maverick1277

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How to get your Sub in subspace, a guide for beginners

 Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, actually very, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the “high” is all about and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor! (Also known as leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy!)

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into your brain to reduce your sensitivity to pain (thus raising your pain threshold.) The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured ‘loads’ is a key to understanding how to ‘play’ the body to produce these ‘loads’ and ‘release’ them into the body and brain region when the ‘load’ is ready. One has to keep in mind that another chemical – adrenalin – is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section at the end on aftercare – which is a VERY essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort, as you will see.

The endorphin ‘loads’ as they are available in the body are released in their entirety, and after a ‘load’ is released, it takes the body about ten minutes to generate the chemicals for another one. After the body has been induced to release (or ‘inject’) a ‘load’ into the system, you must then continue stimulating the body for at least ten minutes in some manner before the body will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling or flogging, light caning, etc. – and it does not have to be intense or even nearly match the intensity of stimulation that had caused the release of the last ‘load.’

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five minute span up to a measured ‘climax’ will trigger the body to release the freshly prepared ‘load’ (based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, “measured” to push them over a new edge.)

So, armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s point of view? This should break it down for you.

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive, and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! There is an endorphin reserve already in place that is awaiting release into one’s body in case of an emergency, and after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, this reserve ‘load’ is released, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises and the subject can easily tolerate what earlier may have been pushing their limits, making them jump around and squirm, for instance. This new, more pain tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet – but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top it’s basically just about treading water for ten minutes and doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to prepare/create their next ‘load’ for release. This is a good time for sensation play, or light paddling, flogging or whipping – and since the only requirement is that it remain fairly constant stimulation, it is a chance for the top to relax for a bit, since the stimulation can be very mild and be easy and relaxing to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10–15 seconds or so of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly made, current load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at  Level Two – with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit!), but there is a considerable  and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, again, ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation to provoke the body into generating the next load as quickly as possible. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack, etc. every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenalin build up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Take it easy, tops, relax, rest that arm and wrist a bit! Then, this relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level, as the bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high already now and they can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being ‘in crisis’ and thus triggers the endorphins’ release. Finished off with 10–15 seconds (up to a minute) of a real intense, over the edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at  Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit ‘woozy’ — exhibiting a “mildly drugged” state. Their eyelids should become heavier seeming, and they will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, with more low moans and groans, and with their inhibitions becoming more relaxed. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation (don’t have to work hard, tops!), followed by a five minute build to a 10–15 second intense climax now that is WELL beyond the previous one, will result in the next endorphin “load” being released to push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there will be a very definite altered state of consciousness in evidence, and the bottom will feel clearly drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenalin they have received so far (from the intense climax just used to push them over this “edge”), so they are still quite communicative and their reaction time is still quick (even hypersensitive – a small whack with a paddle, cane or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body with certain bottoms.) Now, during the ten minute ‘treading water’ period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in it’s restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder ‘strikes’ will be obvious and even somewhat amplified. This is the tops finest time – they can still relax and obviously not be exerting themselves very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from their bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high, even if the reaction time is increased due to the adrenalin, so harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

After this ten minute “endorphin replenishment” period, now it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as you begin that five minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit pushing you might do with the bottom for this session (if you are stopping at level five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy (in spite of the adrenalin-fueled reaction times) and less able to communicate their safe word – in fact, will now be so compliant that it is very UNLIKELY that they would use it even if they should do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with your bottom! At the other end of the 10–30 second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the ability to take just about anything you could throw at them. They will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness now.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak them in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare … and unless you know your bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those in that category of knowing their bottom’s limits and abilities quite well, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, your ‘mild’ stimulation could be fairly intense if you wanted it to be, and the bottom will become extremely submissive – and receptive – and accepting of any amount of stimulation you could lay on them. This is a dangerous condition, because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition – they can barely talk at all! So, it is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too too (Note: the stronger intensity applied now will hold up the adrenalin levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so they’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. More on adrenalin in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10–15 second extreme point, and the next ‘load’ will be released. So, now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing  Level Six! (But, again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known! The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable, in most cases by this time, so care must be exercised this whole while.)

With all the adrenalin now in the body – as well as the complete release of inhibitions from the heavy dosing of endorphins now in their brain – behavior of the bottom can become unpredictable at this point, and you should be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing that could take place (at least be out of harm’s way!) The person/bottom is going to be in such an intensely altered state of consciousness now that their reactions could possibly be of an extremely primitive nature, and they may be capable of only 'animal-like’ noises and reactions, and no or very little recognizable speech. So, watch out! Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal – very gently, talking soothingly and gesturing in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden wild jerking, or seeming attempts to 'get away.’ And don’t take it personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, they are enjoying every millisecond of this experience! And a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for them – if their aftercare is handled properly!

So, why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenalin into their system, and adrenalin is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important now because of they way adrenalin burns off – it burns off very quickly – compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenalin in the body that it will take 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (even up to half an hour!), and during this time, the bottom very likely will experience a number of adrenalin 'crashes’ (similar in a way to coffee jags), and some of these can be very intense — and even quite frightening! They will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenalin burn-off. My feeling is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to enjoy cuddling and caressing with them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenalin levels! (Or even perhaps to a Level Four!)

This adrenalin “crash” experience for the bottom is something many, many tops are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, loving, fondling and comforting aftercare during this time. All the bottom needs now is to be held and to hold you (or whoever you assign to perform aftercare) back – in order to be comforted by your presence, and to be allowed to make you become the entire focus of their awareness. No stroking, or massage, or other stimulus is needed or even desirable at this time. What is important is to keep in verbal contact with the bottom (not requiring words as responses, merely nods), instructing them every little while to relax. The adrenalin will have them in a very agitated state – high heart beat and breathing levels, etc. – and this situation is completely counter to the endorphin experience.Sure, they have a ton of endorphins in their system, but the adrenalin is presently holding them off from experiencing the full effect of them. The top’s guidance is extremely important at this time to help them relax through the adrenalin burn-off period.

The important thing to realize is that, if not actually 'talked down’ out of the adrenalin agitation, the person could easily never allow themselves to relax enough to even feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in their system! (Maybe you’ve all seen the bottom who, after 45 minutes to an hour of intense stimulation to the point of near-total collapse on the cross or bench, is released and – after a mere couple of minutes – is just mingling around and talking and mixing with people as if nothing ever happened. These people are floating on a self sustained adrenalin buzz. This not only is likely to be unhealthy, but these bottoms are cheating themselves out of a long, long stretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy!)

Step-By-Step Aftercare Instructions

So, while gently holding the bottom and letting them hold you back, coo softly and comfort them, and tell them to go ahead and to let themselves relax. You will feel them do so as they comply to your wishes, as they are quite docile and compliant to receiving instructions at this point. But they will also slowly tense up again from the adrenalin. Keep reminding them to relax, telling them to give themselves permission to relax totally. As they begin to succeed at doing this after a while, some will encounter a frightening feeling, which some describe feeling as if 'falling off a cliff,’ and they will tense up a great deal from fright in that event. Or, they might encounter a feeling of intense 'blackness’ (as the endorphins get a chance to relax even their optic nerve) and they will freak out and pull back from relaxing again.

If they report such experiences (or even before they do) tell them not to fear that, but to let it go and pass through it – telling them to relax themselves through the sensation of falling or blackness with the understanding that this is quite normal and is a common experience. Once they do that, having learned to “relax through it”, they will be “in it” after that point, and will begin to relax very deeply, very often seeing colors and beautiful technicolor visions and dreamlike landscapes, spaces and places. How sweet!

Once this happens (which, again, will take at least 10 minutes — and up to a half hour for some, depending on the amount of adrenalin that they must burn off), then your bottom needs only a little more loving attention, and can then be left bundled in a blanket somewhere on their own to float in a happy bubble, very possibly for hours!

Tops should be mindful of the fact that if they had intended to have sexual play with their bottom, they should probably fit that in around level three or four, for after hitting level five, their bottom may be too floaty to be able to concentrate for long on what they are doing. Then again, that can sometimes result in extremely passionate and inhibition-free indulgence, resulting in heights of ecstasy and orgasm never before experienced. But, if your bottom drifts out on you or loses their erection, don’t say I didn’t warn you! There’s no telling which way they will go at level 5 or 6!

“Flying”

There is another factor that can produce an altered state of consciousness FAR FAR beyond even that of the most extreme endorphin experience. This is experienced by submissives whose intense focus upon their Master or Mistress (their Dominant) – and upon pleasing them – eventually leads to a hallucinogenic kind of altered state known commonly in the BDSM community as “flying,” having an almost mythological aura surrounding the word by now, though for very good reasons! It is probably the most profound experience one can have as a submissive. It involves a state of intense devotion towards the dominant (who is not just a mere “top” at this point!) that borders upon religious worship, with complete trust and a total commitment to please and satisfy them thoroughly. Through the attainment of a complete selflessness and focus on the dominant, a transformation takes place that is very, very deep, almost trance-like.It can become so profound as to produce an extended, hallucinogenic state that is very wonderful and blissful. Many have reported even seeing visions under the spell of this “flying” effect. All have attested to the profound sense of peace and bliss they have experienced while even near the “edge” of this state.

This “flying” state can be attained by some with very little endorphin content in their system (some say even with none, but I’m quite certain most folks have attained at least a level Three or Level Four endorphin high in order to trigger the total release of inhibitions which this psychological state seems to require, at least generally speaking.) With practice, the release into this “flying” submissive-space should come easier and easier, eventually with even a mere suggestion being able to trigger the effect for some with very little or even no endorphin content being in the picture. COMBINED with the level 5 or 6 endorphin head space, there likely can be no deeper state of ecstasy possible for the bottom — short of total enlightenment! Until such an experience of full enlightenment can be accomplished, perhaps the attainment of this interim bliss is quite acceptable, and certainly should be considered an attractive and enjoyable state to be in! The secret ingredients are intense focus; a commitment to please the dominant utterly; and complete and total devotion! These ingredients – with some endorphins in the mix – should produce a quite satisfying effect for both the submissive and the dominant!

(Disclaimer — I am not a medical doctor, I assume no responsibility for people who try to use this information or for the effects which may arise from the application of the information above. As resulting from my personal knowledge, research and experiences, I can, however, assure you that this information is completely accurate to act as a guide for those exploring these effects as part of their own BDSM explorations.)

Been reading ur blog. U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like. Its fine that u love ur girl, just dont call urself a dom. Real doms show dominance, use there sub and leave her laying like the cunt slut she is. Bein all sweet, and all that does is give her power over u, which makes u not a dom.

Hi there, Anon. I almost didn’t even dignify this with a response, but I think you’ve actually given me a good opportunity to say something that new doms need to know, so kudos to you. 

First and foremost, let’s establish something right here and now: You don’t get to tell me what I am, and you are damn sure not the leading authority on what does and does not constitute a dominant. For the record, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a dom. I never even thought of myself that way until I met belovedsangi 10 years ago. I always had the characteristics of a dom, sure, but I didn’t ever put that title on myself. That title was given to me by my submissive. SHE is the one who wanted to call me Master, and Sir, and sometimes Daddy. I never told her to do these things. But of course, you probably think I am making my point for you and that if I were a REAL domly dom, I would’ve demanded those things. 

And that’s where you have a fundamental issue understanding the meaning of the title. So let me help you with that. 

A dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect. 

A dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance. 

A dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to. 

A dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him. 

A dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important. 

A dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect. 

A dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she doesn’t get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he must be prepared to fight for her with the ferocity of an alpha wolf. 

A dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, each and every day.  

A dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most can’t imagine, and a dom never loses sight of that. 

A dom understands that being a dominant is 10% privilege and 90% responsibility. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day. 

A dom is consistent. He understands that he can’t just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be. 

So what does it mean, then, to be a dom? I get the feeling that you, anon, would say that it’s all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. Helpful hint: Any jackass can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That’s not a dom. Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely have my way with belovedsangi. I love it when she kneels. I love the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex we have. I love to dominate her in the bedroom. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, gaming with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled. Those are all things that a dominant does too. 

I love my submissive more than I love oxygen. I love my submissive with a fire that can never be extinguished. I value her and respect her in every way. I treat her like a queen and fuck her like a slave. These things don’t make me weak. They don’t make me less of a dominant. These things make me stronger than you can possibly imagine. There is nothing quite so formidable as a dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely. 

Bottom line, Anon, is this: you sound like a boy playing at being a man. You decided one day that you were sick of women having willpower and a voice of their own, so you decided to call yourself a dominant and seek out some weak-willed submissive who wouldn’t talk back to you or stick up for herself. You are not a dom. You are a jackass with a whip. Classic case of toodomforyou.

Re-blogging this too as the other side of the coin for my most recent post.

Good girls etiquette

Don’t ever wear men’s clothes. Always remember you’re a girl and dress accordingly.

There is a fine line between sexy and slutty. There is a time and place for both.

Never swear and don’t talk loudly. Keep your voice down and keep it pleasant.

Never interrupt a Man while he’s talking. Wait your time. If he cuts you off stop talking and wait patiently until he’s finished before continuing.

Never talk back. If you disagree say so but in a pleasant manner. Never bitch and never complain and never accuse. Recognise when he’s made up his mind. When he’s told you his decision accept it and move on even if it didn’t go your way.

Openly disagreeing with your Man or questioning him in public shows disunity and should be avoided. Keep your disagreements private (and remember 3-5 above).

Always check in with your Man before making any decisions. Saying “I need to check with my boyfriend/husband” is a perfectly valid answer to most questions.

Be happy and be positive. Do your best to please the people around you and especially your Man. Always ask yourself what more you can do. Look for opportunities to please and be of use.

Always be polite and respectful. Say “thank you” and “please.” If you’ve done anything to upset your Man remember to say “I’m sorry.”

Ask your Man if any of the above is unclear.

I'm re-blogging this as a reminder to myself and much as it is informative to others.

Basic Rules for a Dominant

Basic rules for a Dominant

by Whips, Chains & Duct Tape on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 10:34pm ·

Basic Rules for a Dom (Not written by me)

1. The submissive’s SAFETY will always be of top priority to a wise Dominant, both physically and emotionally.

2. ALWAYS respect and honour a submissive’s safe word and never put him or her in a position to be afraid to use it.

3. Just as submission is a gift to be treasured, Domination is a talent to be mastered so BE educated and experienced at dominating BEFORE you take on the responsibility of another’s life.

4. Don’t be too arrogant to be able to listen and understand your submissive’s viewpoints and needs. You might just learn something from them. After all communication is the foundation of a strong D/s relationship and can not be obtained if it is all one sided.

5. Never punish a submissive by withholding your affection, this is emotional blackmail.

6. Provide guidance and support when needed and stay tuned in to your submissive’s moods. In return you will gain a submissive that is eager to please and serve you because they feel of value.

7. Provide your submissive with negotiated guidelines to stay within and when the submissive steps out of those guidelines CONSISTLY apply punishment.

8. Understand that just as a submissive’s trust must be earned so must a Dominant earn a submissive’s trust. This does not undermine your control but strengthens it.

9. Enjoy and use what is offered to you with kindness, harshness, pain and pleasure and have the wisdom to know when to use each one.

10. Never be too full of pride or blinded by your own “power trip” to admit when you have made a mistake and to even say “I’m sorry”. Just as no submissive is perfect for their Dominant 24 hours a day; no Dominant is perfect either.

11. Don’t be afraid to extend trust. Just as you prove that you are trustworthy only when the submissive trusts you, so you can only develop your submissive’s trustworthiness by being willing to extend trust. Failure to do so may poison the relationship, either by setting the submissive up to “cheat” or by suggesting to the sub that he or she may not *be* trustworthy, or by creating distrust for you in a reciprocal action.

12. Nurture your submissive. The more the submissive knows and can do, the more valuable your sub is to his- or herself as a person, and the more valuable his or her submission to you will become to you both. It is more satisfying to have a strong person trust you by yielding control than to have control over a person who is a “doormat.”

Let me know if you agree. I'd love to know your opinion.

An Open Letter from the Sisters in Denial

Dear Gentlemen, 

So, you’re here because you want to try Female Orgasm Denial, but you don’t know how to bring it up to your partner, or you don’t think she’ll respond well.

We’re here to help!

Print out the below or hand her your phone and let us explain the benefits instead.  

Keep reading

2500 likes!

I'm saddened

Lately, I have discovered many of the people I have been chatting with have been deceiving me. I suppose in a place where you can shield yourself behind a screen, it is expected. I'm tired of all that. I want to thank you for the conversations but I just don't have the energy for deceit. I'm not going to call anyone out directly. You know who you are.

For all of the rest, please be genuine with me.

I would have loved to seen this in person!

Happy New Year 2024 from Korea.

Year of the 🐲🐉!

If you want this too, comment Me!

Hard not to enjoy this over and over again.

And because "this cannot be reblogged often enough", I'm reblogging it.

we need more women

Our generation needs women.

Not girls who are trying to be men.

We need more women who are excited and enthusiastic about becoming wives, mothers, homemakers, and nurturers.

Not women who think that assuming these natural roles will make them weak or ignorant.

We need more women who understand the strength and empowerment that comes with embracing femininity.

We need more women who understand the value of looking soft yet having a strong heart.

We need more women who want to serve and honor their husbands in return for endless protection and cherishment.

We need women who can’t wait to begin their lives as mothers, and not see having children as the end of their youth.

We need more women who value their appearance not only for their husbands but for themselves as well.

We need more women who are not frightened by the abounding love their hearts have to give, and do not wish to suppress their natural inclination towards emotional nurturing.

We need more women who are excited to submit to their husbands, instead of constantly competing with them to be the man in the relationship.

We need more women.

Perfection

An option to consider next time he asks you to make a sandwich.

Things I never want her to question:

If I want her

If I need her

If I find her attractive

If I desire her

If I'm faithful

If I'm honest

If I think about her

If I miss her

If I feel the same

If she's a priority

If I love her

Things I'd love for her to question:

If that new notification on her phone is me

When she'll hear my voice again

When she gets to see me next

How she'd look in one of my shirts or hoodies

What my touch and caress feels like

How she would fit in my arms

How soft my lips are

How she can steal more hugs and kisses

What our song should be

Why she couldn't have met me sooner

If she's dreaming

For my stepford wives fans...

"Yes Sir!" - by PrettyMeredith

The Complete Guide to Becoming The Perfect Submissive Housewife

The 1950's American Housewife is an icon from decades past where the pinnacle of gold standards of domestic obedience had been born. For any aspiring submissives, she should be reveared as a role model; the example in which they must strive to become in order to achieve desirable success with domestic obedience. Through this guide it will be outlined all in which one must do to becone the 'Perfect Submissive Housewife'; a multiple part series that will go into great detail about adopting the lifestyle.

Roles & Responsibilities:

House Keeping - Laundry, Ironing, Bed Making, Mopping, Vacuuming, Dusting, Dishwashing, Bathroom Care, Car Washing, Preventative Maintenance, Garages Basements & Attics, Curb Appeal, Gardening

Culinary Expertise - Table Setting, Breakfast, Lunches, Tea Time, Supper, Baking, Sunday Dinner, Recipies & Cookbooks

Appearances - Hair, Makeup, Dresses, Shoes, Skirts & Blouses, Accessories, Pantyhose, Undergarments, Nightwear

Etiquette - Smile, Curtsy, Practice Silence, Be Polite, Language, Laziness

Bettering Yourself - Reading, Sewing, Knitting, Needle Point, Working Out, Natural Talents, Sitting Quietly

Subjugation:

Household Hierarchy - Domestic Superiors, Relationships, Where do I Rank?, It's a Man's World

Servitude - Obedience, Pampering, Bonding, Home Decor, Body Care & Worship, Sexual Gradification

Discipline - Spanking, Bondage, Chastity, Tickling, Bastinado, Verbal Abuse, Public Humilation

Rewards - Flowers, Gifts, A Night Off, Affection, Orgasms

Social Occasions:

Hosting - Welcoming Guests, House Parties, Holidays

Public Appearances - Shopping, Date Nights, Social Media

Private Employment - Jobs, Office Life, Working from Home Volunteering

*Disclaimer* - Domestic obedience is not for everyone. And to be clear, this is a fictional fantasy series which involves adult NSFW themes and fetishes. In other words; SMUT. So before you get your panties in a knot, do understand that none of what you just read or are about to read should be considered as more than anything but.

Furthermore, I do not have any real experience with real life submission with either professional or amateur Doms or Dominatrixs. This is purely fantasy, and should not be taken as gospel for any real kind of play or submission. Thank you and Enjoy~

I'm looking forward to the season change. Hey maybe one day, this will be the view of where I live.

This is the fun and joy I always want in my home. Who wants to dance with me?

If this isn't a reason why everyone should learn Bachata, I can't imagine what would be.

‘ I want to dance like this with my girlfriend

Stupid Wife

This is knowledge to keep front of mind. 💗

Something you should know

This post has been sitting here as a draft for several weeks now. I’ve been brewing over whether or not to post it: I am not an expert on d/s by any stretch of the imagination, and extrapolating from my limited experience to suggest that I know something about other people and their internal workings is a risky road. 

But I’m having a rough day, a messy-head kind of day. I told DD straight off - just a simple text: “I’m not myself today.” That’s kind of code for “I’m going to disappear a bit.” But I still need to feel him close, part of things, and writing does that, too. Maybe reading this will do that for him today, if he goes online, as I keep myself to myself, cocooning and quiet. So even though I didn’t write this today it seems like a good day to hit “post.” 

It goes without saying, we’re all pretty different. People are too varied in all their weird, wonderful ways to ever be reduced to a buzzfeed top 10 list, or a one-size-fits-all label and description. But I’ve read a lot of amazing, insightful things on tumblr from a lot of amazing, insightful subs. Seriously, some of the most vulnerable, brave writing I have ever seen anywhere full stop is submissives writing on this site. And I’ve had some of the most gracious and kind conversations from women who have read some of my posts and sent me private messages, and had conversations that are at once anonymous behind our avatars and still deeply supportive, gentle and smart. 

What I’ve learned is this: there’s a lot of us who seem to operate in pretty similar ways. Even when we don’t realize it. Even when we think we’re just a one-off weirdo, there always seems to be another one-off weirdo talking about the same emotion, act, coping mechanism or thought process. 

This letter is not intended to reflect what every single sub might want to tell every single dom. But I suspect that quite a few of these, if not all, apply to a lot of us. And maybe it’s helpful - for either side of the equation - to write about them. 

Dear Doms, Sirs, Daddy Doms, and other dommy types: 

There’s something you should know. Actually, there’s a lot of somethings. This is hard for us to write, because if we subby types had our way there’d be a simple User Manual we could just hand over - a list of instructions, some FAQs, and several pages of troubleshooting. Boom. You’d know everything about how we work. Simple. Easy. No scary, revealing conversations required. 

No such thing exists, but … well, we wrote THIS instead, and it’s kind of a little bit of what you might find in our User Manual, if there was one. Like we said, just some things you should know. 

Maybe you’d like to read it? No rush of course, only if you want to. We don’t want you to think we’re insisting - oh, which kinda brings us to the first one … 

1) Asking for things from you is hard. 

Remember that time when you were doing really good stuff to our girl parts and we said “please” and you said “please what” and we said “please…” and you said “tell me” and we went back and forth like that for a minute? It wasn’t a show, a game to enjoy your dominance over us (though of course, we did enjoy that part too, and we love when you make us answer you.) But we truly struggled to get the words out - just as we do when we ask for a bottle of water, or a spanking, or a clarification on how you feel about something, or any other thing big or small. 

Why? Because asking you for things - anything at all - is really hard. Asking you for things feels like trying to take over, or it feels demanding, or it feels like a suggestion that what you are already doing to us and for us is not already amazing-ten-ways-to-Sunday. 

2) We think a lot about your time. 

Sometimes we think about your time more than we think about your sexual needs, your emotional needs, or anything else. Because your time is the well from which you water us. We know that we are, ahem, “high needs.” We know that we often require the same conversations over and over. We know that we need a lot of affirmation (and re-affirmation, and confirmation, and re-confirmation, of things we have already covered.) We know that this kind of interaction requires a lot more engagement than might be required of you by someone else. We know that even the things we enjoy in bed (or over a table, or over your lap) take more time than what any of us have ever gotten in most vanilla sexual situations - a spanking alone might take more time than an entire sexual encounter for someone else, and it’s only the warm up. We know the world is busy - we know your world is busy - and we try to be careful with your time. On the flip side of the coin, we think nothing of spending extra time on things that might please you - doing our hair a certain way, carrying out a requested task, and so on - but we can’t relate that giving your time to us feels as rewarding as when we do it for you. 

3) We don’t tell you everything we want to. 

If we sent you a text every time it occurred to us, you’d come back to a screen at the end of a couple hours with about 400 messages on it: I miss you. What do you think of these shoes? God I can’t stop thinking about that thing you did that day, remember that day when we went to that restaurant and I was wearing the red skirt? I miss you. I wish you could spank me right now. I think you’d be really proud of this thing I just did. Want to hear about it? Need you. Want you. Did I mention that I need you? Oh I read the best book, you’ll love it. I miss you. What are you thinking about? Are you thinking about me? Of course you’re thinking about me, I’m awesome. Hahah. Just kidding. Um you know I was joking about that awesome thing, right? Sigh. Oh it’s sunny out! Um, I’d like you to tell me how to dress today/what to do at the gym/what to eat. Did you know it’s only eight sleeps till I see you? I got a new bra, want to see it? I know it’s random but I’m really grateful for you. I’m grumpy. Need you. Did I say that already?

Not only do we not send all those things because we’re thinking about your time (see #2) but because we worry that something we say will sound crazy or silly or frivolous, or worse, demanding (see #1). 

4) We need to hear it a lot. All of it. Yes, even that thing you told us just yesterday. 

It’s not that we have a memory problem. If anything, we remember too much, every small detail. We keep memories like a dragon keeps gold: a treasure horde that we keep with us all the time. 

So, no, it’s not that we forgot when you snuggled in close and said that sweet lovely thing. It’s not that we forgot how aroused you were when you saw us all tied up and waiting for you. It’s not that we forgot that you rearranged your schedule for us. It’s not that we forgot when you explained for the billionth time that we’re really definitely important to you. 

We didn’t forget at all. But we still need to hear it again. We need to hear ALL THE THINGS, ALL THE TIME. We need to hear that we’re vital to you, and in what ways, and why. We need to hear that you miss us. That you think we’re cute or sexy or funny or smart or interesting. We need to hear that you worry about things too, that you think of us at random times. We need to hear why we make you laugh, when we make you smile, and how you like that odd little freckle that we fret about.  

Most of all, we need to hear that we make you proud, that we did good, that we pleased you. We need to hear that life with us in it is better and brighter and easier, and without us … well, that even pondering such a thing is unpleasant. 

Yes, we know you just told us yesterday. And the day before. And maybe the day before that. We still need to hear it again. But we won’t TELL you that, because … well, see #1. 

5) We love what we do together, but sometimes it still makes us feel weird for a little while

We all know that we’re doing things we’re not supposed to. We are very good girls, who understand all too well the cultural norms that we live in, and the consequences for breaking those norms. If I told my friends that I let you slap my face, or that you put me over your lap and spank me like a naughty child, or that you call me your fucktoy while doing terrible things to me all tied up in your bed and holy shit I love it so much … well, you can imagine what they’d say. The world is very loud about what is right and wrong, good and bad. 

We know that the things we do with you are consensual and considered, informed and engaged. We know that we’ve talked about it. We know that we both want it, enjoy it, need it, thrive on it, mutually, and that we are better for having each other. We know that we get off (and get off hard) to some of the things we do behind closed doors. We know that we don’t want to stop. 

But sometimes … not always, but once in a while … we feel weird. Which can lead to #6… 

6) We’re super fucking competent. Annnnnddd we still want your help. 

For a group of people who willingly let themselves be helpless and vulnerable and lacking entirely in control, we are actually an incredibly competent group of women. We are good at what we do - not just THIS part of us, but all parts. And you know what we’re the best at? Taking care of ourselves. Most of us figured out how to the hard way - because of how we grew up, or someone who broke our hearts, or simple necessity. And we are so fucking good at it. 

When we are having a bad day, when our heads are not on quite right, when we are “off kilter,” when we’re feeling weird (maybe because of #5), we will probably want to just do our own thing and manage it. We won’t want to ask for your help (see #2) or take up your time (see #1). Even though you’ve told us all the good stuff (see #4) we might be second-guessing ourselves. We will just close up shop for a couple hours or the whole day, and we will manage our shit without any help. 

But we will still want your help, too. 

When we say “I’m ok” we really mean it. When our coping mechanism involves being quiet, we usually really do need to just be quiet. But we need to know you’re there, too. Poke at us. Be present. You don’t need to fix it but we want to know you’re willing, if we want you to. 

7) We are grateful for you. So, so, so fucking grateful. 

We don’t mean just in the lovey-dovey “so glad you’re part of my life” way. We mean grateful that your quirk is the mirror image of our quirk. We’re grateful for the ways you offer structure and mentoring and leadership and support. We’re grateful that you want to be in charge - because honestly being in charge sounds like so much work it’s hard to remember that you even want to be. We’re grateful that you want to do the heavy lifting (sometimes literally) of being the dominant to our submissive, the wolf to our rabbit, the master to our slave.

And, yeah, sometimes we feel weird about the stuff we do (see #5) but we also know that sometimes you might feel weird, too. You do things to us that we want you to do, but that might in any other context be deemed abhorrent or abusive. We know that when you see the way we respond after our time together, if we cry or shut down or need to cuddle for a half hour while shaking, you might wonder if you went too far, did too much - which brings us to the next point… 

8) Our drop is not your fault. 

You didn’t go too far. (***see below) You didn’t push too much. You didn’t cross the line. Sometimes we drop just a little bit, sometimes we drop hard - harder than we expect to. And sometimes we need to recalibrate, come back to normal, and it takes time or tears or strangeness to get there. But we never once think it’s your fault. We never once think the drop is not worth everything else. When we cry, you haven’t made us sad - the intensity of our time together has brought all the things that might make us cry, right to the surface. When we turtle, you haven’t scared us - the enormity of release just requires some time to stabilize. You’re not bad, or wicked, or uncaring. And we know that, without ever needing to talk about it. (***Assuming a consensual, safe act that everyone was on board with.) 

9) We don’t care about your super-domly bod. 

We’re not here for horse-sized cocks and pro wrestler muscles. We’re here for you. And yeah we might get off on the visual parts of you we like best (sometimes things you don’t even think are particularly appealing about yourself) but the stuff that does it for us is in your head and your heart. And we know the same is true in reverse. But we forget, a lot. So yeah, remind us, that our imperfection is as desirable to you, as yours is to us. We know already but, well, see #4. 

10) We are kinda magic, even though we don’t realize it.

We’re a bit weird. Quirky. Strange. We see the world a little differently. 

But we see you a little differently than others, too. You’re the Sir, the Daddy, the Master. You might think that you’re the protector because you’re the boss - but we’re protectors, too, in our own ways: we see you, we accept you, and we understand you better than you realize. We know that you need us to kneel so that you can stand. We know that you need us to give so that you can take. We know all that and then we do what you need and then we ask: what more can we do? Call it whatever you want but this is a kind of magic - to be seen, to be known, to be given what you need. 

****

Well, we did go on a bit longer than we meant to. Anyway, that’s about all we wanted to say. Obviously by this time next week, we’ll have pondered a whole new pile of things and what they mean and how we feel about it - because that’s our thing. But for now, this will do. 

Oh wait: one last thing, a final PS, the last thing you should know … 

#11) We are always always always trying to be the bestest. 

The root motivation for every single thing on this list is to the best, for you: your best girl, best partner, best sub, best friend, best lover. 

Because that’s just how we roll. 

Love always,  

Your Subs xoxo

Just fun to watch.

Maestro de marionetas

Definitely worth watching the entire clip.

Some of life's details that all should know.

A very useful guide to buying Gelato from a Italian local

Pearls of wisdom from my organic chemistry professor:

Take everything with a grain of salt. Most things are oversold.

90% of the time it’s never about what someone feels about you personally.

Always be persistent (with reason). Things don’t come by easily, but we’re too bogged down worrying what others think of us not to go for them.

Never be afraid of people. Ever

If someone is an asshole to you, and you have not given them a reason to be an asshole to you, most times it means they’re not a people person & you probably dodged a bullet by no longer associating with them.

Be polite & up to standard regardless of how the other party is acting. Let how they act be a reflection of who they are, not who you are as well.

Work hard (with anything you’re interested in). Hard work leads to fulfillment.

Your mind is your worst enemy. Don’t let anxious thoughts direct the way you react. Don’t assume it’s you against the world.

Let rejection not stop you but strengthen your resolve. You will get what you want so long as you keep working for it.

You are not the first person to be in the position you’ve found yourself in. You’ll persist just as others have before you. It’s never the end of the world like our minds like to make us believe it is.

waterbed (via)

Anal it is then 😂

The Metzlers’ conservatory, Delaware.

Only 300 square feet, the conservatory blends the centuries-old tradition of glass shelters designed to house exotic plants and the new tiny house movement, in which people gravitate toward smaller, intimate spaces. Think of it as a petite palace, a manor in miniature, a castle cocoon.

The domed conservatory has marble floors and a panoramic view that skips across 15 acres of garden and grounds to the lapping shore of Delaware’s Nanticoke River.