𝐈’𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐘

𝐈’𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐘

↳ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝘄𝗼

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 || 1.4k+

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 || Ivar’s work stress causes him to yell at someone on the phone, which triggers y/n’s ptsd.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 || yelling, mentions of bruises, crying, ptsd.

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 || modern ivar x reader

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 || this story will contain triggering subjects, if you are easily triggered this may not be the story for you, if you can relate to any of the topics this series is/will be discussing I am so sorry, just know you are not alone and it’s okay to ask for help. Also, if you would like to be tagged, feel free to ask.

𝗶 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗱, 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗮𝘆

regular pov:

The drive to Ivar's apartment was silent, not an uncomfortable silence, but rather a calming one for her. Y/n realized she would need to embrace the quiet, recalling the time Hvitserk told her about Ivar's preference for solitude compared to her sociable nature.

Y/n’s mind had been racing the whole drive, she couldn’t help it. She was scared, terrified she’d end up right back to square one, and although on a subconscious level she knew if Hvitserk trusted Ivar with her, then he knew she wasn’t in any danger. It’s just, once those thoughts start it’s hard to make them stop. She had to really sit there, her eyes closed and internally repeat to herself, “I’m safe with Ivar, He isn’t going to hurt me.”

It wasn’t until she opened her eyes, and bravely looked over at him, only to see they were stopped at a red light, and that he was slightly smiling at her. This funny enough was what reassured her that staying with Ivar was safe, allowing her mind to finally find peace.

Upon arriving at his apartment, Ivar led y/n to a beautifully decorated room, though not her usual style, she chose not to voice any complaints. After a moment of silence between the two, Ivar took the hint and excused himself to start preparing dinner.

Ivar, was not known for his culinary skills but, decided to cook a meal for both of them, opting for a basic recipe y/n found online. Despite it not being gourmet, he figured the effort and thought behind the meal would count more than its taste.

Y/n unpacked her stuff and laid back on the queen size bed, after about a half an hour ivar called y/n for dinner, after repeating himself several times he got annoyed, thinking the girl was ignoring him he went into the room, only to see the girl passed out on the bed.

He smiled to himself at how peaceful she looked like this, he then grabbed a blanket and draped it over her body. He walked back out and ate alone before going to bed himself, as he laid in bed he thought about y/n, how approach having her here and how to make her comfortable, he knew that if he didn’t Hvitserk would have an absolute fit and, that’s not something ivar wanted to deal with.

Y/n awoke feeling completely refreshed and cozy. A sense of calm washed over her, a feeling she hadn't experienced in a while. As she sat up, she noticed a blanket draped over her that she didn't remember grabbing. After stretching, she made her way into the living room.

Having not explored the apartment the night before, she took in the modern yet simply decorated space, a style she found herself drawn to. Wanting to show her gratitude to Ivar for her stay, she decided to whip up a breakfast of bacon, French toast, and coffee. She got to work swiftly in the kitchen.

Ivar awoke to a delightful aroma filling the apartment, accompanied by soft music drifting through the air. After getting out of bed and grabbing his crutches, he made his way to the kitchen. Stepping into the spacious room, he found y/n cooking and dancing around with joy, a sight that he couldn't help but find adorable and carefree. A grin naturally spread across his face as he relished this side of you.

He appreciated this carefree and happy version of you, contrasting with the timid and reserved girl he had encountered the day before. Leaning against the nearby wall, the thud of his shoulder meeting the surface caused y/n to swiftly turn around to face him.

"Oh, umm, I apologize if I woke you up. I just wanted to express my gratitude for letting me stay here. My mom always believed that a homemade meal brings everyone joy , so..." she murmured softly as he approached.

"Don't apologize, you didn't wake me. I'm an early riser anyway. What's cooking?" He inquired before settling onto one of the seats at the island.

"French toast, bacon, and coffee are my go-to breakfast favorites. If you're not a fan, I can whip up something else for you," she responded with a bashful smile.

"No, that's perfect. What you've prepared sounds absolutely delicious," he assured her with a smile.

Y/n couldn't help but steal glances at him as he settled down, engrossed in his phone. He was undeniably attractive, clad only in black sweatpants that revealed his muscled torso adorned with intricate black ink. Every tattoo seemed to captivate her; she found them all stunning and impeccably positioned.

She plated his meal and served him, handing him his coffee along with all the fixings so he could customize it to his liking. She opted for this approach to avoid any mishaps with his coffee that might upset him. She had learned her lesson when she attempted to get Lucas’s coffee order right, that hadn’t ended all that well for her. They sat together in silence, enjoying their meal, while y/n's thoughts wandered freely.

It was a reasonable concern, given all the stories Hvitserk had shared about Ivar. She was aware of his temper but believed he would never harm a woman. Despite this, she couldn't shake off her fear. Having experienced the brutality of a stronger man firsthand for some time now, she was determined to ensure her own safety. Meeting Ivar just the day before, her knowledge of him was limited to what Hvitserk had disclosed, which wasn't much due to his respect for his brother's privacy.

After breakfast, y/n was washing the dishes while Ivar sat in the living room, engaged in a phone call discussing the need for the higher-ups to "get their shit together." She was aware that he primarily worked from home, only occasionally having to go into the office due to his role being one of said higher-ups. Understanding that his work was not her concern, she proceeded to dry and put away the dishes.

Within minutes, the shouting began, causing her to freeze in place. She instinctively shut her eyes, as if a movie started playing behind her eyelids. Vivid memories surfaced, recalling all the instances when Lucas would raise his voice at her, each violent outburst leading to even more distressing situations.

As Ivar was yelling over the missing money from one of their accounts, y/n found herself trapped in her own distressing thoughts, her hands trembling and breathing becoming erratic.

Feeling overwhelmed, she abandoned the dishes, retreated to her room, gathered some toiletries, and made her way to the bathroom, where she turned on the shower.

Seated on the shower floor, with the water cascading over her head, she curled up in a fetal position, shaking and crying while attempting to regulate her breathing. The deep breaths caused pain, especially from the sizable bruise on her ribcage. She tried to stifle her sobs, not wanting Ivar to hear them, she knew it wasn’t his fault she reacted this way, and she knew he wasn’t angry at her but, she was finding it hard to rationalise that in her mind.

It would appear her mind couldn’t comprehend that Ivar wasn’t going to hurt her, y/n hadn’t realized until now just how much Lucas had messed up it’s her mind, she couldn’t believe she had ended up in that type of relationship, she had always thought she’d be stronger than that. Y/n guessed that Lucas had taken advantage of her overly kind nature, using it to manipulate her over time, and that made her feel even more upset. Just like that, the sobs started up again and even harder then before.

After ending the call, Ivar was visibly furious, rising from the couch and flinging his phone onto a cushion before glancing towards the kitchen. The sink still held a stack of clean dishes, but y/n was nowhere to be seen not that he minded.

Contrary to his expectations, he hadn't anticipated her doing the dishes; in fact, he had offered to take care of them after their meal. It was y/n who insisted on handling the chore, stating, "It's only fair since I made the mess." Now, she had disappeared without a trace. Being the inquisitive man he was, Ivar set out to find her, checking her room first, then moving on to his own, which was usually off-limits. If she had chosen to explore the spacious apartment, he wouldn't be as hard on her as he would’ve been with anyone else.

Having no luck in the other spare rooms, he explored the loft apartment he had all to himself. The vast space was both delightful and profoundly isolating for him. He cherished the roominess but couldn't shake off the feeling of loneliness it accentuated. As his mother would say “What good was wealth if you couldn't share it with someone?”

Eventually, he reached the bathroom. The sound of running water led him to believe she was simply preparing for the day ahead. As he started to move away from the door, faint yet unmistakable sobs reached his ears from inside.

Initially puzzled by the sudden onset of her distress, he recalled her behavior when Hvitserk raised his voice in her apartment the previous day. Despite her initial shyness, she had appeared content this morning. It was only then that he realized his actions had led to her current state.

Ivar had caused many people cry, men, women, teenagers, even children if he raised his voice near them. He never regretted it before. He believed others deserved to experience the same brokenness he felt inside. Not exactly a healthy outlook and he knew that but, he wasn’t about to change himself for people who didn’t truly care about him. This however... listening to y/n cry because of him, seeing her pain from being reminded of such an awful person. It twisted Ivar's stomach in the worst way, made his heart halt in his chest, and stirred a protective urge in him, wanting to shield her from the world.

This sensation was foreign to him after a long time. It dawned on him that he needed to be mindful of his actions around her. Unbeknownst to them, but they would change eachother for the better, and together they would find a love, they had both been searching for almost their entire lives.

next part ➵

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