Me Trying To Comprehend Anything Anyone Says To Me

Despite her stubborn streak and tendency to insist on doing things by herself no matter how difficult, Zahra could not hide her relief. Besides, a slipped disc didn't necessarily appeal to her. "Oh, hardly. It's definitely no more than a quarter of my size. And it's lighter than it looks." That was a bold-faced lie and Zahra was definitely grateful Ryan had offered to help her with the books. "That'd be nice, thank you. Can't say I've been doing much of heavy lifting lately." She shook her head slowly. "You're working? Nothing serious, I hope."

—dressed in a casual uniform, black pants and standard FD t-shirt, he walked up the stairs leading to the library meaning to check on a call; they did claim it was a false alarm, but two of them had been sent anyway to ensure there were no issues. a standard procedure for such a call, they needed to do an inspection of the building; this was a library after all, a fire break out in this place would be a pain, for many reasons. “what are you doing?” he laughed as he noticed Zahra —first he had noticed the bag, to be fair. looking at the massive blue bag she was carrying, he arched an eyebrow. “this is twice your size, Zahra,” he teased, laughing. “may I?” he inquired, gesturing towards the bag.

zahra hamed character inspo task

fox mulder (the x-files) cassie thomas (promising young woman) abby sciuto (ncis) jo march (little women) ambrose spellman (chilling adventures of sabrina) river tam (firefly & serenity) beth harmon (the queen's gambit) nomi marks (sense8)

Academia is cool and sexy until I’m expected to do work

Zahra watched as Ryan went to pick up the bag, quietly grateful he had happened to be there and didn't seem to be in too much of a hurry. "I guess this is my sign to hit up the gym," she muttered, slightly jealous just how easily the bag had lifted. "God no", Zahra spurted as he acquired whether she had actually read the books, "but I can't be paying overdue fees on all of those." Doing a postdoc in humanities wasn't exactly the most lucrative of jobs and there were far more fun ways to spend a good chunk of money. She nodded as Ryan spoke. "Okay, good. There's certainly a lot of flammable material there," she mused, following him quietly. "I'm okay. Work's keeping me busy." It wasn't a lie, not really, even if she hadn't really achieved much in the past few weeks. "I guess you must have been equally busy?"

—those were a lot of books to actually be any lighter than they looked, which made him smirk a little at her argument. “hmm,” was the only eligible response he could give. lifting the bag with ease —contrary to her he has been doing a lot of heavy lifting, daily, and the bag basically weighs nothing for him— he looked at her, a little amused. “you’ve actually read all these?” he questioned before nodding a little to her query in turn. “just a routine check.” Ryan responded as he reached out to pull the library door open, and gestured for her to walk in first. “how have you been? it’s been a while since I’ve been around…” they usually met at unholy hours, that’s how he had ended up meeting her, but his work schedule had been busy lately, plus he wanted to spend more time at home with Neva when he could; it left little time to venture when he couldn’t sleep.

"I guess you're partially right. I just wish I had actually read these instead of just hauling them home and now bringing them right back." Obviously no one knew - or cared - that she hadn't even cracked open most of the books, but the shame was palpable nonetheless. The shame seemed to be her constant companion, increasingly so ever since her brain had decided it no longer wanted to partake in any additional reading or writing. The feeling only grew as she thought about future deadlines and word counts, the threat of falling behind making her sick to her stomach. "I am sure it's just a writer's block," she muttered, mostly to herself, before snorting in amusement. "See, I like where your head's at. I could smuggle Circe everywhere and become the ultimate cat lady."

A realisation lit up Zahra's face as Julia admitted she was only heading in. She laughed, shaking her head softly. "Ah, there you go. It's good to know some things don't change. Are you looking for anything in particular?"

Julia didn’t comment on her helping because if the roles were reversed the last thing she’d want was another person drilling down on how they’d had to lend a hand. Too many people took pride in their independence for her to risk saying the wrong thing. Instead she just gave her a small smile with an incline of her head, picking up the handle nearest to her. 

“I don’t know if this can be considered a walk of shame, I mean what part of being well read is meant to be shameful?” If that was the case then maybe she should just bury her head in the sand right now because she’d much rather spend time with a stack of books than another human most of the time. “Or you could get one of those ones that old people take to the grocery store, the old lady shopper bags. Then no one would even know what was in it.” A shrug of her shoulders as they headed into the library, realising that Zahra didn’t realise that she was arriving rather than leaving. “Oh you know me better than that, I’m on my way in to pick up a couple I’ve had set aside for me. Don’t worry - I’ve not been replaced by an alien.” Julia joked softly. @ofzahras

She should have expected it, and in a way she had done. Still, she hadn't exactly prepared, too engrossed in her work or at least in avoiding it to the best of her ability. She had planned a relatively easy day for herself, a few hours in the archives going through the records for the Center for Religion and Media, something she could certainly find some joy in even on the worst of her days. Apparently the universe had other ideas and Zahra's simple day took a turn just as she was reaching the steps of the archives. She stopped, took a look around as if trying to figure out where the voice was coming from even though she had absolutely no doubts. At least it bought her some time. "Azhar," she replied, involuntarily amused by the anagram of their names once again. She was sure her voice shook ever so slightly but hoped it would simply seem like a sign of being out of breath. "It's me. I'm, uh, just heading in."

closed starter for @ofzahras , on campus at new york university near the library / archives.

sighing,  azhar  ran  a  hand  across  his  head  before  adjusting  his  beanie.  although  the  autumnal  weather  had  yet  to  hit  the  streets,  and  the  leaves  were  not  changing  except  for  slight  yellow  and  orange  tints  at  their  edges,  he  was  prepared  for  the  brisk  wind  that  promised  a  temperature  drop.  deep  in  thought  about  that  thesis  he  had  begun  reading,  having  been  asked  to  proofread  it  by  one  of  his  students  for  their  presentation  upcoming,  and  his  head  ached  in  the  place  that  he  couldn't  knead  out.  reminded  him  of  so  much  agony,  really.  how  he  spent  too  much  time  on  it.  or  not  enough.  but  he  didn't  want  to  be  held  down  by  his  past,  intending  on  heading  home  and  relieving  devi  of  her  watching  -  duties  earlier  than  intended  as  a  surprise.  that  was,  until  azhar  himself  was  surprised.  dressed  in  the  dark  brown  suit  jacket  and  casual  blouse  of  his  lecture  earlier,  he  paused  when  he  spotted  a  familiar  visage.  slowly  blinking.  (  am  i  seeing  things?  )  “zahra?”  too  old,  and  exhausted,  to  waste  much  time.  (  not  to  mention  his  heart  ached.  in  a  strange  way.  right  there,  in  his  throat.  )  “did  i  fall  'sleep  back  there  or  is  that  really  you?”

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TASK #002

a zahra hamed moodboard

“Of course not. That would be really boring and unrealistic,” she agreed with a small shake of her head. “I like reading about people who have flaws and who do dumb or morally questionable things, but framing definitely matters. None of those shortcomings are interesting if it feels like the author actually believes that being a shitty person is some sort of a virtue.” While Zahra could be quite withdrawn and even standoffish to a point, she genuinely and evidently enjoyed a good chat with almost anyone as long as she didn’t have to discuss her personal life in any particular detail. “Oh yeah?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, the corners of her mouth twitching, “well, I can’t blame you. Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of that book myself. But I suppose there’s some merit to it.”

She nodded along as the stranger spoke, grateful she seemed to take the lead. “Could’ve fooled me. So, you know, I am sure you would make an excellent bookseller as well. You seem to know your stuff." It wasn't a lie; she was clearly passionate about literature and had no problem approaching strangers to recommend things to them. "I suppose that's true. I wish I had more time to read fiction."

"i do fully believe that not all characters have to be likable in order for the book to be good. i will say, however, there's something so bothersome about them being framed in a way that suggest they're supposed to be likable. i try not to judge too hard, but sometimes i can't help it. catcher in the rye? i think that's maybe the worst book i've ever read," she rambled. she could go on, but she cut herself off with a shy laugh. not everyone wanted their ear talked off about books. "well when you make your assessment, you're definitely going to have to give me an update," she replied.

maddox flushed ever so slightly at the question. it wasn't the first time she'd been asked it. "ah, no i don't work here. i'm actually a tattoo artist. but if i weren't a tattoo artist, then working at a bookstore would probably be my first choice. i do read quite a bit. i've tried to tone it down though. i've learned the unfortunate truth that the more you read, the less stories feel unique."

Zahra wanted to argue and assure she was indeed doing just that, but the words didn't make their way out of her mouth. He lips twitched slightly as she sighed and reached to rub her aching neck. Previously figuring out work-life balance hadn't been such a daunting task; she had been able to distance herself from her research the moment she closed her laptop or put away whatever book she was reading. Recently, however, she seemed to be spending more and more time thinking about and dreading over work. "Yeah, I know. I do have fun," she replied, well aware just how defensive she sounded. "Anyway, better ge these inside." Oh, how she wanted to change the subject.

She glanced at Birdie, trying her very best to smile somewhat convincingly. "What have you been up to? Been busy?"

"Well, I'm more than willing to try anything at least once, even if it's not the most exciting." She felt like that was a fairly accurate statement. In her opinion, it was hard to figure out what you liked, what you were good at, and what worked best for you if you never branched out and tried new things. On the flipside, it was entirely possible that she ran through new experiences too fast and never gave things their proper time.

"On top of being a person and experiencing life." Birdie never felt like life should be all work, there had to be a balance. Living life without doing anything for yourself to relax sounded like a miserable way to live. "Not even necessarily in a fun way. I mean, reading all that on top of maintaining things around my place feels like it would suck up more time than I could possibly have." There never seemed to be enough hours in the day. "But, you know, there definitely be some time for fun or at least something enjoyable too."

It was a relief how Julia seemed to understand exactly what she was going through and didn't ask any awkward follow up questions. Their careers were evidently very different but there were similarities as well. The constant need to learn more and keep researching even when that was the last thing you wanted to do. Zahra truly appreciated Julia's company in that moment, glad she had ran into her.

"Oh yeah. I thought it would be useful if I had to take her to the vet or something. She's not the smallest of cats so carrying her isn't exactly fun," she explained. Her face seemed to lit up as she talked about Circe and the corners of the mouth twitched towards a smile. "But I've been too embarrassed to use it. She's real loud, too, so I'm sure no one would think I had an actual baby in there." That being said, Zahra would undoubtedly change her mind the moment she saw someone else prancing around with their cat in a stroller.

She nodded eagerly, clearly delighted by the prospect of accomplishing something small yet meaningful. "Absolutely. Sounds good," she agreed, already heading towards the returns. "It's ideal, really. I doubt I will be too tempted to pick up any medical books. Wouldn't understand most of it. The Latin and Greek I studied wouldn't get me very far with those terms."

Julia smiled softly, understanding the issue being described because she’d been there herself - more times than she’d care to admit because you’d think she’d have learnt her session after the first. “We’ve all been there.” As they headed into the vast library Julia was relieved to feel the familiar wash of calm the old building brought with it. A place that housed so much knowledge with no expectations on it apart from that you feasted to your hearts content, she could slip away in here for hours on end. Reading while the outside pressures melted away until it was time to walk back out the doors again. “You have a cat stroller for her? Oh my goodness, I’ve only ever actually seen those used on television. Is it common for people to take their cats out for walks? I thought they were more inside pets. Especially in the city.” Not that she’d ever had one, though they were very cute and occasionally the thought had crossed her mind to keep her company in the times she wasn’t at the hospital, before she remembered that those hours were extensive and it wasn’t really conducive to looking after a pet. 

The offer of help was one she’d happy accept though, enjoying Zahra’s presence because it felt like they had a lot in common, even if the information they’d shared with each other was limited. It was just a sense the doctor got. “I’d love that, thank you. Why don’t we put yours all back in for return and then we can head up to the medical section?” Her voice lowering as they were now in the confines of the library. @ofzahras