*Me After Every RNM Episode*

Music is powerful. It is the only thing that can speak into your mind, your heart and your soul without your permission.

Emmanuel Jal

Hawkins vs. the Upside Down

The problem with human attraction is not knowing if it will be returned.

Becca Fitzpatrick

Period

forget about all those rap songs, ac/dc has the best ass-shaking music and u can’t tell me otherwise

RNM 4X08

So many people talked about this episode as if it was going to pay back for everything lacking in this season, at least for the Alex and Malex part of it.

People hoped for an Alex centric hour, for flashbacks, for feral Michael. Instead, there wasn't anything like this in the episode. Selling it like an episode for Malex fans was unfair, if not a blatant lie. How can it really be about a couple if they aren't the focus? If everything about them is twisted to be a mirror for someone else? There was so much Echo that it was insane. I know they're the main couple, I'm well aware, but can something not be about them? For once? At least in another character's storyline. But then, I ask myself, why am I surprised? Like always, it's Alex's story but it's not really about him. It's about everyone else. Perceiving him is about Maria and her powers, and keeping secret that he's missing is about Max and Liz's relationship. Not even Michael going feral is strictly about Alex but more about the way he reacts to things. All the promised snapping and going crazy lasted the blink of an eye and then it was all good. Michael got level headed surprisingly fast. I mean, good for him. He's really the pinnacle of emotional maturity this year. He even ends up apologizing to everyone, like he is the one in the wrong. But again, when did RNM allow anyone to be really angry? Never. If a character is lucky, it gets to scream a little bit, throw some punches or a few dirty looks around, and that's it. Unless you're Michael and you're angry at Alex. Then it's going to last two and a half seasons. 

So, no Alex, absolutely no flashback of any kind, and not enough feral Michael IMO. So great for an episode that was "for Malex fans". 4x08 was hyped to be something it was not. It's sad. 

I'm really not capable of considering Alex's ghostly self like it's enough. I don't really know what to do with it, and with that entire music scene. I would love to be moved by it but it doesn't work for me. Great scene for Michael, but for Malex? I want to see them play together, both physically present, not like this, with a scene that's just a cheesy attempt at pleasing Malex fans. I mean, it's an alien show, it's not like I ever expected it to make sense, but I personally draw the line at this level of cheesy. It's just on the wrong side of ridiculous for me. To be fair, the same concept worked wonders for me in "Ghost", but in that case the ghost was visible. So, maybe my problem is that Alex is still nowhere to be seen, so I don't really feel anything for this "presence". Totally my problem, I get it. I was hoping for so much more in this episode, instead the only good thing that came out of it was Michael's return of perspective on the Oasis question Vs his life with Alex (and his final breakdown in Max's arms). Took long enough. 

Everything else was underwhelming for me, even other people's concerns. I didn't fully buy it, but I guess it's normal in a show where these same friendships are nonexistent since season 1. It's a struggle trying to fully believe any of it. And, even so, half of the characters don't really care for Alex, but for what he means for Michael. So, like I said before, it's a great season if you're a Guerin's fan. 

I'm happy for the fans that are enjoying this season, I really am. I envy them. Watching RNM would be so much more pleasant if I was capable of doing the same. Sadly, I'm not, and I watched 8 seasons of Arrow and 7 of Agents of shield, so I'm used to a crazy amount of angst for my favorite characters. I'm even used to not seeing my favorite for a very long time. The point is that RNM did an awful job handling Alex's situation. And I don't want to hear anything more regarding the actor's availability. It doesn't matter when the writers can't come up with a compelling solution, and they didn't here. 

Let's hope for 4x10 now, maybe we will see a glimpse of Alex at least. Or maybe not, who knows. I really hope so, though, even if I don't believe he will have any real importance outside of Malex in the rest of the season. Still, we'll have to cherish that, even be grateful for it, because it will be the only thing with Alex in it. Disappointed is not enough to explain how I feel about this. And I will still feel the same if they end up married. As the saying goes, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey… and I don't think it has been a great journey so far. 

“Just because I said nothing doesn’t mean I didn’t notice.”

— Unknown

One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find - is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.

Beau Taplin

LILA and FIVE in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY: SEASON 3

Me every Monday :