What I Can’t Say To My Brother
What I Can’t Say To My Brother
You are fundamentally a bad person. You are furious. You are selfish. You are a liar. You are a gaslighter. You are a thief. You are misogynistic. You are queerphobic. You are racist. You are intolerant. You are abusive.
Everything has been handed to you. You do not have to try to succeed in anything. You’re athletic, charismatic, talented, pretty enough to look like every leading man in an action flick , and every body wants you to succeed. I grew up hearing and watching everyone fawn over you. Kids at school would make friends with me just so they could come over to the house to hangout with you.
“Deven’s so smart, you know when he was little he spoke Russian and Spainish?”
“Deven’s so handsome he should be a model!”
“Deven’s so good at fixing computers!”
Your life could’ve been astronomically better than mine. But you couldn’t even do the bare minimum of effort or pretense of it to even coats on by. You’ve pissed every opportunity away. Every ounce of goodwill people have given you, you’ve sucked it dry.
The money you stole to party with your rich kid friends (who you also mooched off of to the point they stopped talking to you) almost made our family homeless. Every girlfriend you’ve ever had would sheepishly admit that you bragged about stealing money from me to pay for the date and would slip me a twenty from their purse as an apology.
Every girlfriend you’ve had you also drove to have an emotional breakdown. You purposely went after women with emotional problems and no support structure so you could bully them. These were women who wouldn’t know what a real healthy normal relationship is supposed to be. You did that on purpose.
You claim our mother is the person you love the most in the world (after yourself). You take money from her (you steal from her on occasion).The few times she tried making boundaries you guilted her and blamed. Our mother, the one parent we share in our blood, the one parent who actually stuck around for you.
My poor mother had to give up her dreams of travel and further education, of making beautiful art, all so she could give birth to a pitiful man like you. She was sixteen and scared out of her mind. She was hurting from a father that abondomded her as well, and you fucking play on that with your POS dad’s behavior. You use your fear of abondomenr as a fucking excuse.
You dare try to lecture me. You dare try and take some sort of moral authority and intellectual stance. I only speak to you at family functions out of the bare necessity to not hurt our poor grandmother’s feelings.
How fucking dare you try to explain the origins of storytelling and myth. I’m a fucking English Major with a concentration in creative writing my thesis is based around archetypes. I’m not taking intellectual or academic sources from a man who got a full ride to college but flunked our his first semester because he didn’t show up to class and didn’t do homework.
You only showed up to take tests. (College students who do this have the brains to check the professor’s attendance policy and grading system to see if they can pass and get away with it.) You also didn’t have the spine to tell our parents what you were actually doing, you would drive up to college and sleep in your car, like the jellyfish you are.
It took everything I had in me not to tear you down with a few sentences. You have to feel like the smartest person around. You dared to say you were, “The Muhammad Ali of Knowledge.”
Every memory of you cornering me and screaming at me to agree with you and your shitty pints. You would t let me leave til I said you were right in between choking back sobs burned in me. You and your need to control every body around you.
I could’ve destroyed you. Just a few flippant words, because let’s be real, what we say causally is usually what devastates others the most.
“Relax, you’re only my half-brother.”
“So, how smart do you have to be for your dad to finally give a shit about you?”
“What’s it like to have a dad that doesn’t love you?”
But I didn’t, you know why? Because I’m not you. That would’ve been a Deven move.
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So, as promised, here’s my list of lesbian movies for all of our lovely followers and the people you want to share it with. I hope I haven’t forgotten any good ones, but if you feel like that is the case, feel free to add movies to the list!
This is my gift for all of you, I hope you’ll like it ♥
/ Mod W
Tipping the Velvet
based on the book by sarah waters (she has written many lesbian books!)
it’s a bbc adapatation
technically a mini series but i like to see it as three hours of lesbian content heaven
it’s about this girl who falls in love with an actress and she goes to see her at the theatre five billion times until the actress notices her (that’s just the first part, other things happen to the main so watch the rest for more lesbian content~)
the main character (nan astley/king) is like… my fave. i love her.
the book is very good too!!!
honestly i have so much love for this movie/book i get all giddy just thinking of it
Bound
lesbian gangster/mob movie do i need to say more???
the main actresses are cute af (one of them is a butch lesbian!)
it’s awesome and very cool
(gonna trigger warn for use of lesbophobic slurs used by some characters/some lesbophobic violence)
Below Her Mouth
meh plot with amazing sex scenes basically?
a lot of sex scenes
i mean it like half the movie is graphic sex so if ur uncomfortable with that you probably shouldn’t watch it lol
all female cast
willa from wynonna earp!
The Handmaiden
also based on a book by sarah waters (called Fingersmith, there’s a bbc adaptation of it too which you should totally check out as well)
good quality movie right there
(putting a trigger warning here for sexual and psychological abuse and abuse in general)
Kyss Mig
one of few good swedish movies
basically about two step-sisters who fall in love (they’re not actually related i promise)
But I’m a Cheerleader
baby natasha lyonne is in this one! also i have a crush on clea duvall in this movie lol
a very cute love story tbh
good aesthetic
you’ve probably heard of it before but idc cause it’s great
(it’s like a satire of conversion therapy so if that’s something you can’t watch i don’t recommend this movie for you in particular)
If These Walls Could Talk 2
a bunch of famous actresses (like chloë sevigny, michelle williams, natasha lyonne, ellen degeneres, etc. etc.)
divided in three segments from three different periods in time
one segment is set during the feminist movement in the 70s and features chloë sevigny as a butch lesbian with a motorcycle do i even need to say more??
Anatomy of a Love Seen
this is about two actresses who were a couple when they shot a movie together and now they have to go back and re-shoot some love scenes but they’re not a couple anymore and it’s sad af
i have basically never seen this movie in any rec lists but it’s actually one of my faves and i cry so much to this movie tbh
Saving Face
this is a good one
also pretty funny tbh!
it’s about a doctor who falls in love with a dancer and the doctor’s relationship with her conservative mom
it’s kind of rom-comish
Lost and Delirious
warning: very sad like super sad?
it’s about a girl who goes to a boarding school and so happens to become roommates with a lesbian couple
teen angst squared and multiplied with gay panic
The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love
you may have heard of this one but if you haven’t it’s time you watch it
that woman who plays tina on the l word is a butch-ish girl in this one
VERY CUTE and chill
every time i watch this it feels like this movie is the director’s BABY like it seems like she cares about this story so much and it makes the movie feel so genuine and lovely
i want every baby lesbian to watch this, please, it’s my gift to you.
D.E.B.S.
you may have heard of this one too but if you haven’t seen it yet it’s definitely worth a watch!
lesbian spies!
the heroine falls in love with the villain (that enemies to lovers trope tho!!)
Desert Hearts
old but good!
i feel like this movie is on most of these long rec lists but people probably don’t watch it cause it’s old but it is actually pretty good!
your classic “oops i thought i was straight but that woman is hot” story
Margarita With a Straw
indian girl figures out she’s bi when she goes to uni in new york and meets a lesbian girl
cute, funny, sad, it has everything tbh
The Hours (actually one of my all-time favorite movies/books!)
The Intervention
The Kids Are All Right
The Children’s Hour
Elena Undone
Fucking Åmål
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type-moon ace!
22/Bisexual/ Autistic/ ADD/ Dyspraxia/Dysgraphic/ She and her pronouns/ Pagan/intersectional feminist
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