Spins Your Tiny Zhao Like Soup In A Microwave

It’s soooooo good~! Look at these goofs!

Here we go!

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"Javier, John. John, Javier." Dutch said rather off handedly. He was far too busy looking over the Blackwater National Bank's blueprints. Or perhaps too worried about the clever Detective Matthews who was bound to try stopping him. Either way, John and Javier looked at one another, each henchmen studying his new partner. John especially. This was, what, possibly the fifth in three weeks. They usually didn’t click as partners and the newcomer usually didn’t stay with all the shenanigans that ensued. And this stylish one didn’t seem like he’d be one to stick it out but, Dutch insisted.

Finally after sizing John up fully, Javier offered his hand."You work for Van Der Linde long?"

"I guess. Couple years." John answered, accepting the greeting with some reservations. "You'll come to enjoy his eccentricities."

"Do you?"

John made a face close to an eye roll, noticeable for Javier to catch and blurt out a small snort of a laugh. One where he had to catch himself and both straighten immediately as Dutch's head shot up from his desk.

"Sorry, Boss." The pair said in unison, trying to avoid Dutch's glare and ease their way out the door. Luckily this escape was swift as Dutch ordered John to show Javier around and prepare the car. They had quite the caper tonight.

The next hours flew rather quickly as the pair tried to get to know one another: jobs they’d been on, end goal and the like. There were some expected differences but each couldn’t help but happily take notice of their shared sense of humor (even their comical naivety). All the while doing so as they took a tour of the hideout. The planning room here, drawing room there, the garage with all the stolen luxury wagons, the room with all the loot Dutch had sponged up just being too wily for the cops. "He'd have more if he hasn't worried about Matthews. His dramatic already but its another level with that PI involved. You'd think they were in some dime novel."

"I got that feeling from a few jobs we ran together." Javier added just as they reached a stairwell. And the music jumping from the door at the bottom. "What’s that buzzin' ?" Javier seemed to fall into a trance, starting to bob his head and snap his fingers, swaying in the division of the swinging tunes. John only followed, juking behind until they spilled into the door where the sound spilled out.

"He’s running a gin joint too? Van Der linde is one bad cat and these tunes! Oh, these tunes, John!" Or at least John thought maybe thats what Javier was saying. John didn’t completely have the brain trained to be bilingual yet. Instead he let the loud music cut in and hold the conversation where they couldn't. Javier was twisting with all the latest-moves and John stuck with ones more tried-and-true among the other folks working for Dutch and unwinding in the club. Lenny kept the even tempo on drums, Uncle slid the saucy trombone, Molly was hot on the ivories, and little Jack did his best to make the trumpet sing. 

Then John and Javier kind of, well, bonded. Even over something so trivial as having a good time. Shaking to the new music that brought folks together.

"John!" Abigail called from the bar, working alongside Pearson as they put away the hooch. She made her way over and gave a curt nod to Javier. "John, I wanted to-" She did a double take to Javier, studying him before her eyes flicked to John. And the smallest of smirks came over her lips as she looked between the pair of them. "Dutch is one funny duck, ain’t he?" She said under her breath with a chuckle before starting again. "Me and Jack are staking out this place for Dutch. Adler’s, a widow gunsmith or something. Gonna see if I can get her to work with us."

"And?" John teased.

"And,"Abigail stressed sassily, "That means I ain't gonna be there to make sure you get back without any holes." She emphasized almost playfully, poking a finger at the hole in Johns shirt and showing it off to Javier. "Jack would like you in one piece, please."

"Among other people?" John asked stealing a drink from her tray.

She stole it back to hand to Javier instead. "Among other people." Abigail glanced at the pair once more before she was called away by Susan to do some chore or another with the girls. "Well, you'll probably get sick of us real quick, Mr.Twist. But hope you find reason to stick around, hm?" Abigail hummed before hurrying away to answer Grimshaw’s call.

They stood there for bit before Javier leaned into John. "Any idea what she meant by that?"

"Not in the least." John admitted, just as clueless. Henchman tendencies and all. He rubbed his chin and chuckled though." Probably the drink?"

Javier downed the shot of moonshine with a long 'ahhhhh’ to follow."Your ladybird wasn't joking. This is definitely a reason to stay." He sighed and John agreed.

But then a note was slipped to the pair of them, one from Dutch who was ready for the heist. They were cool cats, sure. But now it was time for henchmen mode.With a wave to his new gang members from Javier and a ruffle of Jack's head from John, the duo went to prep the getaway car. Weapons were at their sides, satchels and bandanas equipped, and finally Big Boss Van Der Linde strutted into the car, determined for the take. "Alright, gents. Let’s see what you two can do." Then their car took off into the night, prepared to make a flawless and effortless feat of criminality. 

Only, it didn't happen that way. 

At all.

Dealing with Dutch's dramatics, it never went according to his plan. Matthews was there alright, the clever detective, and unexpectedly John and Javier had their hands full with his deputies, Arthur and Charles. It was as if fate was dealing them a sour hand. No matter how dexterous the henchmen were off the clock, they couldn't stop fumbling and making such small mistakes: dropping their guns, stumbling into boxes, loosing a shoe, accidentally triggering the security to come along at the bank. Curse the fates that were causing their flops! And bigger curses as Dutch fled in another car, leading the way, only to have Javier and John get a flat and veer into a ditch like a couple of goofs.

With the car in a bad way, the pair decided to walk together, each missing a shoe and doing the leaning dance-of-a-walk when sock got too acquainted to the ground. John had partners before. And this was usually where they split. And he didn’t blame them. Not many could handle the unexplainable conundrums! But soon he felt an elbow in his side.

"Well," Javier started, breaking the cricket-quiet of the night, “not a hole in you. So I’d say that's a mission accomplished."

John scoffed before the need took over and he burst out laughing from the whole ordeal. Finally, a keeper! “Lets head to the club?” He smiled fondly tossing an arm around his new partner's shoulders. "And maybe you can teach me some of that fancy footwork? Dutch has a lot planned so I think we’ll need it!” A friendship started with a laugh and only solidified by a few more. "Javier, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful thing…”

For the lovely, kindest, smartest Mango friend in the galaxy @mwahrzipan-sen! I adore all our stories and these goofs in the 20's are ridiculous so here's something to help ya through the days 😊 I really hope you like it!

I scroll through this blog like the morning newspaper and I stg I'm NEVER DISAPPOINTED

pov: youre going to check the mail to see what i've been posting lately

microbe zhao makes me giggle so much, why are you so tiny for idiot...i could pin him like a butterfly in a shadow box

mad uncool....

EEEEEEE MINI ICHIS!!!!!!

fuck am i gonna do with all these ichis

:O!!!!!!!!!

Girls don’t want boys, girls want to marry a shadow demon in exchange for unfathomable cosmic power~

♡ Like or reblog if you save ♡

Art by: XX

Hello! Im excited for a letter and I hope you have fun with these!

1. Sen, she/her. I guess the specific thing I’d like is maybe having him invite me to a special place/date? If that makes sense?

2. May I have a letter from Eyeless Jack please?

3. I’d like the letter to be romantic please!

Thank you and I really look forward to the letter!

Christmas Creep Special

Leading up to Christmas, I want to do a special event!

If you reblog this I will send you a (small,,, not doing like 3 paragraphs) letter from a creep of your choice!

I will do my best to do all of them! I’m going to start sending them before Christmas so I don’t die on Christmas Eve,,,,

Editing to add; You can also comment the needed information on this post

RULES:

1. Add your name, preferred pronouns, and anything extra you might want to be mentioned. Specifying little details like that will help me to make it more personalized.

2. List ONE creep you want to send you a letter. The creep MUST be in my rules for the blog. I will not do creeps I don’t write for.

3. Specify if you want it to be romantic or platonic.

4. Remember that you can only do this ONCE, so please do not reblog multiple times.

5. Please note that if there is anything triggering/offensive/upsetting specified in your ask that I will not be fulfilling them.

6. Be patient, and also be aware that most of you will definitely be receiving them before Christmas.

7. The last time to reblog this and still get an answer will be Christmas Eve. 

8. If you don’t receive yours by Christmas morning EST then DM me and we can talk about why that happened, like if there was a problem with your request, I didn’t see it, etc.

9. HAVE FUN!!!!

~ Merry slightly late Christmas to you, sweetest Papaya Jess! I hope you like this gift and I hope this story is nice! You are the sweetest human ever and I am so glad we chat so much and enjoy our wonderful cowboy stories! Merry Christmas and I give you so many hugs and squishies! ~

A Christmas Valentine

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Heavy boots dragging through the snow. The owner of said heavy boots made a stop, leaning against a strong cedar tree. A quick match to a roll and the dark scenery was lit by a tiny circle of ember. A sigh broke the onslaught of the harsh cold wind, and the man could only huff as the cigarette did little to warm his body up. With a sigh, he carelessly threw the cigarette into the snow and the crunch of the hard snow filled the air once more. The hard crunch was soon drowned out by the sounds of chattering teeth and a small fussy boy whining to his Mama about Daddy not being there.

“He pwomised, Mama! Where’s Daddy?” little Jack fussed softly, the poor thing’s hand tightly gripping onto Abigail’s shawl. The small hand kept tight on Abigail’s shawl and the poor thing shook it cutely.

“He’s coming soon sweetie. Don’t go pulling on your Mama’ shawl now.” Abigail fussed sweetly, “Bastard better hurry up” she grumbled softly, before pressing tiny kisses to Jack’s fussy cheeks. Both stood and waited before Abigail’s one second growl was replaced with faux happiness. “Look, baby! It’s your Daddy!” She hummed and bounced Jack, the sweet thing letting go of his tantrum before making grabby hands to John coming back from his smoke break. John gave a small gruff sigh before he gave a small smile to make Abigail satisfied and to let the mother have a break.

“Hey, son. Giving Mama trouble before Christmas?” John teased, bouncing the small boy. Jack’s small hands squished John’s cheeks before fussing, “Don’t teww Santa, Daddy! Pwease!”. It was too cute and John could only chuckle lightly. “Here, son. Got the gift you wanted.” John hummed gently as he grabbed the small gift from his pocket and handed it over to the eager little boy. With a happy squeal, little Jack giggled and was soon back into his Mama’s arms, holding his gift excitedly.

“We’ll open that up on Christmas Day, baby. Be good alright?” Abigail cooed before gently sending her baby to bed. John sighed as he and Abigail shared a small tense goodbye before John turned and went to his cabin. He sighed, entering the cold thin home and going to start a fire, something to stave off the cold. He then took notice of his cabinmate, Javier, who was currently resting on the uncomfortable beds. Javier shifted his hat and peaked back at John. “Welcome back, brother,” Javier greeted, “Guessing you’re having marital issues again?” he teased lightly before receiving a glare from the other. John gave a small tsk before sighing and flopping on his own uncomfortable bed. The two stewed in silence, all that could be heard was the harsh wind outside and the creaks from the thin cabin but was soon disturbed by Javier’s small hum. “Listen. We’re gonna be moving soon, to Valentine. That’s gonna take a lot of time, so…” Javier hummed softly, avoiding John’s glare, “So why don’t you two make up?” Javier suggested heavily to which John sighed. “Can’t work out something that’s dying, Javier.” He sighed again, “Don’t wanna burden her and make it anymore difficult. I just don’t know what to do…” John sighed again before turning away from the sympathetic man. “Just… goodnight, Javier.” And with his back turned, John fell into an uneasy sleep. Bit a small soft feeling was there on his cheek, soft and small and gone in an instant before John fell completely asleep.

Once the Van Der Linde group woken up, everyone pitched in to get their camp packed away and ready to travel out of the mountains. John hummed softly, a little distracted from his work. What was that soft feeling on his cheek before he fell asleep. He pondered and pondered before he felt a small shove to his shoulder, “Don’t go thinkin too hard, brother. Gotta get going soon.” Arthur joked, chuckling a bit before humming. He took a peek at Abigail gently fussing with Jack, the small boy fussing sweetly, ready for a wonderful Christmas. The cute thing was so impatient~. Arthur hummed, “You having problems again?” Arthur asked as John sighed, “Strained. But that’s not it.” John stopped, not going any further. John finished up packing before he went to mount on his horse. As he mounted, Javier rode up close and gave a gentle smile. “Morning. Feeling any better?” Javier asked gently. John didn’t know why but he found his cheeks burning a little. Strange, but John didn’t find his usual grouchy self complaining. John gave a small grumble though, “M’fine. Let’s get going. Gonna take months before we make it to Valentine.” John huffed before he and the whole group made their way down the mountain.

After travelling down the mountain successfully, they made a break and set up their small camp. With everyone’s help, the Van Der Linde group had settled and went to work on their chores or taking a break. John felt hisself pondering again and the man could only peek at Abigail and Jack, the little boy learning how to read with Grandpa Hosea and Abigail praising the tiny boy. John sighed before resting his eyes, needing a nap from all of his self brooding. But there it was again, the small fleeting warmth on his cheek again. John opened his eyes but found no one. Thoroughly confused but it just felt nice. He can’t remember if Abigail ever kissed so softly. But…. With how they are, it couldn’t have been Abigail. John would just need to figure it out somehow.

But before he could think, he was interrupted by Javier. The tan man smiled and held out his flask. “Share a warm drink in the bitter cold, hombre?” Javier smiled, his voice soft as to not disturb the others. The sun was dimming and the fires were being made. John looked at the flask then to Javier before giving a shrug. The two sat down, huddled close, and took turns drinking the harsh and burning whiskey. They sat in silent for the most part, although John made sure he was quiet whenever peeking at Javier. The strong jawline, the scars littering Javier’s cheek and the adamant scar on his neck, and those deep eyes that shined when the sun just hits right- John flinched as he looked down at the snow, glaring so hard the snow would’ve melted. What’s with his thoughts? Why now? All of a sudden? John was about to grumble before Javier gave a small tap to John’s thighs. “You’re stressed. The alcohol must not be that powerful, huh?” Javier joked lightly before giving a small frown, “What’s wrong?”. John sighed softly, daring his eyes to peek at Javier again. His heartbeat rose as he looked into the concerned eyes. John bit his lip before his body moved on its own, leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to Javier’s cheek, the same as the one he felt before. Javier and John were still for a very long and awkward period of time, both not really knowing what to do. Javier fidgeted nervously before gently returning the peck, “Figured it out?” He whispered softly, almost afraid, but he did his best to be brave.

John was at a stand still but he found his body relax. He figured it out, so quickly, and the man gave a sigh. “Yer a real sweetheart, aint’chu Javier?” John teased lightly before cooing softly, “Real sweet.” Another peck. The another. Another. Another~. The alcohol seemed to kick in and Javier could feel his cheeks heat up too. Javier gently cupped John’s face before gently pulling away. “Come to my tent later. Let’s talk.” Javier hummed softly before getting up. John, now alone, sighed softly, gently touching his lips. Was he in even more trouble with his family? Maybe. Had he felt something different but nice? Yes. Was he going to Javier’s tent at night? You bet. But, before John could make a mistake or do something to hurt his relationship even more, he needed to talk with Abigail first.

Abigail sighed softly, gently cradling her precious son. The poor thing did his best to stay up to see Santa but thankfully with Abigail’s sweet lullabies soothed the boy to sleep. With Jack tucked up in the little cot, Abigail laid on her little sleeping bag. She sighed, she was tired and she was also silently cursing. She needs a break, but she knew for a fact that Jack’s father wasn’t gonna step up. But, Abigail couldn’t help but think that something needs to improve, something to just put everything at ease. But… that’s hard to think about, but she’ll mull over everyone it later. Just before the mother could join her son in dreams, she heard the tent flap move. She looked up and speak of the devil. “John.” Abigail said curtly before she sighed. She let John inside and the two sat down, with a small whisper Abigail hummed, “What?”. John hummed gently, “Let’s talk. We… I wanna improve enough so that I can help you take care of our son.” John whispered. He looked at the sleeping Jack, all bundled up. John looked back, “And… well let’s decide what we are to each other.” John and Abigail shared a huff. The air was tense but John broke it. “I don’t think we’ve felt love from eachother in a long while… I see the stares you give Ms. Sadie, so…” John cleared his throat, “So I think she’d be good for you.” John hummed, “And…” John took a deep breath, “And I think… I think I’ve found someone else too.” John felt himself slump a little, a weight lifted off his shoulders. He looked at Abigail shyly and the other gave a tiny smile. “Let’s be happy alright. Maybe not together but… let’s be happy our own ways. Happy parents mean a happy child right?” Abigail cooed sweetly. She too slumped and felt herself gently squeeze John’s arm. “Have fun with your darling alright? Don’t let me hold you back. Goodnight, John. And make sure you come over for Christmas, for our boy’s sake.” Abigail smiled gently before John gave a nod and stood. John gave a tiny kiss to Jack’s cheek before leaving the tent, going immediately towards Javier’s.

Javier’s body was snuggled into the thin blanket, his chest rising and falling slowly, breathing softly. He was enjoying his nice sleep before he felt his body was shaken. A gentle shake at that. Javier gave a small yawn and turned, his eyes trying to focus. But, Javier recognized John’s figure and the smaller man gave a small smile. “Hola~” He said simply before scootching over and letting John cuddle the other. They reveled in their shared warmth before Javier presses a gentle kiss to John’s cheek. “Tomorrow’s Christmas… let’s go to Valentine together, si?” Javier hummed sleepily to which John replied with a small gruff hum. Both found themselves slowly sinking back into a nice slumber, warm and filled with a light feeling.

Christmas morning was heard through the birds chirping in the air, felt by the shared warmth from the two gentleman, and can be appreciated as both shared sweet lazy kisses to one another’s scarred and scruffy cheeks, tickled by mustaches. A small peck was shared on one another’s ruddy cheeks before they pulled away. Javier gave a small smile, “Let’s get ready, si? Or else our date will be wasted on a wonderful Christmas,” Javier hummed sweetly, kissing John’s cheek. John blushed, “We’re wanted in Valentine, remember?” John grumbled, a bit worried. He sure didn’t want his date with his crush? Lover? His Javier in a county jail cell. Javier giggled softly. “We’ll be careful, right? And we’ll just book a hotel under an alias.” Javier smiled and teased. He sighed before getting up. “I’ll get our horses ready while you get breakfast.” Javier hummed, leaving the tent to do his chore before his date. John could only lay on the cot and smile lightly to himself. This was already turning to a nice Christmas. He too soon got up and went to nab breakfast and possibly freshen up for Javier.

With chores taken cared of, the two new lovebirds went into town, bundled up and not being suspicious. They shared sneaky glances and inside smiles. It was nice… although still high pressure whenever they see any cops, but thankfully, no Pinkertons were in the area. They’re wonderful Christmas morning, shared with warm drinks, small chatter, and a spectacle of beautiful lights. They made their way to Main Square, seeing the large cedar tree decorated with gorgeous decorations, and the most beautiful was the star on top, large and golden. John and Javier stared in silence, a comforting thing as they heard carolers and happy chatter from the townsfolk. John then looked to Javier, before quickly and gently pulling the other into a sweet kiss. Soft sparks of warmth hit both men’s hearts before they pulled away. John looked down at Javier and gave a warm coo, “Merry Christmas, darlin’”. Javier gave a warm smile and pressed another kiss to his darling John, “Merry Christmas, amor.”

The End

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh~! This is everything~! Thank you so much, @jessofthenorthstar for this wonderful art once more~!

Well, time for another installment of our wonderful stories! Like...

Wolf John and Coyote Javier; Meeting dearest Cody, Angelita, Muneca, Bandit (and bonus Abby Jane!)...

The murder mansion with dark secrets; Runaway princess Belle and Susan the nymph; Grumpy Jack and pretending to date his chipper best friend, Duncan...

Business Man Milton and Mechanic Micah making the most of a failed speed dating experience...

Our drag kings Robin and Jim and crew; Our Draq queens from the next generation...

Javier and John meeting under different circumstances by Colter; A Sugar Mama finding her sweetheart; Widdle daycare besties; Angus getting his letter back home from his soldier...

That time Abigail wasn't sure she'd make it in prison; Grimshaw's girls hitchhiking after the busted RV; and that time Sean had a second chance after being slain!

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Well @fandomsareyay, here's to some more good work from our brains! ^^ As always, it's a blast to make stories with you so let's make some more!