Rex Deserves A Raise. Rex Deserves To Be Paid. Please Pay Him.

It’s fine when a seal breaks into a house. But when I do it I’m ‘traumatizing the kids’ and ‘breaking and entering’

Homophonic

the Guardian

Seal breaks into New Zealand home, traumatises cat and hangs out on couch

Young fur seal slipped into marine biologist’s home through a catflap before spending more than two hours inside

Someone is writing a Percy gets kidnapped by Peter petty ass rat man (bless you) and I too have thought this idea. Except mine is sad because I love drama and angsts.

In my awful evil ideas he gets kidnapped at 15 is missing for years and is pronounced dead yall sorry.

Rat man runs with his kid. Probably meets up with Crouch mad man jr and are plotting evil shit. Barty can’t deal with Percy because he’s a little shit that reminds him of himself but his dad actually loves him. They’ve heard and see missing posters. They gotta lose the kid.

Peter rat man has a kind second and dumps him. Percy down, dead in a ditch with permanent memory loss. They cut his hair off and it grows back brown. When they look for him in the muggle world no one bothers to look at brunettes.

With rat man on the loose causing chaos, my man ✨Sirius✨ is free 💅🏻

Mentally ill, rich, hot, and petty he goes to get Harry, his lawyers, AND a year of mind healing. The best revenge is success. The portraits of his parents are proud of him because he’s terrifying wizarding Britain. He gets extra therapy for that but fuck it 🤷🏻‍♀️ his mom and dad have scary ass friends that he can use to fuck things up for those who have wronged him!!!!!!

Ron and Ginny go through their schooling with no older prefect brother. Endless questions with no answers, confused and scared because Percy has always been there where did he go?

Fred as the “oldest” takes over and it causes a rift with George. They both lose some innocence because sometimes family tragedies push kids into adult roles. No pranks or inventions when your youngest siblings dont understand why everyone is mad and crying.

Bill and Charlie lose their freedom. They have to come home because holy shit this cannot be happening. They lose the life they worked so hard for and have to parent their siblings and parents because mum is falling apart.

They go through the war and survive. All for Bill to go into London one day and be confused for someone’s muggle friend. Like I know not all red heads are related but both tall, same blue eyes, freckled, but his hair is a darker shade of brown/red? You know him? And it’s Percy at the bar celebrating graduation from some prestigious university 💅🏻

Cue whole traumatized family having to deal with their feelings (which we know they sucked at) because the son/brother they buried is here but not really the person they knew/ remember.

The only person who’s having a blast is Percy because after they found him unconscious in a ditch, he has no memory of his past life so he gets to just be. No last name or father to live up to. He goes to school and probably has like two majors, a minor, president of some clubs, studied abroad, and on his way to graduate school.

He meets Bill and the family and it’s so obvious.

Let the chaos continue.

One of my favourite things about canon compliant codywan is how it makes anakin comparatively SO high strung. Like Obi-Wan is just chillin with his low-key lover, having tea, meanwhile Anakin is CONSTANTLY fretting and resentful and angsting over his wife. O66 happens, and Obi-Wan's partner gets mind controlled and he just gets on with things and tries to save Anakin. Anakin meanwhile is self-fulfilling-prophecy-ing his way to a dead wife and the dark side.

They are not the same.

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

The Oscar's were basically the High Lord's meeting.

The High lords:

Bonus, Feyre:

in my euphoria over everything else i almost FORGOT how well for the future jived with my FAVORITE stupid headcanon/future prediction. which is that hunter names himself hunter o'bailey and belos gets incandescently furious about it because he hates the irish.

Nothing hits me harder than realizing that in Star Wars, whatever is canon is whatever hurts Obi Wan Kenobi worse. Like please stop hurting this man. He’s already traumatized enough.

zukka au where aunt wu looks straight at sokka and instead of telling him that his future is full of pain and anguish caused by his own hand, she tells him that he’s going to marry the fire lord and sokka is like “EXCUSE ME?”