It's A Cat Pyramid, Dear God, I'm Dying. Why Has No One Given Me This Greeting Card?!

Yknow the thing where red pandas just lay down on a branch and let their legs hang and they’re just like vibing

I have such respect for this girl, you don't even understand

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

Honourable mentions: Tobirama from Naruto, Hiccup from HTTYD, Inej Ghafa from SoC, Takami Keigo|Hawks from bnha, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng from tgcf, Donna Troy DC, and others that I can't think of rn lol. I go through phases.

@sctir @yersina @jgyapologism @iwamimimimi @animentality

rules: make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. see which character is everyone's favorite!

Tagging @admirableadmiranda @jiangwanyinscatmom @origami-penguin @danmeireader @chronic-dreamer

You know you're shipping trash when you read the synopsis for a new show and you're first thought is "I ship it" before you even started watching. Tbh, you'd be surprised how often this happens to me.

For us college students, we gotta help each other out!

Different Strokes?

I think I left the teller at the bank genuinely disturbed when I told him that “If I can’t afford it, I just don’t buy it.”  “What about a car? Do you drive a car?” he inquired, his voice toning on the edge of fear.   I told him, “Yeah, I have a vehicle. I bought it used for under $3,000.”  He looked physically pained. “What about if you want to buy some kind of new appliance? Or furniture?” he persisted. I stared at him blankly. “My couch was $5.00 at Goodwill. Like…I just buy shit cheap or I don’t buy it at all. The only thing in my life that I make payments on is my house, my bills, and my insurance, and that’s split five ways because I have housemates.”  The young man looked horrified? Appalled? And somehow also awed?  This guy couldn’t have been much older than me. But it seemed that he’d never even considered the option before of saving up for something to purchase it outright instead of using a credit card. Am I the only person in my general age group (just turned 26) who’s never owned a credit card, and who has forgone basic comforts in order to save up for items so you don’t owe money to anyone, like, ever? 

TIL about thr Green Cock Incident

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen about the whole Musk Twitter Event because imagine being so bad that John Green, the man who was famously run off Tumblr by literal maniacs editing his post to a serenade to cocks in the Green Cock Incident, considers Twitter to be The Worst Site, ie worse than Tumblr. Insane