I Want To Write A Movie That Is Sort Of The Flip Side Of A Hallmark Holiday Movie. Not An Anti-Hallmark
I want to write a movie that is sort of the flip side of a Hallmark holiday movie. Not an anti-Hallmark movie, just like the other side of the same coin.
It starts with a well-dressed professional woman driving a convertible along a country road, autumn foliage in the background, terribly scenic. She turns onto a dirt road/long driveway, and stops next to a field of Christmas trees, all growing in neat, ordered rows, perfectly trimmed and pruned to form. She steps out of the car--no, she's not wearing high-heels, give her some sense!--and knocks on the door of a worn but nice-looking farmhouse. An older woman, late fifties maybe, answers the door, looking a bit puzzled. The younger woman asks if she can buy a Christmas tree now, today. The older woman says they don't do retail sales--and the younger woman breaks down crying.
Cut to the two women sitting at the kitchen table with cups of tea. The young woman (Michelle), no longer actively crying, explains that her mother loves Christmas more than anything, but is in the hospital with end-stage cancer. Her doctors don't think she'll live to see December, let alone Christmas. Nobody is selling Christmas trees in September, so could the older woman please make an exception, just this once? The older woman (Helen) regretfully explains that they have a contract to sell their trees that forbids outside sales. The younger woman nods, starts to stand up, but the older woman stops her with a hand and asks her what hospital her mother is in. After she answers the older woman says that "my Joe" will deliver a tree the next day. "Contract says I can't sell you a tree, but nothing says I can't give you one."
Next day "Joe" shows up at the hospital in flannel and jeans, with a smallish tree over her shoulder. Oh, whoops, that's Jo, Helen's daughter, short for Joanna, not Joe. Jo sets up the tree and even pulls out a box of lights and ornaments. Mother watches from hospital bed with a big smile as Jo and Michelle decorate the tree. Cue "end of movie" type sappiness as nurses and other patients gather in the doorway, smiling at the tree.
Cut to Michelle sitting in her dark apartment, clutching a mug of tea, staring out at the falling snow and the Christmas lights outside. Her apartment has no tree, no decorations, nothing. She starts at a knock on the door, goes to open it. Jo is standing there, again holding a tree over her shoulder.
Plot develops: the second tree is a gift, because Michelle might as well get it as the bank. The contract for the tree sales was an /option/ contract, which prevents them from selling to anyone else, but doesn't guarantee the sale. The corporation with the option isn't going to buy the trees, but Helen and Jo can't sell them anywhere else, and basically they get nothing. They'll lose the farm without the year's income. Michelle asks to see the contract and Jo promises to email it to her.
Next day at a very upscale law firm, Michelle asks at the end of a staff meeting if anyone in contract law still needs pro bono hours for the year. No one does, but a senior partner (Abe) takes her to his office and asks about it. She says the contract looks hinky to her ("Is that a legal term?" "Yes.") but contract law's not her thing. He raises an eyebrow and she grins and pulls a sheaf of paper out of her bag and hands it over. He reads it over, then looks up at her. "They signed this?"
More plot develops. Abe calls in underlings--interns, paralegals, whatever--and the contract is examined, dissected, and ultimately shredded (metaphorically). It's worse even than it looks--on January 1st Helen and Jo will have to repay the advanced they received at signing. The corporation has bought up a suspicious number of Christmas tree farms in previous years after foreclosure, etc.
Cut to Abe explaining all this to Helen and Jo while sitting with them and Michelle in a very swanky conference room. The firm is willing to take on the case pro bono, hopefully as a class's action suit for other farmers trapped by the contract--but there's no way it can go to court before January. Which will be too late to save the farm's income for the year. They might get enough in damages to tide them over, but….
After Michelle sees Helen and Jo out, she comes back and asks Abe if there's anything they can do immediately. Abe looks thoughtful for a long moment, then gets a really shark-like grin on his face. "Maybe…."
Cut to Helen wearing a bathrobe, coming into her kitchen in the morning. She looks out the window…and there's a food truck stopped in her driveway. She pulls a coat on over her robe and goes out--two more trucks have pulled up while she does this. Driver of the first truck asks her where they park. Another truck pulls up behind the others. Behind that is a black BMW--Abe rolls down the window and waves. Helen directs the trucks to the empty field/yard next to the house. Abe pulls up next to Helen's car and Jo's truck and parks. He and Michelle get out--Abe wearing a total power suit, Michelle in weekend casual.
The case will be easier if the corporation initially sues them for violating the (uninforcible!) contract, rather than them suing to corporation (damn if I know, but it's movie logic). So they're going to sell the trees now, and rounded up some food trucks and whatnot to draw people in.
Cue montage of Jo and Michelle running around helping people set up while Abe and Helen watch from the kitchen table. The table starts out covered in file folders…and slowly gains coffee cups and plates of cinnamon rolls. It becomes increasingly clear here that Abe and Helen are becoming as close as Jo and Michelle.
Everything gets set up and a very urban, very motley crowd appears--tats and studs and multiracial couples and LGBTQ parents and everything--and everyone is having a wonderful time eating funnel cake and choosing their tree so Jo and a bunch of rainbow-haired elves can cut it for them. At which point someone shows up from the corporation (maybe with a sheriff's deputy?) and starts yelling at Helen, who's running checkout. And suddenly Abe appears from the house and you realize why he's wearing that suit on a Saturday….
Cue confrontation and corporate flunky running off with their tail between their legs, blustering about suing. Cue Jo kissing Michelle. Cue Helen walking over and putting a hand on Abe's shoulder and smiling at her.
I want the lawyers to be the heroes because they are lawyers and know the law. I want a lesbian who lives in the country with her mother. I want urbanites to turn out as a community to help someone who isn't even part of their community. I want Michelle to keep working at her high-power job, loving Christmas and grieving her mother.
More Posts from Orangesandlemons3 and Others
any advice for someone who isn't really that interesting?
you weren’t put on this earth to entertain people. live your life as a boring bitch to the fullest.
I like when people say things like “respect blue collar workers!” and then the same people turn around and completely dismiss the years of training it takes to be able to do that type of work safely and effectively.
“Telling people not to do their own electrical work because it’s dangerous is classist bc not everyone can afford an electrician” “I can’t believe that plumber charged me so much money for less than an hour of work, what a scam!” “In the post-capitalist utopia everyone will just take turns doing all types of blue-collar work, instead of years-long apprenticeships we’ll just give them a course in high school or something” “Building and safety codes are just pointless bureaucracy meant to stop the average citizen from being able to build their own structures” “I would love to be a farmer and just hang out tending to plants all day”
These are all things I have seen on this website by self-proclaimed worker’s rights advocates and I hope I don’t have to explain how incredibly insulting and dismissive it is when it’s not outright dangerous. There’s a LOT that needs to be fixed about our current labor system but “pretending like training and safety protocols aren’t important” and “pretending that those jobs are actually really easy and any layperson can do them” are uh. Not good solutions.
any theories/thoughts on the fairies (and maybe great fairies)? like why most games in the downfall timeline (wind waker being an exception) they seem to have human forms, but otherwise they appear as glowing balls of light with wings?
Fairies show up in various forms across the land of Hyrule—at least, that's how they look.
From the drawings we get of LoZ/AoL fairies tend to be your most basic and stereotypical; a little elf girl in a dress with sparkles.
A Link to the Past portrays them similarly, though this one has more vibrant hair and thinner wings, with a decent halo.
Wind Waker gives us a LoZ/AoL style fairy again
Which gets reused entirely for Four Swords Adventures.
But in every other game, we get these.
Interestingly enough, though, we're not actually seeing a change in biology, We're seeing the effects of magical duress.
Like you said, most fairies that show their humanoid forms occur in the Downfall Timeline. ALTTP has vibrant pink, then ALBW is more muted, until we finally get to the dull, glow-less LOZ fairies.
The glow you see at the tip of their wands is actually what little magic they can summon left, concentrated into a precise point, like a laser. As Hyrule declined, their magic faded, not letting them summon the glow they're best known for any more.
A healthy fairy doesn’t need a wand.
In Wind Waker, we also see a decline in fairy power—so much so that by Spirit Tracks, there literally aren't any left; at least, not in New Hyrule. Our big exceptions come from Phantom Hourglass.
Ciela, Leaf, and Neri all maintain their vibrancy and luminosity. But they also draw power from what's essentially a minor god in his own right, the Ocean King.
So they’re outliers, not examples.
In the child timeline, where Four Swords Adventures takes place, we also see the powered down form of a fairy. But in that era, the magic of the world has been robbed, crystalized into force gems that fairies try very hard to absorb power from.
A fairy’s glow is an indicator of its magical health. The fainter the glow, the harder the fairy has to work just to keep itself aloft, and the more stress it accumulates as it tries to use magic.
Great Fairies, however, are a much clearer indicator of the magical status of a kingdom. The larger and more humanoid the Great Fairy, the stronger the country they reside in’s magic.
Ocarina of Time is a good reference point to have. These fairies are particularly large and very human-like, and Hyrule (at least from a wildlife point of view) is thriving.
Wind Waker, however, has an unstable Great Fairy type. The magic in this land is bleeding out and spiraling away, unused and unrestrained as it depletes. These fairies rule a dead world; a sea with no fish but the fishmen, a world with scattered islands and few offerings.
A Link Between Worlds’ great fairy has enough glow for a halo, and remains humanoid, so the magic is being used and maintained. But she’s also barely bigger than a human, indicating that her power’s weakening.
And then by The Legend of Zelda, she’s indistinguishable from any other fairy out there.
But Breath of the Wild?
These Great Fairies are HUGE. They’re the healthiest Great Fairies to date, in part due to their strategic hibernation in their flowers, and they match what we see of Hyrule’s life.
Yes, Ganon has the Divine Beasts and Guardians on his side. Yes, this place has lost its king. But the country itself is alive is thriving. It’s so full of magic that you can find Koroks in literally every corner of the world.
If I had to hazard a guess, since we never encounter them, I’d say that these fairies are the closest they’ve been to Surface Great Fairies from Skyward Sword.
here’s an idea: notice toxic trends in your behavior and, idk, change them
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Project Laurens Jz Coster: Find Dutch literature here.
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downside: going to have to include a picture of the Giza pyramids in the slides for the lecture upside: i get to give people a crash course in why perspective matters in two frames, because
followed by
is such a funny sequence
Please enjoy this updated meme:
Crossposted from BlueSky!
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