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Personal - Blog Posts
I miss writing things for my friends
JESUS, THAT SEDUCTIVE SMILE
Does anyone have trouble sharing their original non fandom OCs, because you're afraid that someone would steal it? Or is it just me a chiken? :((
Tag Game
Rules: Tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better
Tagged by: @anitax26 and @walq-chan
Name: Anastasia
Nickname: oh, I dunno...Nastia or Kaine XD
Gender: Female
Star Sign: Sagittarius (Chinese sign - Ox)
Height: 166cm
Sexuality: Asexual (but I like cute guys XD)
Hogwarts House: Slytherin >:3
Average hours of sleep: Six hours or more
Dog or cat person: Doggos!!
Blanket I you sleep with: Two cozy big ones
When did I make my blog: About two years ago~
Followers: 471 (I don’t know how did I get this much .\\\\.)
Why did I make a Tumblr: I wanted to share my art in order to make it even better, besides, there are a lot of interesting blogs which I follow and many content!
Reasons for my URL: If you heard of game “NieR” you’ll understand~
10 Followers I choose: @sofialexandra556 @aquadesu @ladypalta @kajuned @yukari2898 @aza-kimi @axelconia @kayrash-chan @yincira @virginsoul-rp
Ugh going through tumblr is fun cause I’ll spend a while scrolling and wonder why I’m not seeing someone I normally see, and I’ll look into it and for some reason I’m not following them anymore??? Like I’ve had to refollow 3 blogs this week alone that I know I’ve been following for ages
Oh my gosh thank you so much for tagging me, and my music taste is almost exclusively showtunes and Glee Cast Versions so it took a while to make this seem a little less deranged
Dear Winter - AJR
Red Like Roses Pt.II - Jeff Williams and Casey Lee Williams
Odd Future - UVERworld
Work This Out - High School Musical 2
Somebody to Love - my choir’s version Queen
You Can’t Stop the Beat - Glee Cast Version
Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing - Set It Off
I’m Alive - Next To Normal
The Campfire Song - The Lightning Thief
How Will I Know - Glee Cast Version
Not My Father’s Son - Kinky Boots
Old Fashioned - Panic! At the Disco
Crazier Than You - The Addams Family
Hold Me In Your Heart - Kinky Boots
As We Stumble Along - The Drowsy Chaperone
Paper Rings - Taylor Swift
Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - Les Mis
Rasputin - Boney M.
Once Upon a December - Anastasia
Now and For Always - A. R. Rahman, Christoper Nightingale, and Värttinä
Ex-Wives - Six
And I have no idea who’s already been tagged so here we go @kurtdeservesbetter @pineappletheatrekid @forthehopeofitalll @gleeincorrectquotes
new tag game! because i'm home sick from work for a 2nd day and i'm bored out of my mind
name a song for every letter of your username!
b. bury me face down - grandson
r. re-education (though labor) - rise against
e. every time you turn around - daughtry
a. american idiot - green day
k. knock me down - we are messengers
i. i was born, i have lived, i will surely die - young guns
n. no more - three days grace
g. ghost in the machine - our last night
b. brother (feat. gavin degraw) - NEEDTOBREATHE
o. oh well, oh well - mayday parade
w. what's my age again? - blink-182
t. through the ghost - shinedown
i. if you can't hang - sleeping with sirens
e. the eco-terrorist in me - rise against
s. sabotage - beastie boys
tagging:
@angelhummel @backslashdelta @blaine-andersxn @coffeeorderwrites @daisychaindemon @esperantoauthor @fillsmyheadupandgetslouder @fearlessly-and-forever @gorgxoxus @hopefulobjectmiracle @imdone29 @jazziergin @lennerdmichael @oohbabycupcakes @romanticprometheus @ryanmurphyhate @snarkyhag @trent-warbler @the-veirdo
and anyone else i missed who wants to do it!
Oop
anyways ya girl made a bingo card so fill it out if you wanna
You said fill your inbox with cool things and I want to interact so here are a couple of weird things from my school.
1 Choir teacher 1: I drove 40 minutes to get lunch today.
Choir teacher 2: You are an animal, you’re more animal than man.
2 The time a girl was selling a 100 pack of worms on strings for 10 bucks a pop and sold out within a day. (My friend bought two and made them into earrings)
3 And
✨Bread Man✨
1, i love it and choir teacher #2 sounds like me
2, i mean i would have bought them too
3, tell me more about this mysterious/amazing sounding bread man
So there was this kid at our school who worked at Texas Roadhouse, and if you’ve ever been they have literally the second best rolls in existence. But every so often he would bring and entire tote bag full of these rolls and chuck them at people in the hallways and if you caught it you got to eat it. I am not ashamed to say I ate one off the ground before. The freshmen all called him breadman bringer of bread. One time he came in a dragon onesie and had an entire garbage bag full of bread. He is legend.
You said fill your inbox with cool things and I want to interact so here are a couple of weird things from my school.
1 Choir teacher 1: I drove 40 minutes to get lunch today.
Choir teacher 2: You are an animal, you’re more animal than man.
2 The time a girl was selling a 100 pack of worms on strings for 10 bucks a pop and sold out within a day. (My friend bought two and made them into earrings)
3 And
✨Bread Man✨
1, i love it and choir teacher #2 sounds like me
2, i mean i would have bought them too
3, tell me more about this mysterious/amazing sounding bread man
Me and my 147 tabs of fanfiction are in a mood
We had the plane on wire tracks that the dancers would always lift accidentally during Toledo Surprise so it would be my job to army crawl on our second layer during intermission to retape them.
Lemme just say that I LOVE your username
Thank you! My freshman year my school did The Drowsy Chaperone for the school musical I was on tech and it was so amazing it kinda never leaves my brain.
Drowsy is the ultimate freshman experience, especially if you schools quality in musical has a big jump between middle school and high school. It’s just so wild and great. We built an over 12 foot structure, it was awesome
Lemme just say that I LOVE your username
Thank you! My freshman year my school did The Drowsy Chaperone for the school musical I was on tech and it was so amazing it kinda never leaves my brain.
When something bad happens to you, you may feel you have to change as a person, you act out and make up a new personality that isn't you to cope, and sometimes you take it so far you don't even remember who you are anymore, I've been dealing with this for the longest time, but I think I've found a good way to explain the way I'm trying to connect to old me and hopefully find out who I am.
Imagine your image of yourself, the way you are is a mirror, and when the bad shit happens, the mirror slightly cracks after something like that happens. You may be like me and purposely chance your personality to deal with that and try not to be like the old you to stop the feelings. Now imagine that is just you breaking the mirror even more. After a few years of this behavior, you can't even recognize your reflection anymore because the mirror has gotten so small it's just shards. So you try to find one shard you can still see yourself in (one part of your past self you still connect to) and try to feel like that version of you again. Eventually, you will connect the bits of the mirror together again. And sure, it may not be perfect, but it's you, and you can stick the bits of mirror together anyway you want. use glue? sure, stickers? why not, tape? fuck yes, that represents the you you are now still being a part of the new you maybe some shards won't fit you anymore maybe the mirror will have a different shape but it's still you in the reflection looking back at yourself.
Once you fix the mirror and find out how to be the you you were before you pretended to be someone else again, you can try and live on and change naturally because of experiences Instead of obsessively making up personalities you're trying so hard to be hoping one day one will feel right, you can slowly, over time, change, mature, and become a different person, and that person would (hopefully) be you.
Sorry if this sounds dumb it's just an idea I use to try and find myself again, I'm still working through it, so I don't know if it works yet.
rb and put what your entity is in the tags! i’m the stranger
Having panic attacks aren't fun
*Vent TW*
My sister always lies, she's greedy and inconsiderate.
This time was no exception.
I normally take my showers before bed, so on Friday (this is being written on Sunday) I decided that I was going to keep my friendship necklaces in the bathroom. I helped my best friend Roslyn pack up her things for a move beforehand and was sweaty and gross. Before I shower, I take off my jewelry because I don't want them to rust, so I take off my necklaces and put them over the toilet paper holder. (Weird placement on my part, I know.) The necklaces I took off and put there were my ring friendship necklace for my best friends Roslyn and Charlize, and the other was a silver sword for my other best friend Mara.
I had forgotten to put them back on before bed, like a dumbass. And didn't even realize they were missing until tonight, when I went to go shower and saw that only one necklace was left hanging.
I went upstairs to ask my sister where it was because she always has a tendency to take my things without asking and then hide them from me. (She has been able to keep and hide my things from me for 1-2 months before as an example. She even started stealing my makeup on a regular basis a few months back. I had to go repeatedly into her room when I couldn't find my things and of course I found them.) She denied it, of course, like she always does. But all I know, is that she has a necklace that I hold dear to my heart (in which I explained that to her) somewhere and I know she's gonna do something stupid with it, jump in the creek near our house, leave it at her friend's place, or leave it in a gym locker room.
I told her repeatedly, that this necklace was something important to me in which she kept lying. Which, by the way, I have had the same argument with her over other things only to find out she did in fact have that something I accused her of taking.
My necklace is gone, I know she has it, I know she won't give it back unless she gets caught with it. What do I do?
TW: random rant (ventish)
Recently, I had a talk with 2 of my best friends, (R and C) and we had a detailed, serious discussion about a topic that had come up through a mutual... It did happen to be true, and I have come forward and offered my hand to help R alongside C. So, here I am, staying up all night so my sleep schedule can align with them, that way if there is an emergency, because I am the most flexible and free person, R (or C) can call me at night. C, of course, is the day time caller.
I just kinda needed to get this out of my system, R has been going through a lot of high stress lately and it is in her best interest to listen to our advice. Our other friend, S, has been ruining her closets friendships by cutting contact with everyone but family and lying about how she communicates- such as, her phone being restarted but we have seen her active on multiple social medias -and we aren't sure we can fully trust her with the new information about R's situation, but most of the cut contact was due to the current state of her sister and her new nephew.
C on the other hand, has been doing so well, her relationship is good, she is proceeding smoothly in her fighting classes, and just last night, called me as soon as she got home to tell me she was being asked to choreograph a (soon to be pitched) Disney movie with her instructor.
That alone, is big and I am so happy she will be taking part in this, as well as being featured in a future movie if Disney proceeds, but what stuck out to me was that as soon as she got home, she called ME!! She has never done that before, because normally she'd go to S, but because S has cut contact with her best friends, including C (bsf of 10 yrs) they aren't in the best terms, still, it meant so much to me that she called me out of everyone.
I am beyond proud of C for taking on this role with confidence, I am ready to stand firm beside R to offer help with the new possibilities that are being forced onto her, and I will support S in any way if she needs it while she takes care of her family.
I have offered my house as a safe space for all 3 of these people, and they know they can come to me for anything, relationship wise, comfort wise or just to hang out. I really truly hope I never lose these girls.
”nostalgic for memories I haven’t had”
“I can’t put my finger on it”
“there are all these things that I’ll never know”
“all these things that I’ll never know”
I’m sick of being broke. I want fluffy towels. I want cool T-shirt’s. I want pretty dresses. I wish I could wear something different than everyone else, I don’t want to look like everyone else. I want to have bough money to buy lipgloss or a Frappuccino without thought. I want a horde of toki dokis in my arms. I want statues and collectibles. I want hardcover editions of my favorite books. I want to afford being a issue by issue comic fan. I want to buy pins off Etsy.
I want to buy video games and dlc. To buy as many books as I want. I want to have food without a worry about how long it’ll last to my next paycheck. But no. I have to save, save, save, to pay for books for stupid classes I don’t want to take but are required to get my degree so I don’t have to work retail.
I have to save in order to pay for my meds because health care in this country is a joke. Oh, and pay out of pocket because my insurance doesn’t cover behavioral assessments.
This whole summer I bought myself an eight dollar my little pony for nostalgia, a 14 dollar kuchi kopi, and bought a single twenty dollar book.
What I Can’t Say To My Brother
You are fundamentally a bad person. You are furious. You are selfish. You are a liar. You are a gaslighter. You are a thief. You are misogynistic. You are queerphobic. You are racist. You are intolerant. You are abusive.
Everything has been handed to you. You do not have to try to succeed in anything. You’re athletic, charismatic, talented, pretty enough to look like every leading man in an action flick , and every body wants you to succeed. I grew up hearing and watching everyone fawn over you. Kids at school would make friends with me just so they could come over to the house to hangout with you.
“Deven’s so smart, you know when he was little he spoke Russian and Spainish?”
“Deven’s so handsome he should be a model!”
“Deven’s so good at fixing computers!”
Your life could’ve been astronomically better than mine. But you couldn’t even do the bare minimum of effort or pretense of it to even coats on by. You’ve pissed every opportunity away. Every ounce of goodwill people have given you, you’ve sucked it dry.
The money you stole to party with your rich kid friends (who you also mooched off of to the point they stopped talking to you) almost made our family homeless. Every girlfriend you’ve ever had would sheepishly admit that you bragged about stealing money from me to pay for the date and would slip me a twenty from their purse as an apology.
Every girlfriend you’ve had you also drove to have an emotional breakdown. You purposely went after women with emotional problems and no support structure so you could bully them. These were women who wouldn’t know what a real healthy normal relationship is supposed to be. You did that on purpose.
You claim our mother is the person you love the most in the world (after yourself). You take money from her (you steal from her on occasion).The few times she tried making boundaries you guilted her and blamed. Our mother, the one parent we share in our blood, the one parent who actually stuck around for you.
My poor mother had to give up her dreams of travel and further education, of making beautiful art, all so she could give birth to a pitiful man like you. She was sixteen and scared out of her mind. She was hurting from a father that abondomded her as well, and you fucking play on that with your POS dad’s behavior. You use your fear of abondomenr as a fucking excuse.
You dare try to lecture me. You dare try and take some sort of moral authority and intellectual stance. I only speak to you at family functions out of the bare necessity to not hurt our poor grandmother’s feelings.
How fucking dare you try to explain the origins of storytelling and myth. I’m a fucking English Major with a concentration in creative writing my thesis is based around archetypes. I’m not taking intellectual or academic sources from a man who got a full ride to college but flunked our his first semester because he didn’t show up to class and didn’t do homework.
You only showed up to take tests. (College students who do this have the brains to check the professor’s attendance policy and grading system to see if they can pass and get away with it.) You also didn’t have the spine to tell our parents what you were actually doing, you would drive up to college and sleep in your car, like the jellyfish you are.
It took everything I had in me not to tear you down with a few sentences. You have to feel like the smartest person around. You dared to say you were, “The Muhammad Ali of Knowledge.”
Every memory of you cornering me and screaming at me to agree with you and your shitty pints. You would t let me leave til I said you were right in between choking back sobs burned in me. You and your need to control every body around you.
I could’ve destroyed you. Just a few flippant words, because let’s be real, what we say causally is usually what devastates others the most.
“Relax, you’re only my half-brother.”
“So, how smart do you have to be for your dad to finally give a shit about you?”
“What’s it like to have a dad that doesn’t love you?”
But I didn’t, you know why? Because I’m not you. That would’ve been a Deven move.
Chat it’s my birthday
Just felt like sharing >:3
I’m like the exact same but in reverse :(
body dysphoria sucks.
As someone who would probably act the same way as Miles if i was in love with my rival its been really cathartic playing Ace Attorney 🥲 just finished the second game and yeah..
Because of my executive dysfunction, I have to treat every difficult task as a life of death situation If I want anything done. So when I end up failing the task, Or not doing it anyway; It feels like dying a little. I used to grin and bear it, but lately I’m wondering How much of me Is still left Before I’m completely Gone
Will I be okay ?
Will I ?
Fuck the meritocracy
Fascism is on the rise
I will not be the first target
but I'm scared I will be the second
I should fight like hell
For me, for my friends
But I'm tired and powerless
Things don't feel like
they're getting better
Help.
We're supposed to be one
of the best countries
when it comes to social rights
But they're slowly
Eroding
There's nowhere else to go
when it all comes to shit
I can't run
No flight only fight
or freeze
I don't get a second chance
I pray to any god that listens
Don't let it come to that.
I pray to my peers
Don't let it come to that.
I pray to the reader
Don't let it come to that.
But I might preach to the choir
Don't let it come to that.
And I pray to the ones that want me dead
Take pity, be human
Or I will have to fight to death
It's not too late
I will try to take you down with me
Make you suffer like you make me
Or maybe I won't
Maybe when the time comes
I will be weak
I don't wanna find out
Don't let it come to that.
Honestly, it's kinda disappointing that the reason I was pale and had cold hands was this, and not me turning into a vampire. :(
Turns out I have iron deficiency and I wasn't faking being tired so I could skip class ! Who would have thought ???
Turns out I have iron deficiency and I wasn't faking being tired so I could skip class ! Who would have thought ???
I never learn from my mistakes, as proven by the fact that one of my friends just told me I should try playing Warhammer 40k with him and I went "Oh sure, sounds nice !"
My problem is that I keep playing RPGs and Murder Parties in dark gritty universes like INS/MV or Vampire the Masquerade when instead I should be playing in universes like Good Omens or WWDITS.