Safe In The Silence, We Don’t Have To Leave (just Hold On To Me, I’ll Hold On To You)

Safe in the silence, we don’t have to leave (just hold on to me, I’ll hold on to you)

Sam does not know what to do. She has no idea how to fix this.

She’s starting to think that maybe she’s not qualified for this. She knew how to deal with hungry Tara, upset Tara, out-of-breath Tara, shy Tara, chatty Tara, almost every version of Tara

But right now, she’s experiencing a Tara that’s panicking and sobbing so hard that she’s probably unaware of her surroundings. Pretty much inconsolable.

Sam’s best guess is that a nightmare occurred since she’s 100% sure that Tara went to bed.

So, here she is, trying her best to fix this.

“Tara sweetie,” Sam quietly says, “do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Tara is underneath the dining table, huddled in a fetal position, unresponsive to Sam’s words. Just crying very loudly, only slightly muffled by the way her face is hidden in her knees.

She’s been there for the last 20 minutes and Sam is getting a little bit scared.

She considers reaching out for Tara and just pulling her into her embrace to hide and protect her from the world, keep her cocooned in the empty curves of her heart that only fit her little Tara.

But she knows better, Tara just started getting used to holding onto Sam’s arms whenever they’re out and about and she gave Sam a total of 3 hugs. She’s doesn’t want to push it when Tara is this vulnerable.

She’s not used to being patient but she sits there, a few feet away, waiting for Tara to give any sort of sign.

Sam starts humming a sweet tune, praying that it might have some effect on Tara; she knows Tara likes it when she sings. She’s known for a while now that Tara hides herself close by her whenever she’s singing, she’s been singing to herself a little more loudly for her one special, hidden audience member.

Time passes by, either Tara feels better or she’s just worn out. The loud sobbing is reduced to hiccups and tears, while Sam’s soft humming is the loudest sound in the house accompanied by Tara’s shaky breathing.

When Tara turns her head to face Sam. She’s met with her big sister’s sweet smile, her big sister’s face that she knows will never hurt her, her big sister’s voice that can bring her back to earth.

Swollen, dry eyes could not deny her from seeing the possibility of hope that exists in the shape of her Sammy.

She decided right then and there to be brave. She gathers all her courage and crawls out from under the table right into Sam’s arms.

Sam’s arms that welcomed her so warmly, so safely.

She puts her head in the crook of Sam neck where she knows the world won’t find her. Sam’s hand reach out to Tara’s head, patting her and the other arm secures her into position as she stands on her feet to rock them both side to side.

“Hey, hey, sweet girl,” Sam softly coos, “are you okay? Do you need an inhaler?”

Tara shakes her head, she just wants to be where she is right now.

Sam realizes that this is a huge moment. For both of them.

They have never ever been this close and Sam recognizes for the first time that she might’ve needed this as well.

Maybe they missed this their whole lives. Anyone could tell you that they did, seeing how tightly they’re both holding onto each other.

Sam sways them for a few minutes, continues humming and waits for Tara, this time less nervous.

A few minutes go by and Tara finally speaks,

“Mommy came back again,” there’s a tremor in her voice, “she had a knife to hurt us, even sam.”

Sam’s movements stop for a second, she wants to say something quickly to reassure Tara but she beats her to it,

“It was so scary. I couldn’t protect us.” Tara whimpers, Sam can feel the tears coming back.

“Shhh, baby, no,” Sam retorts, “I won’t let anything bad ever happen to you, okay?”

Tara hesitates but nods weakly into Sam’s shoulder.

Not enough, Sam thinks.

“Do you even know how strong I am?” Sam tries to brighten the mood, “everyone’s scared to fight me and even, little sam is a tough cat.”

That gets a little laugh from Tara and Sam kisses her on the head.

“And you, my sweet girl, are strongest and smartest and bravest girl I’ve ever seen, but you don’t even have to be strong because you’re so safe here with me, okay?”

“Okay.” Tara says as she’s playing with the string of Sam’s hoodie.

“Can I please see your face?” Sam asks.

Tara moved her head to meet Sam’s eyes. They’re red and swollen and her cheeks are blotchy from all the crying but there’s new look of determination in her face. A look inherited from Sam.

“As long as the three of us are together, no one will ever hurt us or even think about it, okay?” Sam reassures, “not in here or in your dreams.”

“I’ll just tell them that my big sister will come and get them.”

“Yeah, that’s my girl.” Sam laughs and kisses Tara’s cheeks (she seems to welcome them.) and brings her back into the hug.

If only the Carpenter sisters, at that moment, realized this gravity of this exchange.

If only the Carpenter sisters understood that this moment would define their lives forever.

Did they accidentally seal their fates? Or were they always walking towards this path?