I’ve Been Cursed With A Vivid Memory. I Remember Everything. Mistakes I’ve Made, People Who Hurt

Finally got to paint both of my grandparents for their birthdays.

“You know it will all be gone soon…” “I know” “So what do we do?” “Enjoy it”

Freedom is a lie  If I ever wake up and feel free I’m going back to sleep and try again because I need to be for someone I have to belong to something

WTF?

All that looking and staring and talking and asking and texting and sweating and calling and meeting and seeing and eating and drinking and repeating and trying and lying and promising and touching and hugging and kissing and licking and sweating and undressing and resisting and submitting and letting go and giving in and moaning and cursing and screaming and cumming and going and pulling out and pulling away and questioning and going with it and rethinking and getting dressed and regret and being quiet and accepting and ignoring and cursing and screaming and crying and lying will have you wondering wtf just happened?

When you die do you get to take your memories with you?

The Forest x The City I ran into the forest because I thought I heard my name, but it may have just been the voices in my head, both them and you all sound the same. They said you never realize you’re lost until you try to go back the way you came, but there is no turning back now, I’ll build my fire here when it gets dark, come find me if you see the flames. I’ll stay here through the night until there is a little light to find my way, but when you see the smoke, the fire’s died, I’ve broken camp and it’s too late. I can navigate by the moon, wandering around until I’m found, but if your trees obstruct it’s view I’ll burn this forest to the ground. And build a city where you stood with buildings that reach higher than your trees ever could, and neon lights, we won’t need fire. And I’ll light you up at night, to where you’ll never see the stars, but you’ll look beautiful from a distance tourist will come by plane, train or barge just to get a picture of you. Or I could build you like they used to, with castles and with walls and erect statues of myself in the center of it all. Until the hurricane comes and earthquake shakes and the city crumbles to the ground and a forest grows in its place.

This year I decided to draw my family with cake crowns for their Birthdays. Kings for a day.

What is freedom and do I really want it? Freedom makes me uneasy. The idea of having infinite possibilities makes me anxious and lazy, because I feel like “free” can always be put off until tomorrow, or after I take my nap. Endlessness is daunting and can trick you into thinking that you have way more time than you actually do. I’m not sure if I completely trust myself with the autonomy over my decisions, because I change my mind often. I’m indecisive. I’m a Gemini. By nature we are lovers and fighters. What is freedom’s desire? Who is freedom’s enemy? I think the only freedom we seek is the freedom to choose what we want to be a slave to; love, time, money, art, wanderlust. I have been a slave to all of those things and for some reason have a desire to crawl back to them every time they let me go.

Where The Water Flows

See the river. Need the river. River wild. Tame the river. Want a city. Build a city. Flood the city. Blame the river. Build a wall. Hold it back. Keep it there. Dig it deep. Run a pipe. Get a drink. Water plants. River sleep. Board a ship. Travel north. Economics. Get in line. Hit a bridge. Sink the ship. Oil spill. Pay a fine. Snow melts. Up north. All that water. Coming down. High tide. Water rise. River crests. Leaving town. Higher walls. Deeper dredge. Levee breach. People drown. River mad. Eating land. Cypress trees. Can’t be found. Water flows. Downhill. Need a drink. Shit and piss. Flush the pot. To the lake. Don’t forget. Feed the fish. Oil and grease. Antifreeze. Down the drain. They don’t mind. Grab a pole. Cast it out. Catch a bite. Dinner time. Oil and grease. Fry it up. Kids say. It tastes funny. Wife sick. Healthcare. Plan canceled. No money. Take the kids. To the lake. Find a beach. Dive in. Fish stink. Sand sticky. Signs say. Don't swim. News says. Boil your water. After every time. It rains. House floods. Water dries. Do this all. Over again. River laughs. Lake cries. Travel West. Dry land. Build a house. In the hills. Fill your pool. Water plants. Never flood. Never rain. All the water. Drying up. River laughs. Lake too. Need a drink. Out of luck.