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The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,
“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)
“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)
The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.
The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.
There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.