Little Space In Relation To Regression

Anonymous wrote:

Hi! I’ve been really confused about something so I was hoping you could help. My daddy has been really distant lately, not texting for days when we can’t see each other and when we do see each other it just seems like he wants to get in my pants….which is fine but I haven’t been able to be little for ages now because every time I find myself slipping and I tell him, he just ignores it and makes me worry that he doesn’t want to take care of me. But he told me he did so….I don’t know. I just feel bad for even bothering him most of the time, and the last thing I want to do is be little around him if it bothers him. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. You probably won’t read this and that’s okay, but thank you anyway!!

Little space can be something of a mystery to most Doms and Daddy‘s… And perhaps it’s because little space is different for each and every little who goes into it. What works for some does not work for others, and the way that one conducts themselves in little space can be completely different from another.

However there are a few commonalities in a little space and how to get your little into it, how to provide it for her, and how to nurture and grow it. But let’s not put the cart before the horse, and begin where we should… At the beginning.

Little space in relation to regression

Therapists and psychoeducators have been using regression therapy for ages in order to figure things out about their patients. The art of psychoanalysis goes all the way back to Sigmund Freud who really mastered the technique and saw in his patients that using hypnotherapy could cause them to be able to re-count past traumas and memories in order to resolve those things. What he also figured out is that by implementing this form of therapy, his patients would “time travel” mentally and emotionally… regressing and becoming stuck in those pockets of time. Their behavior and headspace or state of mind often being there as well as they did so.

Regression therapy specialists believe that we have three states of mind, and that certain events or memories can be stored in the states that we cannot access on our own… so with the proper kind of attention and assistance, those states of mind can be opened up, memories can be accessed, and parts of our past life are allowed to come to the surface.

This form of therapy and the methods used to achieve it all involves providing a relaxed and safe space.

It’s not much different in our lifestyle. Whether it is subspace, little space, or any other kind of headspace or state of mind, the submissive needs to feel relaxed… Safe… And above all, that they can trust you.

One of the most common things that I would hear from Littles who struggle to find their little space is that they cannot rely on their daddy or Dom to get them there, and those who are single cannot find it themselves. Or they end up going so long that they feel that they are either not little anymore or that they have simply lost their little side.

With enough prying and the proper questions however, I soon and usually come to find out that it has more to do with stress… being busy… current life events, and other high pressure or unsafe things that are happening at the time.

To make it simple… They do not have a safe space in order to find that part of themselves.

Most commonly, Littles will regress in some form to find their little space and most Littles have a “little age.” Now notice that I said most and most commonly.

Because there is a certain portion of our community that is simply in it for the kink. There is a certain portion who age play, and they do not get into the mental or emotional aspect of that part of the lifestyle. They might just simply enjoy acting out the parts and fantasizing in their own way.

So with all of that in mind, the main point is that the Dom or Daddy in the relationship has to be able to provide that safety and security in order to guide his submissive to find their proper headspace.

In the same way… a single submissive must be able to eliminate the stress and what not of their lives in order to be able to claim that space properly.

When we do not feel safe, we cannot relax. Without being able to relax, we cannot allow ourselves to let go. And without being able to let go we will not be able to feel enough contentment to be able to enjoy that part of ourselves.

Understand where little space comes from

As we grow in life our brain is constantly evolving and growing with us up to a certain age. Along the way through our developmental years, certain things can happen to us that alter the course of our brain or even affect it in such a way as to get it hung up or stuck on certain times and events.

Those who suffer from great depression often use these events and times to capitalize and maximize their faults and failures while piling everything from blame to wrath upon themselves.

Someone who has a major trauma event may keep that event stored at the forefront of their mind and revisit it often… Thus keeping themselves from making personal progress.

I say all of that in order to say this: it is my belief that a littles “little age” is a block of time that sits somewhere near a major shock or hard change event in their life. Their little space exists somewhere just before an event of great change or trauma or likewise. It exists in a time just before because that is the last time that they felt truly innocent or safe in life. Perhaps it’s the death of a family member, a sexual trauma, or any number of things that made a sudden and large dramatic impact on their lives.

On the flipside, it can also be a time in life that existed before a long string of abuse. This could be mental, physical, emotional or a combination… Domestic violence, perhaps a creepy uncle, the list is endless but you get the point.

So in understanding where your Littles little space comes from, you are better able to understand what first created it… And then what triggers it as well. In parallel to those things, you are also able to be more properly educated and able to handle the things that caused it to begin with…

Have you ever noticed your little shut down or go quiet or revert to a negative head space after something simple and ambiguous that you did? They can’t explain it to you… And you can’t figure out why.

It may be that you are committing a behavior that makes them feel either unsafe or that was traumatizing for them in the past and they cannot verbally express that to you because they end up hyper regressing in that moment.

Your little needs their little space just as much as she does that therapy spanking that you like to give her.

Think in your own life the things that allow you to relax outside of your relationship. Perhaps you like to play video games, perhaps you play cards with your friends, maybe it’s camping on the weekends or your bowling league… Whatever the activity or mood or moment, these are things that allow you to relax, blow off steam, and ultimately reset yourself.

Little space is no different for the little.

They not only crave the space, but they actually need it in order to feel complete and themselves. Otherwise you may end up finding some frustrating consequences and circumstances on your hands if you as the dominant are not able to provide this for them.

And I know that you’ve heard me say that a couple of times now… That you provide it. And because that’s the way it is.

As the dominant in their life, they depend on you to be the pillar of stability and everything that is safe and sacred in their lives. They give you their submission and in return expect that you will keep them safe and protect them among other things… That you will provide their needs, whether it be in making their decisions, choosing their clothing and so on… which includes giving them the absolute safest of care possible.

The onus is on you not only to provide the space but to recognize when it’s needed without them having to ask. How you come to that conclusion is really up to how your relationship ebbs and flows.

For some, little space can be sexual.

And there is a long-standing debate within the community as to whether little space should include sexual aspects and activities or not. But if you get to the root of the issue, some Littles get sexual in their little space because their little space was triggered by a sexual trauma to begin with.

Where things get stigmatized, skewed, and twisted out of control by those who are ignorant and uneducated is that they see our lifestyle as pedophilia, or sick or whatever because of the kink and Age play aspect of it… and the way it’s portrayed in media and pornography. But what’s to be understood is that most of those who are serious and active in the community recognize that their submissive is an adult and in no way shape or form would they see them otherwise. I’m not saying that the creeps out there don’t exist… They certainly do, but I don’t believe that they would last very long in a real ddlg kink community.

This is very much an adult lifestyle, that features adult kink, with adults who are participating in adult activities… and there is no place for children or those who are attracted to them.

I am also not at all a fan of mixing sexual activity with little space. I do not believe that it is good for either of the people in the relationship, nor do I believe that it is healthy for any kind of self evolution in the little. But that’s just my opinion and a matter of debate no matter who is talking about it.

Little space should be a safe place of refuge where your little can freely express herself and be who she is without fear of dark clouds, worry, anxiety and so on… it should be a place where that sweet tender caregiver side of your daddy space is allowed to shine through and and appropriately wrap your little up in an emotional, mental and sometimes physical blanket of security and love.

Thank you for reading and enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others who need it.

Further education:

The new daddy dom survival kit part one: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182659779408/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part

part two: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182633415838/ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-2-previously-in-our

part three: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182608439803/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-one-i-often

the consequences of neglect: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182582298108/daddy-101-the-consequence-of-neglect-and-now-we

The safe word: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/177835509358/mistersbeard-ddlg-101-the-safe-word-today-in.- Mister

mistersbeard.tumblr.com Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Listen to the beard, bows and BDSM podcast on spotify or wherever you enjoy fine podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/63aNShbd4hVN4eBkwJtwz9

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Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: RULES.

One of the most basic core elements of a relationship in this lifestyle comes in the form of having a rules list.... And it should seem pretty simple to put together, right?

One would be surprised at how many times recently that I have been approached with a question about this simple concept. I have spoken about it all in posts before regarding other subjects, but I have not have a dedicated post about it until now.

So, let’s dive right in and examine ways in which you can implement rules into your relationship… Why you need them… And why they are important.

Why are rules important?

One of the largest things that your little desires and craves in the relationship is structure. You are the pillar of strength and stability in their life, and as such they look to you for all things in keeping structure in place while providing them discipline and safety.

So when there is a lack of rules, it can end up causing the feeling of a lack of purpose. And with the lack of purpose... frustrations and other problems can end up manifesting within their lives and the relationship as a whole.

In society we have common rules that keep us all disciplined and in line. Don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t punch random people on the street, don’t eat something if it’s been on the floor for more than five seconds… All of our societal rules are in place to provide us as human beings with structure, stability, and overall discipline to keep us safe and secure.

In the same way… Rules in your relationship provide the necessary elements to keep your little happy and healthy.

Pre-disposed issues

As a daddy or Dom, your submissive will ultimately end up coming to you with some kind of pre-disposed issues or problems in their life. There is a lot of psychological and mental things that I could get into but at the end of the day and skipping all of that, you just have to realize that as the authority figure in their life in whatever form or fashion you are, they need you to guide them and help them along the way.

So as you go to put together some of your rules, there are a few key elements that are general to almost every little, submissive, and relationship.

Littles often have trouble with the following;

- remembering to eat or drink enough water.

- Remembering to brush their teeth and their hair, proper hygiene

- Remembering to take their medication

- Remembering to clean up after themselves

- Keeping a proper bedtime

- Being on time for things like work and school and appointments

- Speaking politely to people along with proper grammar and dictation

- Dressing themselves well

These are some of the most common issues and problems that they face, so it’s very easy to fashion rules around those things if they feel that they need to do so.

Things like setting bedtimes, setting times to eat, deciding how many ounces of water to drink per day, how many times per day they should bathe or shower, what times they are allowed to do certain things… All of these can translate into things that will provide them with structure, while allowing you to be dominant over them while improving their lives and watching them evolve.

Some of these require your active involvement and some of them merely become passive routines. Either way they both can be done in such a way that creates an intimacy in your relationship and allows the two of you to become closer.

Whatever you end up deciding in terms of rules… They need to be mutually agreed-upon and discussed. You should always have a reason why, and it should always be something that creates a bigger benefit for your submissive than it does for you.

Now that’s not to say you can’t have some rules that are for fun…

One very common rule that many use in their lifestyle relationship is no self pleasure without permission.

Now you ask me what the benefit is in that… So allow me to explain.

Certain rules and elements can be set up to create a Pavlovian environment.

The concept of Pavlov‘s dog, or really any kind of actions that are involved in training creatures involves a system of performance and reward. Scientists and researchers have long studied creatures and their behaviors in regards to being triggered by certain stimuli… Pavlov‘s dog found that every time it heard a certain stimuli like a ringing bell or the footsteps of his masters assistant… The dog knew that it was time for them to be fed.

I have two dogs which I trained to know the feeding time comes two times a day with a certain action. My life being a routine as it is, the dogs have come to recognize my actions and acclimate their behavior to them. They now automatically get into place and sit down next to each other and wait for a command… Which doesn’t even have to be verbal at this point.

The dogs conduct themselves according to what they have been trained and accustomed to do, and in turn .... they get a reward.

(And by no means am I associating your submissive as a dog, multiple studies and scenarios like this have been done on humans as well)

I once had a sub who even a year or so after we had parted, admitted to me that to that day the sound of jingling keys would trigger her to sit up straight, place her hands together, emotionally gain confidence.... and become turned on and wet.

This was because during our time together I wore a large ring of keys that I modified to jingle with every movement I made... and I always wore them when we were together. After a certain time, she psychologically tuned into and began to associate the sound of the keys to the actions and environment she was in... and subconsciously acted accordingly when the sound would come

The main point of seeing all that is to provide the concept that action often ends up creating reaction.

Back to the no pleasure without permission rule: a submissive who has to ask to pleasure themselves will find comfort in being told that they’re allowed to and then extra comfort in the gratification that comes afterwards.

They will actually end up looking forward to asking for permission in order to be able to get what they want, because it creates a structure in their life… And then the reward of pleasuring themselves which in turn also satisfies their Dom, is up making that gratification even more so valuable to them.

In a similar fashion you can implement rules like bathroom or potty time. The act of having to ask to go potty and then the passive micro dominance that follows can be beneficial to both people in the relationship. The dominant gets to control the action, and the submissive gets to fulfill a request.

How I do it: when the submissive asks to go potty, I look at the clock and round up to the nearest quarter. If they don’t have to go that bad at the moment, make it the nearest half hour. The psychological effects alone are beautiful in and of themselves. It gives the Dom control, and it sets a rule all in itself for the sub. Now in addition to needing to pee, and having had to ask, they now have to meet a time requirement while dealing with their discomfort. Stay away from number two though... and stay away from this rule if they have a history of UTI problems.

Things the rules should never interfere with;

- Family. Whenever it comes to a family event or some thing involving the submissive’s family, you should absolutely not interfere in that. Keeping the safety in your submissive’s life is priority number one and anything that you do the compromises that will end in disaster.

- Their work. In a similar fashion as family you cannot interfere in their work or set a rule that would cause them to get in trouble at work or lose their job.

- Their health. You should never do anything or implement a rule that causes them to feel shameful about their body, or that would harm them in some kind of way. Making your submissive starve or eat something that’s dangerous or something of that like his cruelty and abusive.

- And as I said, rules should be talked about and mutually agreed-upon. Ultimately your submissive knows what’s best for them, and your rules should be set up in a way in which helps them to grow and become better.... while keeping in mind that they may be changed, deleted, or otherwise modified later according to needs..

Enforcement

One of the larger reasons that a relationship ends up failing is due to the consequences of neglect and frustration. These things come because of the lack of enforcement of the rules by the dominant in the relationship.

As stated before, structure is one of the biggest things that submissive desires with in the relationship and if the person who is in charge of them begins to fail in providing that when it’s expected, the submissive will begin acting up and causing problems which is the harbinger of disaster. Before you know it... you’ve made your once lovely and obedient submissive into a brat.

So to put it simply… If you do not plan on putting in the effort to continuously enforce and keep up with making sure that your submissive is adhering to and following the rules, don’t set them in the first place and don’t get yourself into this type of relationship.

Someone who sets of rules and then does not enforce them is equal to someone who abuses someone. Because an expectation of structure and then a lack of structure causes emotional and mental anguish… Which then in turn causes an effect on the submissive for lengths of time well beyond what your relationship will last.

It also removes their trust in you, their respect for you, and their obedience to you.

A submissive who has structure and stability in their life ends up being a happy submissive… And a happy submissive equals a happy dominant.

Just don’t be surprised if they purposely break a rule every now and again... it’s not them being mean, it’s them giving you a wake up call and saying pay attention.

Thank you for enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others to benefit from.

- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Snapchat: Mistersbeard

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mslunafox17

3 years ago