Calm Down White Chocolate, Don’t Want You Melting

i wanna be her when i’m older so bad

lately i’ve been seeing lots of posts on here saying things like “how to be a better person”, or “how to be a classy woman” and while i think they have the right ideas at heart, they’re just being very obtuse with the words they choose.

to be a better person you don’t have to speak 7 languages, or only eat raw vegan, or even let everyone tell you their problems.

to be classy you don’t have to have perfectly flat, fly-away-free glossy hair.

the people i see saying these things aren’t thinking about actually being better;

to be good isn’t to be perfect, to be classy doesn’t mean you have to be a white woman with straight blonde hair.

what made me a much better person was realizing i wasn’t a good person.

most of the people giving this advice don’t realize it’s not going to change your life, it won’t make you smart or kind to wear the colors that match your skin tone best. though you might look great, that doesn’t solve the pain.

i think you all deserve some advice from someone with mental illness, who isn’t vegan, who isn’t perfectly tidy, or even popular.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ

i became a softer, kinder, person when i sat down and saw who i really was, a self centered, mean, sad, bully.

i am fortunate enough to has access to therapy, which absolutely helped me but i did a lot more growth on my own. i’m not gonna say journal, or do shadow work because that meant nothing to me at the time, not to say i don’t journal but whatever, what actually helped me was spending time outside.

i called it “outside time”, original i know, but genuinely everyday for months straight i would go out on the porch in the mornings (i started in winter and through spring - cooler months are best) and i would sit. alone. with nothing but my mind, a piece of paper and a pencil, and the sound of birds and the breeze. it became integral for my day, i had to do it or i didn’t have a good day. these moments were the times i wrote my best poems, or saw myself as who i truly was. i got back into reading and ate through book after book.

spending time outside with nothing but the universe and classical music playing gave me time to ask the universe some questions. i asked her how i got here, what i need to change, why she lead me to this realization, and i got my answer every time.

no, god didn’t come down and speak to me, the stars didn’t write it out, and no one actually said anything. the universe told me through memories, late night conversations with myself, and daydreams of better lives.

i picked up some things through this healing process that i think had a hand in my softening.

baking, cooking in general. though it started as a new year resolution, i learned it’s my love language. sharing my recipes and taking requests, it makes me feel wanted.

i started sleeping better, which was a breakthrough for me. i was prescribed a sleeping medication for chronic insomnia, and it’s helped a lot.

i started spending more time on self care.

now this is what i saw a lot of in the posts i was talking about. i saw lots of, “start a keto diet, start doing face masks, shower twice a week, always go on a run or workout!”

but that’s not what i mean. i started washing my makeup off at night, a revelation for someone with such awful depression at the time. i started brushing my teeth which certainly wasn’t a priority when i was rotting in bed everyday. i learned how to properly care for my curls. i even just left dr.pepper for tea. don’t get me wrong i have a dr.pepper sat next to me right now. i never cut it out i just laid off it.

one of the far more controversial aspects i changed was, not letting everybody dump their trials and tribulations onto me. i have always been very empathetic and therefore seen as a person to talk to about your troubles. and while i tried my best, i don’t have the advice a 50 year old woman in the middle of a divorce is looking for (and i was asked for it). i didn’t just let people tell me what they were going through. it seems cruel but it really helped me let go. i always described my mental health as those statues in dispicable me that slowly get crushed. and most of that came from listening to everyone’s thoughts and also carrying my own.

inevitably i had to stop. i had to let people know i wasn’t the person who could help them, and when i would listen my advice was, “i suggest you talk to someone better equipped for these issues”. i lead a lot of people to school counseling, or even social services at times. but i never forced them to take the steps to get better, because they were never my responsibility.

of course i wanted to help, sometimes i understood more than you could imagine, i never said it, because when someone reached out for help i chose to grab their hand and lead them to the real recuse team. because you and i are not trained therapists, we aren’t cps, we aren’t letting ourselves be crushed.

growing for me meant guiding people to the people who helped me. i wasn’t mentally prepared for someone to share a trauma or a struggle, i had and still have my own to work through.

.

all this is to say; no one grows the same way. maybe for some, reading classic literature changed their mentality in life, but i find books from the 1800s boring; and maybe some people feel classiest in all gold jewelry, maybe i don’t get it.

that’s just not what i think would save me. so, if you’re trying to carry yourself with more kindness, if you want to be the ‘it girl’, if you plan to be your best. before you jump to a new wardrobe or a drastic diet change, try spending time with your head. no stimulation, no music or books or anything. sit and color in a coloring book by an open window. ask the universe how you got here, and wait.

frighting with your head won’t get you where you dream to be, sometimes work has to stop for you to start again.

i really hope that the people who truly do want to change, find the right ways to.

with all my love, i am rooting for you.

love, K

March 16th, 2017 marks the 14th year anniversary to Rachel Corrie’s death where she was killed by an Israeli bulldozer that ran her over while she was trying to stop it from demolishing a home of a Palestinian family in Gaza. 

Rest in Peace Rachel. 

ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ᴀɪʀᴍᴀɪʟ

…𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘵!𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳

fluff, mutual pining, summer romance, pilot!matt, seaside town, slight angst i guess, unresolved

requested by the lovely @vanteguccir !

word count - 400ish

Matt shows up every morning like clockwork. Just after sunrise, boots dusted with sand, hair ruffled from the wind and eyes still dreaming. His goggles hang around his neck, and he smells like sun-warmed leather and ocean salt, like the kind of guy who lives too close to the sky. He's been flying since he was young. Too young, probably.

He’s come to your town every season for the past couple of years, flying tourists in slow, looping circles over the sea. 

“Just for the summer”, he tells you every time you ask him how long he’s staying for. 

But Matt walks like he’s not in any rush to leave. Like the sky’s been waiting a long time to let him rest.

The old red biplane sits in the lot like it’s waiting for something magical to happen, patched up with love, stickers from places he’s flown to, and a little yellow flag that flutters even when there’s no breeze. 

You work the morning shift at the sleepy seaside diner down the road from the airfield, all creaky stools and checkered floors. Pouring coffee and pretending not to watch the door. Matt always takes the third seat from the end, facing the window like he’s waiting for something. Or someone. 

“Same as usual?” you ask, smiling as you already scribble it down. Scrambled eggs, burnt toast, a glass of apple juice.  He nods, a little shy, but his mouth quirks at the corners when you bring him the glass. He only ever stays long enough for a bite of the food, but some mornings, he leaves behind little things.

Stickers form fuel stations in towns you’ve never been to. Napkins with doodles. A postcard with nothing but a timestamp and a messy scrawl “thought of you today. The clouds looked like cotton candy.” 

There are paper planes folded from old flight charts, matchbox cars that roll perfectly straight, doodles of balloons carrying houses into the sky. Once, he left a candy bracelet with a note that read “emergency fuel for daydreamers.”

You keep them all in an old mint tin beneath the register when no one’s looking, like souvenirs from a trip you haven’t taken yet. 

You’ve never told him how you’ve always wanted to fly, not just in the air, but somewhere. Somewhere big. Somewhere small. Somewhere with him.

Every afternoon, his biplane hums above the diner roof, sunlight catching on the red wings like a wink. He always dips to one side before disappearing over the cliffs. Always. You wave even though he can’t see you. Or maybe he can.

And you wonder, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next time he walks through the door smelling like wind and sand and sky, maybe you’ll ask him to take you with him.

Just once.

Or maybe you’ll ask him to stay.

@bernardsbendystraws for the dividers!!

a/n: never seen top gun and i'm scared of heights, but matt talking about the movie up, and him in that balloon and now the plane,,, this felt right and how i interpret pilot!matt sdjbhffsdjb :>

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till next time!!!

ahhhh i love love love this

please i need opinions or thoughts or hc’s about the newest schlagg vlog!!!! his giggle when he was waving at all the kids 🤭🤭

hello moth feet! thank you for your ask <3

first of all i LOVE vlogger!schlatt. there's something so nice and mundane about these videos, especially ones like this where he's communicating exclusively through captions. did he go there by himself? bc he mentioned the old guy taking pics for him. either way i'm so happy he got to take a break and enjoy himself in japan. it made me a little sad when he talks poorly about himself ("hideous glut") and i just want to hold him and tell him how much people love him :( he also has this wonderful balance between humorous and respectful. i love how he has captions in japanese in english :] him meeting that fan and mentioning him in his video was super cool too. i tried really hard to hear his giggle but i couldn't </33

i'm thinking about him going on this trip with you as a way to unplug and get away from everything in the states. he'd record a few things here and there, but he primarily would want this to be about you two getting a break and spending time together.

schlatt clearly has talent with videography and even photography, so i imagine him taking pictures of you during some of y'all's activities without any intent to share them. both of you would enjoy taking pics for memories rather than content. he wouldn't do it too often though. maybe just one or two and then putting the camera away so you guys can live and enjoy the moment.

i also thought it was cute when he talked about being nervous around heavy machinery. he'd hold your hand the before, during, and after the cable car ride. he'd squeeze your hand when you guys got on and off and if the car shook during the ride.

seeing him wave at children would definitely activate the baby fever just a bit. he likes to act like he's this big tough guy, but it's clearly at least mostly an act. seeing this kinder, gentler, and more quiet version of him was extremely refreshing and maybe even surprising considering the persona he portrays online.

he'd hold your hand every step of the way in the city. he'd just want to make sure you're safe and secure next to him, not wanting you to get lost or bothered by anyone.

he'd want to be as lowkey as possible during the trip. i'm not sure how much of his fanbase is in japan, but you guys are there to get away from everything and just enjoy the country and each other. he'd say hello to fans if they approached him (if they did it respectfully), and kindly asking them not to take or post any pictures of or with him.

i'm just so glad he got to have some time to be a human.

i spent another homecoming in the corner, you’d think i’d know after all the other dances - it’s never fun, im never asked to dance and i end up following someone i barely know like a lost puppy all night.

as i walked the ghost town of hallways listening to the clacking of my heels, i twirled my long skirt and i danced with the moon because even if it was alone, someone asked me to dance.

i remember at 10 i’d thought i’d have it all in high school, but i don’t have a license, or friends, or anything. as i still hold out for a first kiss and a first date, i’ll remind my younger self that if even for a moment, the moon wanted to know me. i danced to the quiet and my shoes sound, and the night loved me.

happy new year everyone!!!!! i hope this year is better than the last, my birthday is coming up on the 18th so i already have something to celebrate!!

happy new year, be safe🩷🩷

I love when people tag things so correct 😀 I’m looking under the Matt tag and everything except Matt is there!!