nephilimlm
linen and pine and honey and waffles
163 posts
Latest Posts by nephilimlm
in bed with boys - behind the scenes MOPI ‘90-91
What’s crazy is that I’ve been fantasizing for YEARS about someone looking at me with this specific wide-eyed, teary-but-not-quite-crying, awestruck, completely captured expression that I’ve never quite been able to describe or draw
And last night when I watched Dinner In America, I finally saw it
The smell of his sweat lingered on my pillow last night and I found myself breathing it in until I could no longer find his scent.
boyboobies..... *my cursed eye glows brighter* aaauuuuh
Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, from “Carmilla”
i think. guys with a little bit of musclesshsjs………..
yearn
for both our sakes.
the ghost of one specific homosexual cowboy regularly possesses Tumblr gays
i love being a transexual faggot
Lou Sullivan trans man activist in his bedroom six months before he died of AIDS in 1991. Photographed by Mariette Pathy Allen (source)
Vintage pins made by Bruce Eakin | c. 1990
t4t love. if you even care.
8 Months of Living to Please My Soul
[8 months on testosterone warrants a face reveal for the blog]
westley and buttercup from the princess bride but theyre both boys
TRANS MAC TRUTHERS YESSSS
woke up thinking about trans mac…
luther let him transition as a child because he wanted a son instead of a daughter anyway, so it benefits him as well as mac, but it’s all under the circumstances that it’s very hush hush and nobody finds out so that “shame” isn’t brought to their family
mac is incredibly performatively hyper-masculine because he feels the need to compensate for being born in a girl’s body
he pretends not to be gay because in his and luther’s mind, being trans is “bad enough” as it is. he was also taught to associate being gay with femininity
gets hormones/surgery with the money he makes dealing weed at high school and whilst working at the ice rink
literally has a therapist tell him he has body dysmorphia, but specifically in the sense that he worries about being too small or frail… i.e, too feminine, not masculine enough. sounds like gender dysphoria to me, pal
“button in a fur coat” = metoidioplasty or clit growth
charlie knows because he’s known charlie for the longest and as a younger kid there’s only so much he could keep secret from his best friend, but charlie forgets that mac was born female by frying his brains with glue and other inhalants
going really hard on the homophobia to compensate for being trans
we only see mac get with one other person in the whole show that lasts more than a hasty hook up… carmen. he sought her out, protested just enough to make him look like he’s weirded out by her being trans, but actually, is the whole reason he sought her out in the first place. if he can’t allow himself to be gay, then then second best option after that is to be with another trans person, somebody who will at the very least understand
the internalised transphobia ends up becoming externalised, ending their relationship. he focuses on the fact that she’s pre-op and doesn’t care to hide it that much, because he’s deep down, envious that she doesn’t hide being trans whilst he’s spent his whole life living in shame and fear that people would find out
when he does come out as gay, it takes a while to breach the topic with luther. before he comes out to him, he spends ages getting absolutely shredded, aka masculine, the most physically masculine he can possibly get himself. only then can he stand in front of his father and say that he’s gay — because he needs to make up for the associated femininity with being gay when it’s in front of him. either way, luther stands up and leaves, so mac stops holding onto the masculine front and allows himself to curl up into a woman’s lap and cry for (i think) the only time on screen
claiming to be a top so valiantly because he associates getting fucked and bottoming with “being the woman”, even if he isn’t a top deep down. he stops pretending to be a top after coming out to and losing luther (the pressure to rid himself of femininity)
also i swear to god. i swear to god he has visible scars in global warming.
1. liu xiaodong, love / 2. jane fisher, black pjs / 3. henri de toulouse-latrec, le lit / 4. lucian freud, two men / 5. leslie allen, sleeping
going stealth means choosing between your safety and your community--a decision i never want to make. i fear the time to make that decision is drawing closer and closer. facial hair and muscle growth, a deep voice and adam's apple, blending in and keeping quiet. stifling excitement when i see someone like me. unable to speak up. hiding a pivotal part of who i am. fear. fear is on all sides of being trans. the side that holds most love is with my brothers and sisters, protesting and speaking out.
silent charlie fuckers i need you to get loud about this photo
why dont more ppl talk abt charlies rage room he had the right idea
mac mcdonald is trans and you can fight me on this idc
hes just like me fr
how mac looks whenever he does the hand clasp thing
