Joints Will See You Taking A Step & Be Like "i Bet I Could Improve On This With My Cool New Trick." &

Florence Welch, Useless Magic: Lyrics and Poetry

me @ myself: you’re annoying tbh

"Daily kisses are in order, what is that? Coffee? You have to kiss me, what is that? A smile? You got it, kisses.. oh, do you want to cuddle?? That'll be 2 kisses.. did you wake up? I want a kiss, are you catching on? I think it's a great couples game.."

I would lose my mind in such a good way if you kissed me right now - eUë

Woke veggie tales would have. Rhubarb's drag race. Is that anything

Breaking News Alert: our gracious prince has found the beautiful young woman who came thrice to his ball—once in a dress shimmering like starlight, once in a dress luminous as the moon, and once in a dress as golden and radiant as the sun on a summer day—only to discover that she was a scullery maid working in his own kitchen! needless to say she has been executed

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

“i liked it before it was cool” well i liked it AFTER it was cool when everyone abandoned it

fucking love when I'm on a call with someone and they start to do a little errand or go somewhere else and they say "and you're coming with me" like. absolutely I am let's go on an adventure I've been spirited away