Mm653339 - Unbetitelt

i'm obsessed with these lines because they speak so much to ciel's faith in own worldview - and there's this moment of doubt, where he recognises that what he thinks isn't necessarily fact, but belief

not only does it say a lot about his character, i think it majorly contributes to the events that occur later in the arc

🚫under the cut for being way longer than intended MAJOR spoilers, both for the rest of the emerald witch arc and chapter 126+🚫

faith and higher power

ciel doesn't just lose his faith once - he loses it twice. the first time is after he is tortured by the cult, when he denounces the christian god. but his faith in the protection of a higher power isn't actually gone, it just transfers to r!ciel.

it's only when r!ciel is sacrificed that his belief in higher power is truly broken, leaving a vacuum for a demon to exploit.

ciel never looks outside himself for strength after this. not to a god that he now has good reason to believe exists, and not to sebastian, the most powerful tool he has. he only trusts himself. it's worth noting here that he sees sebastian's power as something he owns the rights to, at least until his revenge is complete. it is his, gained not only through sacrifice, but through his own intellect.

through the terms of the contract, he believes he has successfully collared the demon without falling for it's tricks. he now views his intellect as the one power with which he can navigate the world - there is no higher power that is safe to rely on.

christianity and doubt

ciel doesn't believe in witches, not only because it isn't 'logical', but because without realising it, he still views the world through the lense of a christian upbringing. he 'knows' that witches and curses are pagan nonsense - at most, witches are humans that worship demons, a power that christianity recognises and one that's been confirmed to him as real. he converses with sebastian about it, but he doesn't consider sebastian's perspective above his own. ciel is the mastermind, and he trusts in his own logic above everything - sebastian is only a chess piece.

but there is a seed of doubt in ciel's mind that he might not know as much about the rules of this world as he thinks. and the second seed of doubt comes right after;

this is new information, and it has the potential to reframe the circumstances under which he made the contract. he brushes it off, choosing not to pursue that line of enquiry - deep down, i think he's scared of what the answer might be. it challenges the knowledge with which he negotiated the contract, and so it challenges his sense of control, and the strength of sebastian's collar.

whilst this conversation isn't what triggers his ptsd episode later in the arc, imo it does have a role to play in the severity of it.

the curse

when his ptsd is triggered and he passes out, he dreams of the moment he lost r!ciel. the last time he lost his faith.

he wakes up blind - he has quite literally lost his sight. to me, that is representative of the fact that he doesn't trust his own mind anymore. in a way, it's the third time he loses his faith. he held himself and his intelligence above everything, but the situation is perhaps not what he thought it was. he could overlook those two tiny cracks in his worldview, but with his ptsd delivering a final blow, he's stuck doubting every move he has ever made.

he doesn't know the rules of this world anymore, a world with witches and curses. he doesn't even know if sebastian told the truth about why he appeared that night. did he outwit the devil, or did he make a terrible mistake? with all these doubts, he can't be 'ciel phantomhive' any more. he can only be himself as he last left him - the weak, frightened twin.

and it's sebastian that frightens him the most. his demon suddenly feels much less like a tool, and much more like an active player.

it's only when sebastian forces him into a life-or-death decision that he decides to move back into play. these are the same dire circumstances under which the contract was made - and ever the opportunist, sebastian manipulates ciel all over again, even more thoroughly than before.

imo, the whole scene with ciel and r!ciel on the chessboard? it's sebastian. he's using the face of his twin to reiterate that it was ciel who sacrificed his soul, he's using the faces of the people tied to his deepest regrets to drive home that ciel is a selfish, greedy human being.

he must make his opening move all over again, this time for himself alone. he must disregard all the other circumstances that coaxed him into the first bargain, all the grief and love for his brother, and all the hatred for himself, who dared to survive. it's only with this new clarity in purpose that he is able to function again, to trust in himself and make the next move.

I rushed this. THEY THEM THEMMM. THEHYYY AHHGGHGGGH

[RELEASE] D.Gray-man Chapters 249 & 250

Releases 150-151 // [04.22.24]

⚠️ Important Announcement ⚠️

This is a reminder that we desperately need SFX letterers and redrawers. These chapters have been majorly delayed due to having insufficient help. Please click here to apply especially if you want faster DGM updates, thank you so much!

Grab copies to support Hoshino if you can: — JUMP SQ. RISE October 2023 — JUMP SQ. RISE January 2024

Chapter 249

Mangadex | Mirror

Chapter 250

Mangadex | Mirror

Canon tragic couple

imagine being 17, participating in the soccer version of squid game and a 31 yo with twisted ideals trash talks your boyfriend who's just gotten eliminated, blames you for it and also makes sure your heartbreak gets livestreamed

Some past!laven hc because I'm in the trenches (they shouldn't have that much of a hold on my brain)

They're both occasional smokers. Lavi picked it up from Bookman and Allen was peer-pressured to take it up while in the army. Out of them both, Allen is the most likely to stress smoke.

The cape Allen is wearing in the second part of the flashback was given to him by Lavi, he never bought it. He likes the heaviness of it on his shoulders.

Lavi saw Allen smile for the first time months, if not years after the start of their journey. That's what truly got him.

Lavi smiles whether he's happy or sad. Allen learned to see through his expressions pretty fast, but he still would rather see Lavi be fully sad or angry than look at more fake smiles.

Allen is Lavi's best audience (canon), but it doesn't mean Allen is Lavi's only audience. Whenever they stop at a bar, he ends up telling stories and legends from across the world to drunken men and women, and sometimes to children on the street as well. They typically recieve a few coins for it. Lavi's a pretty good storyteller.

Past!Allen may not be as good a cheat as current!Allen is, but he fares pretty well on his end. Plus he actually has some luck. Lavi tries not to stay too close to Allen whenever he plays, just to be sure Allen doesn't fall victim to his bad luck.

Allen has his own stories to tell, but he doesn't talk about them much. Lavi only hears them sometimes, in the middle of the night, when sleep cannot find either of them and Allen is too tired to keep them in.

They spent so much time together Allen can tell the weather based on the state of Lavi's hair. High humidity means Lavi struggles to keep them in a ponytail, cold weather means he won't even try.

Allen cannot grow a beard. He tried, it won't. Lavi shaves though, both to not piss Allen off too much and because he likes the feeling of kissing Allen better that way.

Hanging out with them for less than 24 hours means being subjected to the most old-married-couple-and-happy-about-it energy. They talk to each other like best friends, they flirt with each other in code, they will be insufferably lovey-dovey in the strangest of ways. Oh to be gay travelling lovers in the 19th century and everything it implies.

when i see people express sentiments like this, my thought is pretty much “who exactly are you trying to prove a point to?” the democrats? if trump gets elected, they’re going to be completely sidelined if not worse and will be entirely focused on trying to get back in power and i can tell you they will NOT be moving further left. netanyahu? it’s a BETTER outcome for him if trump wins since trump is SIGNIFICANTLY more pro-israel than biden has ever been. the people in gaza? they need a ceasefire which has been rejected by both the israel and the hamas sides multiple times and a trump win WILL NOT make that a stronger possibility.

comic from forever ago

white people go like “is anyone going to redesign this nonhuman evil character as a poc?” and not wait for an answer

PH 15th anniversary cleanings (1/?)

I scanned the new arts in the anniversary book so I thought I’d clean them up a little 💕

One day I’ll post the full thing with translations, if I manage to clean it all up