Scanning The Space With A Positively Neutral Look On Her Face, Zahra Didn't Necessarily Look Like She

“i am afraid that if i open myself i will not stop pouring. (why do i fear becoming a river. what mountain gave me such shame.)”

— Erosion // Jamie Oliveira

Zahra reached for another book with an interesting cover, flicking through some of the pages. She was still very much engaged in the conversation, eyes darting back and forth between the text and her new companion. "There's such a thing as too my sadness and angst. I don't want to read about a never-ending series of tragedy. That's rarely all that realistic or relatable. I suppose it's just nice to feel seen when you're feeling like garbage." Zahra shook her head as the other mentioned how her opinions could be too strong. "It's a good thing. Means you can't be swayed too easily. Also, what can you have strong opinions on if not books? Surely literature is a pretty safe thing to feel strongly about."

Feeling brave, Zahra tilted her head to the side. "Do you happen to have any more recommendations? I think I might be able to squeeze a few more books somewhere on my shelves."

"i completely agree! although i personally don't understand why sad stories are so popular. i just want to kick back and read something so unserious. i don't always want to be stuck in a whirlwind of tragedy, but i guess this is an unpopular opinion because i can't seem to find much literary fiction without tragedy," she shrugged. "at least you have plenty of options!" she added cheerfully. she truly did wish she understood the appeal of those types of books. everyone else seemed to be getting a lot out of these stories. she wondered if there was something she was missing. she laughed along with the other. "yeah, well, sometimes my opinions can be too strong," she admitted, a flush to her cheeks as she looked away.

"that's great to hear. a relief, really. i like to recommend books more than the average person i'd wager, so it feels good to know i'm actually doing something useful. besides, recommendations are always better. especially from someone you can trust."

"That sounds doable. I guess there's a certain kind of catharsis to reading about someone slightly annoying, especially if they grow out of it." While she didn't seek out irritating book characters, hate-reading could act as a weirdly satisfactory way of distraction. "I think I might have to get it, to check out whether you're right about her being annoying," she admitted with a nod, having made her decision.

She studied the woman briefly before moving on to the next shelf to check out its offerings. Zahra was in no hurry to leave and the peaceful bookshop, having realized flipping through the books kept her mocking thoughts at bay. "I take it you read a lot. I mean, you don't work here, do you?"

maddox nearly laughed at the other's question; one she would ask as well. she looked up at the ceiling as she recalled the beginning of the book. "it's not so much that she's annoying in a painful way. she's just annoying in a 'why are you so pessimistic?' type of way. but the more you get to know her and the more she learns and grows throughout the series, the more you let that annoyance fade," she explained, shrugging on shoulder.

"i'm personally not one to go easy on annoying characters. in fact, the only reason i even continued to read the book was because of how perfect the villain was. so if it makes you feel better, there is so many other things to focus on and it'll be over before you know it," she promised.

Zahra wanted to argue and assure she was indeed doing just that, but the words didn't make their way out of her mouth. He lips twitched slightly as she sighed and reached to rub her aching neck. Previously figuring out work-life balance hadn't been such a daunting task; she had been able to distance herself from her research the moment she closed her laptop or put away whatever book she was reading. Recently, however, she seemed to be spending more and more time thinking about and dreading over work. "Yeah, I know. I do have fun," she replied, well aware just how defensive she sounded. "Anyway, better ge these inside." Oh, how she wanted to change the subject.

She glanced at Birdie, trying her very best to smile somewhat convincingly. "What have you been up to? Been busy?"

"Well, I'm more than willing to try anything at least once, even if it's not the most exciting." She felt like that was a fairly accurate statement. In her opinion, it was hard to figure out what you liked, what you were good at, and what worked best for you if you never branched out and tried new things. On the flipside, it was entirely possible that she ran through new experiences too fast and never gave things their proper time.

"On top of being a person and experiencing life." Birdie never felt like life should be all work, there had to be a balance. Living life without doing anything for yourself to relax sounded like a miserable way to live. "Not even necessarily in a fun way. I mean, reading all that on top of maintaining things around my place feels like it would suck up more time than I could possibly have." There never seemed to be enough hours in the day. "But, you know, there definitely be some time for fun or at least something enjoyable too."

“ur so quiet” its so fucking loud in my head

zahra hamed character inspo task

fox mulder (the x-files) cassie thomas (promising young woman) abby sciuto (ncis) jo march (little women) ambrose spellman (chilling adventures of sabrina) river tam (firefly & serenity) beth harmon (the queen's gambit) nomi marks (sense8)

If there was one thing Zahra excelled at, it was listening. Sure, her neutral expression could make her seem indifferent or not all that engaged, but she truly did listen, intently and without the need to interrupt. "You're good. Don't worry about it," she assured. It was clear they were going through something and she didn't want to pry. She would've hated it if she had been in their position. "I hope you find what you're looking for. That feeling of home." She had always been good at adapting to her surroundings and finding little things that made her feel like a part of something bigger than herself but that didn't necessarily mean she knew what made a place feel like a home. Still, New York City had treated her well and now that she was back, she couldn't imagine leaving any time soon.

"We're here," she announced once they reached their destination. "I think it's more of an Irish place, but certainly closer to a British pub than the last place. Good beer, too."

Theo blew smoke away from her after sucking in some from their cig, listening to her carefully, their eyes trained on her as she talked. "Home can be a lot of things. Not necessarily a place. Something or someone you want to come back to. That can be a house, your family, a significant other." They shrugged as they explained. "For me, it would be a person but right now, I don't feel like I have a home to go back to." Theo paused for a moment before they let out a chuckle. "Shit, sorry, that got too deep. Anyway, I'm here for work and yeah, I don't particularly like it, honestly."

They took another drag from their cigarette as they walked next to her, their other hand slipping inside the pocket of their jeans, looking around the city around them that people seem to fall in love with so quickly. They weren't that impressed by it.

Zahra smiled briefly as she nodded at Eleanor. "A wise choice. I am not entirely sure I could explain what's going on here," she admitted, almost cringing as she studied the contents of the bag. While she had checked out the the majority of the books with the best of intentions of actually reading them, Zahra now had real trouble of even remembering the titles or why she had picked them. "But I guess carrying these around constitutes a workout. So, it's not all bad."

Eleanor had spent the better half of an hour searching for a particular book that the library said they carried. It wasn't where it was supposed to be on the shelf and she had almost given up on her search when she just happened to see it on the shelf. She found a spot to sit and read the first couple of pages before deciding she wanted to check it out. Getting up, she made her way to the check out line only to be joined by Zahra a few moments later. Eleanor smiled at her, glancing over to see the huge bag of books she was carrying. She was about to ask what was up with that when Zahra spoke up. A small laugh escaped her lips and she shook her head. "Fine," she said. "I won't ask."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It'd be way easier than trying to trick her into her carrier and then try and carry her around. She does not like it one bit and I can't blame her." Despite her efforts, Circe despised the very sight of her carrier and would run and hide the moment Zahra pulled it out. She had of course splurged on the nicest, most comfortable one on the market but Circe did not seem to appreciate the luxury and would've most likely preferred to be carried in a food delivery bag. Her eyes grew wide as Julia described the account she had found. A delighted burst of laughter. "Really? I definitely need to check that out. Sounds like a dream, just a guy and his cat riding a bike."

Returning the books was blessedly an easy ordeal, and Zahra could at least congratulate herself on getting the haul back before any late fees had managed to materialise. She had managed to accomplish something that day and felt better for it. "Oh, I don't know. I love a good fun fact or a useless piece of information but medicine? Don't think I have the brain capacity for that." That being said, she was always eager to learn new things and could imagine far worse ways to spend an afternoon. "Lead the way."

“Oh well that makes sense, especially in New York I guess. I’m not sure how many cabs would let you in with a cat on the loose so at least with her in a pram thing you can just walk there or get the underground.” If it wasn’t raining and Julia was in that position she would one hundred percent walk so as to avoid the hell of New York’s subway. Useful, sure. Pleasant? Never. “She’d be meowing at everyone you walk past. I was on instagram the other day doomscrolling because I couldn’t sleep and this account came up about this guy who rides around with his cat in the basket of his bicycle. This fluffy white thing that just sits there and looks around - it was actually kind of adorable in a wildly impractical way.” 

Following the other towards the returns she listened as she spoke about not being tempted to pick up any medical books, understanding the concept of having different interests but the idea of walking into that section of a library without taking something home with you entirely alien to her. “I’m sure you would understand more than you give yourself credit for. I mean of course the terms are complex if you don’t know what they mean I guess - that is quite specific. Plus when they delve into more detailed specifications…” She trailed off, putting the bag of books down onto the floor once they arrived at the returns desk. @ofzahras

"They really should include a portion for late fees on research grants," she mumbled, wondering just how much cash she had funnelled to various library systems. While she would usually consider it money well-spent, her current state of annoyance and frustration made her wish she had done just about anything else with those hundreds of dollars. Still, there were bigger problems in the world and Zahra couldn't help but notice the shift in Ryan's mood. It was evident his work-life balance left something to be desired. "Oh? That bad?" she asked, wincing internally but hoping the look on her face didn't betray her. "Is there anything you can do about it?" She paused for a moment, nose crinkled up in irritation at herself. "I'm sure you've already gone through all your options. Sorry." She remained silent for a moment, not sure she wanted to shift the focus back to herself. "Not really," she admitted after a lengthy pause, "but I'm teaching a class in the fall. I guess that's fun."

—he smiled at the comment a little; turning to her when she responded to his query. “certainly not,” he agreed with a nod —frankly, those were a lot of books to pay any fees. Nodding a little at her response, he could agree. working had been his priority as of late. very wrongfully so. “same…” he muttered; work kept her busy and he was, in fact, keeping busy with work, rushing to complete a set amount of hours each week that were a lot more than his usual shifts, prior to the move. “I have and Neva is not happy about it…” he admitted, laughing a little, but it was a humorless sound. Neva was pissed, not just not happy. they made their way inside and his partner went further in to talk to the manager, while he accompanied Zahra towards the front desk. “have you been working on anything new?” he inquired.