Demon: HA HA HAAA! Me: So He Isn't Angry

Well it takes a human to kill a human! Let's just hope we know enough facts to scare the Emperor off his throne!!!

You have been Isekai-ed! Isn't that great? Except when you look around you, you see those who summoned you are horrified. Apparently they are the "subhuman" resistance group of Elves, Dwarves, and Beastkins who tried to summon a hero from another world to defeat the evil tyrant human Emperor.

Now have fish cat defy physics

sometimes I feel like a little kitty cat

Neighbor with a farm: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY POTATOES?!" Or Zeus steals the from the store.

Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.

"BUT DON'T GIVE MY CHILD A FUCKING DAGGER YOU DUMB FUCK!"

“Why are you giving my newborn baby a dagger?!” “Well they’re a choosen one, which means that I’m destined to be killed by them; but honestly I’ve been waiting centuries for them to be born and I just want to get it over with.”

OH GREAT RABBIT! TELL US! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE US TO DO!!!

sorry guys this blog is officially run by my rabbit, he claimed it as his own along with my computer. goodbye.

". . . Well that's kinda a dumb rule" "I KNOW RIGHT?!" "So.... can I still come cause like..... I've watched a lot of cartoons as a kid so I wanna whack someone with a mallet. It's actually on my bucket list of questionable things I wanna do." "Your what now?"

You were summoned to a fantasy world. As you are eager to begin your new life as the hero, the summoner explains: "Actually, our party already has one. In fact, you're only here because we need a human member in order for us to be officially recognized as a hero's party."

And that's how I made the sun!

“Any spell can be enhanced by saying the incantation and waiting to use it. The longer you wait, the stronger it gets.” You prepared a Fireball immediately upon hearing this, and 20 years later you accidentally release it.

BITCH I'M TOUCHING

“These specimens have been conditioned for contact. They’re safe. But if you see them in the wild, DO NOT approach. It’s very dangerous.” “Why? Are they aggressive?” “No, they’re extremely friendly and very playful. That’s why it’s dangerous.”

Something that ACTUALLY happened at school Me: No ya idiot! Feminism doesn't mean you hate women!! This kid I'll call by his nickname "Tolo" Tolo: I'm not a feminist, I love women! I'm a misogynist! *raises his fist* Me: *noises of anger*

Me: Do you really want to know? Alien: YES! Me: Okay.... *starts to talk about things wrong with the human race* And that's only what I know! Alien: *to her commander* Commander.... please make a therapy session for the entire planet Earth...

“Remember, if you die in the simulation-” “Yeah, yeah, we know, you die in real life.” “What? No! You need to reset the simulation with this terminal! What is WRONG with you humans?!”