Gansey’s Moment Of “she Makes Me Quiet” When All Blue Has Ever Been For Others Is An Amplifier

My favorite plot twist in trc was Ronan being an absolute fucking loser. Like wdym the stoic spontaneous bad boy listens to EDM and wants to be a farmer??? And people are SCARED of him??? Please.

Kaz Brekker invented love. in this essay i will-

fuck first dates. get in the shopping cart. we're rolling headfirst into a car so we'll skid and fall together

only kind of bingo i play

house of usher comes out next week so it feels like the right time to break out the old mike flanagan bingo board.

filled out to the best of my memory. love when a dude is obsessed with themes and imagery <3

something I like about Blue Sargent is that she’s so believably seventeen years old. she misses her mom and yearns to keep her friendships and also to pursue her future and grow. she insults her cousin to her face but loves and is very protective of her. she wears fingerless gloves to cemeteries to look cool even though she knows trying to look cool will bite her in the ass, she monologues about how if she opens her pink switchblade she’s sure she’ll cut herself as a sensible teen but also monologues about how she looves the idea of herself as a badass with a switchblade, and then she does indeed open it and cut herself and connects it to her emotional hurt. she’s both self-conscious and confident, and highly pretentious. She’s a one thousand year old condescending brat who wishes she was surrounded by fellow one thousand year old condescending brats at all times. she’s impulsive and idealistic and empathetic and sensible and stubborn and judgemental and curious and compassionate and playful and fiercely loving. she’s a fanciful sensible thing, she’s good but she’s not nice, she’s brave because she’s full of fear. I love her

The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,

“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)

“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)

The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.

The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.

There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.

some days i think it’s just me and my letterboxd against the world

sorry i can’t take your touch, man. it’s not you it’s just that i fell in love with a war

You don’t like the way your hair sits? Take mine, I will shear it off without a second thought.

Take my eyes so you may see through them just how beautiful you are.

Take my lungs, that you should never gasp for air.

You’re not comfortable in your skin? Take mine, I will strip it from my body just to see you smile.

My heart is already yours, it has been beating to the sound of your name ever since I first heard it uttered. Take it, it is more yours than it ever was mine.

Take my muscles. May they make you strong enough to never need another.

I will give and give of myself until I am nothing but a meager pile of brittle and broken bones.

Take them. May they be of more use to you than I ever could have been.