How I Made $2500/month And Was Able To Quit My Job To Stay Home With My My Baby Claire!!!

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Being the new chick at the gym...

I’m the girl who can only squat the bar.

The girl who barely knows what I’m doing and looks out of place

I’m probably the heaviest girl at the weight rack working on deadlifts and crunches

I’m the girl who you assume won’t be there in a couple of weeks

But here’s what you don't know:

I’m also the girl who is tired of starting over

The one who isn't here to look cute and take selfies

The girl who doesn’t give a shit that I’m sweaty and red-faced and my bun is starting to fall out.

So keep staring, judging if you must, but I’m not here for you I’m here to be a better version of me than I was yesterday.

Faster, stronger, healthier 

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Follow me @ Muscles and Fitness Man

Okay so he rarely posts these because he’s humble but I just want you to see the massive transformation @eternal-nova has gone through since I’ve known him.

Pic on the left was one he took like a month before we met I think, and the right is recent. He’s a jacked stud and it’s all through consistent, intense hard work and resolve.

He will always be goals for me, not only lookswise, but also in that emotional and mental strength he shows to constantly keep improving.

Proud to have him as a bestie.

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Any guidelines/rules or tips you could give me for making an OC with DID? I don't want to be stereotypical or offensive, and I want to be as accurate as possible!

I (and we) totally appreciate that! Doing thorough research, especially by reading the many accounts of people who publicly share their stories, will be of great help. Some YouTubers (Autumn Asphodel, Multiplicity and Me) and some blogs (like The We in Me) could be great places to start. You’re also welcome to check out the #DIDchat tag on twitter to read experiences of real people living with DID. It’s a weekly chat, but the hashtag can be viewed at any time! 

Also, if you want a good feeling of what it’s like to live with DID, I’d recommend watching the show Sense8. It’s not actually about DID, but it’s basically exactly what living with DID is like lol. 

But, let’s see, if I were to help you write this disorder into “a” character, here’s what I’d suggest:

Understand why DID forms: Simply (and subjectively) put, DID forms when a child under the age of nine experiences repeated trauma that they cannot handle. They detach from it (dissociation) and when this dissociation isn’t enough, their brain literally creates a family–more than one person–to handle the trauma. Think of your character not as an individual, but a family or team that was built to handle circumstances an individual couldn’t handle alone. DID is an adaptive and creative disorder.

When writing a character with DID, you’re not just writing one character. People with DID aren’t a person with alters–many of us consider ourselves and our alters to all be equal. One may appear most often, but that doesn’t mean we’re more of a person. 

Create complex backstories, worldviews, and motivations for each alter. Alters are full identities, meaning each one sees and experiences the world in a unique way. Essentially, create each alter into a whole individual person (with their innate “role” having to do with the trauma their whole system faced). Just like how a character’s experiences inform their personality, an alter’s experiences do the same. Keep in mind that alters can have different physical abilities and experiences too (i.e. different strengths, one having a mobility condition, one being blind, etc).

Understand when each other will take over. Since they are multiple people, but all share one body, it’s common to fight for time out in the world. For self-expression, to be ourselves, and so on. Think about which characters are comfortable not revealing themselves, and if some feel the need to. Think about when they will take turns being up front (both accidentally and intentionally). 

Don’t focus solely on alters. Because people with DID are trauma survivors, we basically all have PTSD (most often Complex PTSD). Look into those symptoms and figure out what each individual alter will have as their most prominent symptoms, which ones distress them the most, and which can they handle well. Also, describe the complexities of dissociation, amnesia, and other symptoms with DID. 

Understand the alter’s role, but don’t stereotype them. (And gosh, please no murderous alters! Or if you have a violent one, have them be sympathetic and violent because they needed to in order to survive, since that’s the real story behind violent alters.) I’ll give an example of a stereotype versus reality below. 

Don’t make DID too obvious to the people who know the character (presuming they’re not “out”). Although sometimes it’s obvious that a person has more than one identity, it’s often a very subtle disorder. It more often appears as mood swings (like alters who tend to feel different moods more often–though remember that each alter can feel every emotion, they don’t represent single emotions unless they are fragments, but that’s more rare and probably too hard to get into in writing). As well as appearing as memory loss. 

Capture the issues people with DID face. Acceptance, stereotypes, stigma, being presumed to be dangerous, not being believed by mental health professionals, not having physical disorders taken seriously, and so on. 

Pay attention to the internal relationship dynamics. Communication is key for those of us with DID, we have to get to know each other, understand each other, and support each other if we want to live harmoniously. A good exercise might be to imagine (after writing all the alters’ basic character traits) them all stuck in a room together. How would they treat each other? What relationships would they have? 

Don’t forget the embarrassment of suddenly having someone comment on a private thought of yours. Alters, since we all share the same head, will sometimes chime in at really awkward moments. Even though we’re not all present at the same time, we are sometimes present at inopportune times. 

And here are some personal examples corresponding to these above points that might help get your creative juices flowing! (All what I’m willing to share, so some might be vague, and heads up for abuse mentions.)

For three of us, here’s how we all sort of formed. I think I, Arien, was around first. I’m generally compassionate, trusting, and try to heal others (even those that hurt me). When I was abused too painfully, more than I could handle, Bael came into being. He’s more sexual (basically adapted to get off on being abused) and he’s masochistic. When we were then asked to do morally questionable things by our abuser, Sion stepped in. He was colder and more detached, and didn’t have the same issues with morality as the rest of us. See how some of us formed to step into a situation the others couldn’t handle, or didn’t have the skills to? (Sense8 btw, gives a really good subjective portrayal of what this feels like.)

Don’t really have anything to add to this point. Though, you might want to write one alter that’s hesitant to realize they are a we. I was initially scared I’d lose my sense of self when I was admitting I wasn’t alone in this body.

Some examples of our differences: Bael is very good at drawing anatomy and understanding lines and angles when drawing. I’m a softer, more curvy, artist. I’m better at coloring. Sion likes overcast, rain, and wintery weather, whereas I get depressed and moody in the winter. Bael doesn’t like Indian food (besides chicken curry) but I LOVE Indian food. I have a mild mobility disability, Bael is very rarely disabled at all (he’s pretty strong, except for when our body as a whole gets sick). Ava is afraid of water, the rest of us love it.

An example of intentionally taking over: Bael wants to talk during therapy, so on our walk there, he turns on his playlist and the music helps him come forward and feel grounded. An example of accidentally taking over: During past abuse, I’d be abused and it would be intensely painful, then I’d just black out (not pass out, but no longer remember anything). Bael was taking over during that time. Sometimes we accidentally switch without amnesia. Like in therapy I was once talking about Bael and then Bael was like “wait…I think I’m here now” to our therapist. 

For context, I remember about 10% or less of my life. And I miss casual things too. Like my apartment is cleaned or messier and I don’t remember doing it. I’m half way to a destination and then realize that I’m halfway there (like not remembering how I got to the half way point). Recently, a friend texted to confirm we were meeting in an hour, and I had no recollection of us ever setting up a time to meet at all (despite it being in texts when I looked back and such). PTSD and other symptoms are things you can look up, I think they’d be easier to write. Also, sometimes we jump when we look in the mirror. Like we don’t recognize ourself (depending on who’s fronting) and it startles us. 

Okay! Stereotype versus reality. Sion (tentatively) said I can use him. He’s what’s sometimes called a “persecutor alter,” alters who tend to take after their abuser and sometimes will hurt the system or others. If you were to write a persecutor as a typically abusive, one-dimensional person, it would be stereotyping them. But, if I were to write someone, based on Sion, I’d describe how much he struggled to accept himself because of the immoral things he was forced to do and chose to do to save himself and us. How he felt that was all he was good at. I’d describe how he thought Bael needed to be hurt when he was stressed, because that’s what Bael described wanting. I’d talk about Sion’s complex desire to protect us, yet also being afraid he’d hurt us. There’s a lot more, but that’s all he’s comfortable with me sharing. 

In my own experience, I had one friend who had met a few of us alters and she kept a journal about it. But she thought maybe it was something spiritual. More commonly, I would just have confused friends (before my dx, when I didn’t have an explanation) be angry that I didn’t remember promising or telling something, accuse me of manipulating them. Whereas I literally just wasn’t the identity that had promised something or given a different opinion earlier. A friend also described me changing opinions mid-dialogue. Like “ah, I’ll totally commit to this lease, I feel great about it!” and then “there’s no way I’m going to commit. It’s a bad choice for all these reasons.” It wasn’t me doubting myself (it was multiple selves), but that’s how it looked like to others. 

There is SO much stigma around DID (one reason I’m happy to type all this out! To help dismantle that). Look into movies that bug those of us living with it, slurs and microaggressions (”yeah, it was like she had multiple personalities, she was so emotional!!”). How we’re treated as monsters rather than survivors. The fear we face whenever we see a new doctor or go to the hospital and have to decide if we want to say we have DID or not. How we’re left out of conversations about mental illness, abuse, and childhood trauma.

This point’s more on your character development! But, I can say, us alters argue, support each other, comment on each other’s actions, I narrate what we’re doing sometimes (lol). Also, sometimes we’ll get tired of the others being in pain. It takes a lot of energy to always, in the back of your mind, know someone is hurting. (Like our Little will sometimes cry for a day or two and we can all hear it.)

Oh gosh, point ten happens so much! Like I’ll be fantasizing about something then someone will comment on the thought and I’ll be like “auhhlsiudhfliushd” *blushes* xD. It’s even worse if one us fantasizes about another alter LOL. This can also happen with other private thoughts (not so funny ones) like suicide ideation, shame, watching one alter act on an addiction, etc. Also, us alters do feel some of each other’s emotions (like we’re affected by it), although it doesn’t feel like our emotions. 

I really hope this helps you and many others write and understand DID! More questions are totally fine, and this post is okay to reblog! 

(Also hey if you want to pitch into my service dog fundraiser that would be awesome?? :D)

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me_irl

I can get my head turned by a good-looking guy as much as the next girl. But sexy doesn’t impress me. Smart impresses me, strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I am impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.

Lisa Unger (via toinfinityandswann)

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Kenta Seki (IG: @KentaSeki)

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Do not forget that Florida isn’t the only one getting hit by Irma. Puerto Rico and the other islands are going to be hit. This hurricane is huge. It is going to practically cover Puerto Rico. It’s bigger than Ohio.

Don’t be quiet about Puerto Rico and the other islands. These people will need help as well. Not a single part of Puerto Rico will be untouched from the hurricane.

UPDATE 9/6/2017:

Barbuda was just hit and nearly 100% of the country’s structures and vehicles were destroyed. 60% of the population is homeless. So far there are 2 dead but it is going to go up. If you are in the path, please evacuate if you can. Help each other out. If you know someone who cannot get shelter, help them out. We need each other more than ever.