Lovely Fruit

one of the best ways i’ve found to combat that inherent depressive pessimism without veering into toxic positivity territory is simply the phrase “i’m open to the possibility”

this particularly works with anything negative i’ve forecasted. “i woke up feeling like shit today, so my day is gonna suck” isn’t a particularly helpful thought, but “it’s a great day to be alive!!!!!” feels hollow and insincere when i have a pounding headache & am running on three hours of sleep

instead i’ll tell myself, “i really don’t feel good right now, but i’m open to the possibility that coffee and breakfast might perk me up a bit.” or “i’m in a lot of pain today, but i’m open to the possibility that my workday might still have fun parts despite that”

sometimes, when your impulse is to slam the door on anything good, but you’re not exactly up to going out & hunting it down yourself, leaving the door open just a crack makes all the difference

And if looks could kill, I'd be staring in the mirror

I thought the earth remembered me, 

she took me back so tenderly. 

*avoids even people I love w all my heart*

Revolutionary Girl Utena (1997) // The Devil's Backbone (2001)

i NEED you to remember this: you are allowed to be angry at your doctors. you are allowed to be furious. you are allowed to be mad at your nurses and technicians and neurologists and psychiatrists and medical assistants. they are not god. they are human beings and they work in a system that wears them raw, and that is unfair, but it isn't an excuse to treat you badly. i'm not necessarily saying you should throw a brick through the window of their car, but you can, should, must be angry with them for ignoring you, demeaning you, dehumanizing you, dismissing you, acting like you're lying, talking only about your weight, failing to acknowledge you past your symptoms, etc etc etc. you are an equal to your doctor. you are a human being and so are they. do not treat them as beyond reproach. you are allowed to be angry at your doctors.

One Need Not be a Chamber - to be haunted, Emily Dickinson // I am Not Clinically Crazy Anymore, Brenna Twohy // Cyanotypes, Emilio Hernandez Martin // Ghost I, Christina Marie Brown // Who’s There?: Every Story Is a Ghost Story, Ed Simon // Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado // Agamemnon essay @nedlittle // Photo: Messier, quote: unknown

what's wrong with u. get up.

Hanif Abdurraqib, A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance