It’s Okay To Have Low Pain Tolerance.

I had a similar idea, but also very different. Also I want to keep this :)

Plot bunnies - [Severus Snape / Voldemort]

Concept: post-war Snape and post-war Voldemort going back in time, forms a soul bond, trying not to kill each other, and fall in love.

No, but see. Snape knows Voldemort is bad news, but, he also knows about horcruxes, and a lot of the weird changes in the Dark Lord now makes sense to him. He hates Voldemort, fears him, idolizes him, wanting him dead yesterday but can’t help but imagine a strong and sane Voldemort doing good things to the wizarding world. Second chances and all that. Voldemort just hates Snapes gut for betraying him. Snape, who he once trusted the most, once favoured, whom he once saw himself in. All he wanted was to kill Snape in the most gruesome way.

Snape plans to save Voldemort, while preparing for plan B and plan Cs in case he failed, he wouldn’t allow a mad Dark Lord in his world if he can do anything about it. And he is doing something about it. According to his original plan, he is going to kidnap Voldemort somehow, collect whatever horcruxes that was already made, and somehow find a way to piece them together, show his lord about the consequences of his madness, then convince him that no, your old plan isn’t gonna work.

Voldemort plans vengeance, while looking into how not to fail this time, looking for reasons that he failed the last time. Now that he’s not processing on 1/7 of brain power, he sees that his methods perhaps needs some improvements, and maybe, just maybe, 7 horcruxes is a bit much even for him. So while tracking Snape down, he slowly changed strategies, because he truly does want good for the magical world. It’s just, his perceptions were a bit skewed, but death has a way to fix that.

The thing is, neither of them know the other one is also back in time, so, there’s some hilarious miscommunications. Like the assholes they are, Voldemort doesn’t care the Snape in the past doesn’t deserve his wrath, and Snape doesn’t care what Voldemort wants at all.

So Snape forced a soul bond on the two of them, taking advantage of the instability of a fractured soul, trying to use his own soul as an anchor to stabilize Voldemort’s soul. Because he is an suicidal asshole. Now Voldemort can’t torture Snape without feeling a portion of the sensory feedback and can’t kill Snape without dying himself.

Snape is pissed off because he was still angry this version of Voldemort is the one that killed Lily. Yes he is still bitter about it. Voldemort is pissed off because a soul bond is definitely not in his plan of torturing Snape to death, and now that he realizes that this IS the Snape that betrayed him, he wants him dead even more.

But they have to make do, right? They now have a common goal in mind, which is to piece the soul shards together, so that Voldemort can be hopefully completely sane again? And hopefully their bonds will break when the second party of the bond never consented and now a stable and unfractured soul can deny the bond so perhaps it will break?

Because of the bond, they are in each other’s mind. Snape knows he would definitely die a terrible death but at least Voldemort can’t do anything to him now, so he has zero restraint in telling Voldemort that his is a fucking idiot whenever he’s making some bad decisions in anger, like, raiding a muggle village and all that nonsense. Voldemort hates every minute of it, but he is a little grateful for it too.

Anyway, they also research together. The bond is like a google docs in their brain so they’re sharing their researches and adding to each other’s part and for the two geniuses like them, that is probably one of the best research experience they ever had. They understand each other so easily.

Hostility dies down a bit, Snape got injured somehow and Voldemort forces him to stay at his place. Nothing, if you die I will die too and that’s just awefully inconvenient and all that. Imagine the awkward domesticity.

Then, they figure out a way. They prepare for the ritual, both knowing that after that things are going back to trying to kill each other and not die game, and truthfully, they are not too fond of that.

And Snape is Snape, the angst king of all angst. He thinks that Voldemort will absolutely kill him as soon as the ritual is done. But he doesn’t want to kill Voldemort anymore, and he hates himself for being so selfish, and hates himself more for wanting to kill Voldemort.

Voldemort is still suspicious that Snape is going to betray him somehow. But he wants to trust him again. He hates Snape for making him feel that way, and hates himself for being soft.

So. The ritual thing happens. Voldemort is whole again, but the bond did not break. They are both disappointed but a little glad about it.

For the first time in a long time, Voldemort feels his mind is clear and void of the voices telling him to kill and to hurt. For the first time in a long time, Snape no longer has a goal that his life depends on and at risk of dying for. They both feel, a little, empty.

They goes back to the routines. Domesticity is no longer awkward this time and they feel so natural around each other. After spending so long not hiding anything, they feel they can trust each other more than anyone else in the world.

And somewhere in the way, they fall in love, enjoying it while denying it. Both trying to out-flirt the other while pretending that no, there’s absolutely no feelings between them. They have a purely professional relationship sharing the same political insights and the same academic interests. They are NOT a couple. No. What are you talking about Lucius.

And it just became so natural. They wake each other up from nightmares, laugh at the silly and untrue stories on the newspapers, discussing their childhood and their dreams, sharing Thanksgiving dinners and wake up on the Christmas Day smiling and muttering sleepy g'mornings.

One day, Snape says, “I have never apologized for betraying you, have I?”

“Are you apologizing now?”

“No, you were wrong, and you were an asshole, and I am not sorry for going to Dumbedore.”

“Well, I’m sorry for killing you though, and your death had been completely unnecessary, sorry about that too.”

“I am not sorry for the action of betraying you, but I do regret that my choice had hurt your feelings.”

“Thats not apologizing.”

“I told you I’m not apologizing.”

“You are terrible. I should have killed you.”

“Why didn’t you though? We both know that the bond didn’t break because you are holding on to it. For some reasons.”

“It’s just such a pity I guess.”

“For what?”

“I love too much for that, I guess?”

“You guess?”

“I know.”

“Um, you know what? Me too.”

That’s it. The end.

This is the maybe 20k story that’s never going to get written because I don’t have enough brain power to plan out how these two lovely genius assholes scheming to kill each other. I’m no Slytherin.

Someone please write this. I want an LVSS fic so badly.

Bilbo: Do you ever have one of those days when you're holding a stick

Bilbo: And e v e r y o n e looks like a piñata?

Y'all

Imagine if Bilbo lost his lil acorn once Smaug was dead.

Throin sees Bilbo looking around all panicked, digging through some pile of gold or gems, and asks about it, and this is where he learns about the acorn.

So of course he offers to help look, while they're looking for the Arkenstone, and eventually they've got the whole company looking for both. Thorin's head seems a little more clear suddenly, so everyone's more looking for the acorn than the arkenstone, because yeah they're looking for the arkenstone, but they'll know it when they see it, they have to CONCENTRAIT to find a lil acorn, and it's important they find IT soon or it'll get crushed, or die or rot. The arkenstone has lasted this long. It'll last a little longer.

And because they've all got he mindset if "yeah thats a bit of gold, but it's not an acorn. Sure sure some pretty gems but it's not an acorn!" In there heads, they stave of the gold sickness.

When Fili shouts, "I found it!" They're all rather disappointing when they realise he means the Arkestone. Thorin pockets it, but they return to their search for the acorn right away.

Then, one day, Thranduil shows up demanding the white gems and Thorin's standing up on the barracks like "Sure, if we come across them."

And Thranduil's like "what do you mean if you come across them?"

"There was a dragon in the mountain for over a century! He wasn't exactly cleaning and we're a bit preoccupied with our own search at the moment! I'll send them your way once we find them! If takes a day or a year, you'll live!" And then he disappears from Thranduil's sight.

Only to reappear after a moment, looking slightly irritated. The hobbit is by his side looking, perhaps hopeful? With a roll of his eyes, Thorin says, bitting out the words like they physically hurt to say "If you would like, perhaps you could send a select few of your most trusted guard, and if they might help us in our search, they can also look for your gems as well?"

Thranduil has never been more caught of guard in his life. Did a dwarf, one whom he'd had imprissoned in his dungeon less than a month ago, just invite his people into his most recently reclaimed treasurey?

"I'm sorry. What?" He blinks up at the dwarf- most elegantly, he assures you.

"Elves have very keen eyes, do you not?" Asks the little hobbit. "We're looking for my acorn, you see, that I got from Beorn the skin changer, I seem to have lost it in the dragon's chase, and we fear it'll be crushed. Throin says your box would likely be in the front of the treasurey, and we haven't searched there yet, though Smaug did follow us through there, so it's a fine place for your people to start. It would be greetly appreciated."

And really. The argument could go on, Thranduil's really not sure he believes there IS an acorn, but if it gets him those damned white gems, fine. He sends Tauriel and her guard, and Legolas volunteers himself.

When Bard shows up asking for aid for the town Thorin throws his hands up. "Your just as bad as the elves! We just got our montain back! Fah! At least you asked for nothing so specific!" And practically chucks a chest full of randomly scooped up gold and gems over at the man. "But if there is an acorn in there, you are to return it immediately!"

There isn't an acorn.

"Why would there be an acorn?" He asks Thranduil that evening as he takes tea with the Elven king who's made camp outside the Lonely Mountain as a statement to the dwarven king he doesn't mean to leave without what's rightfully his, regardless of their compliance.

"His husband appears to be rather attached to it." Thranduil shrugs. "I don't pretent to understand the ways of haflings, but if the hobbit has half so strong a love for that which grows from the earth, as the dwarves do that which is mined from it, and I was a king who'd dragged my consort half way across Middle Earth to risk his life battling a dragon for its hoard, I'd think it wise to have the Mountain turned upside down for one measly acorn as well."

Dain shows up and is about ready to storm the peacefully-aiding-the-humans-at-this-point-because-we're-here-what-else-do-we-have-to-do elves on principle, but Thorin puts a stop to it quick.

It takes Dain a day and a half to realised that Thorin did infact say "they were all looking for an Acorn," yesterday, and several minutes to understand that he was saying "no, we found the Arkenstone days ago," today.

And of course, the orcs and goblins show up and are defeated by the forced of them all, united under Acorn Peace Treaty of 2942

Sadly, weeks go by, and they do not find the acorn. They do eventually find the Gems, and Legolas and the majority of the elves return to Mirkwood, Legolas having made good friends with the Company, especially Gloin (this is a suprise tool that will help him later) but Tauriel remains, and if Thorin wasn't smitten with the hobbit, he might comment on just how close Kili is growing to her. At least she's respectful. Might just teach that boy a think or two. The opposite is, of course, true, and Tauriel becomes just as much a menace as the princes.

As the weeks go by and proper cataloging of the treasury commences, every dwarf who comes to help is shows a picture of the acorn every single morning, and promised a just reward for its discovery.

Eventually, Bilbo has to concede they aren't going to find it, but, well, by then he's not exactly planning to return to the Shire for long enough to care for a sprouting tree.

He does return long enough to stop all his things being auctioned off, no he's not a ghost, thank you very much, and have Bag End transfered to his cousin Drogo and his wife, before setting back out for Erebor with the things he intends to keep.

It's years before anyone thinks of the poor lost little acorn again, decades, infact.

One day, in the early morning of the 21st Durin's day after the reclaiming of Erebor, a dwarf comes rushing from the treasurey to find the Royals preparing for the celebration.

"Is it one of these, your highne- uh, Bilbo, your lost acorn?" He asks, stuttering over the title he knows the hobbit dislikes. "I can't really.... tell them apart."

And Bilbo just blinks, because in the cupped palms of the dwarf's are perhaps 15 or 20 little acorns...

"Where did you find these?" He asks.

"They were in the back."

"The back?" Thorin repeats, then catches himself and shoos the dwarf back the way he came "Show us."

They all- Bilbo and Thorin, the princeses, and a handful of the company who'd been present- follow the dwarf down into the treasurey, and then through the treasurey, past all the neat piles of gold and the many chests of organized gems and stones and all manner of other treasures, until they're presented with a very familiar back door.

Or rather, a hidden passage, tucked away in an alcove, where another handful of acorns' the few the Dwarf who'd brought them the first had likely missed- are scattered about.

"You did... just have the one, right Uncle Bilbo?" Fili asks.

"Or course I just had the one!" Bilbo retorts. "I couldn't have possibly carried that many with me all the way from Beorn's!"

With a resigned sort of sigh, as he begins to piece together the answer to a decades old mystery, Thorin steps forward and follows the tunnel up, up, up, and out of Erebor, the others- save the dwarf who brought them, dismissed by Bilbo with a smile, a thanks, and an oh, no, you may keep those- right behind.

As they walk, the acorns start to increase. Though there's never so many as to begin piling up in the tunnel, by the time they reach the end, the majority of the ground is covered in a solid layer if the little things, and the crunch underfoot as they all emerge onto the ledge which they had all once stood, with batted breath in the moon light as they realised they were at last, truly home.

"Was that here last time?" Kili asked, studying the impressive Oaktree shading the entire ledge that sat in front of the secret entrance to Erebor.

The trunk of the tree was wide and solid, sitting right up against the mountain side, and rather winning the battle of wills against the carved stone architecture of the dwarves. Its limbs grow twisted and wild, up and out in all directions. It's easily 250 or 300 feet tall. There is all sorts of life flittering about in its florishing branches, all covered in brilliant green leaves, and fresh green little acorns.

The growned all around them is covered in acorns as well, so many more than the tunnel.

"No." Thorin says, watching a squirrel dash down from the trunk of the tree, shove several acorns into its cheeks, and dash back up the trunk. "No it was not." He turns to Bilbo, and raises an eyebrow. "Lost it after the dragons chase, you said?"

Beet red and look quite flustered, all Bilbo can manage out is a squicky little "oops."

"'Oops' indeed." Thorin returns, smiling fondly.

Do you know what would also be interesting?

A serie of one-shots like this. A group of what-ifs. And some characters reacting to them.

So, like you said, what if Lily survived along with Harry, and not understanding his true roll in the war, sent him to Azkaban?

What if Lily helped Severus on the day of his worst memory?

What if he changed schools?

What if he left the Wizarding World?

What if he'd been sorted into Gryffindor? Or Ravenclaw? Hufflepuff?

And some others that, at the begginig, seem to focus on someone else, but they end up focusing on Snape somehow.

What if Riddle hadn't hidden his true upbringing, but still managed to form the Death Eathers?

What if James got over Lily?

What if Dumbledore found out about the horrocruxes earlier?

What if Grindelwald escaped and formed a third party on the war?

And... Well, you get it.

I just think it would be hilarious to have most people realize that, yes, Severus is important. All the while Dumbledore and Voldemort are squeezing their brains, trying to think of a way to ensure tge man's loyalty.

And Severus only thought is an absolutly miserable "Why me?"

(Fic Idea)Lily and Harry Survive But...

Lily and Harry survive, Lily throws Severus into Azkaban. She watches with gleeful pleasure as the dementors suck all the happy memories away from him. She hears him beg "Please don't take her away from me" and wonders who he could be talking about. A few days later she goes to him to gloat but he doesn't recognize her. The story could focus more on Lily finding out all the things Severus did in the first war since he switched sides. One could create a few dramatic and painful choices he would have had to make then as well.

Ending with the grim prospect of the dark lord rising soon on the horizon and no spy to keep the pace of the war in check. ----

Maybe make a few known and beloved characters attempt to spy only to fail miserably/go insane/ switch sides.

Those who fail of course get tortured and killed for information, making the war even harder.

-------

The entire focus of the fic would be to highlight how monumental Severus Snape's contribution to both wars was.

Ok, I need to ask this. Am I te only person who thinks Silver looks a little bit like Chase in her human form?

It's something on the shape of her face.

The Stone On The Wall

What if instead of giving the Arkenstone to Thranduil and Bard, Bilbo waits to give it to Thorin on the ramparts?

Chapter 1 of (?)

I will also be posting this to my AO3 once I figure out how to format over there (it has been so long)

@marvelruinedmyspirit @moralesmarkers <3

Bilbo wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but here he was. Climbing up to the ramparts to join the dwarves, Thorin cursing at Thranduil in Khuzdul. He’d have to ask Balin for some books to learn, maybe use it to surprise the others after this is all over. What was Thorin yelling about? Bilbo had been late climbing up, having difficulty maneuvering around the broken statues used as steps. The Arkenstone felt heavy in his jacket, a reminder as to what they were here for. Thorin switched to the common tongue, bellowing out for all to hear. “I will not part with a single piece of gold from this mountain, not until we find the Arkenstone! Then, I will be king under the mountain. I will have no further talk with outsiders. Leave!” This was it. This was the opportunity to show Thorin the stone, maybe then he would come to his senses and work with Bard and Thranduil. Pulling together all the courage he had, Bilbo clambered up to stand on the stone wall shielding the dwarves. “Wait! Thorin, wait. I found it. I found the Arkenstone,” Bilbo breathed out hastily, pulling the stone from the inside of his jacket to show Thorin he was telling the truth, “Don’t burn the bridges you’ve barely built, we can work together!” With that, he held the stone high for all to see. The company cheered, Thorin loudest of all.

Bilbo was grinning ear to ear, starting to pull the stone closer to him. That was when he felt it, a small stabbing pain in his back. He staggered forward, losing his footing on the barrier. He felt himself start to slip off the edge, just as he was slipping from consciousness. The last thing he heard were the dwarves and Gandalf yelling before he succumbed to the darkness.

Nori was the closest to Bilbo when he started to slip, and he lunged forward to grab the hobbit by his ankle. The others were cursing, and he could see Kili stringing his bow, trying to see what had caused the hobbit to collapse. Bofur rushed to Nori’s side, grabbing Bilbo to help pull him up. Down below he could see chaos unfolding. Thranduil and Bard were trying to figure out if one of their men had attacked while Gandalf charged towards the wall. Once Nori and Bofur had pulled Bilbo up and over the wall, they placed him down on his side while Oin rushed over to check for wounds. As Oin got down to look properly, he noticed something sticking out of Bilbo’s back. He pulled it out and saw it was a dart with a barbed tip, possibly coated in a paralyzing agent. It was crudely made, so it could not have been from an elf. He looked up as he heard Fili shouting at Kili, “Over there! On the side of the mountain!” Kili released his arrow, hitting the orc trying to escape square in the back of his head. Looking back down, Oin rolled Bilbo onto his back to check for any severe side effects of the dart. There were no obvious side effects, so Oin relaxed a little at that. He looked up to see what was happening, only to notice Dwalin and Dori holding Thorin back from throwing himself over the side of the rampart.

“Get ahold of yourself Thorin! We have bigger problems to worry about than the Arkenstone right now!” Dwalin was trying his best to control his best friend’s temper while also holding him back. The Arkenstone had fallen over the wall with Bilbo, but it had been forgotten about while Nori and Bofur scrambled to save Bilbo. Thorin roared in anger, still fighting against the two dwarves. He needed to see what had become of the stone! It was his birthright, the one thing proving he was worthy to be king. He stopped resisting once he heard Gandalf. “I have the Arkenstone, Thorin Oakenshield. Check on my hobbit, or there will be dire consequences!” Who did Gandalf think he was? Threatening a king, worrying over a mere burglar. Still, if this is what it took to get the stone back, he would do it. He shook Dwalin and Dori off of him before turning towards where Bilbo had been laid down. The rest of the company had gathered around, making sure their burglar was still alive and seeing if Oin needed anything to help him. They backed away when they saw Thorin making his way over, giving him room to drop to his knees to look at Bilbo. 

“What happened?” He barked at Oin, before noticing the dart lying beside Bilbo. Anger surged through him again, realizing his burglar had become a target once he revealed the Arkenstone. ‘His burglar’, Thorin thought to himself. He hadn’t noticed when he started referring to Bilbo as this, instead of just the burglar, but he knew it was not a new development. His head began to swim, anger and concern filling his body. He shot his head up, barking orders. “Fili! Kili! See if any more orcs are waiting to attack, and take Dwalin with you.” They nodded before taking off down the rampart. “Oin, take Nori and see if there are any supplies that can be used to help Bilbo. Do you think he can be moved safely?” Oin furrowed his brow before responding, “I’m not sure what was used on the dart, but he should be brought down so I can examine him better.” Thorin nodded, before slipping his arms under the burglar, standing up while lifting Bilbo with him. He made sure to not jostle him too much, unsure of what the dart had caused. Oin and Nori rushed down the steps, Bofur and Ori following, turning around now and then to make sure Thorin didn’t slip while carrying Bilbo. Dori and Balin followed close behind, leaving Gloin, Bifur, and Bombur on the rampart to stay on the lookout. 

Upon reaching the bottom of the steps, Thorin noticed that Bofur and Ori had moved some of the debris to the side to create a spot for him to place Bilbo. Kneeling down, he gently placed Bilbo onto the hard stone. He thought about taking off his coat to place underneath the hobbit but thought against it as he did not want to draw too much attention to the care he was giving. He stood back up, just as Oin and Nori came back with bottles of various medicinal herbs and liquids. He stepped to the side to give them room to lay out the bottles and work, but hovered nearby to make sure nothing went awry.

Oin busied himself with the herbs he and Nori gathered, throwing some into a bowl before grinding them into a paste. He wasn’t exactly sure what was on the dart, but he could narrow it down since he knew it came from an orc. If it had been elvish, then Bilbo was in deep trouble. Oin set the paste aside before motioning to Nori to help him roll Bilbo onto his side again. He lifted the coat Bilbo was wearing, along with the mithril shirt Thorin had given him. The dart had somehow hit him in just the right spot to get through some of the chains in the mithril. It didn’t penetrate deep into his skin, but it was enough to get whatever was on the dart into his system. He could feel Thorin glowering above him, and had a feeling that if Bilbo were conscious, he would feel Thorin’s eyes boring into him. He made quick work of applying the paste, making sure to fully massage it into the wound. Once he was satisfied with his work, he applied a bandage to cover the paste, allowing it to absorb into the hobbit’s skin without risk of it being rubbed off. He pulled the mithril and his coat back down, before rolling him back onto his back. It would take awhile for the medicine to work, if it did, but in the meantime he would try to come up with something for the hobbit to drink once he came to, to help with any pain or drowsiness. Looking closely at the bottles, he picked out one containing a blue liquid, and mixed it with one containing an orange liquid. Swirling this around, it became an earthy brown mixture that smelled sweet. He set down the bottle and sighed, rubbing his face before smoothing his hair back. All they could do now was wait, and pray to Durin that this worked.

Thorin was pacing now, fidgeting with his hands. He was unable to stay still, trying to think of what could have spurred this attack from the orcs. They knew they were coming to Erebor, but how did they know Bilbo would be the one with the Arkenstone? His head shot up at the sound of pounding footsteps, pulling him from his spiral. Dwalin, Fili, and Kili had returned, out of breath. “Well?” He didn’t even give them time to say anything before continuing, “Are there more? Should we prepare to attack?” Kili spoke up, “We couldn’t find any more scouts nearby, but the elves are growing restless outside. What do you want to do uncle?” Thorin threw his hands up in the air in disgust, “Those filthy tree huggers! They will wait until Bilbo wakes before I even think of going to talk to them. And what of Gandalf? Did you see him with the Arkenstone?” The dwarves looked between each other, worry etched onto their faces before Dwalin stepped forward, “We did not see the wizard, or any sign of the stone.” Before Thorin could spit out more Khuzdul to curse Gandalf, Balin interjected, “Maybe it is best that the Arkenstone is with Gandalf for now, he knows of its value to us and will protect it until he deems it safe enough in our hands. For now, we should focus on the elves and Bilbo.” With that, everyone turned to said hobbit, Oin still sitting beside him watching for any signs of movement.

‘Ghivashel, please awake’ Thorin thought to himself, praying to Durin that his hobbit was alright. He shook his head when he realized what was going through his mind, trying not to dwell on the matter. The burglar had done his job. Thorin was just making sure he kept to his end of the contract, give him his share of the gold and send him home. That was all, nothing more. Before he could turn away to continue pacing, he noticed a twitch in Bilbo’s face. Looking closer, he could see his eyes moving behind his eyelids, as if trying to wake from a deep slumber. He held his breath without realizing it, hoping for another sign that Bilbo was alright. His face broke into a wide grin when the hobbit began to groan and his eyes fluttered open, “Good morning, master burglar.” Bilbo looked around, eyes squinted, before landing on Thorin. “What happened? Where’s the Arkenstone? Were we ambushed?” Thorin’s heart swelled, after everything Bilbo was still most concerned about the company and the Arkenstone.

“Calm down lad, we’re still figuring everything out along with you. You just stay there for a moment while Oin looks you over before we talk a plan.” Balin made quick work to soothe the hobbit, as being the oldest he always knew what to say to calm the others. Oin began to fuss over Bilbo, coaxing him into sitting up so he could drink the medicine without choking. Bilbo coughed a bit at the taste, but managed to get it all down without complaint. “That should help with any pain ya got, especially from hittin’ the wall on yer way down.” Oin collected his bottles and stood up, giving the hobbit room to collect his bearings and breathe.

Bilbo’s head was throbbing, and knew he would have a lump wherever he smacked it. He had faith that the concoction that Oin mixed up would kick in, he just couldn’t think straight at the moment. He looked up at the company, “What exactly happened? I remember being on the wall and then it was like a light went out.” The dwarves exchanged glances, before Thorin cleared his throat. “You were targeted by an orc scout. We believe the moment you held out the Arkenstone, they blew a dart at you, we don’t know why yet.” He held Bilbo’s gaze before continuing, “Fili, Kili, and Dwalin went out to make sure it wasn’t an ambush, and came back with nothing. The Arkenstone fell, but Gandalf claims to have it secured now.” Bilbo felt ashamed at this, he had one job and he had messed it up. Bofur seemed to notice the hobbit’s mood sour at this, so he chimed in, “We were more worried about losin’ you with it, so Nori and I grabbed ya before you were a goner.” He smiled at Bilbo, hoping to cheer him up even if just a little bit. 

Gloin came running down the steps, drawing everyone’s attention. “Thorin! Thranduil and Bard are demanding to see you, and Gandalf is back.” Thorin turned back to face Bilbo once more, “The wizard wishes to make sure you are well. Will you accompany me to show him you are still breathing?” He held his hand out to help the hobbit up, and was glad when it was accepted. After making sure he was steady on his feet, Thorin led the way to the passage out the side of the mountain. Behind him followed Bilbo, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili. He assumed Balin was coming to make sure things stayed civil, and the others were coming in case it didn’t. He had no idea what was going to happen when they got out there, he just needed to make sure it ended with him getting the Arkenstone back.

Headcanon Time

Pitch is a dramatic bastard who knows how to bluff his way out of a bad situation. His 'defeat' in the end was totally faked

Hear me out

Onyx, earlier during the tooth palace scene, must've sensed the fear Pitch felt when the boomerang was thrown at him. What was he reaction? Turning on him? No. Getting him out of there. The nightmares also came to check on him after Jack blasted him out of the sky. They show no signs of being fickle enough to turn against him.

Also, the nightmares are not really threats (whole diff headcanon), and they dragged him to his,,,,, home. Like telling a teenager to go to their room. 'oh no, not the place I prefer to be anyway.' So man got dragged into his lair, by his own almost harmless minions who do care about him, conveniently right when the guardians have him truely defeated.

Here's what really happened.

Pitch, apon Jack saying "Looks like it's your fear they smell." Has a realization that he has no more cards up his sleeve. He's lost. He gets a strike of panic because oh shit he's lost. Considering Sandy's treatment of him earlier and Tooth punching him, the guardians would not treat his defeat kindly.

So he runs, his nightmares, as they do, pick up that he's genuinely afraid and are like "oh shit, daddy's in actual trouble, we gotta get him home." So that's what they do.

Pitch, being his clever self, feigns struggling and fear of his nightmares to convince the guardians that there's no need to continue to go after him or worry about him, because he's getting his due punishment. He closes the lair behind him, both as a way of reaffirming that assumption, and to obviously keep the guardians from coming after him.

I mean come on, he obviously controls the entrances to his lair, there's no way Jack wouldn't have found that entrance before in his 300 yesrs, so Pitch made it specifically to lure Jack in.

Obviously, the guardians are shoot first, ask questions later kind of people. They function based on first assumptions and haven't been known to think particularly critically. Pitch bets on this and makes a plan around it multiple times. He knows how to take advantage of it.

He's a dramatic little shit, and a kid who's very good at worming their way out of trouble.