I Know No One Probably Cares But They Have Changed The Berry Waffle Cone Sent At Bath & Body Works!!

Hey, so today's post is kind of personal, more than a little personal actually but I guess you could say I wasn't feeling the best earlier. And with these feelings I was trying to find anything to distract myself with and I ended up going through some older notes in my phone. And, well I got to reading this one. I guess you could say it's kind of stupid but I almost felt like I could relate? (again to myself so, stupid) and I thought maybe others could too.

I guess I was just feeling a lot of emotions, some similar but also none quite the same. I guess you could say it I felt... Unvalidated? Not valued, not seen, not heard; amongst other things. I won't go into detail what happened today but I guess here's a little, almost diary entry? Of a bad day from a while back.

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Thurs. Oct 24, 2024:

I wasn't having the best day yesterday, I couldn't tell you why, there wasn't just one specific thing, I think it was just... Everything. I'm just, tired. Tired of not knowing, tired of not being enough. Just, tired. I need a break. Just a moment to catch my breath. So yeah, I wasn't having the best day yesterday.

I had to actively stop myself from crying my eyes out in the middle of a classroom or hallway a couple of times. For some reason, I so desperately wanted nothing more than a hug from my dad. But it made me want to cry even more because I knew I couldn't have one, it was in the middle of the school day and he was at work. I had to force myself to think of something, anything other than how much I so desperately wanted a hug at that moment. Otherwise, I'd start bawling my eyes out in front of dozens of people.

I thought about asking Mrs. T for a hug. She was right there. No more than a couple of steps away. But for some reason I couldn't get myself to do it. Even though I was trying my damn hardest not to have a mental breakdown a foot behind her. Instead I just silently got up once the bell rang and stood behind her for a moment, debating. But after a moment I just grabbed my bag and silently walked away, I didn't say anything, she didn't say anything either. (She hadn't notice)

The second time I think I had to actively avoid breaking out in tears was on the way to my third-period from Mrs. T office hours, I had to force myself to stop thinking about the hug I couldn't have otherwise I'd start crying in front of my pre-calculus class. Eventually, the teacher came along to unlock the door and I splashed my face with some water from the water fountain.

It was a little better after that. I could distract myself with math, I didn't have to think, well at least think about anything other than math. And I thought to myself, what if I asked Yoshi for a hug, even if it seemed like an inadequate substitute at the time? I thought about the girls and I know they would hug me if I asked but I don't know if it was the kind of hug I needed. I think that thought is also the reason I didn't end up asking ***** for a hug either. It wasn't the kind of hug I needed.

Even as I just silently dissociated my way through lunch to avoid crying. Then came ceramics, my mind and body felt all over the place. Like I wanted, needed to do something but couldn't. I was glazing my projects which helped a lot I even got to genuinely smile and laugh at some point, so my day got a little better after that. I could just immerse myself in my art. I could mostly do the same thing in LC while painting posters, so by the time I went home I was a lot better than the latter half of the afternoon.

Hours went by and I forgot about my insistent need for a hug from no one else but for my dad. And eventually, he came home. At that point I didn't feel like I desperately needed a hug anymore, but I thought to myself, I could still use that hug, so I silently moseyed my way out of my room after a moment of contemplation and made my way to his.

I stood at the door and watched for a moment as he was kicking his dirty laundry into a pile on the floor to be washed. I don't know why but that pile of dirty laundry felt like the Mariana trench between him and I at that moment. So instead of wading myself across it I just asked, are you still not working tomorrow? (That's not what I wanted to say but I felt like I needed to say something, anything, to try to bridge that gap)

He confirmed what I already knew, still not looking at me, just focusing on compiling his clothes together. And of course, since I was there standing in the doorway ******(my dog) wanted to come see, and as always he was getting told that he was in the way (I always feel bad when I hear everyone say that, even though it's true and he likes to stick close to your legs causing you to trip) and I don't know why it struck me so much.

Why when he told ******(my dog) to get out and go away it felt like he was saying it to me. I know he wasn't angry or annoyed at me, I know that. He was just tired and now annoyed at the dog. But it hit me, and I couldn't tell you why.

So I silently left and made my way back to my room as he started saying things like all I do is work work work work, work and mop, work and mop... In his usual annoyed tone. I don't know why, but for a moment, I silently stood at my door still just a little cracked as I listened to him rant, even though my heart felt like it was cracking with every word he said.

Finally, I silently shut the door and that's when the waterworks; the one's I had been holding back all day, finally spilled over. I cried for a while rambling and babbling and I had to repeatedly tell myself something I already knew, he's not mad at you, he's just tired and annoyed at the dog, he's just tired and annoyed at the dog, had to tell myself he won't be mad at you if you go to ask for a hug, that's ridiculous, so finally after a while of working up my gall, I splash my face with water in the bathroom make sure it didn't look like I was crying.

And I made my way back to his room, but this time there was no cavernous trench of laundry between us. I silently made my way in and just stood behind him while he was fiddling with his phone and charging, still not saying a word. ******(my dog) followed me along and jumped on his bed. It probably didn't take more than a minute to finish up his fiddling, but it felt like forever, and again I felt like I had to force myself to not make my eyes water, so he couldn't see.

Finally, he turned around and asked me what I wanted, I silently held my arms out for a hug and I asked him if I could get a hug he couldn't hear me so I repeated myself but I don't think it came out as more than a mumble. He got the hint anyway and hugged me. like his hugs. We usually just silently hold each other and sway back and forth on our feet. I like our hugs.

But in that moment it just didn't feel right. I couldn't tell you why. Just that it wasn't. Suddenly he spoke up and said, it'll all be okay. I don't know why he said it. Maybe it showed on my face. Or maybe you didn't show enough.

Because the next moment he's pulling away. Entirely too quickly. A hug. One that earlier in the day I had to actively stop myself from crying out for because I so desperately needed it. A hug I had to give myself a pep talk just ask for. But a hug that felt like it was the answer turned out to break me even more.

After he pulled away he joked about something with the dog and laughed. He laughed. There's nothing wrong with laughing. But in that moment it felt like she was laughing at me. And I had to force myself to let out a laugh too. So he wouldn't see that there's anything wrong.

Even as I silently walked out of his room my back to him so he wouldn't see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Mouth tightly shut so he wouldn't hear the sobs threatening to claw up my throat. I silently walked away from his room to mine closed my door, and let the first sob near silently leave my body as it clicked shut. I felt so stupid. I felt useless and like I couldn't do anything.

And so then the waterworks started again as I tried to snuff out the sobs leaving my body. I didn't want him to try to come into my room and see me breaking apart so I decided I was going to take a shower. I wasn't dirty. Not really. But it felt like it, almost. Couldn't let him see. I don't know why he's not allowed to see. He just isn't. So I started quietly cursing myself for being so stupid as I took off my jewelry and grabbed my stuff for the shower. I felt better after the shower. Not entirely. But better than I was before. Didn't feel like I was going to start breaking out in sobs at any second. So, better.

Reimagined Green Eggs and Ham. Plz go follow her on TikTok @justayari (I think she's going to make a book with it!)

"I do not owe you eggs or ham" by Magaly Sosa:

I do not want green eggs, mmm I do not want green eggs and ham, I do not want them, sam I am, I said it once I said it clear, my no is real, it's rooted here, do not ask me in a house, do not ask me with a mouse, don't try a train or boat or box, I don't need tricks, I don't need talks, I said no kindly, I said it plain, why ask me once and ask again, I don't need pressure, I don't need fear, I don't need please set (said?) in my ear, you twist my words to make me bend, that's not persuasion, it's a trend, where 'no' means maybe and 'not now' gets questioned, poked then flip somehow, you call it fun, you call it game, I do not owe and I will not shrink, my sacred no, and Sam he blinked, he breathed, he knew, he bowed and said "I honour you"

A spark ignites, a quiet flame,

It whispers first, then calls a name.

Through shadows deep, through silence thick,

It stirs the soul, it makes hearts quick.

The winds of change begin to blow,

A truth once buried starts to grow.

The old ways crack, the walls decay,

As voices rise and feet give way.

The roar of hope, the cry of pain,

A thunderclap, a driving rain.

Revolution calls with steady hand,

To tear apart, to take a stand.

The ground will tremble, hearts will race,

As power shifts, as hearts embrace.

The chains once held will break and fall,

And freedom’s light will pierce it all.

But revolution, fierce and wild,

Is never tame, nor always mild.

It burns the past, but leaves behind,

A future shaped by all mankind.

So when the drums of change are heard,

Let courage rise, let voices stir.

For revolution, bold and true,

Is born from hope and what we choose.

If your best freind was holding a gun to your head what would your final words be?:

@Antonio Muñoz: “Told you I’d take a bullet for you, but never imagined you’d be the one pulling the trigger”

One of my favorite insults:

As useful as a soup Sandwich

**Beneath the Flag**

O land of promise, bold and bright,

Your stars once blazed a hopeful light,

But shadows fall where dreams decay,

As gilded hopes drift far away.

Skies of blue and fields of green,

Hide truths beneath a painted scene,

Where wealth divides, and justice sways,

And voices fade in endless haze.

Cities hum and highways roar,

Yet many struggle, wanting more;

The streets are paved with stories lost,

And freedom bears a quiet cost.

A land of plenty, yet denied,

Where broken dreams and secrets hide.

...Where hope and hardship still collide.

......Where shadows linger, hope entwined.

Where hands reach out but come back bare,

And promises hang in the air,

A country torn, a dream betrayed,

As weary hearts still hope for aid.

-um c-can I talk to you?

-no. You're an asshole. I don't talk to assholes. It's bad for the soul you know, bad vibes and all that

(....this makes me happy)

Edit: OMG!! I just remembered where I got this from. I have a whole notes page in my phone about funny/meaningful quotes I've heard and I was wondering where I got this from because I forgot to write it down BUT I got it from a BNHA fic (maybe I'll Wattpad I don't remember) I remember it being funny as shit but I forget the name of it, so sorry, I'm sure someone out there knows the answer but that someone is not me. (It might have been a y/n or just an OC fic but in this world this girl goes to UA but I think there a mind reader or something and she tries to become best buds with Bakugo and despises Deku because he's a fake bitch and just emotionally manipulated everyone around him and a hating Bakugo, I think this quote is when she confronts deku about being a fake bitch I don't entirely remember it was a while ago)

Edit again!!! I found it! Here you go and you're welcome

"I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory

When’s it gonna get me?

In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me?

If I see it comin’, do I run or do I let it be?

Is it like a beat without a melody?

See, I never thought I’d live past twenty

Where I come from some get half as many

Ask anybody why we livin’ fast and we laugh, reach for a flask

We have to make this moment last, that’s plenty

Scratch that

This is not a moment, it’s the movement

Where all the hungriest brothers with

Something to prove went?

Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand

We roll like Moses, claimin’ our promised land

And? If we win our independence?

Is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants?

Or will the blood we shed begin an endless

Cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?

I know the action in the street is excitin’

But Jesus, between all the bleedin’ ‘n fightin’

I’ve been readin’ ‘n writin’

We need to handle our financial situation

Are we a nation of states? What’s the state of our nation?

I’m past patiently waitin’. I’m passionately

Smashin’ every expectation

Every action’s an act of creation!

I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow

For the first time, I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow"

“If I had a nickel for every time you asked me to take my clothes off I’d have two nickles which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice, especially coming from someone who thinks I’m a kid, seems a little suspect if you ask me.”

(Homeless vigilanteed Izuku, dadzawa wanting to check the healed stab wound on his leg, dadzawa does not know his identity and only assumes he's a kid because of his size which is true but dadzawa does not know that)

Conditions May Apply by CinnamonPinecones on ao3 ~348,276 words (so far 119 ch. Waiting on updates) really good read 100% recommend 💖