Ogkittenmittens

I seriously can’t do this right now.. I need sedation

@flqshverse thank u for ur service but I need a break from ur account before I combust.. he’s too much

His maniacal laughter....

my submission for @its-always-ziney-in-philadelphia !

oh my gosh can u please provide links for that "favorite list of things glenn howerton has said/done"

[broken links updated 2/22/2025] 

omg i’m so sorry this is like. two months late probably i’m shit at answering asks but here u go (also this is the post in question):

told conan that he’s been with men, thinks brad pitt is hot, and considers himself a 6 on a scale of 1 (straight) to 10 (gay) right after his wife just had their first child

leaned onto his hand when a guy came up to the microphone to ask a question at comic con and interrupted before he could even start talking to say “what’s up beefcake?” [updated link]

said the dennis sex doll’s face is not what he looks like sucking dick

wore a $14 shirt from hot topic to a red carpet premiere of his own show [updated link, see also here and here]

said doing theater gave him opportunities with guys and girls, said “do I want a cock today?” and then in the same sentence as calling himself straight, said “you can have it all” in reference to both women and men

went to juilliard

listed the homosexual undertones in everything they say and do as his favorite running thing on sunny [updated link]

[to rob] “we were talking about what a wonderful lover you are and how caring you are afterwards” - this one’s in a loveline podcast that’s since been taken down, my friend listened to it and transcribed this and a few other parts but i’m not sure where she listened to it

got a comment about dick sucking advice directed at him during an interview instead of kaitlin, the straight woman who was sitting right next to him - same as the previous one, here’s the full quote: 

interviewer: “be aware that if a guy does meth and you swallow his semen you will test positive in a drug test, okay glenn?”

kait: “yeah glenn”

glenn: “i’ll keep that in mind”

responded to someone asking if coffee town was the first time he ever kissed a man by yelling NO, no, no, no, and then not elaborating beyond saying he hadn’t kissed men on sunny

said on tv that being gay is reflective of most people

was completely unfazed by a hot interviewer whose titties were so out that rob and charlie were avoiding looking at her and instead looked her dead in the eyes and asked if she agreed that some actor was a beefcake

listed sixteen candles and mulholland drive as movies that changed his life [udpated link]

listened to sufjan stevens [link is still correct but the tweet he was replying to was deleted so you’re just going to have to trust me]

named his cat ninjabean at the age of 27

said the name dick wolf made him think of “a man constantly hungry for dick” to which the interviewer replied that it was a rorschach test, absolutely dragging him through the mud [updated link]

wrote the words “drinky poo” in an actual script for his actual television show [updated link]

said, and I quote, “the stars aligned” for him and rob (i’m p sure this is the right podcast, idk what time it’s at though i’m sorry) [updated link]

on struggling actors, the $200 pilot, and the queering of blue-collar masculinity on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”

One of the keys to understanding It’s Always Sunny in Philadlephia is the original pilot – the notorious “$200 pilot.” According to this much-mythologized origin story, the original pilot wasn’t set in Philadelphia at all; it was set in LA, and all the characters were struggling actors. FX agreed to produce the show on the condition that they set it in a different location because nobody cares about struggling actors in LA; Rob McElhenney decided on his own hometown, and thus It’s Always Sunny on Television became It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

This decision, which I’m sure everyone viewed at the time as a mere concession to a minor network note, had HUGE repercussions. To understand why, let’s examine one particular scene: the scene in which Mac first meets and flirts with a trans woman named Carmen. The original pilot would end up being reshot as the Season 1 episode “Charlie Has Cancer,” and on the surface, the differences between the two versions are minor. The basic arc of the scene is the same in both: Mac starts out transphobic toward Carmen, then immediately softens and warms toward her as she flatters his ego. In the pilot, struggling actor Mac has this exchange with her:

MAC: “Is that a penis in your pants?” CARMEN: “Yes.” MAC: “You lied to me.” CARMEN: “No I didn’t. You lied to me. Pharmaceutical sales? Please! I saw you on that episode of Law and Order.” MAC: “No, don’t turn this ar–Law and Order?” [beams] “You saw that? Yeah? Really? Did you like…?” CARMEN: “You were really good, actually.” MAC: “You think so? I thought I was a little over the top.”

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vfkNnBTUrY) That’s the struggling-actor version. Now see how this scene was rewritten for the Philadelphia version: MAC: “Is that a penis in your pants?” CARMEN: “Yes.” MAC: “You lied to me.” CARMEN: “No I didn’t. You lied to me. You don’t work out? Please! I’ve seen you at the gym. You’re ripped.” MAC: “No, don’t turn this around – wait.” [beams] “Really? You think so? I was afraid I was getting a little TOO ripped, you know?” CARMEN: “No. I like it.” MAC: “Wow.” [gazes at her, speechless] What just happened here? In short, Rob/Charlie/Glenn have taken the vanity and insecurity of struggling actors – and instilled it instead in these blue-collar South Philly guys. The switcheroo is simple, but the effect is dramatic and destabilizing. We all know that struggling actors are always performing, always desperate for attention and validation – but suddenly, when you take the struggling-actor element out of the mix, it’s gender itself that becomes a performance. Mac’s goal in the LA version is to be a successful actor; his goal in the Philadelphia version is simply to be a man. All the men on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (but especially Mac and Dennis) constantly struggle to perform their gender, and when they fall short, the humor comes not from their lack of masculinity, but from the impossible demands of the gendered expectations to which they hold themselves. I’m sure Rob/Charlie/Glenn weren’t consciously thinking about any of this when they decided to set the show in a bar in Philadelphia. But I believe this is the crucial decision that allowed the show to become everything it is now. I even suspect that Mac would never have become a gay character if the show hadn’t established itself from the beginning as a universe in which gender is malleable and toxic masculinity is a dangerous mirage. This is also why the D.E.N.N.I.S. System reads not as a misogynistic fantasy but as a blistering critique of misogyny and rape culture, and why the character of Dennis Reynolds investigates and satirizes the “ladies’ man” sitcom archetype so devastatingly that I can pretty much never watch How I Met Your Mother ever again. (You could even make the argument that this is also why It’s Always Sunny has never successfully dealt with the topic of race – because investigating the construct of race isn’t baked into the central premise of the show the way investigating the construct of gender is – but that’s a topic for another day.) In short: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, just like Shakespeare, understands that ALL human beings are struggling actors.

Dennis + sleeping

whenever i walk past someone smoking a cigarette i breathe really deeply to try and get as much second-hand smoke as i can

mac without his beard is like a woman without her bush. it's just not natural

dennis and this type of shirt lol

“aw why doesn’t anyone on the toxic people show have positive healthy relationships they should all get positive healthy relationships” no <3 wishing you a very watch a different show