Masking A Change Of Heart. Femlock Fluff

JOHNLOCK FANFIC CULTURE IN A NUTSHELL

Cases: NO TIME FOR REAL CASES. THERE'S PORN ON THE HORIZON. (Either story begins just after a case, or incorporates a few legit-sounding details.)

Anderson: Not usually in story but inevitably mentioned with appropriate scorn.

Mycroft: Usually either very for or very against Johnlock. Either way he's kinkily watching the CCTV.

Tea: Everyone drinks at least half their body weight in tea during the course of a story. Even drabbles. You see that 800-word story? 400 of those words deal with making tea.

Milk: Getting the milk is a thing. It's practically a euphemism at this point. If Sherlock gets the milk, he's DTF. Or apologizing, and then offering his body as an extra form of apologetic-ness.

Mrs. Hudson: Ships Johnlock like a beast. Hell, she usually has some kind of Johnlockfucking-sense. She just KNOWS when they're hooking up and is determined to facilitate this/make it kind of embarrassing for them in a cute way.

Mummy Holmes: For not actually being in the show, she's surprisingly mentioned a lot. She's everything from a horrid bitch to actually a really loving rich lady who somehow just has these two weirdo sons.

Moran: Ditto, kind of. Moran is sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, sometimes seduces Moriarty/John/Sherlock/all of the above. Also somehow capable of holding 7 laser pointers I mean snipers in TGG.

Jumpers: JOHN WEARS JUMPERS ALL THE DAYS AND SHERLOCK SECRETLY LIKES IT.

Boredom: The best way to cure Sherlock's boredom to sex him vigorously. Or somehow get him hooked on James Bond and/or Doctor Who.

Sexytiems: This is the fun part. There is so much beautiful variation here. John is everything from secretly gay, to comfortably bisexual, to not even really wanting to fuck Sherlock but kind of wanting to anyway. Likewise, Sherlock is everything from purely virginal, to wholeheartedly asexual, to secretly shagging half of London for a case. Their sex ranges from WE ARE GODS OF LOVEMAKING to it goes where?

Common Situations: Being outed at crime scenes, very thorough medical investigations, post-case-compulsion-to-fuck, the Scotland Yard has a betting pool, heartfelt realizations during kidnapping, gratuitous casual high-functioning sociopath nudity.

Violin: Totally a euphemism. He took dat bow in his hand like some kind of musical god slut and handled it with sexual precision.

AUs: Dude, I don't even understand this crazy shit. There's wings and cats and Greek alphabet letters thrown all over the place.

Genderswap: Love it, but it's really funny because we never know what to call Sherlock other than Sherlock. Sherlock...ina? Sherlockette? Dafuq.

Avengers: They show up a lot, somehow. I think it's because we're all from tumblr and Hiddles is love.

Conclusion: I fucking love this fandom never change.

Two types of music listeners

On jokes

Hiii neil, Was it intentional for Aziraphale to look all lovey-dovey at Crowley in good omens, or is that just how michael sheen looks?

I find all of these photos extremely disturbing. Michael Sheen was actually forbidden from looking at David Tennant during the shooting of Good Omens. We had people in place to make sure there was no looking of any kind. I trust you'll report any more photos like this to the proper authorities. They will know what to do with them.

Sometimes I get so embarrassed remembering how Sherlock’s show-off urges include showing off the fact that John hangs out with him. Like as soon as Sherlock shows up anywhere he’s like, “Hello, this man is WITH ME, did everyone hear that? He is my colleague, my friend, my partner; he is FAMILY so if you want to say something to ME you have to say it to HIM because we are ALWAYS TOGETHER. He thinks my life is worth preserving, so JOT THAT DOWN. He is NOT an old man with a mustache that ages him; his RATIOS are IDEAL and he WALKS like THAT for the REASON YOU THINK. He is PERFECT at everything and he chooses to spend his time being OBSESSED with me, so everyone who has ever doubted or criticized me can EAT SHIT. THIS is the caliber of person I attract, and I have ZERO need for ANY of you or ANY of your compliments because you could NEVER understand how little they mean compared to the ones I get — CONSTANTLY! — from this outstanding man.”

And everyone is always like “uh okay sure, anyway here’s the body we called you about”

Got to see Hadestown for the first time ever today (and it was amazing oh my god I had no idea what I was missing) and I'd just like to give a shout out to the poor soul in the audience who had clearly never heard the myth of Orpheus before, because when Orpheus turned around at the end the audience was dead silent except for this one very audible gasp of "no!" from somewhere in the crowd. And after Euridyce was gone and Orpheus dropped to his knees in grief, all anybody --cast, audience, the uncaring gods, etc -- could hear was muffled weeping from the same person

Then my whole family mocks me for having watched them all. Ah y'all okay there??? Do y'all not know good film???

it always weirds me out that there are people out there who havent seen all the lord of the rings movies. like are you okay??? do you want me to come watch them with you??? should i bring pizza and blankets to make a fort??? lets marathon them please