3. 3 Nickels Mike. This Is Getting Out Of Hand

i’m just like henry winter

i too don’t believe the moon landing was real

my new year’s resolution is to be so mysterious and alluring that I haunt a man’s every thought and dream for the rest of his life

rotting in bed but in a richard wasting away during that first winter in vermont kind of way

“I loved you completely and you loved me the same. That’s all, the rest is confetti…”

Mike Flannigan your days are numbered

“Touch.

And touch.

And touch.”

@little-shit-soph has given me Barty/Evan brain rot, and I’m making it everyone’s problem.

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,

“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)

“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)

The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.

The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.

There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.