How many times a day does someone ask you “how are you” or ”how are you doing” in a day?
And how many times do you say “I’m fine. Thanks. How are you?”
People don’t want a real answer when they ask you. It’s just a greeting, no one wants to know. And how many people would actually care if you gave them a real answer?
I’m not fine. I just say I’m fine because I don’t really want to say “I’m not gonna kill myself but I’m not okay.” So I just put on a fake smile, nod my head, and say what the socially acceptable script says to say.
I can’t think of a time when I was genuinely fine or okay. I just...exist.
Then one day, I just felt like I was drowning.
This all came from me realizing I’m a person I don’t like. That I never liked. I always said I would change. Said I wanted to change. I can’t even count how many times I said “today is the day”, the day has never come. I always never truly me. I was always what people wanted me to be. Always the girl who played it safe, never got out of my comfort zone. I never spoke up.
I fantasized about what it would be like to be anyone but me. Maybe because I never met me. Whenever I have let me shine through just a bit, it seems people don’t like her. Make jokes about her. Even my family. It's just a continuous hell loop in my head.
I think people just want others to be like the “average” person. People say it’s okay to be different, they tell you that everyone is free to do what they want, but the second someone turns their back, that’s a different story. “She clearly gained weight”, “her skirt is too short, the bitch is asking for something to happen”, “what was she thinking about when she got her hair done”, “eww, does she even know how to do her eyebrows?”
Why is it like this?
Why is it when someone finally shows that they do something completely normal, people are shocked just because it was done in public. They act like they don’t do the same things behind closed doors.
I’m just tired of not being the me I always wanted to be. I’m going to try now. I’m going to seriously try to be me and not what people want me to be or expect me to be.
She is now my past. I made the decision that she is dead. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss her in one way or another but I now know I don’t feel like I’m being drowned or can’t breathe.
I’m scared but relieved.
I finally feel as free.
PDA - Jack Hodgins
This man has no shame whatsoever.
He will give as many hugs and kisses you will allow him to.
Cam always jokes that she needs a spray bottle to spray you two.
Every once in a while, you will be caught making out in a dark corner somewhere.
At restaurants, he will not let you sit across from him, he has to sit right next to you.
When sitting next to you, he is always touching you. Hand holding, hand on the thigh, arm over the shoulders, etc.
Whenever you walk, your holding hands.
Will stand so close to you while you work that if he wanted to kiss your neck, all he would have to do is lean down a couple inches. (He does it more often than not)
He whispers in your ear a lot just to be close to you.
When you're at home, he will always cuddle with you.
Sleeping in bed, he's either spooning you or he's plopped on top of you.
He is super respectful of the belief system you go with.
He’s a curious boy and asks questions, and asks how he can be respectful of everything.
He collects little rocks for you on his morning runs.
Ask if he can put little knick knacks on any of the altars.
Saves any jars he uses. He even purposely buys the grocery stores that come in glass containers so he can wash them out and use them when he’s done.
He loves and consents to any magic you want to do on him.
He tries to remember what all your sigils mean.
“Honey, what does this symbol mean again?”
Her whole place smells like Florida Water.
She enchants his dog tags for protection.
He notices that she mutters things when she is making food or stirring his drink.
He cannot drink coffee unless she makes it, she enchants his coffee and it never tastes better and it gives him more energy.
Since he’s awake before the sun rises for his runs, he brings in her moon water before it gets ruined by the sun.
“Did you buy another herb plant?”
"Why is there is salt in the doorway?"
At the end of the day he doesn't mind what you do and he will even encourage you in your craft.
Is Tony jealous? How would he react to others if they flirt with you?
Absolutely jealous. He’s not clingy or insecure, just territorial.
If someone flirts with you, he plays it cool at first but not subtle at all.
“Hi. Tony Stark. Just wondering what position you’re applying for. The boyfriend slot has already been filled.
“Thanks for keeping my girl company but I think I got it from here.
Translation: Get lost, loser.
If he by some miracle bites his tongue but continues to listen, he’s getting petty.
“Hey, can I offer free dating advice? Step one: aim for someone that’s single.”
“If she’s not responding with more than one word, it means she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Not that I was jealous, just asserting dominance.” “Okay, sure, babe.”
Casually glares at people that check you out in public.
You mention a neutral name, he’s questioning it.
“Wait, Taylor? Is that a guy or a girl?”
Don’t get me started if you openly say a celebrity is hot.
“Henry Cavill is sooo hot.”
“He’s a guy in tights and a cape. Sure he can fly, but can he build you a custom AI assistant that does whatever you want? Didn’t think so.”
“Babe, he can fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, super senses, has x-ray vision, super speed, and can freeze things from his breath.”
Two hours later, he’s in his lab trying to see what he has to do to add laser eyes to his Iron Man suit.
Booth's sister and Jack Hodgins have a thing going on and it's weirding out Booth. Jack Hodgins x Booth reader/surgical intern
The following week, Booth’s worst nightmare materialized: Natalie showed up at the Jeffersonian again. This time, under the guise of “picking him up for lunch.”
Natalie walked into the lab in her hospital scrubs, her hair pulled back in a high ponytail, the confidence radiating off her as usual. Booth, standing by Brennan’s desk, froze mid sentence when he spotted her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his tone sharp.
“Nice to see you too, big brother,” Natalie replied, placing her hands on her hips. “I had a free hour, so I thought I’d drop by. I’ve always wanted to see what you all actually do here.”
“This is not a tourist attraction,” Booth grumbled.
Hodgins appeared from his station, wiping his hands on a towel. “Dr. Booth. Fancy meeting you again.”
“Dr. Hodgins,” Natalie said with a warm smile. “And here I thought you’d forgotten me.”
Hodgins grinned. “Not a chance.”
Booth stepped in, physically placing himself between Natalie and Hodgins like a human barricade. “Don’t you have bugs to… I don’t know, play with or something?”
“Oh I was just headed back to my station,” Hodgins said casually, though his eyes remained on Natalie. “But if Natalie wants a tour, I’d be happy to show her around.”
Angela, overhearing the exchange, couldn’t hold back her laughter. “Oh, I like her, she whispered to Brennan, who raised an eyebrow in response.
“That’s not happening,” Booth cut in quickly, pointing a finger at Hodgins.
Natalie smirked. “Relax, Seeley. I don’t bite. Unless Jack’s into that sort of thing.”
Hodghins nearly choked, coughing to hide his reaction, “Well, uh-”
“Natalie!” Booth growled, cutting her off. “Stop it. Right now.”
“Oh, come on,” Natalie said, feigning innocence. “I’m just being friendly.”
“The hell you are. Flirting with Hodgins is not being ‘friendly’,” Booth shot back, his tone nearing panic.
Hodgins cleared his throat. “To be fair, Booth, I don’t mind…”
Booth whipped his head around to glare at Hodgins. “You’re not helping.”
Natalie laughed, clearly enjoying the chaos. “Alright, alright. I’ll behave. For now.”
Hodgins couldn't suppress his grin. “You know, Natalie, if you ever want to see the kind of experiments I do, you’re more than welcome to stop by my lab. I could teach you a thing or two about particulates and-”
Booth interrupts, throwing a hand up. “Nope. Not happening. No lessons. No experiments. No Hodgins.”
Angela snorted, practically doubled over. “Booth, you’re going to have a heart attack if you keep this up.”
Brennan, meanwhile, observed the exchange with clinical curiosity. “I don’t see why you’re so upset, Booth. It’s perfectly normal for two consenting adults to engage in light romantic banter.”
“It's not normal if it’s my sister and Hodgins”, Booth shot back.
Natalie stepped closer to Booth, patting him on the shoulder. “Seeley, you really need to relax. I'm a grown woman. I could handle myself.”
“Not with him, you can't”, Booth muttered, still growling at Hodgins, who tried (and failed) to look innocent.
Angela, always an instigator, chimed in. “You know, Booth, maybe you should let them go on a date. You never know, it could work out.”
Booth looked horrified. “Angela, don't encourage this.”
Natalie grinned and turned to Hodgins. “What do you think, Jack? Should we go on a date?”
Hodgins froze, clearly caught off guard. “Uh.. I mean, yeah! If you want to, I-uh-”
“Nope”, Booth barked, stepping between them again. “This conversation is over. Natalie, we're leaving. Now.”
Natalie rolled her eyes but followed Booth towards the exit. As they left, she glanced over her shoulder at Hodgins. “I'll see you around, Jack.”
Hodgins, still dazed, waved awkwardly. “Yeah. Definitely.”
Once they were outside, Natalie nudged Booth. “You know for a guy who's always telling me to lighten up, you're taking this way too seriously.”
Booth pinched the bridge of his nose. “Natalie, I'm serious. Hodgins... Hodgins. He's a conspiracy nut. He plays with bugs. He talks to slime!”
“And yet, he's cute”, Natalie teased. “Besides, I'm just having fun. Relax Seeley.”
Booth groaned. He knew his sister well enough to know this was only the beginning. The playful banter with Hodgins wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
Back at the lab, Hodgins was still grinning when Angela approached. “So, Jack,” she said, smirking. “You think Booth is going to let this happen?”
“No way”, Hodgins admitted. “But it’s not going to stop me from trying.”
Angela patted him on the back. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”
Jack Hodgins
The thing about Jack is he doesn't really get jealous because you don't really pay others any mind, however there are exceptions.
He's comfortable with who he is but he knows he's not an alpha male so when an alpha male type hits on you, he gets weird...
He had to do a double take when this handsome stranger flirts with you.
Jack approaches and interjects because he's "just saying hi".
He tries to make it very obvious that you guys are together.
He gives her a kiss on the cheek, puts an arm around you, etc.
Tries to ask what they are talking about.
He tries to show his intelligence and tries to almost "prove" himself.
It's to the point where the guy is low-key weirded out and makes an awkward exit.
You just look at Jack and roll your eyes, call him a dork, and walk away.
Just to make sure she's not mad at him, he brings her coffee and a pastry and talks to her.
At the end of the day he knows that she would never do anything to mess with their relationship.
Acts of Service
He’s not good at saying what he’s feeling but he will show you with the little things.
He randomly fixes things around your house because he saw it was broken.
“It was bothering you, wasn’t it?”
He would get a head start on your morning routine for you, fixing her coffee, getting coat, and bag together.
“Here, I didn’t want you running all around in the morning.”
Does the chores that you forgot about the day before and doesn’t even mention it.
When he’s not on missions, he will always cook you breakfast, no matter what.
It doesn’t matter that he had no sleep from a mission he got back on, he will be in that kitchen flipping pancakes, scrambling eggs, making coffee, or whatever he makes.
He always makes sure your flower vase is full, always replacing them before they die.
If you fall asleep somewhere, he will pick you up and tuck you into bed.
When he goes on morning runs, he takes your dog with him.
He takes responsibility for taking care of your dog.
He's a gentleman to you.
He opens your doors, holds your bags, walks on the outside of the sidewalk.
Once he’s committed, that’s it. He’s locked in and doesn’t even notice other women in any way.
He loves physical affection.
Expect a lot of hugs, cuddles, affectionate touches, and his lifting or carrying you around.
He is a classic adrenaline junkie. He wants to go on adventures with you and do a bunch of fun outrageous activities.
He is naturally an uplifting, positive person, you cannot be in a bad mood when he’s around.
He celebrates your wins like they’ve his own. He’ll shout and cheer no matter how small the victory.
He’s a little possessive if others approach you but he has complete trust in you.
Over the top gifts.
"I love you, but I'm not letting you buy me a car."
Constant teasing.
When you go to the gym, he goes with you even though it doesn't do anything for him. He just wants to spend more time with you.
"Hey can I borrow your hoodie?" "Sure, why?" "That guy keeps looking over and I need a pump cover." "You don't need it, I got you."
Proceeds to stand right behind you during squats, staring at the guy.
"Drink water, you're gonna pass out."
Even though he’s a big, strong man, he has absolutely no issues in loving you loudly.
He will always compliment you and make sure people know you’re his.
“That’s my girl.”
“Damn, that’s hot.”
“You are so damn gorgeous.”
Words of Affirmation
Steve feels everything deeply and he’s not shy about expressing it.
He likes saying how much he loves you and how much you mean to him.
He comes from a time where letters and the spoken word mattered and he will always carry that with him and use it in his relationship with you.
Even though it’s old fashioned, he writes you love letters.
You adore his beautiful written letters and keep them in a box, looking through them often because his words are so beautiful.
He always writes little handwritten notes for you.
He will listen when you tell him something you learned and he will just stare in awe.
“I love how your mind works.”
If he does end up staying in bed with you until you wake, “You are my favorite part of my day.”
It doesn’t matter what you wear, he’s complimenting you.
Just wearing his oversized shirt, “You look amazing in my clothes.”
Wearing a tank top and jeans, “You are beautiful.”
In a fancy dress for one of Tony’s parties, “Wow. I -uh. Wow. You…you’re so gorgeous. I can’t believe how I got so lucky.”
He makes big proclamations of love.
“You are my person. Always have been. Always will.”
“You are the love of my life. I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
At the end of the day, he is a big communicator and loves to tell you how you make him feel and wants to make you feel special because in his eyes, you are.
Bucky Barnes leaves for war from her perspective.
I still remember the way the air felt that night.
Heavy, like it knew. Like the sky itself was holding its breath.
You didn’t say it, not really. You didn’t need to. I knew you were leaving. I knew this was the last night. And I knew the second I saw you in that uniform, stiff, and crisp, and not you, that everything was about to change.
You tried to act like it was fine. Like we had time. You smiled that crooked smile, the one that always made me forget how to breathe. And I laughed. I laughed at your dumb jokes, because if I didn’t, I’d cry. And I wanted- God, I wanted to be strong for you.
We sat in our booth, like always. The waitress called you “soldier,” and you smiled at her, but I saw the flicker in your eyes, you were scared. I was too.
When we left, you walked me home even though it was out of your way. You always did that. I think you liked pretending we lived in the same world, like you could stay in it just a little longer.
We stood outside my building for a long time, neither of us saying anything. The city faded around us - cars, people, lights - they'll just.. disappeared. It's just you and me.
And then you kissed me.
Slow. Careful. Like you were memorizing me.
Like if you kissed me soft enough, maybe the war would forget your name.
That was the last kiss.
I didn't know what to say when you pulled away. I didn't want to cry, so I just nodded. I wanted to say "I love you,” but I didn't. I was afraid that if I did, you wouldn't leave - and part of me was selfish enough to want that. But the rest of me knew... you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t go.
So I let you walk away.
You didn’t look back.
But I did.
I watched you turn the corner, and I whispered it then, “I love you.” Quiet. Just for me. Maybe the wind carried it to you. Maybe not.
You came back eventually after so many decades, but I’m no longer here.
After so many years, I would lay awake sometimes thinking about that night. About that night. About that kiss. About the boy who held my hand like it was a lifeline and kissed me like he was already gone.
I never kissed anyone the same after that.
But with me now gone, I wish you could with someone new.
He is literally a mix of an angel and a victorian gentleman
He is deeply compassionate.
You have a rough day, “Tell me everything, my love.”
He LISTENS! It’s rare for a man to just shut up and listen and he does it.
If he senses something is off with you, it doesn’t matter if he’s doing something important, he will drop everything to make sure you are okay and talk things out.
He is so respectful.
Keep in mind he’s from a different era, so expect old school romance.
Holding doors.
Handwritten love letters in beautiful writing.
He’s very patient and gentle in everything he does.
Protector, but no overbearing and it’s not the major point of the relationship.
One thing you love about him is how smart he is and that he’s an amazing conversationalist.
This man has been alive for centuries. He speaks multiple languages, history buff, art lover, you can have deep conversations with him and he always has something to say.
Unlike some other Cullens (👀), Carlisle is emotionally stable.
He doesn’t ghost you, play games, or act jealous. All that is a waste of time to him.
Carlisle is able to admit he doesn’t have all the answers and needs help.
“I’m still learning to love you the way you need. Please help me understand. Please.”
He’s loyal and consistent. Everyone else is chaos, he’s the calm in the storm.
He is overall a great partner and easy to be with, you don’t have to try with him and I think that is so simplistically beautiful in a relationship.
Enjoy my writings! Wanna buy my a coffee as a token of appreciation? cashapp: $queenisabelle13
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