Words Can’t Fully Capture How I’m Feeling Today.

Depression is an odd thing. It doesn’t always stem from a single reason, and it’s not something I can just “snap out of.” There’s a common misconception that people are depressed because they’re constantly sad, but that’s not always the case. For me, it feels like a heavy weight that sits on my chest, something that zaps my energy, motivation, and joy—even on days when everything is going okay.

Some days, it’s the little things that pile up: unanswered emails, personal doubts, the pressure of being a parent—especially to a son with autism—and the overwhelming sense that I’m just not doing enough. Other times, it’s bigger, unresolved issues, like dealing with loss, past traumas, or feeling like I’m constantly underperforming in areas of my life, despite my best efforts.

Living with depression also makes relationships tricky. I often feel disconnected from people, even those I love. Sometimes, I withdraw, not because I don’t care but because I just don’t have the energy to keep up. Other times, I overcompensate, trying too hard to be present, only to feel drained afterward.

As a single mother, I’m responsible for more than just myself, and that pressure can be overwhelming. While I love my son deeply, managing life on my own sometimes feels like walking uphill with weights tied to my legs. It’s not about him—it’s about the relentless pressure of trying to be everything for everyone while still battling my own inner demons.

I go to therapy because I know I need help unraveling everything that’s been tangled up inside for years. There are days when I feel a glimmer of hope, when I feel like maybe things are turning around. But there are also days when I just need to ride out the storm, trusting that even though it feels endless, it will eventually pass.

So if I seem distant, tired, or not like myself, it’s not that I’m avoiding anyone. It’s just that I’m doing my best to survive the battle that’s happening inside my own head.

I’m kinda scared of being happy for a day, or maybe just for a few minutes. Something may come up and ruin it. 😑

I miss going out. I miss wearing shoes and jeans. I’m tired of wearing house clothes 😂

Friendships are supposed to be straightforward, right? You trust each other, you have each other’s backs, and you keep the big stuff honest. But right now, I’m sitting with a secret that’s tying my stomach in knots, and I have no idea what to do.

My best friend’s boyfriend—someone I never thought I’d have a problem with—has sent me indecent messages after him opening up about his escapades. At first, I brushed it off. Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it was a weird, out-of-context joke. But it’s clear now that it wasn’t. His intentions are blatantly wrong, and I feel trapped.

Do I tell her? Do I risk being the one to ruin everything? I know how much she loves him. What if she doesn’t believe me? What if it blows up in my face and our friendship never recovers?

But then, how do I stay quiet? Every time I see them together, it feels like I’m lying to her by not saying anything. She deserves to know what kind of person he is. But telling her would mean breaking her heart and possibly being the reason her world falls apart.

I keep playing the scenarios in my head, and none of them end well. If I speak up, I might lose her. If I stay silent, I’m protecting a secret that’s eating me alive. How do you even choose between two terrible options like this?

I wish I had answers, but right now, all I have is this sinking feeling that no matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt—and I might lose someone I care about either way.

I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.

—Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Any good series recommendations besides Reacher?

I hope it went well. *fingers crossed*

Some days, everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. Today was definitely one of those days for me. I woke up with a plan in mind, thinking I'd breeze through the day like it was nothing. But, of course, life had other ideas. From the moment I opened my eyes, it seemed like the universe was throwing little annoyances my way, one after the other.

It started with the usual hustle—trying to juggle a million things at once. And as much as I tried to stay calm, the small things kept piling up. The missed messages, miscommunications, and the feeling of being stretched too thin all hit me hard. It’s like I was running on a short fuse all day.

There were moments when I just wanted to scream into a pillow. Have you ever had one of those days where no matter what you do, it feels like everything and everyone is out to test your patience? Yeah, today was that kind of day for me.

I hate feeling this way, but I also know it’s part of the ebb and flow of life. Some days, we’re on top of the world. Other days, it feels like we’re drowning in frustration. The important thing is acknowledging it. It’s okay to be pissed off. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. What matters is what comes next.

For now, I’m taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and reminding myself that tomorrow is a new day. A chance to reset. A chance to do better. But for today? Yeah, I’m pissed—and that’s perfectly fine.

The difficult part of working at home is when you lose internet connection for 3 straight days every two weeks. What excuse am I gonna give to my boss?

I thought looking for a house would be easy. It's taxing. You have to visit the location. Check if you are qualified. Like sobrang daming requirements. Income. Then you have to consider the transpo, if you are conveniently located near the hospital (because I have a child), mall, church, workplace, etc.