Nuttyhatter - Only Nutts

Question for MLB fandom...

I don't follow the show that much, but I like it and I like the content the fandom creates. I only wanted to point out a thing. Why does Hawkmoth akumatizes people?

With Adrien it has already been proved that sentimonsters can be akumatized and use miraculouses. So, Gabriel doesn't need people to akumatize nor a person to use the peacock miraculous. He could create (or make someone else create) a sentimonster to use the peacock like Felix did, and control it. He could create a number of sentimonsters and akumatize them and make himself Scarlet Moth, etc.

Anyways... Penny for your thought?

You know what I haven't seen yet? A scene where someone has to tell something to Snape, something he won't like, and Snape listens stonefaced while sharpening two knives against each other.

He is not even looking at the other person while the unlucky messenger is talking, sweating bullets, watching the glint of the knives.

And then, whatever that person was there to say is finally said and Snape freezes, knives still in his hands. He slowly turns and lifts an eyebrows, daring the poor idiot to repeat themselves.

So they flee, or faint or start babling something.

It's just... I've encountered a post of Snape using cooking skills in potions while half-asleep (which gave me this idea), but I've never read this.

For the past few days I've been reading Transformers' fanfiction. Am I in the fandom? No. Was I reading about Optimus and Megatron? Yes. Should I be Ashamed? Yeah, probably, but that's not the point.

The point here is that I learned that in the past, Optimus was Orion Pax and Megatron was D-16. And then I remembered an episode of an animated serie I used to watch in Cartoon Network where Optimus lost his memory and he seemed to get along with Megatron and belive what he said. Then I think I stopped watching, either because they always repeated the same episodios or because I got bored, I don't know.

I'm also confused about Megatron's past. D-16 was a miner. But I also read about him as a gladiator and the name Megatronus instead of Megatron is also thrown around.

Orion Pax was an archivist I believe, which I understand as a sort of librarian.

Where am I going to with all of this?

You'll see, I want to know if there is a fic where, when Optimus loses his memory and becomes Orion Pax, he is a complete and absolute menace. He is still an archivist, sure, but he has a Past, he has Lore. He was not the cool and collected hero and soldier he is today and he was not some quite and shy young mech. No, he was chaotic. Trouble followed him and when it didn't, he went looking for it.

I can't decide if I want the past friendship with Megatron to be a part of whatever this is or not.

But lets say it isn't, let's say that Megatron is just as confused as everyone else.

And what about Autobots and Decepticons? Easy, Orion would have no idea what those are. And he wouldn't care. He would only care about how cool flying seemed and then be absolutly exited about being able to do it himself (assuming he can, I don't even know where in the saga I am putting this). He'd want to race the Autobots in the ground and the Decepticons in the sky.

BUT he would not trust any of them. Why? Because they all kept calling him Optimus Prime, insisting that's who he was. Prime! As if he'd ever become part of that system!

In the meantime, he is balancing the despair of the news about the destruction of his home world and everyone he knew with the excitement of a new world plus the loneliness and confusion that came with the later.

For Megatron, you'd think things were ideal since his greatest obstacle was out of the way, right?

Wrong!

There was one thing Megatron could have never imagined, never expected or even suspected, and that's just how much the other Decepticons liked Orion Pax.

Orion was funny, he liked to spar and he fought dirty. He made jokes and teased them and he was not afraid of any of them. He was not stupid and understood that all of the Decepticons had a past, they all had done horrible things, but for some reason that wasn't a deterrent. Sure, the mech didn't trust them (and those trust issues should be adressed, but the Decepticons were no better so...), but Orion was always up for a good sparring session or just fooling around. The mech was also odly well-read in the weirdest of topics from history to medicine, mythology and weird facts about games from Kaon (why? and how?).

And Orion was that odd kind of friend that didn't tell you shit about himself, but for some reason you wanted to tell him everything about you.

And what about the Autobots?

Well, they obviously missed their leader, but the ones that really had a problem were the younger ones because why was Opt-Orion so friendly with the Decepticons but didn't even speak with them?

Orion was avoiding them and he would keep that up until those Autobots stopped calling him Optimus.

Orion would go here and there and some times help the Autobots and others the Decepticons if any of them were in actual troubles because he was still a good person who cared about others while trying not to do so.

Just... Orion Pax accidentally uniting the remaining Cybertronians by being his lovable, reckles, and complicated self.

And there is megop, apparently...

The one where Sutekh is a good boy...

Ok, look, this makes abso-fucking-lutely no sense. Like, at all. But still, I'm writing it.

I don't know what/who Sutekh was in previous Doctor Who seasons, but going by what I just saw (and I already watched Empire of Death), I want Sutekh to be Doctor's multiversal dog.

I don't know why, but that's what my mind chose to stay with.

I think about Sutekh traveling on the TARDIS and watching the whole universe and time with the Doctor and meeting, if only as an espectator, all those who traveled with the Doctor.

Warning: Liberal use of curse words.

----------------------------------------------------

Imagine Sutekh watching the Doctor risk their own life time and time again to save other people.

Imagine how he could have reacted to the Doctor meeting Ruby, someone who was so ordinary, yet along with her mother had touched so many people's lives. Imagine Sutekh watching them risking it all to get to the goblings and save a baby they met maybe an hour ago, only to end up singing in front of the gobling king.

And then the Doctor freaking out and going to save Ruby.

And then this dog-looking entity finds the mistery of Ruby and starts to get curious about a person, someone who is alive and is not the Doctor.

And Ruby stars traveling with the Doctor (and with him) on TARDIS, and one day, they get to the babies.

And Sutekh never saw much sense in life when everything in the end would be the same, but then he watched the Doctor and Ruby meet all this babies who shouldn't be babies anymore, who shouldn't be living there, pretty much by themselves, terrified of some strange being who lives in the lower part of the ship. Babies who were deemed mistakes, who were supposed to be abandoned, whose lives should ended years ago, who shouldn't even had come into existence.

And the Doctor and Ruby again do their best to save them because even if every other person decided that those kids weren't important, weren't good enough, weren't worth it, they both cared.

And you know what? That weird baby monster (whose origin Sutekh decided to pointedly ignore) with the power to inflict fear even in the Doctor by growling at the right frequence was kind of interesting... I mean, it wouldn't live forever, and Sutekh would make sure of that, but maybe, just maybe a little more time to see what thosee spacial-babies got up to...

Sutekh didn't appreciate Master showing up and causing a ruckus by stealing all music. He didn't get why the Doctor and Ruby cared so much either. It was just music, some noise all put together in some semblance of order and repeated time and time again.

He wasn't expecting the fucking End of Times because there was no music and humans decided to collectively fuck shit up-

And how was it that he still couldn't bring his Empire into existence with this crazy assholes at the proverbial wheel of this world? You take away music and they destroy the planet? Give the world back to the dinosaurs, that's what he says! (But not the cats, NEVER the cats, they already have too much of an ego for his liking...)

Anyways, that's when they go back and try to re-insert music in the world. Ruby plays the piano. She is... not bad.

He was actually not-hating it (he wasn't liking it, he doesn't do "like") when Master decides to show up and interrupt by trying to still the music from Ruby.

Things get really insane from there (but what else is new?) and Master is about to kill Ruby (which doesn't bother him at all, of course) when a Christmas carol starts coming out of that too strange but somehow still perfectly, reasonably ordinary girl. What...?

John Lennon and Paul McCarthy found the chord that expelled Master from this plain of existence. That doesn't surprise Sutekh at all, they were geniuses after all... Not that he knew anything about the Beat- that band he knew nothing at all about.

The Doctor stepped on a mine. The Doctor. Stepped. On a fucking MINE!

Centuries, maybe eons across the galaxy and the time lord goes into a war zone without looking and steps on a mine. Of course they do. Go throw your life away after battling the literal embodiment of death! See who cares!

The tube was a corpse. He didn't know how. He didn't want to know either.

There was a girl then, and even Sutekh knew that a girl of that age in that place was every kind of wrong. That soldier who came looking for her was exasperating. Couldn't she see that they were a bit busy right now trying not to explode?

Right, the Doctor is a time lord, he would make some interesting fireworks all over the planet... And the TARDIS. The TARDIS he was currently on. Shit.

Alright, the soldier had an idea that perhaps may work and- Where the fuck did that came from?! Who did this?! WHO-?!

Ruby was dying and that idiotic ambulance wouldn't do shit to help and the Doctor was still on the mine and WHY was that girl still here?!

The mine would activate eventually regardless of what the Doctor did and those two soldiers could not hack the system to make it help Ruby or the Doctor and the girl was talking with an hologram of his late father and watching photos and everything was wrong. Wrong, wrong. WRONG!

Ruby was still on the floor and didn't seem to be breathing and the Doctor was talking and... what did he mean? He didn't understand? The system? The ambulances? The war and the-?

THEY WERE A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS!!

This "soldiers" had been going to die at the hands of stupid robots thinking that they were at war with some kind of hostile alien race that probably was not even real and they were getting hi-Ruby and the Doctor killed!

And they had the gal to doubt the Doctor when he was basically spelling it out to them!

And did that guy really just confess his love to the other soldier? Now? Really?!

The hologram was the actual father of the girl yet. Sort of. Somehow. Somewhere. Sutekh didn't know. He didn't know either how the Doctor managed to convince it (him? Who cares!) to hack the system to help them, but they managed and-

The ambulances were attacking them. Great. Why not?

And the Doctor was still standing on the mine. Sure, whatever. Then-

Go, you weird hologram who definitely shouldn't be so sentient and have so much capacity for decision-making!!!!!

He released a great sigh when they left that planet (finally!). Ruby was alive, the Doctor hadn't exploded and Sutekh was on his spot over the TARDIS.

See? This was a clear show of the reasons life was simply ridiculous and way too chaotic.

Death was the final answer... Or not so final if the hologram of the girl's dad was anything to go by. Sutekh had never cared too much about what the living thought happened with them after death, he already knew... or thought he knew...

Nop. Not today. There had been more than enough stress already.

Sutekh then decided to rest. He got himself comfortable over the TARDIS and laid his head over his crossed paws, slowly falling asleep.

He suddenly opened his eyes, unable to decide if he should hit his own head repeatedly against TARDIS' roof or simply throw himself into the void and disappear along with his own sheer stupidity.

The woman in the ambulance. The ambulance. It was his, one of the multiple copies he made to plant across the universe. It was all him. His fault. He nearly killed Ruby and the Doctor. He...

Doesn't care. That's pretty much what he's trying to do, anyways. So what?

He settled back to rest and tried to sleep. It wasn't as comfortable as before.

Every person in this planet is so annoying, Sutekh cannot even begin to describe it. They were being eaten by slugs. Fucking. Slugs.

And those things ate over half the population before these idiots realised.

No, allow him to correct himself: Those things had had a feast with over half the population by the time Ruby and the Doctor stumbled across this planet and decided to try and save this stupid, ungrateful shits.

The girl couldn't walk. Sutekh gave up. This was more than what he was able to tolerate. It was just too much.

Then that boy appeared and wasn't a complete dumbass. So maybe Ruby and the Doctor's efforts weren't completely wasted... Not that it was worth anything, anyways. Everyone dies in the end.

The dots were behind the attack of the slugs. Honestly, couldn't they swith sides and help the dots instead? They were nice and easy to carry and could play music. How many of the fuckers in this planet could do that, huh?

He felt it, the moment the other boy's heart stopped beating. Then the girl met with Ruby and the Doctor by the river and said something about him going back to save others.

Lies.

Sutekh didn't want her on TARDIS. She wasn't worth it, she wasn't worthy and she... she could be dangerous for Ruby and for the Doctor. He needed to do something before-

Those people were speaking, saying something in response to the Doctor's (too generous) offer to come with him and-

MOTHERFUCKING RACIST BITCHES!!!!

Go and keep your stupid planet, and stupid forest and slugs. Without WIFI. Do you know where you can find WIFI? In TARDIS, that's where!

Sutekh's mood was definitely awful by the time he heard the screaming Doctor.

He didn't get it. Why did they care so much? This people didn't deserve their care.

But nevertheless, the Doctor yelled himself hoarse and cried in despair.

Ruby hugged him.

Sutekh felt a very uncomfortable knot in his chest.

They were visiting the past-Earth so Ruby and the Doctor could have their "Bridgerton experience". That didn't mean much to Sutekh since all knowing and ever present entities didn't care about such trivialities as human entertainment.

(Also, Penelophe deserved better.)

The Doctor met some random guy who invited him to go outside... And wasn't that a bit foward for this time?

There was a space ship. Random-guy was a bounty hunter and thought that the Doctor was from some shape-shifting alien race that killed people and took their places in a twisted play that had no point in Sutekh's opinion.

Also, the guy called himself Rogue. Took the name from DND. Huh...

Doctor, you don't keep flirting with the dude who is threatening to kill you, that's not how it work!

Why did it work?!

And why is he on TARDIS? He is not Ruby, he is not the Doctor either. He is not an anomaly, he is not interesting. Why is he on TARDIS?

Why would the Doctor want this guy to come with them? He's another of the thousands of bounty hunters that roam the Universe with the sole purpose of earning money. And ok, that wasn't bad, per se. But it wasn't funny either... Not that he'd been having fun watching the Doctor and Ruby.

Oh, right, the shifter was still on the party with all those people... AND RUBY.

Fuck! Doctor, what are you waiting for?! That girl can be a real trouble magnet!

With some luck, she is still with that other boring girl.

The Doctor and Rogue were dancing and making a scandal of themselves, trying to attract the shifter. The Doctor also looked very... content, not like they did with Ruby but...

Maybe there was something to this Rogue- guy after all, if he could make the Doctor so happy with only a short dance.

He seems a bit rusty in the acting department though, the Doctor was carrying the whole show over his own shoulders and-

Wait, is Rogue kneeling? He is! He did! And he has a ring too!! And-

*cough cough*

Not that Sutekh cared. He doesn't give a damn about some fake marriage proposal of some fake gay couple.

Nevertheless, he is willing to allow Rogue on TARDIS after such and improvisation. He is gracious like that.

There were more shifters. And they liked the Doctor, they wanted to replace him too (as if they ever could...)

The shifters got to Ruby. They got to his the girl.

Now the shifters were celebrating a fake wedding with fake-Ruby as the bride.

The Doctor and Rogue got the shifters trapped into the portal and were about to send them away when fake-Ruby started a last ditch attempt to save herself by saying she was the real Ruby, but that couldn't be, for the mannerisms and even the scent of fake-Ruby was like that of the shifters Sutekh had encountered throughout his life.

Then the shifter that attacked Ruby appeared. Fake-Ruby was no fake and she was now trapped in the portal with the other shifters. She'd be sent to a desolate nightmare dimension with those creatures and she'd be on her own, if the Doctor didn't do something, anything. But there was nothing to do now, or the shifters would escape and break havoc.

Ruby was crying, all the while reassuring the Doctor, saying that it was ok.

It fucking wasn't.

Rogue asked the Doctor if they could give up a friend for the world. The Doctor said they couldn't and Sutekh... Sutekh thought he might understand.

Then Rogue kissed the Doctor. He took the detonator from their hand. The Doctor was crying and Rogue looked so fucking sorry.

Was he going to sacrifice Ruby? If he dared to...

Rogue jumped toward Ruby and pushed her out of the still inactive portal.

He threw the flowers at the Doctor.

'Find me'. That was all the bounty hunter said before activating the portal and falling with the shifters into some remote part of the Universe.

The Doctor kept trying to act as if everything was fine. As if they were fine. They weren't and they had no reason to.

Sutekh had been bringing death to this Universe since the Beginning and he knew loss, if only by watching it in others. People needed to mourn. This wasn't right.

But Ruby was there and she cut straight through the Doctor's bullshit.

They hugged and cried.

Sutekh, at the end, didn't dislike the bounty hunter. And Rogue had saved Ruby. He did it for the Doctor, didn't he? At least, that was all Sutekh could assume.

Why though? Why give it all for the happiness of someone you just met?

Perhaps Rogue was an anomaly too, after all.

An anomaly that was lost in some knot of the immense tapestry that were time and space. Imposble to track.

At least, impossible when you are not a death-deity with the ability to sense every living being in the Universe.

As things were, Sutekh was and could. So, he'd guide TARDIS. A little deviation from its intended course to the place were he had tracked the bounty hunter.

Then, Sutekh would add him to his collection of Oddities.

(And if it made a certain Doctor happy, so what?)

The hardest part was convincing TARDIS of cooperating with him instead of the Doctor for once. But she complied once he told her about his plan.

The TARDIS was stuck in a death-world while Ruby and the Doctor went out to find some piece of metal to fix the (very much not at all broken) TARDIS.

They were attacked by one of the shifters, but the creature was swiftly dealt with. It was also easily recognised.

The search for metal quickly changed to a search for Rogue.

They found him hiding away, dirty and hungry, in quite the deplorable state. But, and this Sutekh knew, Rogue was very much alive. The man was strong and had a good survival instincts.

Rogue was disbelieving, half convinced the Doctor and Ruby were the shifters. The Doctor reasoned that the only way for the shifter to replace them was by killing them. For that they had to be there and if they were there, there was no way the shifters got close enough to attack them and succeed. A bit of a twisted logic, if you ask Sutekh, but Rogue seemed to take it. The man was exhausted and probably desparate, so...

In their way back to TARDIS, they found the rest of the shifters.

On the upside, Rogue was sure now that Ruby and the Doctor were real. On the downside, angry and violent shifters.

But Ruby, the little marvel, had put on her earrings.

Sutekh had never seen such a graceful and impecable display of violence. He may take a look into MMA tournaments some time in the future... For research purposes, of course. He couldn't care less about these mortal petty activities.

They reached TARDIS, with a couple of the remaining shifter on their tail.

That's when they realised they had forgotten to look for a piece of metal.

It didn't matter, TARDIS wasn't broken. The Doctor surely would make another attempt at restarting TARDIS and she would function just fine. Except that she didn't.

Sutekh questioned her about it. He suppressed the urge to face-palmed, hard, when she explained that she didn't want to trick her creator, so she broke herself. It was just a minor thing, really, but now she truly needed a piece of metal.

The shifters were back now, banging at the door, the wood quickly cracking under the relentless assault.

The three passengers were frantic, looking for some metal chunk that'd work to fix TARDIS.

Sutekh was mad. At TARDIS for being so reckless, but also at himself for unknowingly asking such a thing of her.

But he wasn't just angry. There was and awful ball of something twisting in his stomach when he thought about TARDIS hurting herself at his request. About Ruby, the Doctor and Rogue, in danger because of his carelessness. It was the same feeling that had assaulted him a while back when they were leaving that war-zone of a planet and he realised the ambulance had been one of his creations. He felt bad, but he didn't understood why he cared. He felt... was this guilt? He didn't like it. He didn't.

Ruby screeched in fear when a big chunck of the door flew past her head, the shifters still banging at it.

The sound brought Sutekh back to reality.

Metal, they needed metal. A big piece, the Doctor had said. Something around the size of a human fist, something like...

Sutekh quickly undid his own collar and maneuvered one of its rings out. He put it inside one of TARDIS' compartments and she let it fall at the Doctor's feet. They used it to fix TARDIS and leave the planet.

Ten minutes after their departure and a heartfelt embrace from Rogue and Doctor (coupled with a Ruby Sunday patented hug for Rogue as a thanks for saving her), Sutekh could finally breath again.

Only for his own brain to halt when he realised a tiny, little detail about the previous ordeal. Not only had he guided TARDIS to Rogue and plotted with her to find and rescue him, but he had also helped Ruby, the Doctor and Rogue to fix TARDIS. This time, he hadn't been just a witness of the events. He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

And with a pitiful whine, Sutekh covered his head with both paws and tried to sleep his shame and confusion away.

TARDIS laughed at him. The fucker.

Things pretty much fell into a rutine after that. Or as close to a rutine as it could be with the Doctor.

Rogue and the Doctor grew closer by the day while Ruby tried to (not-so-subtly) get them into different date-like situations. Sutekh learned about the new concept of "ships" and "shiping". It has noting to do with sailig, but it is a bit interesting. Only a little bit.

And of course, the trio fell into uncountable dangerous situations.

Sometimes they got themselves out of troubles all on their own. But there were times when they didn't. Those times, Sutekh teamed up with TARDIS to rescue their Oddities. (Usually Sutekh wouldn't share, but TARDIS was a very valuable ally and he also appreciated her input and their conversations. Sutekh ignored TARDIS when she threw in the word "friandship".)

And so, there was the time the space-pirates tried to feed them to the intergalactic kraken and the TARDIS teleported "on her own" to a spot conveniently located below them before they fell into the mouth of the crearure.

Or that time when those huge quimera-like creatures were about to get them, and the rocks over the cliff they were under fell all over the monsters.

Or that time when the key-card of that guard "slipped" out of his pocket and fell just into Ruby's reach so she could get the three of them out of their cells.

All in all, it wasn't bad. Sutekh had his spot over TARDIS and his little Anomalies lived and went on adventures and helped people around the galaxy. All the while unaware of the strange and unlikely being who reluctantly (not really, but shhh...) got them out of the most difficult troubles (it'a pronounced "taking care of them", but he is not ready to say it yet).

Then, one day, the three of them were cornered by a group of dream sucking, mosquito-lizard beings. They suck you dry and leave you as a shell of your former self. Most end their own existence after that.

There was no rocks to throw, no void to jump into, no door to be magically opened. So he did the one think he knew how to do best: He blew his sand.

Immediately the disgusting creatures turned to asshes. The trio ran away, back to TARDIS, ancient artifact they were retrieving in hand.

The Doctor set course back to the mother planet of the ugly rock they were in. Ruby and Rogue decided to call it a day and go to sleep.

Around an hour later, the Doctor started talking. It wasn't weird, not even uncommon, for the Doctor to chat with TARDIS.

Except...

'Sutekh,' he called.

The dog-like deity debated with himself for long seconds. Should he keep hiding? The Doctor clearly knew he was there, but maybe-

The Doctor started looking for something in one of the inside pockets of his jacket.

'I wasn't sure where I had seen this before,' they started saying, showing of the ring Sutekh had taken off his collar so the Doctor could fix TARDIS. 'But I knew I had and it gave some very unusal lectures when scanned by TARDIS'. The Doctor was smiling at noting in particular, speaking loud enough to be heard in the room, but not too much, in order to allow the rest of TARDIS' small crew thir due rest. 'And today, with that sand...' The Doctor didn't continue, chuckling and denying with his head instead, as if amused at some ridiculous story someone was telling him.

'Show yourself, please' they asked then, quietly, carefully, as if speaking to a scared child.

Sutekh should have been very offended. Instead, he materialized in front of the Doctor, using a smaller version of his usual form. The Doctor was actually taller than him now.

The time lord sat on the floor in such a way it was Sutekh now the one towering over them.

'So...,' the Doctor started. 'Care to explain yourself?' They sounded curious. Not angry, scared or resentful. Just curious, as if discovering the embodiment of death in your time maching was an every day thing.

'I hid,' Sutekh chose to start with. 'When you intended to throw me into the void, I got to TARDIS. I've been hiding here since then.'

'And weren't you planning your revenge? A way to make all life end and create your own desolate galaxy?' The tone was playful, but there was wariness underneath it all.

Sutekh didn't answer. He wasn't sure why, but the idea of confessing his previous plans was somehow worse than being discovered in TARDIS.

He had just enough time to realize he refered to his own plans as a thing from the past, when the Doctor spoke again.

'What's changed?'

Sutekh wasn't sure what the Doctor had seen in him during the few seconds he stayed silent, but he sounded less uncertain and more exited.

And he didn't know why, but that was a good thing.

'I belive...' he said, thinking over his answer. 'I belive, it was me.'

That realisation was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. And Sutekh had no idea what to do with it.

The Doctor stood up then, swiftly and gracefuly, as he always did. He walked to the controls of TARDIS, then looked at him with a broad smile.

'Then?, they asked. 'Where should we go next?'

Sutekh couldn't help but return the smile.

He was unsure, painfully so, and for the first time in his very long life. There was still a lot of bad blood between them, and even if Ruby didn't know who he was, Rogue was sure going to know something about him.

But looking at the smiling, lonely and too fogiving Doctor in front of him, with the bipping sounds of TARDIS in the backround, Sutekh decided that it was ok.

They had time to dealt with it all.

A concept I really like (aside from this ship) is the idea that purebloods are so used to magic that they have no imagination whatsoever. That is the other reason they seem stuck in time. It's not just that magic and technology don't mix well, but they have so little imagination, such a narrow-minded mentality, that they are shit at coming up with new inventions. They don't change. No new moda, no new music or aesthetic. No new spells. They can't picture themselves flying unaided or locking someone else's tongue or muffling themselves for a private conversation. Magic is so common to them that they are blind to the possibilities. But Severus isn't and neither is Tom. And I also like to imagine that Secerus was the one to invent the spell...

The flying boys

That reminds me: what if Severus taught Tom to fly, not vice versa? It is Severus who obsessively comes up with new spells, it is Severus who sees small Lily literally flying "like a trapeze artist through the air", and it is Severus who discovers the Levicorpus spell.

In the UK they are the only ones canonically doing it. Why would Tom otherwise not teach this useful spell to other Death Eaters? That is their date spell, that is why! Miggle-raised kids have a higher chance of coveting it instead of saying "Well, we have brooms and Apparition, what do we need flying for" like wizard-raised kids would.

How is Snape described in the books: a relatively complete compilation

Okay, so this is my attempt at gathering what we have regarding Severus Snape's appearance based on the HP books. It's long, since rowling loved obsessively writing about Snape's looks. It's likely I've missed something, but I hope not much. I didn't dive into what he's wearing or into his self-presentation, just his physical characteristics that are present in canon – people get stupid about that topic sometimes.

Disclaimer: body positivity/neutrality to everyone, I don't support JKR's lookism just as much as all of her other bigotry. Beauty is a deeply subjective concept, no features are objectively beautiful or ugly and none of them identify us as people. The way my imagination and your imagination recreate a picture from the identical textual description might be different.

Snape's nose is constantly described as "hooked":

○"Snape approached their table, stared down his hooked nose at the roots."

○"Snape stared down his hooked nose at Colin."

○"...as Snape swept by he looked down his hooked nose at it without comment" etc.

Altogether I found Snape's nose being called hooked 10 times in the series. There are places where we're shown it's rather big, but they aren't very definitive:

1) “Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.” – Marauders map, so basically bullies behaving like bullies;

2) "...hatred which had, if possible, intensified last year, when Harry had helped Sirius escape right under Snape’s overlarge nose" – Harry is very mad at Snape and the phrase is clearly used figuratively, not as a direct appearance description;

3)"In the very center of the group Harry saw the dark, greasy-haired head and prominent nose of his least favorite teacher at Hogwarts, Professor Snape" – "prominent" is a broader conception while referring to size, I'd say;

4) "[Tonks'] nose swelled to a beaklike protuberance like Snape’s" – again, the size is mentioned, but not through the words "big" or "large" or "long", and the form is given more empathis.

Undoubtedly it's supposed to be on the bigger side, but it does not, in fact, seem to be "abnormally" large. Making it straight should be a crime though – how can you make anything about that man straight?..

Snape's black eyes are often described glittering or sparkling, but also empty and cold:

○"They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels"

○"Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes"

○“But why not join the feast afterward?” said Snape, his black eyes glittering in the candlelight"

○"He glanced at Snape, whose black eyes glinted, and looked quickly away."

○"He didn’t care that Snape’s face had gone rigid, the black eyes flashing dangerously."

○"Harry blinked. Snape’s eyes gleamed."

○“Don’t lie to me,” Snape hissed, his fathomless black eyes boring into Harry’s"

Snape's eyebrows aren't described in detail, we don't known if they're bushy or thin, but he does that raising one up thing:

○“Yes,” said Harry. “Who’s going to be teaching me?” Snape raised an eyebrow."

And he raises two as well:

○"Snape looked back at her, his eyebrows slightly raised"

○"Snape raised his eyebrows and his tone was sardonic as he asked, “Are you intending to let him kill you?”

Snape's skin is constantly described as sallow – about 11 times through the books. Whatever that word means. Is it like... muted and dull coloured with yellow undertones? Cool!

It's also described as pale, or white due to strong emotions:

○"An ugly flush suffused Snape’s pallid face."

○"Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs"

○"Snape’s pale face, illuminated by the flaming cabin, was suffused with hatred just as it had been before he had cursed Dumbledore."

○"As Gryffindors came spilling onto the field, he saw Snape land nearby, white-faced and tight-lipped"

○"[Snape's face] was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes."

○"Snape’s sallow skin had gone the color of sour milk." (very poetic Harry, you should try writing poetry too)

Also idk what's an ugly flush (also: Harry saw the edge of Snape’s sallow face turn a nasty brick color, the vein in his temple pulsing more rapidly; a dull flush of color mounted the sallow cheeks as he looked at Lily), have never seen one in my life, but Snape's face canonically goes full red very quickly and this is the most important part of that meta don't forget about it folks.

His skin is described as greasy twice in the saga, but both times with not much credibility:

1) "Harry could see a vein flickering horribly on Snape’s greasy temple" – temple is the area of the face in close proximity to hair and we'll get there, although aren't Snape's "hair curtains" hiding the sides of his face, including temples? Is he wearing his it freaking braided or what? Overall, I'd say this is just another jab at his hair.

2)"Iwas watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” said Sirius viciously. “There’ll be great grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word" – Sirius can go fuck himself.

Harry does not comment that at any age there is acne or post-acne on Snape's face so I'd assume his skin isn't greasy. He has visible veins on his temples though (also no eyebags mentioned?? a crime).

Snape's lips are described as thin:

○“Now, now, Malfoy,” said Snape, though he couldn’t suppress a thin-lipped smile"

○"A muscle twitched unpleasantly at the corner of Snape’s thin mouth every time he looked at Harry"

○"The dungeon rang with the Slytherins’ laughter, and an unpleasant smile curled Snape’s thin mouth."

Characteristics of Snape's teeth got two mentions.

○"Snape’s uneven, yellowish teeth were bared." PoA

○“Ten o’clock,” whispered Snape, with a smile that showed his yellow teeth. “Poor Gryffindor ... fourth place this year, I fear ...” HPB

(Also I've literally always hc'ed that Snape is a stress smoker, and since Voldemort came back Snape just started to destroy his enamel with fervour so it coloured up more, everyone should share my headcanons i prove them so well!!!)

Snape bares his teeth some other times ("I wouldn’t bet on that,” Harry murmured, watching Snape baring his teeth"; "It was scary: Snape’s lips were shaking, his face was white, his teeth were bared) or smiles (not pleasantly let me assure you) and most times Harry doesn't comment on it. Actually, it's hilarious how the very first time Harry saw Karkaroff he thought "his teeth were rather yellow", man, do you wanna steal Hermione parents' job? Also yellow teeth are mentioned twice for Sirius in PoA (and no one dares to not notice Gilderoy's perfect teeth, of course, he asked me to mention it). So I'd say Snape has moderately imperfect teeth like a working class kid he is, otherwise Harry would've probably commented on that as much as on Snape's hair, hence almost every time we encounter him.

(but I'm totally headcanoning high canine teeth for him, Snape deserves the privilege of having some more vampirish vibe for free)

Severus' body type and face are described as "thin":

○"He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose, and greasy, shoulder-length black hair"

○Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs"

○"even Harry, who hated Snape, was startled at the expression twisting his thin, sallow face"

○"He had forgotten the details of Snape’s appearance in the magnitude of his crimes, forgotten how his greasy black hair hung in curtains around his thin face, how his black eyes had a dead, cold look (I fucking love that quote, have you forgotten his lesser crimes which are not looking the way you enjoy, Harry, after he committed bigger ones like murder? good god)

He isn't probably looking very thin, since that description mostly applies to his face. Rather logical, I mean he wears all those big flowy robes that make him look bigger.

Also Snape is average height like about 177 cm/5'10, he's shorter than Yaxley and Sirius, taller than "tall and slim" Narcissa, so somewhere in this range.

The fact that Severus has hunched posture is mentioned twice for a kid/teen!Snape:

○"He was on platform nine and three-quarters, and Snape stood beside him, slightly hunched, next to a thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking woman who greatly resembled him"

○"Round-shouldered yet angular, he walked in a twitchy manner that recalled a spider, his oily hair swinging about his face."

I didn't find any mentions in the books that adult!Snape had hunched posture. It is possible that, like many behaviors and habits, such as the way he speaks, moves, and perhaps writes, it had been deliberately changed by Snape himself.

His fingers are thin and long:

○Snape eyed Harry, tracing his mouth with one long, thin finger as he did so.

○Snape pointed a long yellow finger at Malfoy and said, “Explain.” – yellow can be a way to call sallow skin; a result of working with potions (Snape having potions stained fingers is not book canon, which is a shame) or smoking. Them being thin is noted once, but that goes cohesively with his thinness overall.

The star of the show – Snape's hair, ofc. It gets more attention than James Potter's charachter development. The fact that it's greasy appears in the books minimum 17 times + it's called oily 2 times and dirty once when he's a 9yo kid. People who comment on that, except Harry in his head, are Sirius, Peter through the Map, Fred and George in DH ("Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to"), kinda Ron with grinning on Sirius' comment. Actually it's not described as greasy in "Spinners End" and "The Dark Lord Ascending" (so it might as well be your ordinary oily hair with a tad of drama from people who dislike Snape).

It's black – obviously, shoulder-length or "long", which I assume is just a variation for shoulder-length. It's often forming "curtains":

○"Snape went quiet, though his eyes still glinted malevolently through his curtain of greasy black hair."

○"Snape looked around at him, his face framed between curtains of greasy black hair."

○"A sliver of a man could be seen looking out at them, a man with long black hair parted in curtains around a sallow face and black eyes."

At the hilltop scene they're described as straggling:

○"Snape was wringing his hands: He looked a little mad, with his straggling black hair flying around him."

as opposed to being lank before:

○"His hair was lank and greasy and was flopping onto the table".

He had it poorly cut when he was a kid:

○“Definitely,” said Snape, and even with his poorly cut hair and his odd clothes, he struck an oddly impressive figure..."

So as an adult he supposedly cared enough to regularly cut his hair up to Harry's (fashionable) standard. It also doesn't look "dirty", like Harry calls internally his hair when Severus is 9.

Well, as someone with naturally oily hair, depression and neurodivent sensory issues, I can say that if your hair loosely hangs in "curtains" covering/framing your face, you're probably not doing that bad with it! There are a lot of headcanons about why Snape has greasy hair, but honestly, I don't understand why would he need an exuse? Having oily hair doesn't make you unhygienic, that's ridiculous, and there are no signs that Snape (noticeably) neglects his hygiene. Hair types exist, and some of them just need extra-spesial care to look "socially acceptable" or whatever, but people have the right to not bother about it. Whether his occupation and/or upbringing and/or mental health problems affected it – maybe to an extent, but excluding just genetics or physical well-being from it is kinda weird. Let different hair types live and be pretty.

Snape's mom was thin, sallow faced and sour looking, and Harry thinks Severus resembles her greatly; while Severus' hooked nose was inherited from Tobias – "a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner". Harry also does think Eileen isn't pretty since she's described as a "skinny girl; ...she looked simultaneously cross and sullen, with heavy brows and a long, pallid face" (so evidently that's not Harry's type aside from his prejudice to Snape. Harry's admiration towards Krum hadn't made Harry think he's attractive either. Just to remind you: "Viktor Krum was thin, dark, and sallow-skinned, with a large curved nose and thick black eyebrows. He looked like an overgrown bird of prey". Literally Snape's lost cousin).

Honestly, after going through those descriptions specifically, if I remove the evaluative vocabulary and the labels of ugly/nasty/unpleasant/etc., I don't really understand what exactly I should've found ugly? Snape is just not Harry's type of preferred visual, and on top of that they quickly developed a mutual dislike. Nevertheless, no one is obliged to transfer subjective ideas of the (author) protagonist to their own perception. Writing "ugly" after a characteristic doesn't make it "ugly".

That had been a long conclusion.

My short conclusion is that Severus Snape is a babygirl and Harry has poor taste (sorry, no hard feelings).

Psycho Delic: Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly

Megamind: You're right

Megamind: Because a fly is an innocent, unsuspecting creature that never knowingly did anything to anyone

Psycho Delic:

Megamind: You, however, I would maim

More feral Severus Snape?

Like, I already proposed a Severus that goes back in time and chooses to turn his back to the WW, but now I feel more like getting a Snape that takes a look around, realizes he's back, takes a deep breath, rolls up his sleves, cracks his neck and goes...

"Very well... Bring it on."

A bit like "Falling apart", but with a bit more crack, maybe?

He just doesn't give a fuck, he's got no more shits to give about what's going on. His goal is to have a quite, paceful and solitary life, but he concludes that, with the war going on, he won't get it.

So, he goes around with a single goal in mind. He does consider leaving Hogwarts altogether, but decides to stay just to freeload on the castle while he applies to take his OWL's and NEWT's earlier. He wants a life, after all.

The werewolf pranck? He laughed at Sirius face.

The lake incident? He blocked the levitating spell and punched Potter in the face.

Lucius trying to recruit him? Bleached Hair got a middle finger.

Slughorn trying to talk to him (a weak half-meaning attempt that was more insulting than anything)? An eyebrow raised and no words.

Detention? Ha! Sure... Who do this dumbasses think he is? (A student, Sev... They think you're a kid). He's got no time! He has a Dark Lord to stop!

And when Dumbledore wants to "speak" with him - read: Interrogate him on his latest activities that are getting him out of the castle and into the forest and Hogsmade (and all over Diagon and Knockturn Alley, plus many other places, though Albus doesn't need to know that) -, Severus speaks circles around the old man.

He's tired and angry, and can't stand people anymore, and he is going to get out of there and fix things so he won't have to ever put up with any of them again.