U Know How The Tail Of A Really Little Brand New Kitten Sticks Right Up In The Air And How Their Bodies

I'm sorry guys, but I think this is a cat blog now...

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

People horrifically fucking up facts about evolution and genetics too support their stupid beliefs or to seem smart and “rational” is probably one of my big pet peeves 

okay i need everybodys opinions on all of these foods: pineapple pizza, avocado, hummus, candy corn, nutella, and dark chocolate

Oh dear, you're so innocent and naive...

Whoa there Netflix! I think that might be a little too dark for me…

Reading amazing fanfiction, then forgetting to bookmark it

date a girl who treats you the same way she treats books

Why can't someone love me the way my cat loves my leg

I've been in a situation somewhat like this. I have 2 older brothers and they were about to leave for a tournament so I hugged them since I wouldn't see them for a while. They were riding with some friends and one asked "where's my hug?" Frankly, I didn't even know his name, he was just one of the many guys that are on the team. I didn't want to hug him, but I didn't want to seem rude, so I made an obnoxiously rude comment that could only be taken as a joke, "No, you smell worse than that time my dog got sprayed by a skunk." He didn't smell, but everyone burst out laughing, and a few of them high fived me and they started ragging on the guy.

Now, this was a different situation and I'm pretty sure he was only saying that as a joke, but making jokes like that has always been how I respond to things like that. If you don't want to be rude, say something so rude and laugh, so it has to be taken as a joke. If you don't want to be obnoxious, be so obnoxious it's funny. Say he smells. Say you don't want cooties. Say you have a skin eating desaese that's incredibly contagious. If he STILL hasn't gotten the hint and won't leave it alone, than be a complete asshole, because at that point he's also being one.

Hope this helps!

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

it’s a f***ing trap