You’re Just Lovely

ACHILLES AND THE LONDON BOY:

Photo Board

Center: James Leicester

Left: Diana Mayor

Center: Henrik Olsen

Left: Theo Fraser, Center: Alexander FitzDonald

Center: Alexander FitzDonald

Left: Theo Fraser, Right: Alexander FitzDonald

Left: James Leicester, Left Center: Henrik Olsen, Right Center: Theo Fraser, Right: Alexander FitzDonald

Back: Diana Mayor, Front: Alexander FitzDonald

Left: Alexander FitzDonald, Center: Theo Fraser, Right: Diana Mayor

Left: Alexander FitzDonald, Center: Diana Mayor, Left: Theo Fraser

because you were only 5 when you learnt the dark was something you should be afraid of and that night, a child found god in the bathroom light

when you turned 11, someone said you were too loud, too brash, too annoying for a girl; they made you think you’d never make it in this world

then came your 13th birthday when you realised that your mother would only love the person you could become for her, so you made yourself smaller and smaller until you ceased to exist outside of your own mind, screaming “are you happy now, mother?” but no voice comes out because you can’t be too loud, remember?

at 15, you hated yourself for not being able to fight without crying (you still do) so you don’t let anyone in that can hurt you

and now that you’re 17, you’ve waited for summer long enough to know it will never arrive for a person who says so little of what she means.

// you’ve been 8, on your way to 18, and barely survived the years in between

We can talk it so good we can make it so divine

To learn that

one who speaks of

such that is different from their actions

is an idiot,

to entertain the notion

of facing you.

Why?

Who are you?

"To define is to limit," you say,

a smirk dancing on your lips.

It is because you know who you are, that you need someone to find out who that is.

For that is what it is

to be worthy of you.

21|06|2022

2/30 days of self care

Self care things I did today:

read first thing in the morning

went on a walk in the morning (while listening to an audiobook)

didn't force myself to study when I wasn't focusing anymore, instead I turned to another productive, but more creative project.

Journaled

Today went well, the combination of reading right after I wake up, as I drink my tea, and then going for a walk before studying is working amazingly, I feel very relaxed when I start my daily tasks. Today I continued working on those historiographical articles I have been reading and annotating. I started working on the last one I had downloaded, it's quite long, and mid-morning I wasn't focusing at all on it. I decided not to force myself since I am not fully back at my normal energy levels, and instead I started working on a creative project. I am creating a reading journal I will be gifting at the end of the month. Working on something creative while listening to music felt regenerating. In the afternoon I continued reading the article, and then I planned my tasks for tomorrow. I also did my daily practice of Irish on duolingo, and posted this reading update.

tranquilstudy's studyblr challenge // day 6

Today I am grateful for having listened to my body

What have been some things that have changed for you this month? Are they big things, little things? How do you feel about these changes? How do you feel about change in general?

In general I do not deal very well with change, I never have. Although I have gotten better with the years chance scares me, plus I am a very habit based person in general, which doesn't help. As I was saying I have been doing better with the years, I have accepted the fact that often change is for the better, so I feel like I am (slowly) growing.

🎵: Running Up That Hill covered by Rain Paris

Photo booth photos shared by Alice Oseman

ACHILLES AND THE LONDON BOY:

ArtBreeder Photo Board

Alexander FitzDonald

Theo Fraser

Diana Mayor

with my papers not proofread and my manuscripts unfinished, i thread on through the world

“She was a glorious doll, so fair and delicate! She did not seem created for the sorrows of this world.”

— Hans Christian Andersen, What the Moon Saw (1866)

Rain pounded on the roof of the car, plunking out a melody.

“What do you think happiness is?” Theo often asked these unexpected questions, so Alexander wasn’t so very surprised.

“Not crying myself to sleep every night,” the words had slipped out of his mouth as he read his book in an uninterested tone. Now he looked at Theo, weighing his reaction. Theo’s face had a puzzled, maybe worried, expression on it.

“Hm.” He didn’t say anything more. Alexander wouldn’t admit that he’d hoped Theo would. Alexander didn’t know it, but that scene near the brook at midnight all those months ago was playing through his head again. After a bit, Theo continued.

“Are you happy?”

“I don’t know,” Alexander said, looking at the rain crashing down on the window. The melancholy that came every night and used to make him cry in Autumn now only resided in his mind as a dull numbness that visited before he went to bed each evening, but it was there, even still. Theo did not enquire further this time, and the two returned to reading their books, Alexander consumed in a secondhand copy of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and Theo skimming through a book of Sappho’s poems.