Always

The ideal balance.

I think I'll use this line. It is a groaner but still a good one.

I'm saddened

Lately, I have discovered many of the people I have been chatting with have been deceiving me. I suppose in a place where you can shield yourself behind a screen, it is expected. I'm tired of all that. I want to thank you for the conversations but I just don't have the energy for deceit. I'm not going to call anyone out directly. You know who you are.

For all of the rest, please be genuine with me.

Special room service

Always

Definitely worth watching the entire clip.

Initiating Play as a Submissive

It’s not very common for me to initiate sex or play. That’s mostly because we have plenty of both as it is. My needs are met before I even think to go after them myself. 

But also, I’m not sure I’m any good at initiating. I’m good at subtle teasing and playfulness when I’m feeling needy. I’m good at having conversations where I state my needs clearly and directly (e.g., “I am beginning to feel like I will need a spanking soon”). But I’m not great at overtly initiating in a sexy way. With my ex-husband, I sometimes initiated sex by saying, “So how about you and me have some sex later?” That line had a 100% success rate, for the record. But yeah… I don’t have a lot of game. 

The other issue is that initiating play feels somehow wrong as a submissive. In my head, I know it’s not. In my head, I know that initiating is a suggestion, not a decision. But the bolder the come-on, the more uncomfortable it feels. Like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes. 

Still, sometimes I do try to initiate. I know he likes to see my hunger for him. He likes to see where my head is at and what I want. So the other day I put on lingerie and heels, then laid floggers and canes neatly on the bed. They were mostly—though not exclusively—my favorite implements. I’d never been so bold, and it made me nervous. Was it going too far? Would I earn a punishment for pushing a little too hard? I didn’t think so, but then again, this was uncharted territory. I was barely ready by the time he got home. 

We had a wonderful impact session, with deep, thuddy pain and enough tears to feed my sadist. But first, he started with something he knows I dislike. He started with hitting my pussy. It almost felt like punishment to me, but in a playful way. It felt as if he were saying, Okay, girl. You want impact? I’ll give you impact… It felt like a reminder that I should be careful not to forget my place. But when we talked after, he said that wasn’t it.

“I was saying, Okay, you had a good idea. Now you can let go. I will take it from here. Because I didn’t want you to be in your head about whether I really wanted it or if I was doing it for you.”

And truthfully, that is fair. A cornerstone of our relationship is that I am absolutely not in charge. I am considered a trusted advisor; he wants to know my thoughts and feelings and opinions. But the choices are his. And that’s exactly how I want it. Our power exchange is sacred to me, and I never want to do anything that could undermine it. 

I think this is why it’s so hard for me to initiate. Initiating is a bold declaration of my own wants. And in some respects, I need for my wants to come last. I prefer to express my wants indirectly—through porn I share with him or flirty “I was thinking about that time when…” comments. Laying it all out there (literally) feels like putting my wants first. It feels like stepping out of my place.

But when he started hitting my pussy, as much as I hated it, those concerns washed away. That action calmed my brain. It reassured me that his wants come before mine. And with that, I was able to let go and stay in the moment, rather than overthinking my own actions.

I’m learning to trust that the power exchange we’ve built is strong, and a few implements suggestively laid on the bed won’t be enough to derail it. I’ve been with some insecure Dominants in the past who never would have allowed it. But Monsieur has shown me time and time again that I can rely on his firm control. He makes decisions carefully and with purpose. Sometimes he says no, and sometimes he says yes. Either way, making the suggestion isn’t the same as taking charge. If he chooses to do something for me, it’s because that’s what he wants to do. It’s that simple. 

The more we talk about it, the more confident I grow in trying to initiate play. Now I’m even wondering if it’s time to step up my game. Maybe next time, I drop a crop in his lap and give him some raised eyebrows and a wink wink. That’s how you flirt, right?

Updated Library For Kinksters

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom

Stunning dark haired beauty who defines the term sexy walking. Love the tight white mini dress and stiletto heels. Phenomenal woman!