The Fictional Characters In My Head Do Pay Rent, But Not With Money. They Pay With Sleepless Nights,

MORE THINGS MY SWIM TEAM HAS DONE!!!!!

-My friend and I walk out of the locker room.We all the sudden hear screaming from the boys locker room, We just looked at each other and raise our eyebrows.

-3 guys were 3 seconds away from getting into a fist fight over a lane. The rest of the team was watching them like a move. One girl was pretending to eat popcorn.

- *Talking about committing a crime* Me-“In jail you get free heath care.” A junior-“Sounds good, let’s go break the law.” A sophomore (Keep in mind that he is a cis male) “But you don’t get enough tampons in jail!”

-”I was eating dirt in 8th grade, bro.”

-A guy gets a lot of noise bleeds. On the bus home from a meet he got one and there were no tissues or anything. One of the boys suggests a tampon. Now anytime he has a noise bleed someone throws a tampon at him.

-A girl brought a gallon of tea to practice.

-One of the guys looked so offended when he saw a guy on a different team had the same tech suit as him. 

-I’m pretty sure most of them (and positive some of them) are high half the time, so that may be the reason for all the shit they do.

My swim season is over! I’ll definitely miss my team. As my team is made up of 2 small schools, I will be able to see some of them, but the kids from the other school I probably wont. I had a fantastic time swimming with them all and am glad I will see most of them next year.

Here are some things that I witnessed kids from my swim team say and do

*Someone is talking about how they're trying to be more healthy and happy* another kid- "man, that shit dont work, settle for cocaine like the rest of us

"I'm pretty sure everyone cheated on the test last week" "I didnt" "Okay, fucking nerd"

*dude walks by in a Speedo* "damn, look at his weiner" *dude turns around to look at them* *person next to her takes a bite of their sausage on a fork*

*Drake dramatically opens the door to the pool room* IM HERE, IM QUEER, AND I DONT HAVE ANY FEARS" "OKAY DRAKE, THEN KILL THIS FUCKING SPIDER" a person hiding in a corner yells "IM HERE IM QUEER AND I HAVE ONE FEAR" *Drake runs away screaming*

"Daaaaamn, i dropped less time than emily, and shes fucking slow"

"Do you think I coukd swim fully clothed without getting in trouble?" "Abby I swear to god if you do that-" *abby proceeds to jump into the pool fully clothed* *her boyfriend screams and jumps in after her trying to save his phone that was in her pocket*

"i LiKe CrAcK" *takes bite of raw onion*

*this one person whispering* "the snack that smiles back" *whole team yelling* "GOLDFISH"

"What kind of water are hamsters supposed to swim in?" "Um, no water? They aren't supposed to be in water" "shit..." "ROW WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"They guys locker room is so much nicer than the girl's" "why the fuck were you in the boys locker room Abby?" "WHY THE FUCK WAS NELSON GIVING US A TOUR OF IT, NOAH? I DONT KNOW MAYBE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WAS HERE AND WE WANTED TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!"

"Is that a potato chip?!" *dives into the water to get a potato chip from the bottom of the pool* *eats the really soggy potato chip* "well this dont taste good..."

*person who was sick walking past the lockers into the main part of the locker room* "WAZZUP MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! DID YA MISS ME?!" "WHY DIDNT YOU DIE WHILE YOU WE'RE SICK ABBY?!" "FUCK YOU ASHLYN

Aaaand that's all I can think of, tell me if you want a part two

I am crying

the amount of times i’ve listened to this and cried is embarrassing 😎🕺🏻

credit: bookamour on tiktok (i love their account, they have made pieces like this for many other books too)

Alright everyone claim your "I was here before the Newsies Fandom resurgence of 2022 after West Endsies was announced" ticket:

(Disclaimer: I am actually very excited for new people in the fandom, I just had this idea and thought it was funny. We don't gatekeep in this household, doesn't matter if you've been a fan since 1992 or this morning, you're still a fansie and we love you.)

More things!!!

-“My anti-depressants aren’t anti-depressing guys.”

-Game of Uno on the bus “If you put down that plus 4 I will hunt you down! I know where you live!!

- same game of uno “(Name) I MIGHT NOT KNOW WERE YOU LIVE BUT SKIP ME AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FIND OUT!”

- Person played a +2 and we +2ed all the way around the circle so they had a plus 10 “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR SKIPPING ME AND WINNING LAST TIME BITCH”

-heated debates on whether our coach looked like Cindy loo hoo’s dad from the live action grinch.

- we had to break open a door to het equipment out for a meet. Shenanigans ensued when the janitor came by.

-caring the water cooler “get out of the way! H2O coming through! We bring the water to you!”

- caring benches “ow my back” “your back is old because of your old man taste in music” “ I know, next my eyes will go” “then your hearing too, tough life man.”

-“what do you mean skittles wont get me anywhere in the real world?? I can bribe people with them! Just like I bribed (name) here to let me win uno! And everyone knows uno is life”

- “look, between bagels and life I’d pick bagels.”

- *sits in corner with hood up tapping fingers evilly for 15 minutes*

Here are some things that I witnessed kids from my swim team say and do

*Someone is talking about how they’re trying to be more healthy and happy* another kid- “man, that shit dont work, settle for cocaine like the rest of us

"I’m pretty sure everyone cheated on the test last week” “I didnt” “Okay, fucking nerd”

*dude walks by in a Speedo* “damn, look at his weiner” *dude turns around to look at them* *person next to her takes a bite of their sausage on a fork*

*Drake dramatically opens the door to the pool room* IM HERE, IM QUEER, AND I DONT HAVE ANY FEARS" “OKAY DRAKE, THEN KILL THIS FUCKING SPIDER” a person hiding in a corner yells “IM HERE IM QUEER AND I HAVE ONE FEAR” *Drake runs away screaming*

“Daaaaamn, i dropped less time than emily, and shes fucking slow”

“Do you think I coukd swim fully clothed without getting in trouble?” “Abby I swear to god if you do that-” *abby proceeds to jump into the pool fully clothed* *her boyfriend screams and jumps in after her trying to save his phone that was in her pocket*

“i LiKe CrAcK” *takes bite of raw onion*

*this one person whispering* “the snack that smiles back” *whole team yelling* “GOLDFISH”

“What kind of water are hamsters supposed to swim in?” “Um, no water? They aren’t supposed to be in water” “shit…” “ROW WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

“They guys locker room is so much nicer than the girl’s” “why the fuck were you in the boys locker room Abby?” “WHY THE FUCK WAS NELSON GIVING US A TOUR OF IT, NOAH? I DONT KNOW MAYBE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WAS HERE AND WE WANTED TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!”

“Is that a potato chip?!” *dives into the water to get a potato chip from the bottom of the pool* *eats the really soggy potato chip* “well this dont taste good…”

*person who was sick walking past the lockers into the main part of the locker room* “WAZZUP MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! DID YA MISS ME?!” “WHY DIDNT YOU DIE WHILE YOU WE’RE SICK ABBY?!” “FUCK YOU ASHLYN

Aaaand that’s all I can think of, tell me if you want a part two

I can’t reblog this fast enough. My tears are getting in my way.

imagine if the song of achilles was just a written narration of patroclus recounting all of his memories to thetis, as seen in the last few pages where they were talking,, that’s why everything was written in past tense rather than present. patroclus is made of memories because that’s all he ever will be if not permitted to join achilles in death and we are literally witnesses to his life, just as thetis was prior to her honouring of patroclus’ soul

Can‘t wait to see them blow up a bus!

I’ve been watching LOTR crack videos for the past hour and I can’t breath. Why is this so funny?

reblog to send three ghosts after elon musk

Modern lotr AU I may or may not write

The fellowship is in high school 

they all end up with in-school suspension for a week.

Gandalf is the teacher that watches them.

all become friends (also free the school from the tyrant of a principal Sauron, but whatever)

Frodo

freshman

Gay

He/him

has anxiety and depression

adopted by Bilbo, his rich gay uncle

best friend (and later boyfriend) is Sam

I don’t know what he did to get suspended

Sam

also a freshman

Bi

He/him

likes gardening

crushing really hard on his friend Frodo

Merry

freshman

Ace

he/him

trans

best friend with Pip

got suspended for setting off fireworks in class

Pippin

freshman

Pan

he/they

flirts with everyone

set off fireworks with Merry

stoner

Aragorn

Junior

Bi

he/him

substitutes sleep with coffee

loves horses

never washes his hair

adopted by Elrond

somehow ended up dating Legolas (has no idea how he manged to be so lucky)

probably smoking weed behind the school right now.

got suspended for pulling out a knife during school (the teachers have have no idea how he got it.)

Legolas

also a junior

He/they

Pan

has more hair produces than anything else (except maybe pictures of Aragorn)

captain of the school archery team

suspended for climbing school buildings

Gimli

Senior

what is gender?

Aro/Ace

spends as much time as they can in the art studio

got suspended for creating a real axe and bursting into a classroom saying “here’s Gimli!”

Boromir

senior

Bi

he/him

on the soccor team

a big softy

loves his little brother Faramir

pretty much adopts Merry and Pippin as so as he meets them

got suspended for starting a fight with the other jocks because he didn’t like the way they were treating people.

 also toying with the Idea of Arwen being a cheerleader and falling for Eowyn, who is in a biker gang, but we’ll see. I might add more characters later if I end up writing this but this is the basics.