Mslunafox17 - Dont Look Back. You're Not Going That Way.

Black and white fox

Anonymous wrote:

Hi! I’ve been really confused about something so I was hoping you could help. My daddy has been really distant lately, not texting for days when we can’t see each other and when we do see each other it just seems like he wants to get in my pants….which is fine but I haven’t been able to be little for ages now because every time I find myself slipping and I tell him, he just ignores it and makes me worry that he doesn’t want to take care of me. But he told me he did so….I don’t know. I just feel bad for even bothering him most of the time, and the last thing I want to do is be little around him if it bothers him. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. You probably won’t read this and that’s okay, but thank you anyway!!

Little space can be something of a mystery to most Doms and Daddy‘s… And perhaps it’s because little space is different for each and every little who goes into it. What works for some does not work for others, and the way that one conducts themselves in little space can be completely different from another.

However there are a few commonalities in a little space and how to get your little into it, how to provide it for her, and how to nurture and grow it. But let’s not put the cart before the horse, and begin where we should… At the beginning.

Little space in relation to regression

Therapists and psychoeducators have been using regression therapy for ages in order to figure things out about their patients. The art of psychoanalysis goes all the way back to Sigmund Freud who really mastered the technique and saw in his patients that using hypnotherapy could cause them to be able to re-count past traumas and memories in order to resolve those things. What he also figured out is that by implementing this form of therapy, his patients would “time travel” mentally and emotionally… regressing and becoming stuck in those pockets of time. Their behavior and headspace or state of mind often being there as well as they did so.

Regression therapy specialists believe that we have three states of mind, and that certain events or memories can be stored in the states that we cannot access on our own… so with the proper kind of attention and assistance, those states of mind can be opened up, memories can be accessed, and parts of our past life are allowed to come to the surface.

This form of therapy and the methods used to achieve it all involves providing a relaxed and safe space.

It’s not much different in our lifestyle. Whether it is subspace, little space, or any other kind of headspace or state of mind, the submissive needs to feel relaxed… Safe… And above all, that they can trust you.

One of the most common things that I would hear from Littles who struggle to find their little space is that they cannot rely on their daddy or Dom to get them there, and those who are single cannot find it themselves. Or they end up going so long that they feel that they are either not little anymore or that they have simply lost their little side.

With enough prying and the proper questions however, I soon and usually come to find out that it has more to do with stress… being busy… current life events, and other high pressure or unsafe things that are happening at the time.

To make it simple… They do not have a safe space in order to find that part of themselves.

Most commonly, Littles will regress in some form to find their little space and most Littles have a “little age.” Now notice that I said most and most commonly.

Because there is a certain portion of our community that is simply in it for the kink. There is a certain portion who age play, and they do not get into the mental or emotional aspect of that part of the lifestyle. They might just simply enjoy acting out the parts and fantasizing in their own way.

So with all of that in mind, the main point is that the Dom or Daddy in the relationship has to be able to provide that safety and security in order to guide his submissive to find their proper headspace.

In the same way… a single submissive must be able to eliminate the stress and what not of their lives in order to be able to claim that space properly.

When we do not feel safe, we cannot relax. Without being able to relax, we cannot allow ourselves to let go. And without being able to let go we will not be able to feel enough contentment to be able to enjoy that part of ourselves.

Understand where little space comes from

As we grow in life our brain is constantly evolving and growing with us up to a certain age. Along the way through our developmental years, certain things can happen to us that alter the course of our brain or even affect it in such a way as to get it hung up or stuck on certain times and events.

Those who suffer from great depression often use these events and times to capitalize and maximize their faults and failures while piling everything from blame to wrath upon themselves.

Someone who has a major trauma event may keep that event stored at the forefront of their mind and revisit it often… Thus keeping themselves from making personal progress.

I say all of that in order to say this: it is my belief that a littles “little age” is a block of time that sits somewhere near a major shock or hard change event in their life. Their little space exists somewhere just before an event of great change or trauma or likewise. It exists in a time just before because that is the last time that they felt truly innocent or safe in life. Perhaps it’s the death of a family member, a sexual trauma, or any number of things that made a sudden and large dramatic impact on their lives.

On the flipside, it can also be a time in life that existed before a long string of abuse. This could be mental, physical, emotional or a combination… Domestic violence, perhaps a creepy uncle, the list is endless but you get the point.

So in understanding where your Littles little space comes from, you are better able to understand what first created it… And then what triggers it as well. In parallel to those things, you are also able to be more properly educated and able to handle the things that caused it to begin with…

Have you ever noticed your little shut down or go quiet or revert to a negative head space after something simple and ambiguous that you did? They can’t explain it to you… And you can’t figure out why.

It may be that you are committing a behavior that makes them feel either unsafe or that was traumatizing for them in the past and they cannot verbally express that to you because they end up hyper regressing in that moment.

Your little needs their little space just as much as she does that therapy spanking that you like to give her.

Think in your own life the things that allow you to relax outside of your relationship. Perhaps you like to play video games, perhaps you play cards with your friends, maybe it’s camping on the weekends or your bowling league… Whatever the activity or mood or moment, these are things that allow you to relax, blow off steam, and ultimately reset yourself.

Little space is no different for the little.

They not only crave the space, but they actually need it in order to feel complete and themselves. Otherwise you may end up finding some frustrating consequences and circumstances on your hands if you as the dominant are not able to provide this for them.

And I know that you’ve heard me say that a couple of times now… That you provide it. And because that’s the way it is.

As the dominant in their life, they depend on you to be the pillar of stability and everything that is safe and sacred in their lives. They give you their submission and in return expect that you will keep them safe and protect them among other things… That you will provide their needs, whether it be in making their decisions, choosing their clothing and so on… which includes giving them the absolute safest of care possible.

The onus is on you not only to provide the space but to recognize when it’s needed without them having to ask. How you come to that conclusion is really up to how your relationship ebbs and flows.

For some, little space can be sexual.

And there is a long-standing debate within the community as to whether little space should include sexual aspects and activities or not. But if you get to the root of the issue, some Littles get sexual in their little space because their little space was triggered by a sexual trauma to begin with.

Where things get stigmatized, skewed, and twisted out of control by those who are ignorant and uneducated is that they see our lifestyle as pedophilia, or sick or whatever because of the kink and Age play aspect of it… and the way it’s portrayed in media and pornography. But what’s to be understood is that most of those who are serious and active in the community recognize that their submissive is an adult and in no way shape or form would they see them otherwise. I’m not saying that the creeps out there don’t exist… They certainly do, but I don’t believe that they would last very long in a real ddlg kink community.

This is very much an adult lifestyle, that features adult kink, with adults who are participating in adult activities… and there is no place for children or those who are attracted to them.

I am also not at all a fan of mixing sexual activity with little space. I do not believe that it is good for either of the people in the relationship, nor do I believe that it is healthy for any kind of self evolution in the little. But that’s just my opinion and a matter of debate no matter who is talking about it.

Little space should be a safe place of refuge where your little can freely express herself and be who she is without fear of dark clouds, worry, anxiety and so on… it should be a place where that sweet tender caregiver side of your daddy space is allowed to shine through and and appropriately wrap your little up in an emotional, mental and sometimes physical blanket of security and love.

Thank you for reading and enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others who need it.

Further education:

The new daddy dom survival kit part one: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182659779408/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part

part two: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182633415838/ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-2-previously-in-our

part three: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182608439803/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-one-i-often

the consequences of neglect: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182582298108/daddy-101-the-consequence-of-neglect-and-now-we

The safe word: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/177835509358/mistersbeard-ddlg-101-the-safe-word-today-in.- Mister

mistersbeard.tumblr.com Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Listen to the beard, bows and BDSM podcast on spotify or wherever you enjoy fine podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/63aNShbd4hVN4eBkwJtwz9

Where are the ladies that ♥️ LADIES?!!?

Updated Library For Kinksters

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom