Did You Know I Love Jack Kline And I Want To Protect Him

scrumpty scromch jr

So, anyway, I say as though we are mid-conversation, and you're not just being invited into this conversation mid-thought. One of my editors phoned me today to check in with a file I'd sent over. (<3)

The conversation can be surmised as, "This feels like something you would write, but it's juuuust off enough I'm phoning to make sure this is an intentional stylistic choice you have made. Also, are you concussed/have you been taken over by the Borg because ummm."

They explained that certain sentences were very fractured and abrupt, which is not my style at all, and I was like, huh, weird... And then we went through some examples, and you know that meme going around, the "he would not fucking say that" meme?

Yeah. That's what I experienced except with myself because I would not fucking say that. Why would I break up a sentence like that? Why would I make them so short? It reads like bullet points. Wtf.

Anyway. Turns out Grammarly and Pro-Writing-Aid were having an AI war in my manuscript files, and the "suggestions" are no longer just suggestions because the AI was ignoring my "decline" every time it made a silly suggestion. (This may have been a conflict between the different software. I don't know.)

It is, to put it bluntly, a total butchery of my style and writing voice. My editor is doing surgery, removing all the unnecessary full stops and stitching my sentences back together to give them back their flow. Meanwhile, I'm over here feeling like Don Corleone, gesturing at my manuscript like:

ID: a gif of Don Corleone from the Godfather emoting despair as he says, "Look how they massacred my boy."

Fearing that it wasn't just this one manuscript, I've spent the whole night going through everything I've worked on recently, and yep. Yeeeep. Any file where I've not had the editing software turned off is a shit show. It's fine; it's all salvageable if annoying to deal with. But the reason I come to you now, on the day of my daughter's wedding, is to share this absolute gem of a fuck up with you all.

This is a sentence from a Batman fic I've been tinkering with to keep the brain weasels happy. This is what it is supposed to read as:

"It was quite the feat, considering Gotham was mostly made up of smog and tear gas."

This is what the AI changed it to:

"It was quite the feat. Considering Gotham was mostly made up. Of tear gas. And Smaug."

Absolute non-sensical sentence structure aside, SMAUG. FUCKING SMAUG. What was the AI doing? Apart from trying to write a Batman x Hobbit crossover??? Is this what happens when you force Grammarly to ignore the words "Batman Muppet threesome?"

Did I make it sentient??? Is it finally rebelling? Was Brucie Wayne being Miss Piggy and Kermit's side piece too much???? What have I wrought?

Anyway. Double-check your work. The grammar software is getting sillier every day.

claire and jack are total opposites of each other. claire tries to play broody tough girl and acts mean as a defense for how genuinely sensitive and damaged she is, because she thinks that makes her weak and she actively doesn’t want to be weak or be seen as weak because she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

jack has their own broody mean streak, but is so outwardly saccharine and polite and overly forgiving it’s like they practice it in the mirror with an etiquette 101 book. he can be quick to anger like claire, but he’s way quicker to calm himself down. claire doesn’t understand why an all-powerful demigod would choose to be weak, to just not use their power and retaliate against people that treat them shittily. she wishes she could be as strong and invulnerable as he is, and she thinks he’s wasting it on nothing.

jack, on the other hand, is a little jealous of claire’s boisterousness. he wishes he could be more openly angry and defiant the way she is, without it automatically being taken as a sign of Lucifer’s genetic influence or imbuing him with nuclear charged teenage hormones that turn him into an active threat. jack doesn’t understand why Claire can’t just relax; take advantage of the fact that her emotional state isn’t cosmically charged and she can freely let go of herself. he longs for the passivity of being a gentle human, and he doesn’t get at all why claire wouldn’t want to be gentle every moment of her life while she’s able to.

claire thinks his strength is an advantage, and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t want it or doesn’t use it. Jack knows it’s a burden and doesn’t understand why claire would ever want it.

My dealer: got some straight gas 🍃🔥 this one is called "straight outta derry" 💯 it'll have you zonked out of your fucking gourd

Me: yeah whatever I don't feel shit

Five minutes later: oh my god the fucking clown

My buddy Stephen, pacing (on coke): the turtle can't help us

sorry for being hot and insane. can we have problematic sex now?

𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚝Ｉᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴠɪᴠᴀʟ (2009 - 2016)

Kelly reblogged, obviously

it’s so scary that fish teeth sometimes look like people teeth. you’re not supposed to have that. well maybe piranhas are scared of us having piranha teeth. i will reflect on my human centric worldview (folds my hands behind my back and gazes out at the horizon)

I spent like 5 hours editing this gif frame by frame to make this shitty edit that I wanted to exist

Happy Friday! Optional SPN question for you: If you could curse one of them to speak only in riddles, who would you choose, and how frustrating would it be?

I choose Castiel because he does that normally, depending on the season, and I’m sure the boys wouldn’t even tell he was cursed 🤫