An Ad For Your Deepest Desires :)

dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

-Rumi

Watson: this is illegal! we could be imprisoned for this!!

Watson: *publishes entire story in The Strand*

Neil my dude, after showing my mother season one of Good Omens and my dad seeing a bit of it I mentioned you also wrote Coraline and either my mom or dad (don't remember which one said it) said you must have been a weird kid.

Could you please confirm or deny whether or not you were a Weird Kid™?

I was a weird kid.

no piece of teen media has ever accurately depicted the quiet psychological warfare of bullying. bullies on TV are always dumb brutes and not the evil geniuses of emotional manipulation that they are in real life. being given a wedgie and having your lunch money stolen is nothing in comparison to a classmate quietly creating a taboo against speaking to you that they intend to enforce against all the other kids. it’s nothing like continuous cutting comments from people you thought were being nice to you. that way that the work of one kid can make you feel like every person on earth silently hates you and that you are dirty, disgusting, worthless, creepy and useless. that you can have friends but many of them will not speak to you at school for fear of the social consequences on their end. how that damage lasts in any social setting for the rest of your life

want to be clear that if i ever talk about a headcanon and then later discuss a headcanon that is directly contradictory to the first one, that’s because headcanons exist in a quantum state where they are all simultaneously true and not true up until the point where i discuss it in detail, in which case that is the one that is true in that instance. schroedinger’s headcanons

🔎🐝 This is a master post of my Sherlock Holmes fanfiction which you can also find on Ao3! 🐝🔎

For details and warnings, follow the links to AO3, it's included in tags there.

*********************************

The Absolute Truth of the Matter

On the way to Rosenlaui, Holmes falls behind to face Moriarty alone. When it is instead Watson who encounters the Professor at the Reichenbach Falls, events take an unexpected turn.

Or: Watson does a few ridiculously courageous things and there is a crack in Holmes's lens.

The Case of the Lost Cat

Annie hesitated, nervously turning the apple in her hands, lowering her gaze. “I must tell you first,” she mumbled, “that I can’t pay your fee, Mr Holmes, b-but I can help in the garden, or –“ „Oh, but lost animal cases are always free of charge,” Holmes said casually, folding the newspaper and throwing it onto the floor next to his armchair. He is, as I have often stated, really a rather brilliant man.

After the Great War, Holmes and Watson are living a quiet life somewhere in Sussex. The days of great detective work lie in the past, but when a distressed young client asks them for help with finding her lost cat, Holmes and Watson have to solve a case that might turn out to be just beyond their limits.

Flowery Prose

Holmes rarely read to me, and never like this.

The Return of Dr Watson

I think of myself as a practical woman. I am proud to say that I have always been able to manage my household in the most efficient manner, purchasing only what is of good quality without requiring any unnecessary expenses. I have one possession, however, that is an exception to that rule. This is the story of how not only one but two of my tenants returned to Baker Street, and how I came to own one of London’s finest tea services as a result.

Mr Holmes returns. Dr Watson leaves. Mrs Hudson realises that London’s greatest detective might require a little assistance with winning the good doctor back.

The Adventures of the Amorous Amateur

Five times Sherlock Holmes is bad in bed and one time Watson is too.

The Heart's Desire

In which Watson learns how to make love to Sherlock Holmes.

The Adventure of the Lost Footing

“You have been in this particular mood for months,” Holmes stated. “You are in pain, but worse than that, you feel useless. You would clearly be more comfortable – and productive – away from London. Therefore, it seems a permanent relocation is in order.”

When Watson is no longer able to keep step with Sherlock Holmes, he expects to be left behind. As it turns out, Holmes has already devised a plan.

Of Seeing London Again

I had dreamed of London day and night, and now I had returned, but I was not home yet. It would not be until Moran was caught and I could finally reveal myself to my old friend Watson that I would be able to find a modicum of peace.

A Kinder Heart

“Holmes?” The pipe clattered to the floor and there was tobacco scattered all around it, but it passed like a flash before my eyes because I had spun around to face whoever had entered the room. It was Watson, of course.

@cactisays She should have seen the signs, smh :\

I would just like to add, for the record, that I know for certain my ex coworker was involved in placing a curse on me because I literally caught her stealing chicken bones from the KFC garbage can and there's no way that was not a sign of dark magic.

writing historical fiction will make you google things like “when we’re towels invented?” “how much did a towel cost in American in 1885?” “historical average number of towels owned per household”

@cactisays I'm not sure where these people got a video of us

i dont care what you’re doing take 1 minute out of your day to watch this you wont regret it YOU NEED SOUND