have as a submissive. It involves a state of intense devotion towards the dominant (who is not just a mere “top” at this point!) that borders upon religious worship, with complete trust and a total commitment to please and satisfy them thoroughly. Through the attainment of a complete selflessness and focus on the dominant, a transformation takes place that is very, very deep, almost trance-like.It can become so profound as to produce an extended, hallucinogenic state that is very wonderful and blissful. Many have reported even seeing visions under the spell of this “flying” effect. All have attested to the profound sense of peace and bliss they have experienced while even near the “edge” of this state.

This “flying” state can be attained by some with very little endorphin content in their system (some say even with none, but I’m quite certain most folks have attained at least a level Three or Level Four endorphin high in order to trigger the total release of inhibitions which this psychological state seems to require, at least generally speaking.) With practice, the release into this “flying” submissive-space should come easier and easier, eventually with even a mere suggestion being able to trigger the effect for some with very little or even no endorphin content being in the picture. COMBINED with the level 5 or 6 endorphin head space, there likely can be no deeper state of ecstasy possible for the bottom — short of total enlightenment! Until such an experience of full enlightenment can be accomplished, perhaps the attainment of this interim bliss is quite acceptable, and certainly should be considered an attractive and enjoyable state to be in! The secret ingredients are intense focus; a commitment to please the dominant utterly; and complete and total devotion! These ingredients – with some endorphins in the mix – should produce a quite satisfying effect for both the submissive and the dominant!

(Disclaimer — I am not a medical doctor, I assume no responsibility for people who try to use this information or for the effects which may arise from the application of the information above. As resulting from my personal knowledge, research and experiences, I can, however, assure you that this information is completely accurate to act as a guide for those exploring these effects as part of their own BDSM explorations.)

One of the reasons I took up dancing.

Options to consider. 

Consider others input but make sure you are the one deciding on what you want to do and are comfortable doing. Be comfortable in your own skin. :)

Steps to Becoming a Bimbo

So, I have posted some different thoughts on bimbo and what I think means to be a bimbo. A lot of the responses I have received is that a bimbo is whatever you and your man want it to be. So, with that thought in mind, I have decided to post what I think a bimbo is, along with steps that I took and am taking to become a bimbo. Some of these steps I took before I decided to become a bimbo. So, with further ado here is what I think of a bimbo. I think a bimbo is a naturally happy girl who is submissive. She appears ditzy and unintelligent as she is more focused what brings her pleasure than scholastic endeavors. She is focused on her looks and is always trying to look sey that she is willing to put herself through plastic surgery to fix any flaws she might have, And finally, she is a girl, she epitomizes stereotypical feminity. So now that we know what we are looking for, we can now figure how to reach that goal. So here are MY steps to becoming a bimbo.

1. Smile more…I had a picture recently that goreanmann(another great blog), tifhat said nothing sexier than a great smile. I could not agree  more, but a smile is not all, what does the smile represent. it should indicate…

2. Cheerfulness…So, gret you are smiling, but if the smile is one that I am going to slit your throat, well that is not really bimbo, so just be happier. Do things that will make you smile

3. Worry less…Become more oblivious to the worries of the world, this kind of goes with step 2

4. Focus on what brings you pleasure. Again this goes with number 2, but even if what you want to do is may get slightly ridiculed do it anyway if it makes you happy, and employ step 3 and just not worr what others think.

5. Say Yes..Now I am ripping off AnniDoll’s blog…I was going to say try new things but saying yes helps on two fronts…One it helps you find new things to bring you pleasure and two it makes you more submissive…Again, you may need to use step 3 if it is something that you are uncomfortable with.

6. Giggle, not laugh…Now that we have worked on part of the personality, let us try some behavior things. Instead of laughing, just let out a giggle instead. A giggle is a softer more girlish version of a laugh, you know it when you hear, and try and giggle more, see step 2.

7. Make up…Now I know some expect me to say, start applying your make up like a whore, but no, you want to take small steps, start with a little more, or if you don’t wear any at all, just add a little bit of blush, maybe a tinge of gloss.

8. Knickers…So we are feeling beautiful on the outside, you would expect that continue. But no, in my experience I feel that it can be uncomfortable to dress as a slut at first but no one know what sort of naughty girl you are if you start wearing sexy knicker first.

9. Exercise/Diet…This is more of an option step.. Let us say you are comfortable wearing some more revealing things but do not have the body for it…So just tone up, you want to look your best so treat your body right…Plus you will have more energy to be happier

10. Dress/Skirts…Skirts and dress are decidely female clothes, so start adding them to your wardrobe, and even wear stockings, underneath for that sexy look

11. Heels…Now that we are in a skirt, let us done some heels. Heels make your legs and bum look better. Start small if you are not use to wearing them. I have a post in my bimbo writing that kind of glosses over how to walk in them.

12. More Makeup…So, here we are, a knee length skirt some heels, stockings and possible a cute blouse. Our face is a little done up, we just need to add little more make up, really gloss those lips, add some eye shadow etc

13. Revealing outer wear..Now we can get to some of the more clothes, nothing to extreme, but maybe that knee length skirt becomes an inch or two short, that blouse loses a few buttons up top, or if not at work, maybe becomes a tank top that shoes a little belly and cleavage.

14. Degrading comments…This is the hard part…So here we are at a bar, wearing decent make up, rocking a mid thigh skirt, tank top, 2 inch heels and stockings. Well, that is going to attract some unsavory comments, go with step 1 2 and 3. Just smile, giggle, thank them and go on your way…Some will be usy I always recommend using my boyfriend is over there.

15. Orgasm…So far I have left off anything actual sexual…The reason for this is I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin…So now that you can take damn girl you got a nice arse, I think you feel good about yourself…so start, some of you may already have one, a routine of orgasming twice a day, three times if you can manage it..I always orgasm at least twice a day…once in the morning and once at night…If you do it in the morning, it make the entire day just happy.

16. Porn/Sex toys…So let us say you are fairly inexperienced in sex, just a few romps with some boyfriends that left you not to excited about sex…Watch porn, study, see some of the stuff that they do, if you have a boyfriend watch it with him…maybe you can try some stuff see if that excites you. I listed toys as part of the orgasm, if you having trouble with getting off with your fingers try some toys…

17 Accessorize…Now we get to doll ourself up like we did our barbies as a child…Some of you may wonder why this is so far down the list…so what if I am wearing some bracelets or ear rings…Well when I think of accessories I think of more body modification sort…Such as ear rings but maybe have a belly ring,  tongue ring, or add some extra ear rings…Stuff that is considered trendy

18. Sluttier Dressing So now we re getting more and more comfortable let step it up a notch…Wear skirts that show of the top of your stockings. wear tube tops, etc You should be proud of your body at this poin show it off.

19. Schedule appointment at salon…The reason I am doing salon, is because a lot of girl’s do not know how to do their nails, or do real heavy make up. Schedule an appointment at  salon, let them take care of you, you deserve…But while you are there ask them questions, like how do you do this what do you recommend when I do this…Most will be more than happy to answer you…(this is were I added streaks of blonde to my hair)

20. Have more sex…This is preferable with a significant other as there are some weirdos…If you have a man try and have sex once a day if you can spare it…just get use to having sex it is great for tension.

21. Learn more about sex…If you have sex once a day it can get kind of boring so spice things up, try new position, try some light bondage, spanking etc…just never let it become dull

22. Become comfortable with sex…So now that we having more and more sex and trying new things…You should already be pretty comfortable with sex so some one make a raunchy joke that normally you would have been awkward with just giggle at it, or even tell your own stories…If you bf wants his cock sucked in the mall parking lot…remember lways say yes and just do it…

23. Hair colour….Remember this is just my steps…But go ahead dye your hair something exotic remember we are doing it to look our best, so if your man like a red head go red, or whatever colour excites him.( this is where I am at)

24. Reassess…The step after this is to me one of the biggest and is the last one, so before we do it , let us make sure we can lie with being a bimbo…Can you live with people thinking that you some what slutty, can you live with people treating you like a ditz…Can you live with your man telling you. not asking but telling you to suck their cock…If yes proceed to step 25 if no reasses if you will ever be able to…Once you come to grips you can go to step 25, if you never can but are comfortable with what you are now then just live happy, or maybe change your look.

25. Extreme Body Mods. Now by extreme I do not mean getting GG sized tits but I mean go get surgery done, if you boobs to small get them up a size, need better,as goreannman puts it, thanks my man calls them this, cock pads plump them. Nose to big shrinking it. Do whatever you think will make you look pretty…Also, twat piercings and tit piercings are apart of this because these are more sexual piercings than the others. Disclaimer, I know a bimbo is submissie but this is decision that should ultimately be yours…You will be the one who has the boobs the rest of your life…Let your man hve osme input but make sure you are the one deciding.

So here are my 25 steps…I did not mean it to end up 25 I just thought of all I have done along with stuff I written down when younger….If you have any suggestiong please feel free I am certain I forgot something. or maybe did not add it to one of my posts such now that I think about it the giggling…When you do not understand something just giggle Remember the first two steps Smile and be cheerful…if being a bimbo does not amke you happy do be one…

waterbed (via)

Lately, I can't get away from thoughts of having a woman in my life who wants to explore hypno kinks. I've been listening in to files and imagining her giving herself to the training I have set up for a particular day. Imagining helping her become a happier version of herself... being proud and confident in being my woman. Anyone have any interest? Shoot me a message.

Note to you “doms”.... Understand the value to your better half when you take responsibilities in the relationship. “No” is not just “No”. It goes further and has greater value to her. Understand your responsibility to the relationship. She will love you all the more for it.

when he says no

I love begging him to extend my bedtime. I love when he says no. 

I love asking if I can buy a sugary latte. I love when he says no.

I love asking if I can skip my workout because laziness. I love when he says no.

I love begging to watch an extra hour of TV on a weeknight. I love when he says no.

I love asking if I can buy that pretty top I saw when I went to return something, even though my credit card bill is ridiculous. I love when he says no.

I don’t ask because I want to be denied. Not really. I ask because I want something I’ve always immediately granted myself. I ask because I have desires and impulses and I need to express them. And even though there’s the teeniest bit of disappointment when he says no, there is also relief and inner peace. I feel taken care of. I feel like I’m becoming a better person with improved habits. I feel healthier, happier and less stressed. No more guilt. It’s gone.

It makes his yeses so rewarding. The latte tastes sweeter. The next episode of that TV show is funnier. The top is prettier and feels worth the money.  With his permission, I can have guilt-free indulgences. I can find joy in things I’d often shamed myself for, the things you’re supposed to enjoy. That was no way to live.

 I said it before it was my reality, and I’ll say it again:

Everything just feels better when you have permission.

Your Pillow Talk is a lot of fun. Go to YourPillowTalk to have fun with pillows.

They can't help themselves... There's mistletoe after all.

Vv 💞