DGM 254: Allen's Helix (long Post)

Fem!BokuAka

here is a handful of palestinian family fundraisers id like to boost. (these are all verified fundraisers & ones i have supported in the past.)

Low on Funds:

Mohammed Family - Farhat Family - Yasin Family Albaz Family - Ayyad Family - Hussein Family - Tashmali Family - Abumousa Family - Mekawi Family - Dawoud Family - Almoghrabi family - Yousef family

Halfway to Goal:

Al-Deeb Family - Balousha Family - Mahmoud Family - Alanqar Family

Close to Goal:

Ayyad Family - Aldeeb Family - Saftawi Family - Shahwan Family - Shaqqoura Family - Ahel Family - Alhajjar Family - Shehab family - Al-Sharif Family - Ahmed Family - Jamous Family - Al-Talouli Family - Maliha Family

Kevin: I can't promise he'll ever speak to you

Jean:

PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE

Almost two months ago, I made a post to share Mahmoud's fundraiser. Since then he only raised €500. Since then he also lost his uncle who was like a father to him.

He already lost so much, yet he is constantly posting on twitter to ask for help to evacuate Gaza, help his family and continue his studies. I cannot express how desastruous it feels to see his tweets gets thousands of views with no donations, imagine then how it must feel for him. Two weeks ago he was tweeting about how he finally got a €50 donation after days without anything. It has been months now that he express how he is losing hope and thinking of stopping, of not posting anymore because of the lack of help he receives. And since then nothing changed.

I am posting his campaign here in the hope that the tumblr community will be more receptive to his plight and not ignore him like so many are doing.

Please consider donating to Mahmoud and sharing as widely as possible his campaign. He is currently at €5,370/€10,000, so €4,630 left. Let's try to help him get to his goal as soon as possible!

Any donation can help!

(This fundraiser has been vetter by @gazafunds)

gofundme.com

Donate to Help me rebuild my old life, organized by Mahmoud Jomaa

A plea to donate to Mahmoud At the beginning of the war on Gaza, on October 7th, t… Mahmoud Jomaa needs your support for Help me r

Briefly bringing back the sskk actors au to say:

Atsushi: It's of uttermost importance that we add a scene where vampire Akutagawa bites me Director: … It isn't? It would solve absolutely no plot purpose whatsoever? There's no need to? Atsushi, now with increased emphasis: It's of uttermost importance that we add a scene where vampire Akutagawa bites me. It's necessary and vital that we insert a scene where vampire Akutagawa bites me. It's fundamental to the show that we feature a scene where vampire Akutagawa bites me. The whole world is going to fall down if we don't include a scene where vampire Akutagawa bites me. My neck has to be bitten by vampire Akutagawa. Vampire Akutagawa's fangs have to be on my neck.

Ness is Kaiser's Ball + Theory On Kaiser's Development With Ness

Ness is Kaiser’s ball.

The day Kaiser was first introduced to soccer was on his birthday. He decided that, with the money he’d kept for himself, he wanted to buy something that would stick with him permanently. Anything would do as long as it lasted. Him choosing a soccer ball wasn’t a thoroughly calculated decision, he merely came by it by chance and decided to test it out. But after a lot of experimentation he realized something about himself. He needed something that made him feel alive, and it was exactly what he needed.

How did he figure out the ball makes him feel alive? By pouring all his hatred, malice, and frustrations onto the ball, and relishing in the fact that he gets no reaction from it. It didn’t matter how hard he threw, or how many times he cussed it out, it never cried or got angry with him. After he determined that regardless of what he did, the ball would always return, he decided it was his precious item. There’s a reason why Kaneshiro continually emphasized how the ball kept coming back. 260

Eventually, he also poured all his dreams and aspirations into this ball. It was in this ball that he decided he was set to eat good, get fame, and above all, become human and finally be loved. This ball gave him the possibility of achieving what was previously just baseless talk to fuel his own ego. The chance of freedom. The chance to change the world. And the thing that made Kaiser snap was the threat of his ball being taken away, or his freedom. He had developed an identity through this ball and was willing to fight even his father for it. Kaiser will fight tirelessly for his freedom, and deep down he believes it’ll give him the chance to be loved. 266

Because the ball can’t love him. It’s the most important thing to him, but it’s also simply a means to that end.

As Kaiser trained and got better at soccer, his temperament became his biggest enemy. He's too apathetic. And to be fair, the closest thing in his life at this point had been a ball, and his only frame of reference for engaging in relationships had been his father, who’s shown him nothing but cruelty. He quickly realizes his behavior caused by his tumultuous past would pose a huge roadblock in his advancement within the team.

And that’s how he meets Ness. 261

Just like on his birthday, he sought something that would stick with him permanently, but now also allow him to make an impact on the world. Because now it’s a feasible reality. Unlike the ball, which he could just buy and guarantee possession of (granted his father doesn’t find out), Kaiser needed to adapt to human psychology to ensure his loyalty. His decision is also a lot more calculated in comparison, substituting all authentic human bonds with a perfectly lonely, skilled, loyal dog to compensate for his lack of support within the team. Rather than change himself and adapt to other’s sensibilities, he’d make someone who’d suit him. But both times he came by this “thing” by chance and became dependent on its presence for his development, and both decisions became a necessity beyond his home life. They fulfilled a psychological need to feel human and a burning desire to change the world.

Kaiser had become more strategic with his violence. Now, he hones in his hatred, malice, and cruelty through his plays, and earns his “humanity” through hurting others in the sport and living as a scar within them. He makes up for his struggle to accept kindness and inability to connect by not allowing the possibility in the first place, crushing them instead. We see this in action during his first interaction with Isagi. He’s handsy, bordering physical aggression, in an attempt to intimidate him and invoke his hatred. But when it comes to Ness, the same physical aggression is him simply venting out his emotions. Even though Ness is arguing on his behalf and insulting Isagi the very same way Kaiser does (or ends up doing anyway), his violence doesn’t make Ness feel indignant over the injustice in the slightest. Like his father, Kaiser takes out his anger on Ness to make himself feel human, and like young Kaiser, Ness doesn’t fight or get angry.

What separates hurting others from hurting Ness is that Ness will always come back no matter what. Like the ball, Ness submits to his malice and sides with him no matter how cruel Kaiser is to him or others. Like the ball, Ness became a means to an end; and end of Kaiser making an impact on the world and going on to achieve great heights. And like the ball, eventually Kaiser confided in Ness about his goals for the future, only now it’s a fleshed out plan with attainable steps. Even when Kaiser throws his drink at Ness it doesn’t dissuade Ness from aiding him in it, not even in the slightest. He’s created something that’s essentially the same as his most precious item. 207

In spite of the moral failings within their dynamic, their relationship isn’t entirely for naught. They actually make an amazing good duo. So much so Raichi points out that if he had a midfielder like Ness he would be making incredible scores as well. No matter how predictable their plays had become, together they’ve created a weapon so incredible even Noa acknowledges it may surpass him. The whole team is centered around their style, even though Kaiser takes most credit for it. 162

Kaiser treats Ness horribly. There’s no sugar-coating it. You can beat up a ball as much as you want, but venting your frustrations on a human being is abuse. In spite of this, deep down I believe Kaiser desires to connect with others. After all, he wants to be loved too. But having been treated like a tool his entire life, never wanted or appreciated, where would he learn to love others himself? He only knows appreciation through fame and comfort, and knows being the object of other’s hatred cements him in their minds. He’s only ever been surrounded by malice, and thus can only spread malice in order to grow further. Naturally, the only relationship he could ever really form that has a semblance of compatibility was through underhanded, abusive tactics, emulating the dynamic he has with his ball. Through Ness he continues the cycle of abuse. But in a way, he’d found his ball.

But Ness is not a ball.

Kaiser knows he realistically can’t find love in the ball alone so he uses it as a means to receive it. That only ended up extending to his relationship with Ness. But not only is Ness not a ball, Ness is capable of love, full of love, and is always willing to love him. So much so that he merged his own dream with Kaiser’s and considers him to be the best player he knows. So why is it that Kaiser consistently fails to acknowledge or really recognize something that’s been thrown unconditionally towards him during the years they’ve spent together?

The most natural conclusion is that Ness doesn’t really know Kaiser, just the idealized version fed to him, and thus Ness has never really truly loved Kaiser. Additionally, Kaiser consistently struggles to accept goodwill and Ness is no different. But I want to go deeper and say because Kaiser doesn’t understand relationships, he can’t recognize love. There's no way he realistically could. His apathy historically has and continues to prevent him from engaging with others in any meaningful way. The closest he’s gotten hinges entirely on his success as a player, creating a huge emotional power imbalance, and lacks the mutuality or intimacy proper relationships have. Because of this, I don’t believe he really understands the extent of Ness’s love for him, as insane as that may seem. He also doesn’t view Ness as an individual, so he could never understand what his love means for him. To him, Ness only knows how to bounce back.

Up until partnering with Ness the closest company he had had been a ball, and balls do not have emotions nor a sense of self. The only purpose they serve is to bounce back. And once again, Kaiser only built this “relationship” with the ball through realizing that using it as an outlet for his negative emotions won’t chase it away. He can’t help but react negatively to kindness, but still needed something that could withstand that bad habit of his and remain with him. Seeing as having an ever present “item” continued being the most important thing, naturally he would extend that to the very few interpersonal relationships he would allow. That’s why he “created” Alexis Ness. He made someone that acts no different from his ball. Not only does he treat Ness like a ball, he made it so Ness was also unchanging like a ball. And for years he was successful. Even after abandoning him, Ness kept coming back like a ball, almost to their detriment.

But this became the main reason for Kaiser’s failure. He couldn’t fathom the idea of Ness evolving on his own, becoming more than a supporting character for his story, so much so that he himself abandoned the concept of being a machine and succumbed to the comfort he was so certain Ness would always provide. He’d created a massive, fundamental dissonance within the only relationship he was able to hold onto for years through his inability to recognize Ness as a person. Because unlike a ball, Ness cries, gets angry, and fights back. It had just always been on Kaiser’s behalf. And Kaiser’s attempts to manipulate, stifle, or berate him for his emotions for it only made him blinder to that fact.

I think people should look at Isagi’s question more deeply. “Kaiser, is Ness special to you?” Through deeming Ness worthless, he marked him as special and thus treated him differently. But what about that specifically is unique to Ness? Kaiser has done nothing but treat everyone else as worthless, and when he decided to evolve without Ness, Ness had simply become a part of that category, especially with how useless his plays became. Additionally, why would Isagi come to this conclusion now? It’s clear to anyone with eyes that they have an (at the very least) unique relationship, if you could consider the attention Ness gets “special”, and even then it remained shallow on Kaiser’s behalf. And keep in mind it was Ness’s final pass that made Isagi realize Ness is truly special to Kaiser, why’s that?

Kaiser wants the same comfort he got from his ball in another human, but lacks the capability to deal with what being alongside another human entails. Kaiser’s entire thing up until PXG vs BM was finding loopholes to compensate for his weaknesses. The same goes for relationships; all this time he’s put himself at a comfortable distance. Rather than learning to work alongside his teammates and build connections, he made a loyal dog. Rather than forming a natural connection with Ness, he was manipulative. When Ness has the nerve to be open about his emotions, he’s quick to shut them down and degrade him. And because Ness suppresses some of his emotions around him, to Kaiser they simply do not exist. But there isn’t a cheat to creating relationships, and as much as he objectifies Ness that won’t get rid of his humanity. No amount of psychology could remove Ness’s humanity. This only means they truly don’t understand each other. Ness comes back because he’s a stubborn person. Ness trusts Kaiser because he believes in the magic in him. And Ness challenged Kaiser because deep down, he wants to prove that the person he’s been following all this time is truly the greatest player he’s always believed him to be. All of that is intrinsic to the person Ness is, beyond all the psychological warfare inflicted upon him for years. Kaneshiro even went as far as to say Ness spends a majority of his time with Kaiser, and I doubt Kaiser has other friends to hang out with. The only way could Kaiser miss all of that from a person he’s been with for years is if he doesn’t understand relationships. 

And all this time he hasn’t made any visible effort to mend his issue with relationships either. We saw that during PXG vs BM, he’s able to make quick adjustments to improve his skills, important realizations to rework his mentality, and is generally objective even while arrogant. He’s highly adaptive, which can also be accredited to him being a talented learner. He can even attempt to work with the others, if not forcing cooperation when necessary. To prove this, he went as far as abandoning Ness, hoping to make up for his weaknesses Ness had always cushioned thus far. But Kaiser was never actually prepared to lose Ness, being able to play without him only gave that illusion.

Because Kaiser failed to mend the one thing that had consistently held him back, his relationships with others, it became the thing that bit him in the ass. His final reflection after the conclusion of PXG vs BM is truly emblematic of this problem. He understood that he was at fault for not reading Ness’s mind when he could and for writing him off entirely and thus costing himself an entire goal and potential evolution. But he believed this only happened because he let go of his malice for Isagi, which is why Kaneshiro redirects the focus back onto Ness and has Isagi interject. He asks if Ness is special to Kaiser, to which we don’t get a response. But he is. It’s because Ness is special to him that he could STILL have these conflicting emotions, and it’s because he’s never experienced anyone like Ness that he could still remain totally oblivious to it. I mean, just a few minutes prior he was screaming his lungs out at Ness just for the mere possibility of Ness abandoning him even AFTER telling him to fuck off and find a new king. Imagine the amount of disconnect you must have to then chalk up your loss to you losing your malice rather than your obvious, deep-rooted dependence. 294

The reason why relationships remained a huge roadblock up until this point, and the reason Isagi determined Ness is special to Kaiser, is because Kaiser doesn’t want to let go of the idea of relationships entirely. He was able to let go of his malice and become a machine, but was so convinced Ness was unchanging that he abandoned all of his work thus far and got furious at the thought of Ness moving on. Kaiser’s relationships were doomed the moment his identity became dependent on having an item that withstands his horrible behavior as opposed to mutual coexistence. He wants love, but when he receives it he either pushes it away or simply doesn’t recognize it. He wants connection with others, but only knows how to engage in relationships through objectifying humans and morphing them into something functionally indistinguishable from his most precious item. But no amount of manipulation could bypass Ness’s humanity, in the same way no amount of hatred he could receive could help him recognize his own.

I think the best way for them to begin to mend their relationship is being able to see each other for who they really are. All this time, Ness has been praising the idolized version Kaiser has fed him. He has to understand the extent of his manipulation and abuse, and be able to decide for himself whether he’ll choose to love someone like that. Similarly, Kaiser has always considered Ness to be a non-autonomous inherently subservient individual whose individuality he could suppress if it ever got overwhelming. But humans are more complex than dark psychology books, and Ness clearly has individuality he must take control of himself. I also think the most challenging thing Kaiser could do is receive Ness’ unconditional love, even if he's not the player Ness always imagined, even if he’s at his lowest point, and receiving it head-on without any attempts to push away, mock, or degrade him. Of course, assuming that by then Kaiser deserves to receive it from him.

—

This is a theory I've been enamored with and decided to expand upon, and honestly I've found too many thematic similarities to say it's entirely unintentional or means nothing.

In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the Trans community in Venezuela raises funds to their Gazan comrade @dr-anas96 who is currently trapped in Gaza 🇻🇪🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Anas had been studying medicine in Venezuela when he briefly visited his home in Gaza in 2023. The war broke out, and you know the rest.

A staunch supporter of the LGBTQ+ community himself, he reached out to his friends in Venezuela to thank them for not misportraying Palestinians as a bigoted people, and shared the stories of some of the martyrs with them.

During an event celebrating Trans pride, they decided to speak about Anas, and set up a beautiful memorial for the martyrs Anas spoke about.

There are those who try to break the bonds between the oppressed. I suspect there will be many who will try to respond to this, arguing that these causes are incompatible.

There are others like Anas who recognize the unbreakable strength in unity, compassion and acceptance.

Anas is currently very ill. My heart aches with every update from him. Sometimes he tells me he feels these days are his last.

Please don't give up on Anas.

gofundme.com

Donate to Help a Medical Student Stuck in Gaza ⚠️, organized by Anas Ayesh

<ESPAÑOL abajo ⏬ SPANISH below> ¡ Greetings everyone ! my name is Ana… Anas Ayesh needs your support for Help a Medical Student

VETTER HERE AT GAZA-EVACUATION-FUNDS

bro can you believe toboso yana really went out there and said 'hey let's turn the whole annoying clingy girl in love with genius boy thing into this story about this girl raised on the duty to be the protector of the underworld's guard dog and feeling the triple pressure of being sugar and spice and everything nice in line with social custom which ALSO is how she thinks her fiance wants to see her but ALSO she needs to be a master of the sword,,, which she naturally IS but she feels like she needs to hide just how much??? and then it always seems to her that she can't quite make him happy??? but actually he does care about her he just went through some horrible shit and doesn't know how to handle all things nice and maybe doesn't even believe he deserves it??? and she's stuck wondering what happened to this wonderful, sunshine boy she grew up with??'

and THEN yana STILL WASN'T DONE and was like 'oh also sike he's not actually her fiance he's his supposedly-dead twin brother who took his place cause he thought he couldn't come back as himself, the ill spare that nobody would be happy to see,,, and she finds out because his dead twin brother whom he's impersonating shows up and now she doesn't know what to think because maybe she wouldn't have been happy if she'd known it was him but also she didn't even care to see the truth that was staring her in the face the entire time and he literally told her he could never hate her at one point and maybe it's true both ways-'

and then she expected me to??? be normal about it??

It's with a heavy but hopeful heart that I watch Palestinian families fundraiser on here, slowly accumulating the precious little money to go around that they need to survive. However, not everyone is so lucky. A lot of Palestinians that have not had that kind of luck, that did not get early verification, that did not get massive platforms behind them from large bloggers, have approached me in my inbox, asking me kindly to do what I can for them. It kills me that I have so little to give myself, but I've seen this platform collectively raise enough to change someone's life. I've made a list of Palestinian fundraisers that are extremely low on funds, in the hope that drawing attention to people who have not been lucky at all can help turn that luck around. I know most of us can't possibly give enough to get all of these families safe in one go. But please, reblog this list. Pick one or two fundraisers, give what you can, and then keep track of it. Slowly, collectively, we can make a difference in these people's lives. Share and donate as much as you can. https://docs.google.com/document/d/178EGDFKkHlh3y4TMVX82kqgITHsqtoMdNccI2f_94Os/edit?usp=sharing