The Robins(and 1 Signal) + The Onion/Reductress Headlines

And after everything that happened back in Gotham, I figured it was time I got out of the dark and tried my luck in the light.

Dick Grayson and Clark Kent in Nightwing: Year One

Shoutout to the Jason Todd haters c.1988 they are everything to me <33

(((transcribed under the cut!)))

***Not a Jason Todd hater but I liked this one a lot too. Surprisingly insightful compared to most of the other takes

Dear Editor,

Don’t make a big fuss about Robin getting killed. Waste him, bury him, and get on to important things. Bruce and Dick Grayson should have been a team the whole time. Robin was a wimp. Don’t expect us to get all worked up. After you butchered Supergirl, we don’t care if there is a holocaust of all the DC heroes.

Life is cheap!

Daniel Snyder

Wimber, PA

***

Dear Denny,

I heard some of what you are planning for “A Death in the Family” story line, including the phone-in number wrinkle and I didn’t want to take any chances whatsoever.

Kill him.

Your pal,

Rich Kreiner

***

Dear Denny and Dan,

BATMAN #124 was important. I don’t think Felipe slipped. I don’t think anyone does. Yes, he probably deserved to die, but that really doesn’t matter, does it?

Jason has some thinking to do. If he lives, that is. If it turns out you decide to kill him, get a new Robin. I know a lot of people want Batman solo, but if he stays a brooding avenger forever, he’ll crack. He needs Robin. I’m not sure if that Robin is Jason, but Batman needs someone.

Sincerely,

Russ Bedell

8 McCullough Drive

Glen River, PA 17327

god i want the laytons back

ppl got really mad at bruce last time for getting mad when damian said he wanted to quit robin and be a doctor he immediately got his act straight

Need to talk about the Brad Meltzer’s and Rags Morales’ commentary at the end of identity crisis because holyyy shit

More under the cut!!

Itty bitty wonder twins

The real reason Tim has such a hatred for Damian is that Alfred refused to let him keep his cat but Damian gets a whole ass zoo

one thing about me as a batman fan is that im not 100% convinced his penis works very good. im completely fine with fanfic where hes horny as hell and fucks like a machine and all that but in my heart of hearts im like. this man has erectile dysfunction.

like first of all theres the psychological aspect, in the sense that that man is stressed the hell out and traumatized and paranoid and juggling like 600% more in his head than the average person, which im told doesnt usually contribute to great boners. so there's that part. getting the man to put down his schedules and business concerns and the three different cases hes working on in the back of his head and the updates he wants to make to the batmobile and all that shit. that guy is Distracted during sex. he loses his boner at least once a session because he starts thinking about killer croc or something and yeah hes freaky but not really in that direction, sorry. this is a thing that happens to him and is a known phenomenon to his partners.

and then second of all physiologically im not convinced that he hasnt mangled his penis to some degree in the course of all the training and crimefighting and whatnot. like even taking extra pains to protect it as im sure he would, all of the times that man has been exploded and thrown through walls and glass and all of the jumping off of buildings and swinging around he does?? i simply dont believe his penis has emerged entirely unscathed. you absolutely cant tell me that in the early days he didnt at least twice take a running leap off of something, misjudge his landing, and absolutely destroy his balls when he slipped and took a wrought iron fence full force between the legs. this must have happened. i know it to be true that this man has scars on his dick that he didn't ask someone to put there on purpose and i do kinda think it could eventually affect his sexual function, even aside from the impact of all of his other various and perpetual injuries causing him pain.

so what im saying is that my headcanon is that batman's dick game is weak as hell at least 50% of the time. what that dick do? today, absolutely nothing. tomorrow, who knows. which tbh i find kinda hot in a roundabout way actually, so. love that for him. sorry about your penis, batman.