I’m P

TODAY'S TOP HEADLINE:

News Network 'Times New Union' Isn't Dead, Actually

In unrelated news, TNU has recently expressed thanks to its local necromancer Lich pilot.

Spent 20 minutes editing the Casino Royale poker scene to be chutes and ladders instead of finishing my English homework.

Fic idea that won't leave my head despite my continued insistence that I'm not going to write it (Bad dad Eggman warning)-

It's a Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games fic. Bowser and Eggman are hanging out, villain solidarity and all that.

Metal Sonic walks in. Eggman precedes to pause his conversation with Bowser to absolutely scream at Metal for coming in third place in the 100m sprint. The whole nine yards. "I built you to be SUPERIOR!" and all that. He then orders Metal back to the training area to practice clear through the night 'til the next morning.

He then turns back to Bowser and says, "you were right! Kids are difficult!"

And from that moment Bowser makes it his mission to adopt Metal Sonic at all costs.

Just one problem- nobody believes him.

The Mario gang insists that it's none of their business. There's a truce between heroes and villains during the games, after all, and Peach isn't interested in pissing off what she sees as Mobian sovereign who's been known to mess with cross-dimensional shenanigans before.

So, to the surprise of everyone, Bowser then goes to Sonic to mention the problem- only for an apathetic Sonic to emphasize that he's already given Metal enough second chances by now and that frankly it's his own fault if Eggman's mean to him. Most of the rest of the Sonic gang seem to agree with this- with the distinct exception of Amy, but even she's hesitant to stir up trouble during the games. She suggests that if Bowser nicely talked to Eggman about all this, maybe Eggman would treat Metal Sonic better!

But of course, Bowser already gave the dress-down of the century to Eggman the very moment after he sent Metal Sonic away. Did Eggman listen? Of course not.

But we all know that Bowser is nothing if but persistent. He also happens to be the resident expert on kidnapping people. . .

Step 1: Bowser got his kids together and asked them to help him befriend Metal. So now Metal's got this menagerie of Koopas suddenly taking an interest in him and he doesn't really know how to deal with it. Other kids? They think he's cool and not a failure? They invite him to hang out and do fun things? But of course, Eggman prohibits "fraternizing with the enemy", but Metal finds ways to get around this order anyway.

Step 2: have the Koopa kids teach Metal a koopa sign language- one of the kids, Lemmy, already uses this sign language because he's nonverbal, so it's not too hard for the rest of the kids plus Bowser himself to sneak in a few lessons behind Eggman's back.

Step 3: once Metal is conversational, Bowser asks Metal if he'd like a new papa who won't scream at him so much.

Step 4: realize in horror as Metal explains that he can't leave- Eggman's programming won't allow him.

Step 5: Bowser asks Amy to ask Tails how to get the subservient programming out of Metal's head. Tails then provides a small USB plug-in that'll give him remote access connection once plugged into Metal's systems so that he can undo the programming.

Step 6: kidnapping time!

Step ???: realize that Metal would actually prefer to be a girl. Bowser's daughters/GNC kids then proceed to dress her up in the blackest, spikiest clothes and accessories they have. Metal adores it.

Step 7: ruin the entire Olympic games setup as Eggman threatens violence against whoever stole his robot.

Step 8: Metal gives her original "dad" the finger as she jumps into the portal back to the Koopa kingdom with her much cooler new family.

Uhhhh skip a few steps in here as the whole Bowser family goes no contact with the rest of either gang for a bit. They don't care that they ruined the Olympic games, not when they got a cool new daughter/sister out of the deal. Eventually the Mario gang comes around and forgives Bowser for ruining the games. They then invite Metal go-karting. All is well.

Step 11: Sonic visits the mushroom kingdom one day and is absolutely appalled to find out that people say to him "ohhhh you're like the flesh version of Princess Metal from the Koopa kingdom!"

God forbid women do anything, am I right

Decided to take a stab at these newspaper-style Lancer memes, first done by @vexwerewolf

Did it for everyone's favorite trans icon mech, the Enkidu

would it be weird to turn this into a video when I made it Lol

tomorrow i will ride an elephant sized isopod into a crowded public area and we will all find out what happens next together

How gay is your girlfriends?

They are very gay. Ultra lesbians if you will.

Had an idea for a Pegasus mech and pilot in Lancer

Imagine you arrive at the battlefield and see a mech sitting out there, maybe it's a Lancaster, maybe it's a swallowtail. You get ready to engage in combat. And then it starts to move. Have you ever seen AI generated videos where it's given an image and told to animate the image, but the skeletons defines thin the image are incredibly wrong and as a result everything within the image moves wrongly and in ways that your brain can't quite comprehend. The enemy Lancaster starts moving like that. You cannot understand how it is actually moving forwards, but it is definitely moving. Then one of the rails or panels on the side shifts slightly, and you realize your mech has been hit and taken damage. The enemy's guns aren't firing, hell you think one of them is being used like a leg. Eventually, you finish fighting this monstrosity, and convince the pilot to step out to meet you. Instead of any hatch opening, the mech reaches parts of itself in the shape of a hand up, peels itself open, and out steps.... You. The enemy mech pilot looks exactly like you, he even walk mostly like you, though there is something slightly off. As you start to question them, they answer you back in your words. Your exact words, in the intonation that you said, building their responses exclusively based on the things you have said to them in this conversation, in your voice. All while standing outside their still peeled open mech.